


A Small Glimpse

by cream_pudding



Series: In Pursuit Of A Normal Life [1]
Category: Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Angst, Brotherhood, Childhood Trauma, Complete, Crossover, Developing Relationship, Drama & Romance, Enthusiastic Consent, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Graphic Description, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Male Slash, Multi, POV Third Person, Plot, Series, Sex, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-05
Updated: 2016-04-05
Packaged: 2018-05-31 08:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 92,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6463858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cloud and Roxas have been running away together for two years. When they come to momentarily rest in Radiant Gardens things change and shift. The beginnings of what could possibly be a normal life start to form, and light their lives. But the shadow of the past has left a deep mark. </p><p>This is <b>Part One</b> of my five part series - <b>In Pursuit of a Normal Life</b>.</p><p>Maybe a good idea to read this chronologically. But all parts are actually self contained. So you technically could just read each fic on its own.</p><p>Part Two - <a href="https://goo.gl/Mwfsz6">A Place To Belong</a><br/>Part Three - <a href="https://goo.gl/vfr5xa">The Clock Tower</a><br/>Part Four - <a href="https://goo.gl/Hf27MP">The Search For Absolution</a><br/>Part Five - <a href="https://goo.gl/3OP1rg">Tales From A Normal Life</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Reality Check

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! 
> 
> This is my first _ever_ fanfic. And because of this reason I feel it reads a lot different compared to Part 2. 3 and 4 of this five part series **In Pursuit of a Normal Life**.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story. It's a bit slow to get moving, but things really start rolling from chapter 7 onward. This story builds the relationships and gives you all the background information you will need to really enjoy the subsequent parts of the story.
> 
> Please leave me **kudos** and/or **comments** if you like what you are reading. It helps to encourage me on. I always love getting feedback. Never think you have nothing of significance to say.
> 
> I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing this story. 
> 
> Cheers!
> 
> **~cream pudding**

Roxas awoke bleary eyed with a crick in his neck from having slept at an uncomfortable angle. These days sleeping in the sidecar of the motorbike was nothing new for him, but it certainly didn't get any more comfortable the longer he practiced. Hearing footsteps approaching hurriedly Roxas gave a loud leisurely yawn and stretched his arms wide. Something warm and plastic was thrust into one of Roxas' hands as his companion took a seat on the attached bike next to him. “Good morning sleepy head! Eat up and use the restroom if you want. Then we're off,” came the smooth tone of his chauffeur, as well as a gentle knock on Roxas' helmet, which he was still wearing.

Roxas looked at the hot dog that Cloud had given him, suddenly realizing that he was famished and proceeded to tear the packaging open and wolf it down whole. “Omnagh mhe righ bak!” Roxas jumped out of the side car and still chewing headed for the restroom.

Stretching his legs felt wonderful. Taking a leak felt wonderful. Getting that damned helmet off, ruffling his hair and washing his face felt wonderful. Roxas stared at himself in the grungy bathroom mirror with the too-bright-for-comfort fluorescent light buzzing loudly overhead. He felt old and worn despite only being nearly 16. He couldn't remember the last time he had washed himself. He couldn't remember the last time he slept in a proper bed. The little apartment they had rented back in Twilight Town seemed an eternity away, when in reality Roxas knew that it could only have been a week at best.

They had been running for the last two years. It would always be at night just as Roxas would get to the best part of his dreams. Sometimes Roxas felt like Cloud was conspiring against him when it came to having a good night's sleep. A stream of light would rouse him and there would be Cloud, scrounging all of Roxas' belongings into a small duffel bag, rushing him to get dressed so they could get out. Roxas never knew what spooked Cloud; what made him decide that this would be the night they fled and threw all semblance of a normal life out the window and start again afresh. Roxas was sure that some people out there would love this kind of lifestyle, like he had at first. It had been exciting, especially for a young kid who had spent most of his life in a small town, but now his patience was beginning to wear thin. Roxas was tired of not having his own things. Of not being allowed to go anywhere without Cloud watching over him. Of not living _his own_ life.

Why was he even with Cloud? He had wondered that many times in the past 2 years. It would be easy enough to reach out to the authorities and tell them that he wanted to go home… They were fugitives after all. Surely there was some sort of missing persons report out for them, Roxas mused. He glared sternly at the reflection in the mirror. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't get used to the black mop atop of his head. Cloud had insisted on dyeing his hair, which Roxas in his naivety had thought rebellious and cool. He had voiced his protest when Cloud refused to do the same to his own hair however. This was a point of contention between them every time Cloud redid the awful dye job. “You’d think he’d get better at it the amount of times he’s done it,” Roxas muttered to himself while pulling on some unruly strands. He liked to pretend that he was looking at someone else. Someone else with awful hair, and someone else's awful problems that Roxas didn't have to deal with. But this time he forced himself to acknowledge the reality of the situation, the reality as to why he was with Cloud.

Roxas groaned as the all too familiar sound of Fenrir's horn resonated through the small restroom.

“Time to go,” Roxas sighed with resignation.


	2. A Place To Rest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Roxas get settled into their new 'home'.

They had been in Radiant Gardens for two days now and thus far Cloud was feeling as positive as he could given their present circumstances. The last couple of nights they had been camping out under bridges at various parks and gardens which this city was famous for. They had certainly slept in far worse locations, but Roxas was done with seeing the brighter side of their situations, much to Clouds disappointment. In the past he had always relied on Roxas to make himself feel less miserable. Roxas had always been able to point out the positives of their situation. _‘Oh look at that beautiful sunset’, ‘At least this place has no broken windows’, ‘This is definitely more tasty than that time we had to go and scab those pizza boxes out of the bins’._ But it was becoming harder and harder to get any words out of Roxas.

Cloud finally had found them a small but comfortable house to rent, with an actual garage and backyard that Cloud thought Roxas would really get excited about. Cloud felt like he had truly lucked out on this one. Their finances were extremely tight, especially after the deposit and two weeks advance rent had been paid but all in all it was still pretty cheap. So cheap in fact that Cloud was half expecting this house to have been a drug den or the scene of a murder, but he certainly wasn't going to complain as long as they had a roof over their heads.

They pulled into the driveway. “We’re here, Rox.” Cloud leaned over to shake Roxas awake, only to find the other already awake, but just sulking. Cloud gave Roxas the keys. “Go on and have a look.” Roxas sighed, took the keys and stiffly got out of the side car. “Don't be surprised if the place smells, or if there are suspicious stains on the carpets,” Cloud tried to joke, but Roxas wasn’t showing signs of feeling amused today. Sighing he watched Roxas slowly make his way to the front door and let himself in.

Cloud slumped in his seat, reflecting on the last few days drive and how exhausted he felt. He knew that once he got a job he would physically be able to relax. Until then however he was wound tight with anxiety and stress. Cloud took jobs wherever he could find them. The last two years had been a do or die situation and Cloud would never let anything bad happen to Roxas. So he literally took any job he could, no questions asked. Cloud had done some morally ambiguous jobs, some pretty strange and gross jobs, but he was also sometimes blessed with normal work. Cloud figured that as long as he had Roxas with him he would get through anything and everything... he just had to.

The sound of the garage door opening brought Cloud out of his ruminations. Roxas was on the other side looking slightly surprised and maybe even optimistic. “There's actual furniture in here.” For a few seconds the look on Roxas' face made Cloud feel relieved and he let a small smile slip before getting his head back in the game. “I can't pack up Fenrir just yet. Help me unhitch the side car and I'll be off looking for work and some dinner too.” Roxas' expression fell again as he got to work.

Roxas helped Cloud and reluctantly let him go back out into the world again. “Stay inside, don't open the door for anyone. I'll be back by 8pm the latest,” came Clouds stern warning. Roxas sighed and with many ' _yeah yeah, I know the drill's'_ was left alone once more.

He heard the bike pull away and was left in the quiet of the empty house. Roxas wondered how long they would stay here for. Three days? A week? Maybe two? Surely not more than three. Never more than three. Roxas felt himself grow more pessimistic over the last few months. Things had been really hectic of late. Roxas’ mind once again wandered to thoughts of running away. He laughed sarcastically at himself though. “Running away from the guy you are running away _with_. Brilliant plan, Roxas.” Technically he could just leave the house and explore the neighborhood. Cloud would never know… or would he? Roxas wasn’t sure. Every time he was in this situation he got scared. Maybe all the years of Clouds vigilance had rubbed off on Roxas in all the wrong ways. Roxas felt braver when Cloud was around, but was a complete scaredy cat when he was alone. Ultimately he knew that was the reason why he never left, and he hated himself for it.

Time passed ever so slowly. Roxas familiarized himself with the small house rather quickly. There was an open plan kitchen and dining area with awful lime green cabinets. The upside being a mold free and working fridge. There was a rickety table with some mighty uncomfortable chairs, and in the den, for it was dark and very cave like, stood a sad little three seater sofa which definitely had seen better days.

The only other rooms left were two small bedrooms and the bathroom, which Roxas avoided going into until the very last. Roxas rummaged through the few belongings Cloud did have to find some cleaning products. Cloud had 'acquired' them from the last cleaning job he held. With sleeves rolled up as high as they would go, and gloves well past the elbows Roxas got to work doing the only thing he really could do to pass the time.

* * *

 

9 o'clock rolled past by the time Cloud got back. He parked his prized possession and found his other prizes possession fast asleep with his head resting on the dining table, surrounded by cleaning products and kitchenware. Cloud felt guilty. This wasn't the life Roxas deserved. Cloud definitely knew that it was all his own fault and he was sorry every single day for dragging Roxas down with him. But he couldn’t do anything else other than keep going and moving forward.

Cloud gently picked up Roxas who began to stir and cling to Cloud to help the older boy carry him to their sleeping quarters. There were two bedrooms, but they always shared a room, finding comfort in knowing someone else was right beside them. “Thanks for the big help in the kitchen, Rox,” Cloud gently murmured as he lay him down into the sleeping bag that Roxas had evidently unpacked and set up previously. 

“The bathroom too,” Roxas corrected sleepily while tucking himself in. “You found a job? You came back so late.” 

Cloud stripped off his pants and threw on a clean shirt before sliding into his own sleeping bag, next to Roxas. Trying to think of how to answer the question in the most positive way possible Cloud only managed an exhausted “Not yet, I hope I'll have better luck tomorrow.” So stupid, so hopeless. Cloud really sucked at this positivity business.

Roxas turned around in his sleeping bag to face Cloud who was getting settled in not too far from him. Cloud shut his eyes tight to avoid that worried look. It always killed him to see Roxas concerned about anything. “I did get some groceries. I'll cook you breakfast to make up for the lack of dinner.”

“Sure” came Roxas' tired response. They both drifted off into exhausted sleep.


	3. Job Opportunities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chance meeting leads to a possible job opportunity.

Cloud was sat in a bar feeling sorry for himself. He had taken to crashing at this place ever since he had put the job hunt into full force. Going home empty handed was a burden he didn’t want to focus on, even if the relief of pushing aside his troubles only lasted 30 minutes a day. Cloud would order the cheapest drink he could get and just sip it and observe the life around him. The bar was located on the outskirts of the city and was quiet yet not too quiet, so that he could blend in with the furniture and hopefully be ignored.

It had been almost a week since they had settled into their ‘home’. Cloud felt weird just thinking of any place as ‘home’ but Roxas had always insisted they label their lodgings as such, even though of late he wasn’t quite as persistent. Cloud sometimes worried about what all this instability was doing to Roxas. He definitely thought the traveling around was the worst, as Roxas often just shut down. It always made Cloud feel better when they had settled in somewhere, as he could see a change in Roxas. It’s like he came alive again, which gave Cloud the strength to go on. But lately… Roxas seemed to be having a harder time than usual and Cloud could also feel that being the case for himself as well. He still had little to no luck finding anything more substantial than a few odd jobs here and there. It had at least made the money stretch out a bit longer but the stress and pressure was getting to him. Numerous times Roxas had offered to help with earning an income but every time Cloud refused and snapped at him, basically barring him from even attempting it.

Cloud mulled the last few days over in his head. Roxas’ cheerful personality seemed to have fizzled out completely. Not even hot pancakes for breakfast had made a dint. Cloud had built up the courage to ask Roxas what the matter was. The two of them were close, but probably just because of survival needs. They hadn’t really had a heart to heart since the day they decided to leave. So even asking Roxas the simple “How are you doing?” and actually meaning it was tough.

They had sat in silence for a long while, letting their pancakes get cold. Roxas finally looked up from his shredded and stabbed to death pancakes. “I’m sick of this” Roxas let out tentatively, seeing how Cloud would react. Cloud just sat there looking back at him with a soft expression. Roxas told Cloud that he wanted to feel like he belonged somewhere, like he could make a life somewhere. He hated all the moving. Hated all the restrictions. Cloud didn’t interrupt a single time, but he felt like each reason was a stab to his heart. He hated it all too. He hated how deeply it was affecting Roxas. He also didn’t want to live like this, but he saw no reason to tell Roxas any of it. He’d rather bare the brunt of Roxas’ frustrations and anger than have a mute and devoid of all life Roxas sit in front of him any day.

That day Cloud had thought long and hard about what he could do to make things better. He had resolved to give Roxas an illusion of them settling down here. Cloud hoped they would be able to settle but he promised himself that he wouldn't think twice to pack up and go if his suspicions were raised. In the end he enrolled Roxas in a school while looking for a cleaning job at a nice establishment. Seeing all the kids there being active and socializing with each other had given him the idea. Cloud felt trepidation over the whole venture, not wanting Roxas to be so exposed to other people. But then again he had figured that two years of running was bound to have set Roxas back academically, despite the younger boy having tried to school himself while they had been on the road. Plus what better way to make someone feel like they were settling down for the long haul than to sign them up to a commitment like schooling?

“Can I get you anything else?” came the now familiar voice of the bartender and evident manager or owner of the bar. Cloud looked up at that kind face which was always smiling back at him. Cloud found her quite pretty to look at and she was no doubt a key reason why this bar had as many men visiting as it did. She seemed like someone who could handle herself, and could handle her job, and Cloud liked that quality about her. Cloud responded to her question with a subdued “No. I’m alright” and returned his full attention to his drink and his thoughts. She always asked him the same question, and he always replied the same way and that would be that.

“You know, each day you come in here and each day you look more down. So I have to wonder if you really _are_ alright.” Cloud could sense her shifting closer before he even saw her dark hair come into his field of vision. “I see a lot of guys coming in here with that same look on their faces every day. But you seem much too young to be wearing it.” Cloud looked up from his drink to be met with intense auburn eyes brimming with concern for him. “Names Tifa, by the way.” She stuck out a gloved hand and Cloud took it hesitantly. “Cloud” he responded, not knowing what else to really say, but feeling like she was expecting him to definitely say _something_.

The reprieve from having to answer came due to a loud clutter in the kitchen area behind the counter and through a side door. Tifa let go of Cloud's hand and released him from her searching eyes. She uttered a quick “excuse me” before launching into the back.

Cloud glanced around the bar to see if anyone else was getting unsettled with the clanging and sounds of a heated argument emanating from the kitchen. An old man who was on his third glass of whisky noticed Cloud's distress. “Pay that no mind lad. Happens all the time,” he said with a wave of his hand and a chuckle in his voice.

Fiery and wild red hair atop a very thin frame came flying out of the back room and with it the argument followed. “Don’t blame me! I’m not responsible for our deliveries being all messed up. I just cook here.” Tifa followed the slender guy out trying to calm his temper. “Just go out and get what you need and I’ll sort the deliveries out next time I see him.”

“What he needs is more help, not a talking to from you, Tifa,” the red head spat as he furiously stormed over to the till to grab some money so he could go out to get what he needed. Cloud thought this guy looked very familiar and was trying to place him when the redhead caught Cloud out of the corner of his eye while he was busy at the till. He looked up, straight at Cloud. The vivid green eyes narrowed and both Cloud and the redhead were left staring at each other trying to place the other in their memories. The recognition was simultaneous as they both exclaimed “The grocery store!” The redhead slammed the till shut for some kind of emphasis and made a passing remark about how good the ice cream had been.

Earlier in the week Cloud had the great displeasure of meeting this guy while looking for work and simultaneously getting his shopping done. The two had fought over who got to bag the last box of sea salt ice cream. Cloud had wanted to get it as a treat for Roxas in an attempt to cheer him up. He adored that flavor, while Cloud couldn’t care less for it. The redhead had won out but purely because Cloud hadn’t wanted to possibly screw up his chance of landing a job there, and this was the moment that he let the arrogant beanpole of a redhead know that.

The redhead stopped in his tracks half way across the bar. “If you need a job that badly you should go help out our hopeless delivery driver. And the name’s not _beanpole_ ,” he said with a glower as he slowly turned around to face Cloud. “It’s Axel. Got it memorized?” Axel tapped this side of his head with his finger before swaggering out the door. Cloud gave the back of the beanpole known as Axel his best death stare as he watched him leave.

The sound returned to the bar like waves crashing on the shore as the door swung shut. Cloud could feel the heat in his face and sat back down on his bar stool. He hadn’t noticed that he had gotten up but something about that guy just really irritated him. Tifa appeared in front of him after a few moment with a card in hand. “Don’t let Axel bother you. His tempers as fiery as his hair,” she said with a sigh. “He has a point though. It looks like our delivery guy could use some help. If needing a job’s gotten you this down then give him a call.” Tifa slid the business card towards Cloud. “Tell him Tifa referred you. He trusts my judgement in people.” Tifa gave Cloud a wink and walked away after he muttered a “Thanks.”


	4. The First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud meets his new prospective boss and struggles with juggling work and looking after Roxas.

The phone conversation had been short and sweet. Cloud had introduced himself and stated the reason for the call and the guy on the other end had sounded very enthusiastic and eager for the help. So that was the reason why Cloud was seated atop of his bike in the early hours of the morning, in front of a row of closed and mostly empty looking warehouses at the outskirts of the city. Cloud shared the parking lot with a few vehicles but other than that the place was completely deserted. He did see a dim light shining through a porthole at the very top of one of the warehouses but other than that there was no sign of life. Cloud was beginning to wonder if he had gotten the address completely wrong as he sat in the chill early morning air. His mind started hashing over last nights events when he had come home with the good news. Today was Roxas’ first day of school. A fact which Roxas had made sure that Cloud would not dare forget. This morning he had left Roxas behind reluctantly, stressing about how he would juggle doing this job and getting Roxas to school and back again on time. He would figure it out somehow.

Cloud’s focus shifted as the sound of an engine started up from somewhere inside one of the warehouses. One of the roller doors began drawing up and the warm glow which had been trapped inside now spilled out to illuminate the darkness that Cloud was engulfed in. Before the door was even half way up Cloud saw someone emerge from underneath and walk rather energetically his way, almost with a bounce in their step. Cloud looked at the shape drawing closer and began shifting off his bike. He heard the man give a low whistle as he approached.

“Hi! I’m Zack!” came the cheerful voice, attached to a broad grin. “That’s a beautiful piece of machinery you got there. Can I take a closer look?” Cloud followed Zack’s gaze to just behind himself.

Giving the man called Zack a nod and small grunt he watched the other bound past him and around Fenrir. Another whistle came, but longer and drawn out. “Twin cylinders and two front wheels. NICE!” After a few moments and some more mutterings that Cloud couldn’t quite make out Zack returned to standing in front of him. “You design her yourself?”

“Modified would be a better word for it.”

“A hobby of yours?”

“You could say that,” said Cloud warily.

“How long you been doing this for? That looks like something that takes years to get a handle on.” Zack’s smile never wavered, and there was admiration in his voice.

Cloud started becoming uncomfortable with the attention he was receiving. He didn’t like people taking an interest in - well, what kind of things interested him. Cloud preferred to stay as anonymous as possible. Zack, catching on that maybe this wasn’t the easiest conversation for his prospective future employee to have began to change the subject. Cloud shifted his body weight as Zack talked on about - Cloud wasn’t even sure what it was. Something to do with a fire? He wasn’t interested in the slightest, focusing instead on how to get out of this situation and end the conversation.

During a lull in the rather one sided conversation Cloud cleared his throat. “So, you live here?”

Zack smacked himself on the head as he realized he had been waffling on again. "Yes! I do live here, and work here. Sorry, C- Cloud, was it? I seem to have a habit to ramble a bit. C’mon in, let me show you around and explain what goes on here.”

Zack became all business after that, much to Cloud's relief. Zack pointed out a staircase, explaining that he lived upstairs above his shop. Otherwise the warehouse was a decent size, with boxes of stock kept in the back, which Zack explained would be delivered to him to be then disseminated by himself later in the day to various local businesses. To one side, underneath where Zack lived was a narrow, yet long room, which didn’t seem to have a clear idea of what it wanted to be. Partly staff room, partly business, it was stuffed with filing cabinets, a few desks, a small lounge, and some small kitchen appliances. Zack breezed past this section so Cloud chose to ignore it as well. There was also a disused kitchenette area next to a large roller shutter door which Cloud assumed lead to the next warehouse.

At the front of the warehouse in the middle of the space was a little open office station set up with a computer and an impressive looking telecom system. Cloud noted the large amounts of messages flashing on the answering system. Zack noticed Cloud's interest in his message bank. “I’m actually really swamped with deliveries. I’m out of the office a lot, driving around and then come home to this,” he pointed at his phone system. “It’s actually really good that you’ve shown up when you did, Cloud. You’ll be a real lifesaver!” Zack beamed at Cloud, who averted his eyes.

“You’ve got Axel to thank for that. He was really pissed last night at you having stuffed up some delivery or something.” 

Zack let out a loud huff of air. "Oh please! Don’t believe the hot air that comes out of Axel’s mouth. I take pride in my business, and this mountain of messages goes to show that I give all my customers the best possible service. If Axel didn’t get what he wanted it’s because he messed up, not me." After a pause Zack added with a mutter, “He always seems to get himself or those around him into trouble.” Cloud didn’t know what that meant but chose to not delve deeper into others affairs.

Zack began riffling through a stack of papers on his desk and once he had found what he was looking for he handed a few pages worth of documents to Cloud. Cloud was really surprised that Zack managed to find anything in this mess. “Daylight’s wasting away. Lets go do a couple of deliveries and pick-ups together. I’ll show you the ropes and then you’ll be free to fly on your own. It’ll be really great. You can take care of the deliveries and I’ll be free to handle the admin side of things. Unless of course _you_ want to do the paperwork.” Zack looked somewhat hopeful but Cloud managed to stammer out a “N-n-no... no. I’d like to do the deliveries.” Zack physically deflated, shook his head and marched them both back out and over to his van.

Cloud spent the next couple of hours carefully observing everything Zack did while avoiding as much chit-chat as he could. Every time Zack began asking Cloud something he would deftly change topics to inquire about some aspect of the job at hand. Cloud was pleased with his tactic as Zack seemed to get distracted easily especially if Cloud asked him to talk about his business operations. Sure Cloud was being evasive but at the same time he also talked about things with Zack that he felt he really needed to know. Overall the impression Cloud got of Zack was someone who really loved his work, as well as loved being around other people. He would bounce around and introduce Cloud to all his clientele who seemed to know Zack quite well. A few even lamented the fact that Zack was going to spend more time behind the scenes, while others were glad that their phone calls would be answered more promptly in the future.

Cloud was a bit of a perfectionist and liked to do things in the proper order and way. This was partly what made him such a good worker, but which also made it hard to live with himself at times when he couldn’t get things just right. Like right now. Whenever he looked at the time a twinge of panic would rise. Cloud was torn between being a good employee to Zack and being a good caretaker for Roxas and somehow getting him to school on time.

* * *

 

Roxas was becoming impatient. Every second that ticked past burned him as images of being late for his first day of school accosted his mind. He had woken up with cautious optimism, had wolfed down his breakfast, which seemed to taste better than it ever had before, and got dressed in his best clothes. He stuffed his khaki pants pockets full of things he might need for the day, as he wasn’t able to get a backpack just yet. Cloud had promised him that they would go shopping for all of Roxas’ needs come the weekend if this job came through.

Well the job _had_ come through and Roxas was stranded. The excitement he had felt began fading away. When Cloud told him about having enrolled him in school Roxas thought he had misheard. This was clearly an unfunny joke, and Cloud's tardiness now added fuel to his suspicions of this just being a prank. Maybe Cloud had tried to alleviate Roxas’ mood for a few days without actually committing to enrolling him at all. But why would Cloud do that to him? Cloud certainly wasn’t a liar. Cloud had always looked after him. But time was ticking.

“ **Aaaargh!** ” Roxas let out a frustrated yell, grabbing a map he had penned himself and headed to the front door. “I can’t wait any longer. I just can’t. Dammit Cloud!” He slammed the front door shut behind him and headed in the direction he estimated the school to be in. Was he actually going to do this? Roxas’ heart sank. He should just wait. Cloud wouldn’t let him down, surely. Roxas stood at the curb internally debating what to do, looking in the direction of this elusive school when he heard a car pull up somewhere behind him and his name called out softly.

Roxas turned around with a grumpy look on his face. “Took you long enough!” He hopped into the van and with a short apology Cloud revved the engine and they drove off.

“Is it really OK for you to be using your boss's car to take me to school? I assume you didn’t tell him about me.”

Cloud shrugged. He was just glad that Roxas had started saying more than just a few words to him.

“What were you going to do? Walk all the way?”

“It’s not that far by my calculations. I could easily walk it if you’d let me,” Roxas said with more bravado than he felt.

They sat in silence while the scenery flew past. Both knew there was no point having this argument again. It had come up all too often in different contexts and iterations, especially when they first had hit the road. It had always ended the same way though. Roxas knew exactly what Cloud would say, like a broken record. _‘You know exactly why we can’t have you get a job/let you join a club/have you be independent and live your life like you want to’_. Cloud was always right and Roxas had given up the fight, though sometimes he would still voice his displeasure, never really expecting an actual change. And it really, _really_ \- 

“I know it sucks, Roxas,” came Cloud's apologetic voice, shaking Roxas out of his internal musings. Roxas was sometimes astounded that Cloud did seem to know what he was thinking about. But he guessed that's what surviving together did to people.“But this - this won’t be forever, Rox. A few more years at most.”

Roxas felt so angry. “How can you say that? How can you know? What if he’s as crazy as we both think he is. And - And it will never end?” Roxas could feel panic rise in his throat. He was scared. Scared of having to live like this for the rest of their lives. It made him feel ill. He no longer wanted this. Yet, for some reason whenever Cloud spoke more positively about their situation - whenever Cloud tried to reassure Roxas of the eventuality of having a normal life ahead of him, Roxas freaked out and arched up against the very notion. He felt frustrated over feeling so torn, and wasn’t even sure how to voice it. He wanted freedom, but was terrified of what it could mean. He hated the idea of being alone, yet sometimes all Roxas ever wanted was to never see Cloud's face again. Things hadn’t been normal for so long that the very idea of it was unsettling. Roxas didn’t even know what ‘normal’ looked like anymore.

Cloud put his hand on Roxas’ shoulder. He desperately hoped it felt somewhat reassuring as he had no words to make Roxas believe something that not even Cloud truly believed. All he ever could do was hope, and as the years passed by Cloud hoped more and more with all his heart that he was right about their future. He wanted their past behind them. No more shadowy figures haunting and hunting them. Cloud wanted to see Roxas happy and doing the sort of things they used to do when they were a lot younger.

A bell rang loudly, making Roxas jump a little. He didn’t know when they had arrived at the school but here they were and right on time. At last, the thing he had wanted more than anything - a chance at a normal life - a chance to be with other people - a chance to be away from Cloud. It was so close, and yet - Roxas took a deep breath. Deep in his gut he was petrified. Was he about to put himself in danger because of his whims? Should he just stay at Cloud's side for the rest of his life?

“Go on Roxas. Claim your piece of ‘normal’ life. I’ll be back to pick you up at the end of the day.” It pained Cloud to say those words, but after their discussion the other day he knew that Roxas needed this.

Roxas stared at the building, watching numerous kids of all ages making their way inside. “I” his voice croaked and Roxas noticed his mouth had gone completely dry.

“Remember what mom always told us, Rox.” 

Roxas tore his eyes away from the school building and fixed them on Cloud. Roxas felt strength in those eyes, and a calmness washed over him. Within those eyes he could see the shared memories of their past and that comforted him. They finished in unison “Be brave.” Roxas took a deep breath as Cloud gently squeezed his shoulder. He left the safety of the van and it's company behind, as he went to claim his life back.


	5. New Acquaintances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas meets new people at his first day of school.

Roxas had entered the building and was left waiting near the front office for a good half hour before anyone came to see to him. Still terrified and feeling overwhelmingly exposed Roxas became acquainted with the school's extensive trophy cabinet to take his mind off things. There were a range of sports represented, some he had heard of and others which he had no idea about. He saw that some guy named Tidus had won a bunch of trophies many years ago in something called ‘Blitzball’. Roxas was imagining what that sport might look like when his eyes met the bulletin board. Forgetting all about blitz-whatever he began studying all the extra curricular activities he’d never be able to get to do displayed proudly on the board. The fencing group had instantly caught his eye. He sunk into memories of him pretending to be pirates with Cloud in their backyard, while their mom would watch on and laugh. Roxas smiled but it also hurt. He felt warmly towards the idea of picking up some actual sword fighting skills as he remembered how much he enjoyed it back then.

Roxas jumped and wheeled around as a hand slapped him on the back accompanied by a loud “Hey there!”

“Whoa, sorry to scare you like that.” The brunette boy laughed and held out his hand as a peace offering. “I’m Sora, and I was asked to look after you on your first day.” He beamed a cheesy grin at Roxas. Despite Roxas’ heart racing a hundred miles an hour at the shock, he felt Sora’s upbeat mood was infectious. Roxas smiled back at him, shaking the others hand. “I’m Roxas. Please to meet you.” Roxas felt himself getting excited about the idea of knowing someone his own age. At least, he assumed they were of similar age.

“Anything interesting take your fancy on the notice board?”

Sora took a peek over Roxas’ shoulder.

“The fencing sounds like fun.”

“Oh yeah? You like that kind of stuff?”

“I’ve never tried so… I’m not sure. But - maybe?”

Sora began laughing. “I think we’ll get on well then. But c’mon, let me take you around to your classes.” Sora added in a lowered tone, “Or we’ll both get into trouble.” 

Roxas wasn’t completely sure what to make of Sora, but he knew he liked him. They spent the morning going from classroom to classroom. All the while Sora was telling Roxas little anecdotes relating to the school, the staff and the students. Roxas couldn’t remember the last time he had smiled and laughed so much. His life had just been seriousness and discomfort for the past six years that he never realized he missed this - happiness - until he was re-acquainted with it. Roxas did feel really self conscious but being with Sora relaxed him a great deal.

* * *

 

Lunch time came around and Sora lead Roxas to the cafeteria. It was a large space with many tables and chairs strewn haphazardly across the length and breadth of the hall. Sora led him to a table next to the windows overlooking one of Radiant Gardens famous gardens. The school was definitely located on prime real estate. Roxas’ attention returned to the room and the two other people sitting at the table that they were bee-lining towards. One was a girl with wine red hair and the other… Roxas stopped in his tracks as he caught silver grey hair leisurely lounging with his back against the wall. He hadn’t seen color like that since… “Hey Roxas, come and meet my two best friends, Kairi and Riku.” Sora stood at the head of the table with outstretched hand and a big grin still plastered on his face. Yet his expression dropped when he saw Roxas frozen in place. “You ok Roxas? I know the food looks terrible, but it’s not half bad” thinking that Roxas had seen the contents of Kairi and Rikus’ trays. Sora started walking back to Roxas to give him a push but Roxas snapped out of it, telling himself to stop being paranoid. He resumed his walk to the table. “I’m fine,” Roxas squeaked in a small voice. He tried to calm himself internally. He told himself he was just being jumpy today on account of it being a big day for him, being at school and away from Cloud for the first time in a really long time. Being logical didn’t seem to do much however.

Roxas sat himself down opposite of the girl named Kairi and pushed out the best smile that he could muster accompanied by a “Hi”.

“You sure you ok, Roxas?” Soras face came into full view as he leaned on the table to look directly at Roxas, causing the other to suddenly lean back in surprise. “Y-yeah”.

“Leave him alone Sora. He’s probably just nervous that we won’t like him,” said Riku.

Sora plonked down beside Roxas and gave Riku a stern look. “And why wouldn’t you like him? I like him!”

Kairi started giggling “But you like _everyone_ , Sora. So that doesn't say much.” Sora feigned indignation, poked his tongue out at the two of them and told Roxas to stay put as he went to get them some lunch.

“Sora was really excited yesterday when he was told he’d be chaperoning someone around today,” came Rikus even voice. Riku wasn’t looking at Roxas but kept his gaze on the bouncing form of Sora as he made his way to join the lunch line. Roxas began feeling really awkward. What was with this Riku guy? Was he trying to tell Roxas that he wasn’t welcome? Because that’s what it felt like to him.

“If you don’t want me around I’ll leave,” Roxas said quietly. He felt dejected, but didn’t really want to leave.

“What? No, Roxas. You’re more than welcome to sit with us.” Kairi gave him her most reassuring smile possible and stretched her hand across the space dividing them to gently touch Roxas’ wrist. Roxas tensed up at the touch. “Ignore us, especially Riku. We’re just teasing Sora. It’s not supposed to make you feel bad.”

“I just don’t want you guys to feel like you’re stuck with me because Sora had to take me around the school on my first day.”

Riku began paying more attention to Roxas and leaned closer. “That’s very thoughtful of you, Roxas. But you don’t have to worry about us being too _cool_ or something like that to have you hanging with us. Sora makes sure that we never have the chance to rise up in the school’s social hierarchy.” Riku flashed Roxas a grin and Kairi began giggling again.

“You guys are bagging me out again, aren’t you.” Sora returned, sliding a tray of food in front of Roxas and placing his own down beside him. “How am I ever going to make other friends if you two keep scaring them away?” he pouted.

Over the course of lunch Roxas found out that all three of his new school mates were indeed all 16, though Riku was pushing the 17 year mark more closely than the others, resulting in a barrage of good humored ‘getting held back’ comments from Sora. At some point Riku had gotten Sora into a headlock while Kairi was laughing uncontrollably. Roxas smiled to himself, loving how normal this all felt.

“Ow, ow, ow! I’m sorry - I’m _SORRY_!” Sora pleaded, elbowing Riku in the side. "Lemmie go!”

“What's the magic word?” Riku gloated from above.

“ _Please!_ ”

Riku let Sora go reluctantly and Sora’s big blue puppy dog eyes turned on Roxas. “See how they treat me?”

Roxas couldn’t contain himself anymore and began laughing loudly to the point where he began to cry, causing Kairi to howl with laughter as well. Roxas wiped away his tears and tried to calm himself once it started hurting too much to laugh. The bell rang to signify the end of lunch and the four of them got up and ready to go to their respective classes. Still chuckling Roxas told Sora “It must be nice to have such good friends.”

“Oh it’s the best!” Sora grinned as he fixed up his hair from the previous struggle. “You’re more than welcome to be apart of it, Roxas” Kairi chimed in, and Riku just nodded with an eagerness not lost on Roxas. Roxas gazed at each of them in turn, eyes shining. He felt - weird. Was it really this easy? “Friends it is then.”

“All right!” cheered Sora, while grabbing Roxas’ hand. “Time to go to Chemistry though. C’mon!” and Roxas was dragged off by Sora while Riku and Kairi waved at them before heading down the hall to their classes.

* * *

 

The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur. Sora was in all of his classes bar one, which Sora told him was the main reason they were partnered up. The one class they didn’t share was Art. When it got to this class at the end of the day Roxas was reluctant to leave Sora’s side.

“And this is the art room,” Sora swung the door open with a flourish. Other students were beginning to gather and take their seats. “Naminé will look after you.” Sora yelled out Naminé’s name loudly and waved wildly. A petite pale girl looked up from her sketch pad and smiled broadly when she saw Sora. While she got up to walk over to them Sora continued speaking to Roxas. “Kairi, Riku and I are gonna go to my to place after school and do some fencing practice if you wanna come along.”

“Really? You guys fence?”

“Yeah, Riku is head of the club. Not many other kids join us though, so it’s mostly just us three. It be really good to have you there.”

“Wow! I’d _love_ to! But -.” Reality sunk in for Roxas. “I’ll have to check in with my brother.”

“Hello Sora, how are you today?” came a gentle and quiet voice. Both boys turned around to face Naminé. Roxas was struck with how beautiful she looked. He had never seen a girl like her in his life, which was to be expected given his past solitary confinement.

Sora jumped into a narrative of his day showing Roxas around and what a good time they’d had. Naminé listened attentively, smiling at Sora and Roxas in turn. “This is the one class we don’t have together. You mind keeping him company?”

“Of course I don’t mind. Hello Roxas, I’m pleased to meet you.” Again that smile fell across her face. Roxas felt like he wanted to die or be swallowed by the Earth as he stood before that lovely vision. “H-hi, Na-Naminé. P-please to meet you too.”

“Everyone please take your seats, class is starting.” The teacher pointedly looked at Sora who gave a yelp. “I’ve gotta run Roxas. I’ll see ya tomorrow, yeah? Don’t forget to ask your brother!” Sora was already beginning to walk backwards in mid sentence.

“Yeah, see you later… Thanks for today, Sora!” Roxas yelled after the brunette softly, so as not to attract any more attention. Sora flashed him one more big cheesy grin and waved goodbye before turning around to run down the hall to his class.

Naminé closed the door behind them to the sound of _'Hey! No running in the halls!'_ and motioned for Roxas to follow her to the sunny spot by the window where her things lay. During the class Roxas marveled at all of Naminé’s wonderful drawings and she attempted to help him find his artistic side. Roxas certainly enjoyed drawing when he was younger but never had the luxury to indulge his creative side anymore, and he told Naminé as much. “Creativity takes time and patience. But drawing can be done absolutely anywhere and everywhere. When you find your special voice and style creativity will come a lot easier. You just have to keep practicing until you find what makes you special.”

“What makes me - special?”

“Mm-hm. Everyone has something they are really good at. You just need to look and try new things to find it.” She smiled at him as brightly as the sun. He had never thought of himself as ever being good at anything, or being special in any way. He always had felt pretty insignificant and worthless. A burden for Cloud to babysit more than anything really. Roxas however was mesmerized by Naminé radiance, and he redoubled his efforts to make something worthwhile to show her.

The end of class and the end of Roxas’ first school day came to a close too soon. Naminé gave Roxas encouraging feedback and suggestions on how to improve when he showed her his finished product. It had been a poor attempt at drawing the scene outside of the classroom window. Naminé however praised him with all the gentleness in her heart and made him feel uplifted. They waved good-bye at the front doorway to the school and Roxas watched his dream fade away and get carried off in a pretty flashy looking car. Of course Naminé was probably rich. With that sort of air of sophistication you’d have to be, Roxas thought.

Roxas’ first day of school had well and truly overwhelmed him. He walked down the steps with exhaustion only making its presence known as he hit the pavement at the bottom. He sank to the ground, sitting on the last step with his head buried in his lap. He was sapped of energy but completely content.


	6. A Comfortable Routine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud seeks to improve his relationship with Roxas. They settle into a routine... but how long can it last before Cloud's boss gets suspicious?

Cloud could see the change in Roxas as soon as he had picked him up on that first day. It eased Cloud's mind greatly. He felt like he had finally done the right thing by Roxas. Cloud found it strange that so much of his own mood seemed to hinge on how Roxas was feeling. Almost like they were in a symbiotic relationship.

It had been the weekend and Cloud did keep his promise to take Roxas out shopping for school supplies. Cloud had decided that he wanted to be more open with Roxas, and start talking more about - feelings. Thinking about it made him shiver but hey, he wanted some change in how they dealt with each other. While they were having lunch at a little bistro surrounded by shopping bags Cloud took the uncomfortable plunge. “I’m glad to see you so happy again, Roxas.”

“Thanks Cloud. Thanks for letting me do this.”

“Hey, education is important. And I figure at least one of us should finish high school.”

Roxas took a big bite from his burger and mulled that statement over in his head. “You’re right - and at least it’ll be the smarter of the two of us to finish.” Roxas chuckled while Cloud narrowed his eyes at the others impudence, while being really glad to hear his brother joke around once more. This only made Roxas find the whole situation funnier and he began to choke due to the laughter. Cloud's only comment to that was 'Serves you right', as he passed Roxas some water.

“But I am glad to see you much happier, Rox. I- I need you to be happy… for the both of us. It makes it easier to get through the day.” Cloud felt embarrassed. “I at least know I’m doing something right by you. And - and that gives me strength.”

Roxas sat there, absorbing those words and thoughtfully chewing his lunch. He was surprised by Cloud telling him that he got strength from Roxas. Roxas always just assumed that he was leeching all the strength off Cloud. It hadn’t really occurred to him that his brother might actually _get anything_ from being around him. He knew this mustn't be easy for Cloud to admit and talk about. Cloud had always kept the weight of the world on his shoulders, only sharing things with their mom, but she was gone now.

Their mother had gotten seriously ill when Roxas was barely ten. They didn’t realize how serious the situation was but he was certain on reflection that she had known that she would be dead within the year. She had spent the last few months out on the porch, enjoying the balmy weather and Roxas kept her company, reading and singing to her. He remembered a conversation he had with her when he was being particularly sulky about some perceived preferential treatment that Cloud was getting from their moms boyfriend. “You need to look after each other, Roxy. Cloud has a good heart but he takes things too seriously. You’re the laughter and sunshine of our lives. He may think he can live without you now, but he’ll see how much he needs you one day. I just want you to be able to forgive him when that time comes.” Roxas clung onto those words, sometimes too tightly he felt. He really missed his mom, and he knew that Cloud did too. Whenever Roxas looked at Cloud he could see their mother in him. His clear blue eyes and even the way he smiled reminded Roxas of her. He also knew that he himself bore a striking resemblances to their mother, which was really where the problem lay.

“Thanks for looking after me for so long, Cloud,” Roxas said with some sorrow, but also gratefulness in his voice. “I’m sorry I’ve been so pissy lately,” and Roxas truly was.

“It’s fine. We love each other. We’re family. I just want you to be happy.”

“No Cloud, that’s stupid. We both deserve to be happy, not just me.” Roxas gave Cloud a stern look. “I need you, as much as you need me.”

“We’ll agree on that last point then,” and with that Cloud closed off the conversation.

* * *

 

The rest of the weekend was spent in relative quiet. Cloud tended to his bike, which he hadn’t been able to do in a long while, and Roxas got his subjects in order, eager to start back at school in the morning. From time to time Roxas thought about bringing up learning fencing with Sora and his friends, but he didn’t want to push his luck just yet. Roxas had eagerly told Cloud all about his day at school and had proceeded to talk about it and his new friends every day when Cloud picked him up. But he always left out the constant requests that Sora was making of him to come join them after school.

He’d only attended for four days but it already meant so much to him having that routine and looking forward to witnessing Sora’s antics. Roxas felt like this could be a home for them, and he wondered if his insistence of calling each place, no matter how shabby, a ‘home’, had finally had some psychological effect on Cloud.

* * *

 

The brothers had gotten into a comfortable routine. Cloud was making better time on his picking up of Roxas in the mornings and afternoons and Roxas was becoming very efficient at alleviating Cloud's worries about leaving him alone every time he got dropped off back home as Cloud returned to work.

It was nearing the end of the week and Cloud pulled into the warehouse, just having finished his last delivery.

“Welcome back, Cloud!” was the greeting Zack gave him every time. “I trust everything went smoothly?” Cloud rattled off a brief itinerary and handed all the paperwork to Zack to sort out. He had managed to keep a cool distance between himself and his boss and thought everything was going rather well. He wished Zack a good night and that he would see him in the morning.

“Hey Cloud - before you go, I just wanted to have a word with you.”

The serious underpinnings in Zack’s tone of voice gave Cloud a moment of pause. Zack only really seemed to be serious when he was on the phone to customers.

“Yes?” he said warily, turning around and coming back in.

“I’ve been checking over the logs and everything looks really good. But…” Zack seemed as uncomfortable as Cloud felt. “Well - is there anything you want to tell me? Is there anything I should know?”

Cloud tried to look confused. _'Deny all plausibility_!' was going round and round his head. Of course Cloud knew what this was about. Someone like Zack would know everything about his business. So why couldn’t Cloud come clean? He just wanted to see where this conversation went he supposed. Maybe he was trying to subconsciously sabotage their _normal_ life in Radiant Gardens and get fired. Who knew?

“The distance you travel just doesn’t make sense, Cloud. I thought I calculated the fuel consumption properly,” Zack got out his calculator to emphasize the point “But the trips seem to be longer than what they’re supposed to be.”

Blue eyes locked onto Cloud's searchingly. Cloud didn’t want to tell a single soul about Roxas’ existence. The school situation had been bad enough and he had considered that as unavoidable collateral damage in keeping Roxas happy. But having to tell his boss? That could definitely be avoided and he could definitely find another job somewhere if it came down to it. “Traffic’s just been really bad and I go down a different route.” Cloud shrugged, trying to play it cool.

“You know,“ Zack moved around the desk to stand in front of Cloud. “You can tell me what’s going on. You’re under my employ so I’ll look after you.” How Cloud wished he could believe that, but he had been burned in the past, resulting in quick getaways and midnight departures.

Cloud took a step back, feeling Zack’s heat radiating uncomfortably close. “That’s all it is, really. I’m sorry I messed up. You want me to drive a different route and I’ll do that,” even though Cloud had no intention of doing that. He’d figure something out if he had to.

He heard Zack give an audible sigh. “No, it’s fine Cloud. I’ll just keep the adjustments in mind for the future. You have a good night and I’ll see ya bright and early in the morning.” Zack gave his employee a sympathetic smile and waved him off.

Cloud left in a hurry and breathed in the cold night air. He had felt much to hot in there and knew his cheeks had begun turning red. He was embarrassed, and felt awful inside for evading the truth. He really did like Zack. He complained a lot to Roxas but deep down if he felt like being completely honest - there was something about his boss that he really admired. The usually chatty guy was only two years older than him and always talked about how running this delivery service had been a dream of his. Cloud felt really happy for Zack to have attained his dream and he liked how Zack’s eyes sparkled when he spoke about it. Cloud envisioned himself being like Zack one day; at the end of his and Roxas’ ordeal. To sit back and know you had achieved something big in your life was something that Cloud wanted for himself. Which was precisely why Cloud had to keep doing what he was doing, and keep people out of his life and affairs. Doing right by Roxas was the only thing that mattered.

* * *

 

Cloud pulled into his driveway and safely locked away Fenrir when he began hearing a loud and incessant beeping. Was that the fire alarm? Cloud launched into the open plan kitchen and dining area from the garage to see a large plume of smoke emanating from the stove and surrounding Roxas

“ ** _You ok?!_** ” 

Roxas was desperately trying to fan the smoke alarm to make it shut up. “Sorry!” He heard his brother's voice yell over the beeping. Cloud swung into action, pushing Roxas aside he used his height advantage to push the hush button on the device attached to the ceiling and threw a towel over the saucepan which had happily decided to burst into flames.

“Well that was exciting,” huffed Roxas, who was busy opening some windows. 

“What on Earth were you doing?”

“Cooking us dinner,” Roxas defended.

“I don’t know if you’ve ever seen me cook, Rox, but clearly you’re doing it wrong.”

“I just thought it be nice for you to come home and there’d be dinner, instead of you having to do it all the time.” Roxas felt a bit hurt that his noble gesture had literally gone up in smoke.

Cloud chuckled. “I appreciate the thought - but thinking and actually doing are two different things.” Cloud walked over to Roxas to ruffle his hair. “I know my cooking’s pretty bad. You didn’t have to tell me like this though.”

Roxas sighed and paused for a brief moment before gathering his composure and looking up at Cloud.

“ _Take out?!_ ”


	7. Some Honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A traffic jam forces Cloud's hand and he has to learn to rely on, and place his trust in others.

This was Cloud's third week on the job. Customers were starting to remember him, which caused Cloud some anxiety. He purposefully always hid his hair under a cap. Maybe he should dye his hair next time he fixed Roxas’, which incidentally had to be arranged sooner rather than later. On top of that Zack was encouraging Cloud to be more enthusiastic when he went to the various businesses. Apparently Zack had been receiving phone calls from customers stating that they missed him and whether he couldn’t come back to delivering the various items himself. Cloud had no intention of changing his cool and aloof attitude however. This job was going to come to an end, Cloud could feel it. He was skating on thin ice with his evasiveness and refusal to do as he was asked. To be honest Cloud had expected to be fired the previous week already but Zack seemed to be very kind hearted and forgiving… either that or utterly stupid. Cloud didn’t think he’d keep himself on if he was in Zack's position.

Cloud and Roxas agreed on changing their pick up and set down locations, to be more in line with the designated delivery routes. Roxas had been a bit wary of having to wait in some deserted spots, and Cloud hadn’t been pleased either. On the second day of this arrangement however Sora had spotted Roxas leaving the school grounds in a strange direction and decided to follow him. Roxas had been grateful for the company and the next day found that Kairi and Riku also tagged along. They made a habit of hanging out at a park near the school. Being able to spend time like this for just half an hour a day gave Sora enough incentive to stop harassing Roxas about coming along to his place every couple of days.

Cloud had only met Roxas’ friends in passing as they all lined up to wave good-bye to him when he climbed into the van. Cloud always found that gesture very endearing and he was glad Roxas had them along to look out for him. That memory brought a smile to his face before the honking and general road rage brought him to his current predicament. Some days traffic really was a pain. Radiant Gardens was a pretty big metropolitan area with several large areas sectioned off to make space for the gardens this area was named for. There were a lot of businesses and a lot of people, particularly in the afternoon, as everyone was going home from work or trying to pick up their kids from school. Cloud was in the latter category while still officially being on the clock for work. It was a Thursday as well which made everything worse as it meant late night shopping for households. Cloud would normally be at the pick up location in ten minutes from now, but this traffic… Cloud started becoming very impatient. Today was a day when Roxas had no one with him, as the other kids all had places to be on a Thursday. Cloud has made excellent time, and had aimed to be there early only to be caught in a massive traffic jam. Reality was looking to be quite stark. There was no way Cloud would make it through this in the next hour, and he still had more parcels to deliver.

No matter how much he tried to reason with himself that he could do this all on his own - he just couldn’t. Not right now. It had come to a dire situation and Cloud did the only thing he could feasibly do. The van was equipped with a hands free phone and he dialed directly to Zack. While he waited for Zack to pick up Cloud berated himself for not having gotten Roxas a phone yet. If he had given him a phone Cloud could at least call to inform him of the current situation. It had never occurred to him that normal people used phones to keep in touch. He assured himself that this oversight was purely due to phones being a luxury item and they had never lived in the lap of luxury these past few years.

“Fair Deliveries, Inc. You need it, we’ll bring it!” came Zack’s cheerful voice. He had a great voice, Cloud mused, and he could understand why people would miss having conversations with him.

“Hey Zack, it’s Cloud.”

“Cloud! I was just thinking about you. What’s up?”

 _Thinking about?!_ Cloud hoped it was nothing bad. He needed to string his next couple of sentences together carefully.

“There’s a _huge_ traffic jam on the north-west express way, and I’m stuck in it.”

“That’s why I was thinking about you. It’s all over the news. Major multiple collisions. Don’t be in any rush, Cloud. Deliveries can wait and be delivered later. You just stay safe.”

“Thanks, Zack.” Cloud replied softly.

“If that’s all I’ll let you get back t-”

“N-no, actually - ahh…” Man this was really difficult to say - but Roxas was counting on Cloud, so…

“Yeah?”

“I need a _huge_ favour.”

* * *

 

Roxas had been waiting for close to 40 minutes. He was beginning to get worried. Thursday was always the worst. Sora had to go home straight away to help his mom with the shopping. Kairi had piano lessons which she vehemently hated, but it was expected of her to go, and Riku ran a fencing class not affiliated with their school. Roxas kept his head down, trying to concentrate on his maths homework while sitting on a bench in the park close to the road.

He had been staring at the same equation for nigh on ten minutes. This homework was just not getting done he decided and packed it all up, calling it a day. Roxas stood up and stretched his limbs. He didn’t feel as sore anymore now that he wasn’t condemned to sleeping in the sidecar any longer but he was still determined to ask Cloud to put some mattresses on the ‘to buy’ list, and to do it soon. Roxas didn’t see why they had to continue roughing it. It had been three weeks after all. Roxas never thought he’d see the day that they’d stay in one place for this long, but here they were. He hoped he didn’t just jinx himself.

“Shit!” Roxas jinxed himself. He could hear Fenrir approaching well before he could see it, and there was no reason why Cloud should be on Fenrir to pick him up other than they were about to pack their things and go. Roxas didn’t want to go. He liked it here. He would tell Cloud, and he would fight to stay. He had decided.

Cloud pulled up - but there was no sidecar. Roxas looked at him quizzically. “What’s going on Cloud?” Roxas asked uncertainly as he approached. Cloud looked at him and began taking his helmet off. “Oh good, so you must be the one I’ve been asked to deliver.”

Roxas stared, mouth agape in shock. His heart started pounding wildly and he felt a chill run down his body. This wasn’t - “You’re not - Why? But - Fenrir ..." Roxas began backing up slowly. This was one of his worst nightmares come true.

“Hey you’re Roxas right? Relax.. Cloud sent me to fetch you,” the stranger started to say hastily, seeing that Roxas was about to bolt. “I’m Zack. Cloud's boss? He’s spoken about me to you - right?” Zack sure hoped he had or this would prove more difficult than first suspected. But then again, he wasn’t even sure what kind of a relationship these two had with one another. He didn’t want to look like he was going to abduct a young boy. That would definitely be bad for business.

* * *

 

Cloud had sounded so endearingly nervous as he made his request of Zack. “I haven’t been honest with you, and I’m sorry about that. I-I _really_ need you to help me with a special delivery.”

“Oh?”

“I-I’ve been picking up a boy to and from school the past few weeks. He’s counting on me, and I can’t let him down.” He was hoping to play on Zack’s apparently good nature of doing the honorable thing. Cloud felt sick in the pit of his stomach but the words had finally left his mouth and there was no way he could take them back now.

“A boy? He a relative or something?” The way Cloud had said that sounded a bit strange to Zack. He couldn’t quite understand why it should be a huge secret if it was a harmless pick up and drop off situation.

“His name’s Roxas. Please, Zack. He’s already been waiting for too long.” Panic rose in Cloud's voice.

“You have my only car. How am I supposed to get him?”

Cloud hadn’t thought of that. “Ah - you can take Fenrir.”

“Your bike? You’ll seriously let me ride your bike if I do this for you?”

“Yes. Please Zack. Take Fenrir. And my helmet. You know how to ride a bike don’t you?” Cloud got a sinking feeling. It was something he hadn’t anticipated. If Zack was useless to him he just revealed the existence of Roxas for nothing. So stupid! Cloud felt like such a stupid, good for nothi- “Yeah I can ride bikes. I used to own one. Pretty sure I told you about that. In fact I still have a helmet lying around somewhere.” Zack could certainly sacrifice some of his time to help out a guy in need, plus he was about to take a killer ride out for a spin. Total win/win situation.

* * *

 

“Cloud’s stuck in traffic. He asked me to come pick you up and take you back to my warehouse.” Zack hadn’t bothered to move an inch, instead he just held out the helmet he managed to find after a hasty search. “Plus, I assume you know Cloud well enough to know that he’d never let anyone ride his beloved bike unless it’s really, _really_ important.” Zack had learned this from personal experience. He had often drifted towards the bike only to be yelled at by Cloud or be given an evil glare. But Zack was brought out of his amusement when he saw no change in the boys stricken face. What this kid must have been through to be so terrified of a guy like Zack he couldn’t imagine. He certainly didn’t consider himself threatening or scary. “And congratulations, Roxas! You _are_ important enough for this schmuck,” there he pointed at himself, “to be allowed to ride this killer motorbike.” Zack gave one of his most cheesiest grins in hopes to convince this boy that he wasn’t dodgy in any way, which on second thought wasn’t possibly the best thing Zack could have done. But the grin was out, and retracting it now would just make the situation worse.

Roxas had stopped backing away as he had hit the boundary fence between the sidewalk and the park. He was processing all of what Zack was telling him in a panicked state. He was desperately searching his memory for any mention of the things this guy was talking about. Cloud had mentioned that he worked for a Zack. How Roxas had wished for a more descriptive explanation of what his boss looked like. But the only thing Cloud ever really told him about Zack was that his mannerisms and dopey grin really irritated him. And then that dopey grin was presented. Something about it reminded him of Sora.

“Oh! Cloud also told me to tell you to be brave, and to _not_ trust me. Which I thought was a bit counter intuitive.” Zack remembered to tack on at the end. “I think I was supposed to tell you that at the start.” He grinned again, amused at his own forgetfulness at times.

Those last few words resonated with Roxas, and the ‘not trusting’ part was definitely something Cloud would say. With some hesitation he relented. “Alright. I’ll go with you - Zack.” Roxas said reluctantly, clutching his brand new backpack. “But only because I know that Cloud _will kill you_ if you aren’t who you say you are.” The seriousness in Roxas' tone made Zack’s smile falter. “Aye, aye, Capitane!” Zack gave a small salute while seated atop of the bike. The gesture seemed so ridiculous that Roxas let out a snort.

“You’re precious cargo, so strap on this helmet - I hope it fits - and hold on tight. I’ll show you where Cloud works.” Roxas did as he was asked. Warily approaching Zack he began to take notice of his messy dark hair and piercing blue eyes. He certainly didn’t look like a bad guy. Zack helped Roxas with the helmet, as it was too big for him to wear. Zack also helped Roxas scramble up behind where he was seated.

“Cloud ever let you ride?” Zack asked as he was putting his helmet back on. “No - he says it’s too dangerous” Roxas replied with some resentment in his voice.

“Looks like today's both our lucky days then, Roxas. We both get to ride the bike!” Zack gave him a wink, lowered both their visors and gunned the engines. “Hold on tight!”

Roxas held on for dear life as Zack wove in and out of traffic. He had never ridden on Fenrir like _this_ before but found the experience exhilarating. Cloud would always ride the bike like Roxas was precious cargo that could break. Roxas felt like Zack was a real pro at this, and super cool to boot, but that could have just been the adrenaline talking. Roxas found himself laughing and whooping, which only egged Zack on to push the bike further.

Fenrir pulled into the warehouse parking lot half an hour later. Zack had taken a lot longer getting back, claiming the joy ride as repayment for having to do this favor for Cloud. Zack hopped off the bike with ease and helped Roxas off. He found the boy to be all grins when the helmet came off.

“That. Was. AWESOME!” Roxas whooped. Zack agreed with Roxas as he pushed the bike back to where Cloud had left it this morning.

“So - that whole ‘don’t trust me’ part - does that mean you _can_ trust me?”

Roxas just laughed. “It means that Cloud spoke to you, so you’re safe.”

Zack could accept that answer.

“Hey Roxas, what about that part about him killing me - that for real, or was that just an intimidation technique?"

The boy just shrugged his shoulders casually, causing Zack to laugh. Cloud seemed to become more of a mystery to him the more Zack found out about the guy. And now there was the added mystery of this second person in his life. Zack certainly was intrigued.

He showed Roxas around and instructed him to make himself at home in the miscellaneous storeroom, which was located underneath Zack’s living quarters. “You can do your homework on one of the desks in the back. Let me just clear some of this mess for you first though.” Zack lead Roxas through to the back. Roxas looked around the room as he followed. It was pretty messy with papers littering most flat surfaces. “You sure don’t like cleaning, huh?”

“That obvious?” Zack chuckled as he began clearing one of the big oak desks.

“You know, Cloud used to do cleaning. I’m sure he’d help you if you asked him to.”

“Well I didn’t know that, actually.” Zack turned around to look at Roxas who was busy running his fingers through thick layers of dust. “He doesn't like to talk about himself at all.”

Roxas sighed, “Yep. He keeps everything to himself.”

“Are you guys related? You seem to know a great deal more about him than a normal person probably would.” Zack looked Roxas up and down. Roxas certainly had the same gorgeous blue eyes as Cloud, and ridiculous hair, albeit in black. Zack could certainly imagine Roxas being a younger version of Cloud. He assumed and really hoped they were brothers but wanted to hear it from one of them.

“Yeah.” Roxas started feeling wary of all the questions. He still hadn’t seen or spoken to Cloud yet, to double check that everything was alright. Roxas really wanted to talk to his brother all of a sudden.

“Hey Zack - ”

“You want me to call Cloud, don’t you?” Zack smiled and then laughed as Roxas nodded his head vigorously.

“No worries.” Zack turned around to clear the last of the mess before inviting Roxas over. Pulling out his phone he hit the speed dial button for his van.

It had been an hour since Cloud had made the request of Zack so he was noticeably on edge when he picked up the call almost as soon as it rang.

“Your package has been delivered successfully as per your request. I’ll let you guys speak.” Zack handed the phone to Roxas and walked away a little bit to give them some privacy. He however didn’t go so far as to not be able to hear most of the one sided conversation, deciding that now would be a good time to clean up this room a bit more.

“Cloud?”

Cloud was immensely relieved when he heard Roxas’ voice on the other end.

“You ok, Rox?”

Both Cloud and Zack could hear the relief in the boy's voice. “Yeah. I was so worried when you didn’t show up.”

“I got stuck in traffic. I should be back in an hour, and then we can go home.” Cloud added as an afterthought, “Is Zack looking after you?”

Roxas shot Zack a brief look causing the other to quickly look away and busy himself with ‘cleaning’ once more.

“Yeah. Everything's fine. He’s making me do my homework though.” Roxas emphasized the last part loudly making sure Zack heard the displeasure in his voice. Roxas took another peek at Zack to see his reaction. He stifled a giggle at the sight of Zack mouthing a big ‘ _HE MADE ME DO IT_ ’ and pointing at the phone.

“It was pretty cool riding on Fenrir too.” Roxas turned around and lowering his voice continued on “You really should have told me more about the people you associate with. When he came to pick me up - he could have been anyone.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I was really worried. I did tell him what he should say. He did say it, right? He seems a bit of an air head at times.”

“Aren’t you being a bit hard on the guy, Cloud? He did us a huge favor.” Roxas was getting a bit irritated with Cloud's habits of thinking the worst of people. “He’s a pretty good motorbike rider. We went down First Avenue and through Balamb Gardens t-”

“Tch-tch-tch, Cloud doesn't need to hear _that_!” Zack came bounding over and grabbed the phone off Roxas. He gave a nervous laugh. “Hey Cloud, how about we leave Roxas to do his homework?” Zack gave Roxas a pointed look before returning his attention to the phone conversation “Can you give me an estimate of how long you’ll be? I’ll order us all some take out to celebrate.”

“Celebrate what?” Cloud was confused.

“Successfully completing our missions, of course!”

* * *

 

When Cloud had returned he was greeted by the usual “Welcome back, Cloud!” He went straight past Zack, thrusting the clipboard with all attached paperwork into his boss's chest and bee-lined towards Roxas who was standing in the doorway behind Zack. Roxas had never received such a huge hug from his brother before and could only just wheeze “Cut it out!” while thumping Cloud's sides, which was quite a task as his arms were pinned down next to him. Zack gave a hearty laugh at the scene and busied himself to sort the papers out.

* * *

 

The evening had passed in relative peace with Roxas entertaining the other two with stories of his day at school. The three of them gorged themselves on the Celebratory Pizza while squished together on the small sofa in the miscellaneous storeroom, as Zack liked to call it. Roxas had been seated in the middle, with Cloud and Zack on either side of him, but Roxas didn’t mind as he was in the prime pizza grabbing position.

During a lull in the conversation Zack asked, “So this was the mysterious errand you had to run every day?” He reached up to ruffle Roxas’ hair playfully. “You could have told me, you know.”

Roxas thought that Zack looked a bit hurt.

“We like to keep to ourselves. Roxas shouldn’t be your problem.” Cloud retorted quietly and frankly. Roxas felt the mood come down. Sometimes he didn’t know whether to be offended or not by the way Cloud talked about him. It was especially confusing because Roxas knew that his very existence was making Cloud's life more difficult - so he _was_ a problem. Wasn’t he?

“I don’t think that’s fair, Cloud. For one, I don’t see how people can be problems. Situations can be problematic and people get caught up in them. That’s all.” Roxas reflected on Zack’s comment, feeling marginally better about himself. They were just two brothers in a really crumby situation. That was all.

“Also you’re under my employment so the things that make your life hard are for me to worry about too. Especially when they have a direct impact on my business.”

“Sorry” was all that Cloud could think to say.

“We’re a team, Cloud. I need you to trust me.”

Cloud balked at that comment. Roxas could feel Cloud shifting uncomfortably next to him and knew that this was going to become unpleasant quickly if he didn’t intervene. Trust was one of those funny words that always triggered his older brother off. Whether it came from Roxas or some complete stranger never really seemed to matter. Before Cloud could open his mouth Roxas interjected “We’ve - been through a lot.” Roxas looked up at Cloud, exchanging glances with his older brother. If looks could talk Roxas’ one definitely said ‘Play nice. _Please!_ ’.

Cloud sighed. “Well you know now. If I didn’t - If I didn’t _trust_ you - we wouldn’t be sitting here. Having Celebratory Pizza.” Cloud threw out a small smile before taking another big bite, in an attempt to make Zack believe Cloud's sincerity, and maybe even make himself believe what he was spouting. He did really appreciate everything Zack had done for them today. He didn’t want to come across as a complete dick.

“Well I’m glad that’s sorted then. And can I propose that maybe it be best for me to pick up Roxas every day and bring him here? Then you don’t have to worry and you can focus on doing your job. I can also pick him up and take him to school if you want.”

Roxas instantly liked that idea. He hated being at home all alone, and found Zack quite fun to be around. “I don’t mind.”

Cloud however mulled it over for a lot longer weighing up the pros and cons. Zack certainly had proven himself today to be reliable. It would make Cloud feel better knowing Roxas was safe and in someone's company that he could actually count on. Was there even a downside to this? He had only met Zack three weeks ago. There was that. This guy could be anyone really and just be playing nice. Not like this would be the first time for that to have happened. Cloud could feel himself spiraling down into negativity and he didn’t much care for it.

Cloud chose his words slowly and calculating.“If you’re willing to do that for us - we gratefully accept. But - I’ll still take Roxas to school in the mornings. Traffic is never so bad then.” The truth was that Cloud just really didn’t want Zack to know where they lived.

He didn’t realize how hard it had been to accept help from someone. Nor how hard it had been to accept help while sincerely and appreciatively looking into Zack’s eyes. He held the gaze long enough to see Zack’s features soften with a smile. Cloud began feeling uncomfortable and averted his eyes again. There was something about Zack’s smiles that just - hurt. Cloud really couldn’t explain it any better than that.


	8. Phone Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack has met Roxas and expects things to change with Cloud. Roxas overhears a conversation Zack has with someone over the phone, leading to a lot of questions, and some explanations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story gets more substance from this point onward.

Zack stifled a yawn as he bounded down the stairs two at a time. The routine was always the same. Turn on the lights and computer. Get the lists of deliveries ready, stack the boxes and open shop. Lately Zack always enjoyed the opening shop part the most. He was always greeted with Cloud's skulking face and would give him a cheerful ‘Good morning, Sunshine!’ as Cloud wheeled his bike into the warehouse. Over the weeks he had seen Cloud's mood change. He sometimes received a nod or a small smile. Those days were the best. Zack hoped some of his own energy might rub off on Cloud one day. He seemed like a guy who could use more good cheer in his life.

As Zack prepared for another day of work he wondered whether anything would change between him and Cloud. Surely the revelation that Cloud had a younger brother whom he was fiercely protective over was all that had created the blondes standoffish nature.

Zack pushed the button that raised the roller shutters. He was always impatient and ducked underneath to get outside into the fresh brisk air. Summer was fast approaching but the mornings were still quite misty and chilly. “Good morning, Sunshine!” he beamed at Cloud. Cloud stood there with the same sullen expression on his face that he wore every morning.

“How’s Roxas doing?”

“Fine.”

“How are you doing today, Cloud?”

“Fine.”

Cloud rolled his bike past Zack and into a corner of the warehouse.

Zack just signed while heading to his van to back it up so they could load the goods. “Guess things don’t change so drastically after all.” Zack mumbled to himself.

* * *

 

The sound of Fenrir approaching caused Roxas’ attention to break and the stick he was balancing just moments ago on top of his head came crashing down on his forehead. Sora gave a cheer as he more gracefully dropped his own stick to the ground. “Looks like I win that time!” He laughed cheerfully before checking in to make sure Roxas hadn’t hurt himself badly. Kairi had come rushing over and after examining him said “Looks like you’re ok, Roxas,” correcting Sora’s self absorbed earlier statement. Riku had also begun wandering back over to them after having been banished to the far side of the playground.

“l call interference,” Roxas said begrudgingly while rubbing his head.

“Interference from what? Riku didn’t trip us up this time” Sora said plaintively.

“I got distracted. I can hear my ride.” Roxas went to pick up his bag and started heading to the road where Zack was just coming into view with a roar.

“Whoa!” came the gasping exclamations of Roxas’ three friends. “That’s your ride? Since when?” questioned Sora. “My brothers busy working so his boss has offered to pick me up.” Roxas felt his ego inflate a little as he watched his friends impressed looks as Fenrir pulled up along side them.

“Heya guys!” Zack greeted them after he pulled off his helmet.

“Oh, Hi Zack!” came Kairi’s surprised voice when she recognized who had spoken to them.

“Kairi! How are you doing?,” Zack was a bit surprised to see Kairi as well but dismounted the bike and went to give the girl a hug. “You go to the same school as Roxas?”

“Yup. We only share one class though, but have a lot of fun together during our breaks.” She giggled as she remembered the fun they had earlier that day.

“You know what they say… Class time is for being bored, lunch time for the actual learning.”

“No one but my idiot brother says that, Zack.” Kairi rolled her eyes, causing Zack to chuckle.

“I don’t agree with him a lot of the time but he does have a - very small point occasionally. Just don’t tell him I said that.” He winked at Kairi. “School will only teach you guys so much. Everything else comes from living and experiencing.” Zack went to fetch the spare helmet and helped Roxas with it.

‘I’m glad the sensible one in your family is looking after Roxas though.” Zack smiled at Kairi who nodded in agreement.

“I try my best to keep these boys in line,” she responded saintly.

“Wasn’t it you who suggested we try and sneak into the cafeteria to ge- mmph ghepf.”

“Oh no Sora. I think you have gotten all confused” said Kairi while she continued to keep her hands firmly clasped over Sora's mouth. Zack just laughed at their antics as he helped Roxas onto the bike before seating himself. “Maybe the apple doesn’t fall that far from the tree after all,” Zack mused with a chuckle.

“Hey!” came Kairi's cry of indignation, but if she were going to add anything after that it was never heard.

“Have a good weekend, guys. I’ll see you on Monday.” Roxas shouted and waved goodbye to them, moving his visor down as Zack brought the bike back to life with a drowning roar. Zack gave Roxas’ friends a small salute and drove off with flair, causing Sora and Riku to whoop and cheer in the far off distance.

* * *

 

When they had pulled into the warehouse and had their helmets off Roxas shot out the question which had been burning in his mind the whole way. “How do you know Kairi?”

“I used to be friends with her older brother.”

“Used to be?”

“Yeah. We had a difference of opinion and drifted apart.” Zack shrugged his shoulders and went over to his desk to get on top of all the missed phone calls. “Go do your homework in the spare room, Roxas. I’ll call you when I need your help.”

Roxas seemed disappointed at the prospect of doing homework, but perked back up at the mention of him possibly being useful. “You’re going to need my help?” Roxas scampered over to the desk.

“Yeah. I want to cook dinner for you and Cloud. I was hoping for an extra pair of hands.” Zack didn’t look up from his work but he could sense that Roxas was very delighted at this prospect.

“You can count on me, Zack.” Roxas gave a sloppy salute, trying to mimic the ones he’d seen Zack give and left in a flurry, eager to get his homework done so he could focus his full attention on cooking later in the day.

* * *

 

The afternoon passed by painfully slow for Roxas. Biology - Chemistry - Mathematics - History. He had completed as much as his little brain could hold. Slumped over the desk, surrounded by books Roxas began to drift off into a daydream where he managed to outlast Sora in one of their ridiculous challenges.

When he became bored of his daydreaming Roxas started focusing on what he could hear. It was mainly Zack making multiple phone calls and receiving many more besides. One particular conversation caught Roxas’ ear though.

“Hey gorgeous, how have you been? - Really? - That’s still happening?” Roxas could hear Zack give an exasperated sigh. “Have you asked around town? - Yeah, I know. I’ll get it fixed - Otherwise how are you doing for supplies? - Sounds like they are eating you out of house and home - Yeah. I do remember” Zack added with a small chuckle. “Alright, Aerith. I’ll try and organize something for next weekend. I’ll see you and the kids then. - I love you too.” Zack signed off with another small laugh.

Roxas began wondering if Zack had a family. It seemed a bit strange that he lived here by himself if that were the case. Roxas got that Zack was very attached to his business and the running of it but to leave your family behind -. He wasn’t impressed one bit and Roxas started feeling a bit irritated about the whole situation.

“Hey Roxas, you keen to get cooking?” The voice was a lot closer than what Roxas was expecting and he startled out of his thoughts. “Whoa, didn’t mean to scare you,” Zack laughed as he looked down at that ratty mop of black hair. “You deep in thought contemplating the mysteries of life?” Zack picked up one of Roxas’ history books. “The Wutai Wars, huh? That’s a pretty heavy subject,” Zack flicked thoughtful through some of the pages.

“Who was that you were talking to on the phone before?” Roxas really wanted to know.

“Huh? Eavesdropping were we?”

“You can’t call it that when you talk so loudly, Zack.” Roxas looked up at him with a scowl which didn’t soften even after Zack gave him a sheepish smile.

“You got me there. You’re so quiet I forget you’re here. But c’mon, let's go upstairs so we can start cooking.” Noticing that Roxas hadn’t budged despite Zack having made moves to leave the room made him quickly add “I’ll tell you about Aerith on the way up, now c’mon.”

Roxas scrambled to pick up his books and papers, shoving them deeply into his bag and trotted after Zack who was already out the door. Roxas found Zack at the base of the stairs leading up to his living compartment.

"So?”

“Geez you’re nosy,” laughed Zack. “What do you know about the Wutai Wars?”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Everything. So go on, tell me.”

“Well it started a long time ago. And went for a long time. And ended not that long ago.”

“That is some really in-depth information there Roxas. I hope you don't get a pop quiz on that subject,” Zack laughed. They had reached the top of the stairs and Zack unlocked the door at the landing and held it open for Roxas to come through. “Just put your bag anywhere, but please take your shoes off.”

Roxas did as he was asked to do. Sitting on the wooden floor, unraveling his shoelaces he surveyed his surroundings while Zack was getting busy in the kitchen. It definitely was a lot cleaner and tidy than downstairs. The long room was sparsely furnished with a small sofa and coffee table in the middle. There were a few bookcases lining the wall in front of Roxas but not much else besides. To Roxas’ right he saw a corner kitchen sectioned off by a bar counter with two bar stools tucked underneath. Next to the kitchen was a room which looked to be a bathroom. On the far left side was another closed off room which Roxas assumed was the bedroom, as he couldn’t imagine Zack sleeping on that tiny sofa. Roxas’ eyes fell on the wall behind him. “Wow!” He leaped up, finally having freed his feet and walked over to the middle of the room to stare at the massive sword which was mounted on the wall.

It was truly massive, and looked very sharp. Roxas heard Zack softly pad over to him and turned his head while still keeping his eyes peeled on the blade. “H-have you ever used it?”

Zack settled next to Roxas, hands on hips and surveyed the sword thoughtfully. “I have - but,” Zack took a deep breath and closed his eyes, pensively reciting words that had been burned into his memory “Use brings about wear, tear, and rust—and that's a real waste.”

“But come, tell me what else you know of the Wutai Wars while you help me peel some vegetables.” Zack walked back to the kitchen and Roxas reluctantly followed, having to peel his eyes off the sword with some effort.

“I don’t really know much else. And I don’t really know how to peel - or cook either” Roxas admitted. “Last time I cooked I nearly burned down the kitchen.” Roxas blushed a little at admitting that while he looked at the peeler that Zack had put in his hand.

“I can understand the war stuff. It is rather tedious and boring but - how can you not know how to cook?” Zack asked incredulously.

Roxas felt embarrassed and foolish, which in turned made him feel angry. “Cloud never lets me do anything. He won’t let me cook. He won’t let me go find a job to help with money. He won’t let me see my friends after school. He won’t let me do anything to help him,” Roxas noticed that his voice had increased with each statement. He felt a lot of resentment towards Cloud at times. He didn’t like to admit it and tried to avoid thinking about it as it always made him really mad. Roxas looked defiantly at Zack. He was met with a gentle expression of care and concern which deflated Roxas somewhat. “So that’s why,” he added more quietly looking back down at the peeler in his now trembling hand.

“I want to help him. He’s my older brother. It shouldn’t be all on him” Roxas mumbled.

“Then I’ll teach you as much as I can.” Zack felt himself developing a real soft spot for Roxas. He found him endearing and admired how much he wanted to help his older brother.

Roxas had forgotten all about wanting to know about the phone conversation he had overheard earlier while he began watching Zack carefully as they prepared a stew. Zack showed him how best to peel potatoes, carrots and celery, as well as cut them into cubes. Zack let him cut the meat and indicated what parts to throw out and what to keep in. It occurred to Roxas that he never asked Zack if his cooking was actually edible, just as Zack lifted a spoon for Roxas to taste test. “I should have asked you before but - you can cook, right? It’s not going to be horrible is it?” Roxas looked at the spoon warily. 

Zack laughed loudly at that. “Man you’re cheeky. Just taste it and see for yourself.” Roxas scrunched up his nose as he opened his mouth wide and tasted the broth. He made a big painful show of swallowing the contents.

“That bad, huh?”

“No, it’s actually really tasty!” The pained expression left Roxas' face instantly and was replaced by delight and a big grin.

“Ahaha! You’re too much Roxas.” Zack ruffled the boy's hair and just looked at him with a gentle smile.

“W-what?” Roxas began feeling heat spread across his face and feeling a bit uncomfortable as Zack’s hand lingered on his head for longer than what was usual.

“Oh, sorry!” Zack pulled his hand away. “I was just thinking about how different you and Cloud are. He’s always so serious and closed off. It’s like you two are polar opposites. Has he always been like that?”

Zack moved around to the bar stools to take a seat as they were waiting for the stew to cook. He invited Roxas to come around and take a seat next to him. Roxas followed suit while reflecting on what he noticed about Cloud as the two of them grew up.

“Cloud - he used to be a lot of fun. We’d go on adventures in the woods near our home. Climb up trees and pretend they were masts on ships.” Roxas smiled at the memories of the long hours they had spent running around together. “We’d always pretend to be pirates and try to knock each other off the trees.” Roxas’ mood sombred a bit as he recollected something he never thought much about. “Once Cloud did manage it. He just had a growth spurt and was getting a lot bigger than me so it was easy for him. I - I fell down from pretty high up. Cloud had to carry me home because everything hurt. I could barely breath. Our mom was so upset with him. We’d never seen her so mad before.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Roxas. But you were ok, right?”

“Yeah, I was. I mean - I was stuck in hospital for a while. I needed some surgery on my back. Mom took me to see specialists for a long time after that.” Roxas subconsciously placed a hand on where they had opened him up and put pins in. “But after that everything was fine.” He smiled at Zack, wanting to illustrate that it really wasn't a big deal.

“I think after that Cloud stopped playing with me. He kept apologizing but I told him it was my fault. I shouldn’t have lost my grip like that. I don’t think he ever let it go, though - that guilt, you know? He always seemed mad about something, especially after our dad died.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. It’s like Cloud got this idea in his head that he had to be responsible all of a sudden, and look after mom and me. I don’t know why dad dying changed anything. He was never around much to begin with. Always off fighting somewhere. Actually - come to think of it - it might have been the Wutai Wars.”

“Wouldn’t surprise me. A lot of people got caught up in that. A lot of people died.” Zack sat pensively as he glanced over to his buster sword. Roxas followed Zack’s gaze.

“Where you apart of that war, Zack?”

“Oh - not directly. The war officially ended when I was thirteen. My parents were field medics though. Trying their best to keep people alive. My uncle was the soldier in my family. That sword was his. He never liked to use it.”

“A real waste?” Roxas remembered the strange thing Zack had said earlier that afternoon.

“Mm-hmm. I really wanted to be a soldier like my uncle. Be a soldier like the great General Sephiroth. A lot of kids like me got inspired to join up with the war effort due to the heroism and stories we heard from the battlefield. - You ok, Roxas? You look a bit pale.”

“Y-yeah. I - just need something to drink I think” he replied hoarsely.

Zack got up and fetched the boy a glass and gave the stew a stir and a taste.

“Cloud should be back soon, and the stew is almost done.” Zack handed the glass to Roxas who drank it slowly.

“Anyway, I’m sorry to hear your dad died in that pointless war. You miss him?”

“I don’t really remember him that much. I was six at the time. He was never around much anyway so there wasn’t much to miss,” Roxas said matter-of-factly.

“What about you? If your parents were field medics you wouldn’t have seen them either. At least Cloud and I had our mom look after us - until...”

“Your mom died too?” Zack inquired softly.

“Yeah.” Roxas stayed quiet for a good long while. “She got sick.” Zack could see that Roxas didn’t intend to delve deeper so he let it go.

His heart went out to the two brothers. To have lost both parents was incredibly tough. He thought of Cloud having to look after Roxas. No wonder he was the way he was.

“I stayed with my grandparents. After the war ended I had my parents back but they were full of horror stories, which didn’t match up to my glorified view of what actually went on in wars. I left to live with my uncle a bit after that. I begged him to train me up so I could sit the entrance exams to become a soldier.” Zack paused for a moment to look at Roxas and judge if he was still interested in what Zack was talking about.

“And did you?”

Yep, Roxas was still paying attention. Zack launched back into it.

“Thanks to him drilling me I got in at sixteen instead of their usual intake of seventeen. I was pretty proud of myself. I was tasked with the clean up efforts in Wutai, as were all the new recruits at that time. I didn’t think it to be very glamorous at the time, but it’s where I met Aerith. She had been orphaned by the war, and was looking after all the other orphans too.” 

Roxas sat quietly, wrapped up in Zack’s story. He had never given the war much thought. Only ever thinking of it as the thing that their father decided to abandon them over. He knew that Cloud felt much the same way, but that it was harder for him as he had a longer relationship with their father than Roxas ever had.

“Thanks to Aerith I saw what my parents always told me, and I no longer wanted to be apart of the army. I left and I helped Aerith get out of there along with all the other children.” Zack could hear his van pull up to the warehouse and decided to wrap his story up. “I helped her get settled in an abandoned church near a small and remote town and I’ve been helping her look after the kids ever since then. It’s really why I set up this business to begin with.”

So Zack wasn’t a family man after all. Roxas hadn’t liked the idea that Zack would be someone to abandon his children like Roxas and Cloud had been abandoned by their father. “That makes sense. You feel like you can do a lot more good doing this?”

“I know a lot of people won’t agree with me, but yes.” Zack smiled at Roxas who smiled back at him. They both heard the door open and turned to look at Cloud.

“Welcome back, Cloud!”


	9. A Request

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack makes a request of Cloud, causing friction between Cloud and Roxas.

Cloud had been quite surprised to be treated to dinner. He had been even more surprised to find that Roxas had helped. He couldn’t help but let slip a quip about how please he was that Zack’s kitchen hadn’t gone up in flames. Roxas protested loudly and Zack reveled in being able to see the two brothers making jokes and messing with each other.

Lately Cloud could feel himself relax more. He had known that all he needed was to find work and that everything would fall into place eventually. He wasn’t nearly as stressed anymore and it was nice to have a steady stream of income. Cloud even began to reluctantly admit that it was good to have Zack’s support in all this. It was only early days but he felt himself drawn towards that dorky grin and overly friendly personality for some reason. He told himself it was probably just because it had been so long since he had any real friends. It was only natural for people to seek out other people, especially after having been alone for so long.

They had a good night. Roxas filled Cloud in on the latest shenanigans he had gotten up to at school with his friends. Cloud never doubted that Roxas would have an easy time making friends. He had always possessed that easy going nature and attracted people to him like a flock of birds. When they would hop from town to town people always took an interest in Roxas, which caused Cloud to put up walls around them and develop a gruff and standoffish nature. He learned to become suspicious of people and their intentions. Their mom had always called Roxas their sunshine in life, and Cloud was trying his hardest to block the sun from everyone's view. It had been a very exhausting task.

“Hey Rox, I picked something up for you.” Cloud fiddled with one of his pockets on his shirt. He gave Roxas a small cell phone which he had managed to pick up while making one of the deliveries.

“For me? Really?” Roxas was amazed.

“I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.”

“Good thinking, Cloud,” Zack chimed in as he took the phone from Roxas and busied himself with putting his number into the phone and vice versa. Roxas had shown restraint but Cloud knew him well enough to be able to see that his little brother was over the moon. Cloud tried to enforce that this was for emergencies only. “I’m the one paying for the phone bill. Just remember that,” he warned. He was curious to see if that would have any effect in how Roxas chose to use his newfound link to the outside world.

The rest of the evening had been spent talking shop. Zack had wanted to know how everything had gone and if there had been any issues he needed to be made aware of. Cloud had nothing to report however.

“There’s one more issue I need to discuss with you Cloud, but it involves you too Roxas.” 

Cloud became instantly worried at that remark. 

“I’ve been making monthly long haul deliveries down south on weekends. I’ve always been by myself so it always took me the full three days to drive there and back, due to needing sleep. I need to start making the trip fortnightly though. It be a huge help to have you share the drive with me, Cloud. With the two of us I can get the delivery done comfortably in two days. We leave Friday night and get back Sunday afternoon. But the van only fits two, so that leaves us not being able to take Roxas along.”

‘ _No way, forget it. I quit!_ ’ was Cloud's internal response. He couldn’t leave his little brother to fend for himself all weekend.

“I really can’t.”

“Is this for Aerith?” Roxas interrupted.

Zack nodded and Cloud looked at Roxas quizzically. He saw his brothers face harden with resolve.

“Mind if I have a private talk with Cloud?”

Cloud became even more confused. What had gotten into Roxas? Maybe having him and Zack spend so much time together alone wasn’t good after all.

“You can use my bedroom at the end there if you want. I’ll clean up the dishes, so take your time.” Zack waved them off as he began gathering their plates and cups.

Roxas grabbed Cloud’s hand and pulled him down the hall into Zack’s bedroom. Cloud found the light-switch to reveal another quite sparsely furnished room. Much like Roxas he had also been quite surprised to find that Zack’s living quarters had been really tidy in comparison to everything else around the shop. There was a bed and a bedside table with a few picture frames set neatly around an LED clock. Cloud noticed the porthole window set high in the wall, which he had seen on his first day at the warehouse. The only other thing in the room was a guitar resting on a stand. Cloud never would have thought that Zack was in any way musically inclined. But his attention shifted to Roxas once he shut the door.

“What’s gotten into you Rox?” Cloud demanded in hushed tones. “There’s no way I’m leaving you alone for two whole days.”

Roxas still had the same expression on his face. He walked around the bed to examined the picture frames and picked one up closest to the bed. “What are you doing, Rox? Don’t touch other people's things.”

Roxas brought it over for Cloud to inspect. “This is what’s important to Zack. Aerith and all these kids.” Roxas held the picture frame close to Cloud's face so he had no choice but to look. The picture was of a gorgeous girl surrounded by about 10 children of different ages. Zack was there as well, looking considerably younger, with a boy on his shoulders. They stood in front of what looked to be a pretty run down old church. One of the steeples had a giant hole in it. But they all bore massive smiles and looked really happy.

“These kids are like us, Cloud. They have no family. They’ve all been abandoned due to war. But Aerith and Zack look after them. Zack needs your help. These kids need your help.” Roxas gave his impassioned plea, never taking his eyes off Cloud.

“But I can’t leave you. These kids are important to Zack and you’re important to me.”

“I want you to do this for me. I want you to help other kids like me.”

Cloud understood where Roxas was coming from. Knowing that all these children in the photo had nowhere to go, no families to love them and look after them resonated with Cloud. He lay awake some nights wishing his mom was still alive. Wishing his father had never been a self righteous idiot and gone off to war, leaving them all behind. Leaving the door open for - It wasn’t worth thinking about. Cloud knew he couldn’t save everyone. He was happy saving just one person, as long as it was Roxas.

“No,” he said firmly. “I’m not doing this. I’m not abandoning you.”

“Aaaargh!!” Roxas groaned. He pulled the photo away and returned it to its proper place. “I don’t have to be alone, Cloud. I can stay with Sora for the weekend. He always asks me to come over and spend time with him anyway.”

“You can’t stay with someone else.”

“Yes I can. And I will. Sora said he has his own place in the backyard of his parents place. So I wouldn’t even be bothering anyone, and I can be quite hidden -.”

Now it was Cloud's turn to get steely eyed.

“No.”

“Clo-”

“ ** _No!_** ”

Roxas knew that change of tone in Cloud's voice. He knew he had pushed his luck. Roxas sank down onto Zack’s bed, feeling defeated.

“Why not, Cloud?” Roxas watched his brother come and sit down next to him.

“I can’t protect you if I’m not there.”

“I’ve been alone so many times while you were out at work, doing the things you needed to do to get us to where we are today. I’m grateful for that. But… having you around doesn’t guarantee my safety, Cloud. Having you around has put me in more da-.” Roxas was sorry as soon as the words left his mouth and he didn’t dare finish the sentence. “I didn’t mean it!” He said hastily looking up at his only living family member. Cloud sat silently beside him, quite stunned. Of course Roxas blamed him. Heck - he blamed himself too. But -.

“I didn’t -.” Tears welled in Roxas’ eyes. He could be such an ass at times. Roxas turned and threw his arms around Cloud. He buried his head deeply in Cloud's chest and muffled on about how sorry he was. All the while Cloud just sat there, not moving a muscle.

A gentle knock was heard at the door. Zack slowly creaked the door open and softly inquired, “You guys alright in here?”

Roxas uncoupled from Cloud, tears streaking his face. Cloud wore a trademark expressionless look on his face.

“We’re leaving," he said just barely above a whisper. 

Roxas looked a bit shocked but got up and followed Cloud obediently.

Zack opened the door wider and looked on with a really worried expression. “Is everything ok?” He asked again, hoping for an answer.

Cloud passed Zack with a ‘ _Yeah_ ’, but Zack reached out, brushing his fingertips along Cloud's arm. The gentleness of that touch stopped him in his tracks and the hurt and anger Cloud felt ceased for the briefest of moments as his heart fluttered uncomfortably. 

“Cloud.” Zack bore the same worried look that Cloud always hated seeing on Roxas’ face. Roxas - . He would have been so much better off without Cloud in his life. Cloud felt like the more he tried to protect Roxas the more he choked the life out of him, and the more trouble he created for his little brother. Maybe he was right. Maybe Cloud should just ease off. Care less. Not care at all. Live his own life. Leave Roxas to fend for himself and see where that gets the boy.

“I’ll go with you next weekend. Roxas will stay at a friends place.” It came out with venom, which hadn’t been what Cloud intended but he couldn’t take it back now.

“We’re leaving," repeated Cloud more forcefully. He felt the warm touch of Zack’s hand give him a gentle squeeze and with that Cloud pulled away and headed for home. Whether Roxas was right behind him he didn’t know or care about at present.

 


	10. What’s Cookin’?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas' relationship with Cloud is still strained. Roxas takes some charge over his life and joins a cooking class, where he meets an interesting teacher.

Cloud hadn’t said a word to Roxas since they left the warehouse on the Friday night. It was now late morning on a Sunday and the tension didn’t seem to ease up one bit. Cloud still cooked breakfast and dinner but he refused to look at Roxas, and Roxas was too scared to say anything more than his brothers name timidly from time to time.

Roxas had contemplated calling Zack. He could really use some cheering up around now, but was worried about making Zack feel responsible since it was his request that got Roxas and Cloud arguing with each other. Roxas decided his time was better spent studying, especially about the Wutai Wars.

Roxas read about Wutais attempt to fight for its independence from the mainland. They were concerned about the Shinra company, which was the largest power company in the whole country, exploiting Wutai's natural resources and slowly infiltrating and taking over the regions governing bodies. A lot of neighboring regions took varying sides and a war broke out. No wonder Zack had called it a pointless war. So many people killed and displaced - and for what? So one company could build something and make more money? Roxas got angry just thinking about it.

He had read about some of the important figures in the war as well. He was most interested in learning about Sephiroth who had been promoted due to his leadership in a critical attack which had been lead by one of Wutai’s insurgency factions. It had caused major loss of life on all sides involved, but Sephiroth apparently was a huge part in the deaths not having gone on a more global scale. Roxas stared at the date, which coincided with the date his dad had died. Roxas felt bitter and was fighting against the tears. Reading about all this made it more real to him, whereas before all the things his dad had been involved with were just vague and almost mystical accounts that held no weight for Roxas.

The house was immensely quiet. At some point Cloud had gone out, without a word, which was only evident to Roxas because he heard Fenrir pull in and Cloud walked through the garage door moments later. Cloud carried a brown paper bag and Roxas knew what it meant without having to be told. They made eye contact and Cloud briefly stopped, seeing the state that Roxas was in. The momentary softness in his features narrowed again just as quickly and he spoke for the first time in two days. “Bathroom. Now.”

Roxas rubbed his face vigorously and followed Cloud. He wanted to ask his brother so many questions about their father. They never talked about what happened during that time. All Roxas remembered was that his mother had cried a lot, and Cloud had tried his best to look after her, and him in turn as well - which was tough on a 9 year old. He couldn’t piece too many parts together because he had been far too young to understand - and had his own things to deal with. But he wanted to finally know. Roxas decided that he would ask - once Cloud got over his spate of anger.

* * *

 

If Roxas thought the dye job was rough on a normal day it proved to be even worse on a ‘Cloud is grumpy’ day.

“Quit man-handling me. The hair’s supposed to stay on my head - Ow!”

They had been there with Roxas sitting on the edge of the bathtub for 20 minutes now. Cloud had applied all of the ugly black dye to Roxas’ roots while avoiding getting it all over himself and the bathroom.

Cloud had come to reason with himself that no matter what Roxas said out of anger he still needed his older brother. Their mom had always told Cloud not to take things too personally - but it was really hard at times. Cloud had decided that he did still care for Roxas and that he would continue to look after him. Cloud swore that this wasn’t just because their mom had made him promise while she was on her deathbed. Being a caring brother was who he was deep down inside. So what if he wanted to eek out a little revenge on the side?

“Ow! You’re doing that on purpose!”

“And?”

Roxas had nothing to say to that.

“I’m letting you stay at Sora’s place. Just like you wanted. But getting your hair done is a prerequisite. And I want you to call us every two hours.” 

“What? Even at night?”

“Until 9pm. Which is the time I expect you to be in bed, sleeping.”

“What if I forget?”

Cloud yanked his hair.

“Ow!!!”

“You won’t, if you know what’s good for you.”

* * *

 

Monday morning shone brightly through the curtain-less window. Roxas rolled out of his sleeping bag, still determined to get some mattresses instated into the household - and then maybe some curtains. Today was a big day for Roxas. Shortly after his cooking fiasco he had decided to change one of his electives over to a cooking program the school ran. Roxas was pleased that he now had Zack to help him learn, but he still wanted to improve on his own and cook an amazing meal for Cloud. He definitely thought it would be more useful to him than continue with business management.

Sora had voiced his disappointment however, explaining that he had been making plans for them to open up an ice cream parlor that they could run and manage together. Roxas had laughed at the idea, thinking Sora just came up with this stuff out of thin air, but Riku had assured him that it had been a serious dream - for at least two weeks.

Roxas was evidently still in Soras’ bad books when he rocked up to school that morning. Instead of the usual tackle hug he only got a breezy pat on the back. The week before Roxas had talked to Naminé because he was genuinely worried that Sora would stay mad at him forever. She had reassured him that he wouldn’t. “Sora’s just not that kind of a guy. Do something nice for him and you’ll see,” she had told him with that lovely smile of hers.

Well Roxas was determined to do something nice by making sure to cook lots of yummy food in his cooking class that morning and bring it to his friends for lunch as a peace offering. After biology, which was the only class that all four of them had together Roxas took his leave, promising Sora to make it up to him as he received a glowering stare from the brunette.

Roxas found his classroom with some difficulty as it was in a separate building. The only cooking station left was the one right in front of the teachers desk. Roxas sighed, making a mental note to get here a lot quicker next time. Despite him having run a bit late the teacher still hadn’t arrived though so Roxas considered himself lucky in one way at least. Fifteen minutes ticked past and still nothing. Everyone was beginning to get restless and found ways to entertain themselves.

“I heard we’re getting a substitute teacher today.” Roxas overheard one of the boys say to his comrades. Roxas vaguely remembered that boys name to be Hayner.

“I hope they are better than the last sub we got,” came the response from another boy whom Roxas couldn’t place at all.

The door suddenly swung open forcefully and a tall figure stomped through, wearing a white t-shirt and really tight leather pants. Roxas stared at that amazingly wild red hair. It wasn’t just the color but also the sharp spikes that seemed to command attention.

“Alright, brats! Name’s Axel, and I’ll be your incredibly handsome and infinitely wise cooking guru for the next couple of week. Get that memorized and we’ll get along just fine.” He made short work of the distance from the hallway door to the front of the classroom due to his long legs. Roxas could hear the kids around him start murmuring amongst themselves and to their peers. The words ‘ _pyromaniac_ ’ and ‘ _community service_ ’ drifted to Roxas’ ears, as well as ‘ _so hot_ ’ and ‘ _total babe_ ’ from a few girls. Roxas was pretty sure that the substitute teacher heard it all judging by the smug smirk on his face.

“We are going to keep it simple and make some mini pizza’s today.” Axel dumped a folder on his desk, and took out a bunch of papers. He eyed Roxas, leaned far over his own desk and slid the pile of papers across to the boy. “Have we met before?”

Roxas was surprised at that question. “N-no.” Roxas was pretty sure he would remember hair like that.

Axel looked suspiciously at him for a moment before continuing. “You out the front coz you're just eager to be close to me then? Or because you were running late?” Axel asked in a low rumble.

Roxas, completely taken aback by the question just stared into those pools of green. Who had eyes that color? That surely wasn’t normal. He felt his face get warm and remembering where he was stammered out a ‘L-l... late’.

“That’s a real shame then,” Axel chuckled.

Straightening himself again Axel announced loudly to the whole class, “Follow the recipe that is getting handed out and don’t bother me unless you burn something or cut a finger off. Which incidentally you guys should totally _not_ do.” Axel waved at Roxas who got the hint that he was stuck being errand boy and went to hand out the papers.

Once Roxas was done he busied himself with gathering his ingredients and put his full effort into making something nice for his friends. Roxas overheard some of the girls lamenting the fact that they hadn’t landed the _‘lucky seat’_. Roxas certainly didn’t feel too lucky.

Axel would get up from time to time and actually check to make sure no one was cutting off their limbs. He hovered over Roxas for a solid five minutes on his way back to his desk.

“What is it?” Roxas finally asked, feeling incredibly self conscious.

“I’m just waiting for you to cut yourself," smirked Axel.

“Wha-,” Roxas looked at him dumbfounded.

Axel carefully pushed Roxas aside with his hip and picked up the knife.

“I don’t know _who_ taught you how to wield a knife and chop but you’re doing it wrong. I’ve only ever seen _one idiot_ cut like that. It be a shame for you to be the second idiot.” Axel deftly made short work of Roxas’ vegetables, leaving a few for the boy to practice on.

“Now you give it a go.” Axel flipped the knife around and pointed the handle at Roxas.

Roxas took over to show Axel what he had observed.

“Much better. You’re a quick learner,” came the praise along with a wink and Roxas was left alone again as Axel’s attention was drawn to the back of the room due to a distinct smell of burning. “Weren't you listening when I told the class what you shouldn’t be doing?!”

Roxas kept his head down for the remainder of the lesson. With help from Axel he made four small pizzas, making sure to heap extra toppings on the one which was reserved for Sora. When Axel wasn't busy helping him or keeping the other students from injuring themselves he would spend his time sitting in front of Roxas, just looking at him. When Roxas started feeling too uncomfortable with the staring he would duck down and choose to look at the pizza’s baking in the oven.

Having Axel's eyes on him unnerved him for some reason. Maybe it was the Cloud induced paranoia, warning him to be extra suspicious of all new people. Or maybe it was the weird feeling in his stomach he couldn’t stand. Roxas wasn’t too sure. But he did feel like Axel was watching him more than any of the other students.

After a while Axel swung his legs off the desk where he had been resting them for the better part of the class and moved from his cushy seating position. “Alright guys. The bell's about to ring and I’m eager to get out of here. So clean up your areas and hurry it up.” Axel clapped his hands repeatedly to emphasize the need for haste.

Roxas began rushing not wanting to be the last one out of the room.

As the bell rang Axel’s voice was heard once again “Good thing that snooze-fest is now over. Go enjoy your freedom, kids! I’ll see you all on Thursday for an amazing lesson in how to cook eggs.”

Everyone filed out of the room, leaving Roxas to furiously scrub and tidy his area.

“C’mon slow-poke. I wanna get out of here.” Axel sauntered over and leaned against the bench-top.

"If you hadn’t been late we’d have had an extra fifteen minutes” Roxas muttered under his breath.

“You want to repeat that, kid?” Axel raised an eyebrow.

“You could help. Then we’d both be out of here,” Roxas suggested instead.

Axel seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Nah. I’ll just watch you.”

“Haven’t you done enough of that already?” Roxas felt pretty snappy, and didn’t much like the way he was talking to the teacher. He didn’t want to be this way, particularly since he did genuinely learn useful things from Axel today. But he just really didn’t want to miss out seeing his friends at lunch.

“Well if I’m watching you, you should take that as a compliment.” The smirk returned to his face as he noticed confusion settle on Roxas’ features.

“Compliment?”

“I only look at things that are worth my time,” Axel said, dropping his tone again. Roxas, who had been keeping his head down, suddenly felt something touch his hair.

“Who does your hair? It’s downright dreadful.”

“Excuse me?” Roxas stopped drying the dishes and looked up at the redhead with narrowed eyes. ' _Now this guy is just being rude._ '

Axel’s hand moved away from Roxas’ hair and returned to the counter. “Well - I assume that’s not your natural hair color. I’d hate to think that you’re doing it to yourself. You should tell whoever’s doing it to stop.” Axel bent over and leaned his face close to Roxas’. “You’d look so much cuter as a blonde.” Axel’s tone was quite husky as he breathed those words into Roxas’ face. 

Roxas felt his heartbeat quicken at the close proximity of Axel’s body and that rumble in his voice. Feeling his face flush, Roxas quickly turned away to get some distance between them. Not having the faintest idea on how to respond to that he hastily packed up the last of his kitchen utensils and slammed the drawer shut. He heard Axel laugh softly as Roxas picked up his bag and rushed towards the door.

“Hey kiddo, you forgot something!”

No he hadn’t. But Roxas turned around, irritation showing on his face. “What?!” He saw Axel holding up his container of food.

‘ _Ah crap_ ’, he thought, as he headed back

Axel held the box up high over Roxas’ head when he approached. Roxas just gave him a ‘ _you gotta be kidding me_ ’ look and crossed his arms in front of him.

Axel seemed to revel in the others discomfort. “How important is this box to you?”

Roxas was wondering what the hell this guy was playing at. “N-not very. But can I have it back anyway?” Roxas lied.

“Well you made four, even though everyone else just made one. So I assume these are to share with your friends. - You trying to tell me your friends aren’t important?” Axel feigned an expression of hurt.

“What do you want from me?” Roxas demanded. This was such an incredible waste of time.

“Just tell me your name, and you can have it back. And don’t be funny and give me a fake name either. I’ll find out about it.”

“Roxas,” he said sullenly. All this trouble for just his name? Geez.

“Please to meet you, Rrroxasss,” Axel said with a smirk. He decided he liked this kids name. It was fun to say, especially if he could get a reaction out of him. Axel leaned down, lowering the box and watched Roxas’ hands clutch one half of it. Before Axel was willing to let go he let one more quip fly. “I like blondes, y’know.” With another wink he let go and watched the boy walk away at great speed and a really red face.

Today had been quite a fun day after all, Axel mused to himself. It might not be so bad doing this subbing thing for a little while at least.

* * *

 

Roxas felt his head spinning. His heart was still pounding and he had felt heat pooling and a tightness developing in his lower abdomen. He wasn’t sure if he was feeling embarrassed or nervous, or maybe a mix of both. He had never had a reaction like that to someone before. Why had Axel said his name like that? The memory of it made him shiver. Roxas shook himself and with the box of food tucked under one arm, and his backpack slung over his shoulder, he gently slapped the sides of his face with both hands. Roxas needed to get as much distance between him and that Axel guy as possible.

When he found his way to the main entrance of the building he pushed one of the big double doors open to be let out into sunshine and warm air. A cool breeze was blowing and Roxas sighed at how good it felt on his hot face. Time to put that behind him and head over to the cafeteria.

Roxas arrived with just 15 minutes to spare before their next class. He had found his friends in their usual spot by the window. “Hi guys, sorry I’m so late!” He huffed, dumping his things with a thump. Roxas really hoped his face had returned to its normal shade as he sat down.

“Hi Roxas!”, “Hey Rox!” Came Kairi and Riku’s respective replies. Sora on the other hand just came out with a ‘ _Sup_ ’ while looking disgruntled at his tray of seafood chowder.

“How was class?” Kairi inquired very purposefully. “I heard you had a major idiot teaching you today.”

“Oh it was good. The teacher ran twenty minutes late - and there was a small fire - but - I made you all these,” Roxas said, still a bit breathless from the rushing. He picked up the box and opened it for his friends to see. Roxas picked up one pizza at a time and put them on everyone's trays.

Sora’s eyes widened with glee. “You made these for us?”

“Yeah.” Roxas smiled from ear to ear when he saw the appreciation on everyone's faces. He was so thankful that it had been seafood chowder day in the cafeteria, as it made his present even better.

“Bif if weally good.” Sora mumbled with a mouth full of pizza and a smile on his face. Riku and Kairi both agreed, and with that Roxas started digging in as well before their lunchtime was all gone.

“Thanks for making us this food, Rox. It was awesome.” Riku said with a look of contentment on his face.

“I think it was just a really good recipe. I had a lot of help.” Roxas definitely felt that when he wasn’t being stared at, or laughed at for doing dumb things, he had actually gotten a lot of kind and thoughtful advice from his deranged teacher.

“Well I’ll give your brother that much then. He does have some pretty good recipe ideas.” Riku said to Kairi.

“Brother? What?” Roxas’ gaze shifted between Riku and Kairi, not comprehending and feeling like he just missed something very important.

“Axel taught you today, right?” said Kairi.

Roxas nodded.

“Well he’s my dumb, good for nothing, older brother.” Kairi stated matter-of-factly. Riku cleared his throat. “Ok, fine. Good for cooking, but useless at everything else, older brother.” Kairi amended.

Roxas was still confused. “He’s related to - you?” It was kind of a shock really. “But he’s such a - such a…”

“Ass? I know! Imagine if you had to _live_ with him.” Kairi groaned.

The bell rang and everyone sighed or moaned.

Sora, who had been unusually quiet for that whole time, packed up his things and deposited the contents of his uneaten chowder into a bin. “C’mon Roxas!” He yelled gleefully. “We’re not going to get smarter hanging around here!”

The brunette threw his arm around Roxas’ shoulder and marched him off to their maths class. “That was really good pizza, Roxas.”

Roxas gave a small laugh, being relieved that his thoughtfulness seemed to have paid off and Sora was to his old self again.

“You know, I was thinking - maybe it doesn’t have to be an ice cream parlor. It could be a pizza joint - or a small cafe. I’ll manage it, and you can cook, and Riku - what could you do, Riku?”

Riku had been following them at a bit of a distance but caught up when he heard mention of his name. “I’d just keep you out of trouble, Sora,” he laughed.


	11. The Pantry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas keeps thinking about the substitute teacher in anticipation of his next cooking lesson.

It had been a really long and strange day for Roxas. His mind kept wandering to the substitute teacher and all those strange remarks and looks he had gotten from him that morning. It still made Roxas feel queasy - or maybe it was excitement? He kept teetering from one side of the spectrum to the other; from being completely creeped out and annoyed, to being thrilled and wanting to spend more time with the guy. Roxas had tried to push the thoughts aside and concentrate on his other classes. He had achieved some success but it all came back whenever he had some quiet time. Which in Roxas’ life seemed to a be a lot. He was left to his thoughts when he was at Zack’s warehouse, and it was even worse when he went home with Cloud at the end of the day. Cloud still seemed to be very unhappy with Roxas for forcing his hand in the matter of leaving Roxas alone that weekend, so conversations were kept at a bare minimum.

Zack had appeared really concerned that afternoon, asking Roxas if everything was ok after the drama of the Friday night. He then also took Cloud aside to make sure he was happy to go along with the scheduled delivery plan before the brothers left for home that evening. Roxas knew Cloud would. No way was he backing down after he made a promise and commitment. Not unless Roxas changed his mind, which he was definitely not going to do under any circumstances.

Roxas had told Cloud that the arrangement had been made with Sora, making sure to leave out any details of what they had planned to do. He had asked Sora if he could stay over on the weekend that afternoon while waiting for Zack to pick him up. He was inundated with a barrage of hugs and a waterfall of words. They had sat down and planned everything they would be doing, even in the constraints of having to stay put at Sora’s place. Sora had pouted but Riku being the ever present voice of reason had pointed out all the things they still could do while just staying at Sora’s place. Roxas was looking forward to finally getting to learn some fencing, which was something he still never managed to bring up with Cloud. He was happy to keep it that way knowing the disapproval he would be met with. ‘ _It’s too dangerous._ ’, ‘ _You could really hurt yourself’_ , blah blah blah.

He really couldn’t wait for the weekend to roll around. It felt like the anticipation was going to kill him.

* * *

 

It didn’t kill him however. Every day there was something exciting to do and occupy Roxas’ mind with while he was at school with his friends. Sora was still excitedly talking about his place and how much Roxas would love it, and what a great time they would all have.

When Roxas was at Zack’s he would spend his time talking to Zack. He even managed to convince Zack to get some of the music that Roxas liked and had discovered due to his friends. Zack even got a stereo system and speakers which they set up together. That definitely made the quiet times more enjoyable. Zack would also give Roxas a lot of materials to study regarding cooking and would let Roxas go upstairs to practice in the kitchen.

Thursday rolled around before Roxas even realized. He was eager to put his new found cooking knowledge into practice and maybe even redeem himself in the eyes of Axel after his chopping fiasco. Roxas, although now familiar with the way to the kitchens, deliberately took his time. He didn’t want to appear too eager to be at the front of the classroom.

“Heeey Rrroxasss!”

His heart jolted and he looked behind him to see the familiar red spikes approaching. Axel was upon him in a matter of seconds, hand on Roxas’ head, fiddling with his hair, and a disappointed look on his face.

“Still black, I see.”

“Yeah, what else would it be?”

“Well, you know -,” Axel winked at him and continued. “You planning to be late to my class again?” Axel moved his hand from Roxas’ head to the small of his back to give the boy a push along and they both fell into a comfortable pace.

Roxas looked back down abruptly to hide his reddening cheeks. He hadn’t realized how much he actually had missed Axel, and considering that they had only spent an hour together a few days ago, it was really embarrassing. He didn’t know what was wrong with himself.

“I figured _you’d_ be late again, so there was no hurry.”

Axel let out an amused ‘ _Heh!_ ’

“I was late before because I had nothing to look forward to in this class,” he stated matter-of-factly. “Now I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Roxas looked up incredulously and saw Axel staring down at him with a sly smirk on his face and heavily lidded eyes. Roxas picked up his pace to get away from him, only netting Roxas another audible laugh from Axel.

When Roxas rounded the corner and stepped into the classroom he stopped in his tracks so suddenly that Axel almost ran into him.

“Sorry,” Roxas mumbled and stepped aside.

The front desk was occupied by two girls, Mindy and Ophelia. Roxas had heard them giggling to themselves all through Monday’s lesson and was pretty sure they had made the loudest swooning sounds whenever Axel had walked past them that day.

Roxas glanced around to find where an empty spot was, and found one to his left, at the very back. He felt disappointed. Apparently coming late wasn’t a good idea. Maybe he needed to come extra early next time.

Roxas glanced to the front where Axel was getting himself settled in. Roxas didn’t know Axel very well at all but he thought he also seemed a bit disappointed. Or maybe he was just imagining it. Roxas sighed.

“Alright guys! Another egg-citing day, another egg-static cooking lesson with me. So let's get cracking - them eggs!”

The class groaned as one.

Axel just laughed while ordering his errand girls to disseminate the recipes.

“You guys don’t appreciate my yolks?”

Someone yelled back “You’re such a rotten egg!”

Axel, still amused with himself sat down and stretched his legs out on his desk. “Well I’m scrambled then. I’ll leave you chickens to it. And as before, don’t burn anything, or maim yourselves.”

Once the girls had gone around and everyone had their recipes the kitchen space came alive. There was one recipe for scrambled eggs and two different omelettes, as well as a poached egg recipe. Roxas decided that he wanted to try all the recipes again to maximize his time, and practice as many things as possible. After having made his decision he headed to the pantry to grab his ingredients. Roxas thought about how much Cloud loved eating eggs. He thought it be an excellent, or even egg-cellent - he groaned inwardly - surprise to make breakfast for his brother early one morning before he had to head off to work. Roxas became determined and resolute that this was something he would definitely do and get right.

Axel got up and walked around from time to time. Roxas tried to focus on his cooking but felt his attention deviate every time he caught red in his periphery. Roxas felt stupid for wanting that ‘idiot,’ as Kairi seemed to constantly call him, to come over and talk to him. All his other classmates seemed to take precedence over him, which just made Roxas want his teacher's attention even more. He cursed his bad luck in being shoved all the way in the back.

Roxas began chatting to a guy next to him, named Cedric. Cedric seemed really bored with the cooking, saying he only picked it because it was an easy pass. As he was very non-committal Cedric picked the easiest thing to make. He was done within twenty minutes, and decided to abandon his post and go talk to other people more interesting than Roxas.

Cedric had been gone for maybe five minutes when Roxas was pulled out of his reverie by the sound he had wanted to hear the most.

“Cooking everything again, are ya, Roxas?” Axel didn’t trill his name as much this time around but he still said it with a suggestive rumble, and leaned against the bench-top like he could stay there all day.

Roxas shiver pleasantly at the sound of his name and he looked up into Axel’s face.

“I can’t tell which one of these recipes is any good if I don’t make them all and try them,” he stated coolly while trying to keep his pounding heart in check.

“Anything I give you will always be good, Roxas.” There was that wink again. “You should just trust my judgement and pick your favorite thing.” Axel said in a lowered voice and moved a lot closer to Roxas. Roxas looked up wide eyed, feeling butterflies in his stomach. He regretted having wished for this situation. It really had been stupid. Now he at least knew.

The prolonged silence from Roxas made Axel chuckle in amusement and he added more casually ”Making everything is too much work, especially for the time frame you guys are given.”

Roxas looked back down at his kitchen counter covered with pans, dishes and used up ingredients. He felt like Axel was chiding him again. Like Roxas made the wrong choice and couldn’t get anything right. “But I _wanted_ to try everything” he said softly.

Roxas didn’t even know what he felt bad about the more he thought of it. As that sudden realization hit him his courage returned, and the embarrassment and butterflies faded. He looked back into those smiling green eyes and said with determination, “I am on top of everything. There’s no reason why I should limit myself because of some stupid time limit. - Plus, you weren’t horribly late, so I’ll have more than enough time for everything today.” Roxas added with some fire and cocked his head to the side.

Axel’s face lit up and he laughed to himself quietly. “Fair enough then. I like your spunk, kid. If you can complete all the tasks in the time you’re given you might actually be cut out to make it in a more competitive atmosphere. You should think about that as a possibly career path for yourself.”

“Oh, thanks -” Roxas was quite dumbfounded and taken aback at that compliment. He had expected another snide comment.

“Any time, kiddo!” Axel pushed away from the counter, figuring that he probably spent more time than was deemed appropriate at this station, and moved on to go somewhere else that wasn’t near his desk and those two girls, Minty and Opera, or whatever their names were.

Roxas finished his cooking well on time and was slowly and purposefully tidying up when the bell rang. He had been thinking about what Axel had said about a career path. Roxas had never considered what he wanted to actually do with his life. He and Cloud had always just lived day to day that it seemed absurd to make bigger plans. Or maybe it was more like there was no point in having hopes and dreams because they would probably never eventuate. Man that was depressing.

Doing a final sweep of his prep area Roxas found some untouched vegetables that had rolled under some plastic bags and went to take them back to the pantry. Mindy and Ophelia met him on their way out of the classroom and gave him disgusted looks. “Flirting with a _male_ substitute teacher, Mindy. Some people have no shame” said Ophelia pointedly and loudly, causing some other kids who were close by to stifle giggles.

 _Flirting_? But Roxas hadn’t been -. He walked into the pantry, deposited his items and just stood in the back mulling it over. He never really thought he cared what other people thought of him, but maybe that was just because most people always seemed to like him. He never really had a problem with others before, which was clearly because he hadn’t had a normal life these past few years.

But _flirting_? Did Roxas even _like_ Axel? Roxas felt weird around him, that’s all he could be certain of.

“Hey Rrroxasss! I’m gonna lock you in with those vegetables you seem to be so fond of.”

“What?” Roxas startled out of his thoughts.

“Or maybe,” Axel stepped into the pantry and closed the door behind him “I’ll lock us both in here together. We can see who eats who first.” He bore a toothy smirk.

“That's not funny Axel!” Roxas rushed towards him and the door but Axel’s long limbs stopped him from getting past.

“No? Not even a little funny?”

Roxas rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation.

All of a sudden the hand on his shoulder which was holding Roxas at bay pushed him to the side. Roxas’ back made contact with the wall and he was pinned. Axel pushed his knee between Roxas’ legs, and placed one hand on the wall next to his face, while cupping his chin gently with the other.

Roxas was breathing heavily and his heart was thumping. He had no idea what was going on. He all of a sudden really wanted Cloud. Axel just silently looked at Roxas’ face.

“You know what, Roxy?”

“Roxy?” Roxas’ head stopped racing through all the worst case scenarios once Axel began speaking. Maybe this wasn’t one of those nightmare scenarios that Roxas dreaded and sometimes lost sleep over. Maybe Axel was just being his _‘idiot self’_ , and this was all just some weird ‘fun’.

“I’ve decided to call you that whenever we are alone together from now on.”

“You think we’ll be alone a lot?”

“That’s up to you.”

Axel’s eyes kept falling on Roxas’ lips and he licked his own.

“I really want to kiss you.” His voice had the same rumble as earlier in the week and Roxas felt the butterflies return and that knot tighten in his abdomen. Roxas felt one of Axel's fingers trace over his lips.

Did he want Axel to kiss him? Maybe -.

Roxas eyed Axel’s parted lips and flicked his eyes back up to the green eyes which were relaxed and looking rather lustfully at him, if Roxas had any idea what lust even looked like.

Axel pressed his body closer to Roxas, pushing his hip and leg firmly against him. Roxas all of a sudden moaned and felt a shudder run through the length of his body as Axel rocked against an erection which Roxas didn’t even realize he had.

“Roxy,” Axel whispered, begging for his consent.

' _Shit_ ' - Roxas closed his eyes as he focused on his pleasure. Was this what he had been feeling all week? Was this why Axel had been on his mind so much? Did Roxas actually _like_ Kairi’s idiot older brother? He didn’t even know him.

Axel pushed and rubbed again. This time Roxas moaned louder. He could feel a hardness that was distinctly different from Axel’s hip bone push against him. The thought of Axel wanting him caused his pulse to race faster.

Roxas had to get out of this situation. His body was betraying him. The delicious heat of Axel’s body pressed to his was suffocating him. He needed to think this through more before doing something he might later regret.

Axel’s face was only inches away from Roxas’ when the boy opened his eyes again. Axel was hovering, and Roxas couldn’t imagine how much self control Axel was exerting to not just take the lips and push his tongue into Roxas’ mouth.

“Axel -,” Roxas had to force his breath up through his larynx to make any coherent sense.

“Mmm?”

“But I’m not even blonde.”

Axel laughed from somewhere low in his throat. “Up here you’re not, but I bet down _here -_ ,” Axel pushed and rubbed again.

Roxas’ head swam. He had a vague thought that he hated it when Axel did that, because Roxas lost all composure and his will to get out of there wavered.

“You’re just so fuckably cute, Roxy. And I like someone who has a little fire in them.” Axel’s mouth had moved to Roxas’ ear where he began gently nipping at his earlobe.

Roxas got a good whiff of Axel’s hair. He smelled like the ground spices that Zack had in his spice rack. Roxas really liked that scent.

“So what you say, Roxy? Just. One. Kiss.” Axel had moved his head back to look into Roxas’ very lidded eyes and by the last word he was again just inched from Roxas’ mouth.

Axel’s hands had begun roaming all over Roxas’ torso until one was snaked behind his back and the other up and entwined with the hair on the back of his head.

Roxas had knitted his own hand into Axel’s hair and an arm around his shoulder. He felt like he was under Axel's spell. Hadn’t he resolved to end this ten minutes ago? Why were they still -.

Axel rocked his hips against Roxas’ erection again.

Oh yeah -. That’s why Roxas was still wrapped up. Roxas thought he had been a late bloomer. He never even knew he had any sexual desires for anyone until the pantry door had shut.

“N..not yet. No..not _here_.” His body hadn’t wanted to say those words. But his head finally won out triumphantly. Yet he didn’t feel triumphant at all.

Axel looked at the boy for a long minute, seemingly contemplating the meaning of what Roxas had just said. As quickly as Roxas had been flung against the wall he was now free.

Axel melted away. The hands were gone, the leg and hip were gone. That intense heat was gone, but his scent still lingered. Roxas shivered in the cold of the pantry. He felt like a loser. Like he had just made the worst mistake in his life as Axel backed away and opened the pantry door.

“Axel -,” Roxas, still dazed, looked around for him in confusion. But he had disappeared.

Roxas walked out of the pantry, feeling his heart rhythm still pounding wildly. Maybe even more wild right now than before. Axel approached him, carrying all of Roxas’ things and thrust them into his arms.

“Here ya go Roxas. Now get out of here. We’re both wasting our time. I need to lock up.”

Axel had no affection in his voice, not even when he said Roxas’ name. It’s like Roxas had dumped a giant bucket of ice on the hot burning flame that had shone so brightly only moments ago.

Axel firmly locked the pantry door and walked over to the hallway door, switching off all the lights in the room.

“Axel -. It’s not that I don’t want to. I just -.“

Axel held his hand up. “Not yet. Not here.” Axel parroted Roxas’ words back to him and pushed him out the door, locking it behind them. Axel walked away without another word or a glance.

Wow.. had he messed up badly or what? Roxas had no idea what just happened, or how to fix it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was going to go down a whole lot differently, but I didn't feel very good about it. Decided to keep it very consensual.


	12. Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud tries to build a better relationship with Zack, and Zack tries to figure out what's bugging Roxas. Cloud and Roxas have a moment as they get ready to say good-bye for the weekend.

Zack could tell something was off with Roxas the moment he saw him at the park. It was a Thursday, which meant that Roxas was all by himself. Zack had made a special point of leaving a bit early to collect his cargo.

Roxas hadn’t wanted to talk as Zack helped him with the helmet or onto the bike. Zack couldn't even get a ‘whoop!’, or ‘wahey!’ out of the boy as he drove up and down their favorite steep hills.

Roxas settled in his usual spot in the store room. They had moved furniture around, lining the filing cabinets up parallel with the back wall, leaving enough room to move one of the desks behind them. This left Roxas well hidden behind the cabinets, should anyone ever wander into the store room for some weird reason. It had made Cloud feel better, so Zack guessed it had been worth the effort of emptying all the cabinets and then re-ordering them. The sofa was still where it had always been, but some of the smaller kitchen appliances had actually been moved to the kitchenette area.

Roxas had been right about Cloud and cleaning. Zack felt he was a bit of a neat freak and obsessed with everything having a proper place. Zack had refused to let Cloud touch his desk however. “If you tidy it up, I’ll never find anything again. It’s a mess, but it’s my orderly mess. So don’t touch. That’s an order!” He had demanded while protectively standing in front of his desk, arms stretched out wide, keeping Cloud and his garbage bags as far away from it as possible. Cloud had acquiesced to Zack’s order.

Cloud in general seemed to have ‘improved’ over the last few days in Zack’s eyes. He had come in on Monday in the usual fashion, but by the end of the day, after Zack had pulled him aside to just double check that Cloud was still happy to come along next weekend, he seemed to - well - improve.

Cloud, who usually avoided Zack as if he had some sort of contagious viral infection actually came back to have his lunch in the office on Tuesday. Zack had worried that something terrible had happened, to either the van, or a customer, or even Cloud himself.

“No. Nothing’s wrong. I - I just - thought that - well maybe - it would be - a nice thing - to do - together...?” Cloud's voice had gotten smaller and smaller as he clumsily made his way through that sentence. Zack could just imagine Cloud wanting to be swallowed up by the ground he was standing on. Poor guy.

“Well, had I known I’d have made you something.”

“It’s fine. I’ve got a sandwich.”

They had sat in some pretty awkward silence that day. Every time Zack asked a question, or told an anecdote he received such a stilted reply. Cloud had seemed eager to get going again and Zack didn’t try to keep him there for longer than he was comfortable with.

But he came back for lunch the next day. And the day after that. So Zack just took Cloud as he was, socially awkward and all. But he did make sure to cook more food for dinner so they could share the leftovers for lunch.

Roxas on the other hand seemed to have no difficulty in keeping up a conversation. Even when he was feeling off.

“What’s wrong, Rox? I can see that something happened today. You can talk to me about it if you want.”

Zack sat on the edge of Roxas’ desk.

Roxas didn’t know what exactly the problem for him was or even how to talk about it if he did know what was bugging him. He had thought about his feelings a lot that day. But he didn’t understand what they meant, and he had no way of knowing what was ‘normal’ and what wasn’t. Were the queasy feelings in his stomach normal? Why did he want Axel's attention but then at the same time did it cause him to feel so sick? Roxas liked Zack and all, but he didn’t feel comfortable asking him about - or talking about - all the things he had felt today.

“Are you and Aerith in a relationship?”

Zack was taken aback. He definitely hadn’t thought that the conversation would go in this direction. “Uh… not… really?”

“How can you sound so unsure? Shouldn’t it be a yes or a no?”

“Relationships are tricky, Roxas. And they come in all forms and shapes.”

“Do you love her?”

“Yes.” Zack felt marginally better that he was at least able to give one confident answer.

“But you’re not in a relationship?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Man, adults are weird.”

“You got relationship troubles, Rox?”

“I - urh - it’s - _complicated_?”

They both laughed.

Roxas didn’t consider himself in a relationship. Would it have been one had he agreed to the kiss? Would Axel ever ask him again? Would Roxas turn him down a second time? He really wished he hadn’t. _‘AAAAARGH!!!!!’_ His head kept going around the same circle of wonderment and regret. Wishing he could turn back time. But being glad he couldn’t because the choice he made is what he was actually happy with… but.. Now that he had missed his chance he _really_ wanted to kiss Axel and feel the redhead rock against him again - oh gods. Roxas groaned, partly from the memory of that amazing heat and partly out of frustration that he was haunted like this.

“Please don’t tell Cloud!” Roxas blurted out all of a sudden and dropped his head onto his arms which rested on the desk.

Zack made a bemused sound. “Hey, it’s your life, and your business. As long as it’s not putting you in any danger I won’t tell a soul.” He ruffled Roxas’ newly dyed hair, causing the boy to lift his head again.

Roxas was relieved. He felt he could trust Zack, even if Cloud had major issues with that word. But just because he trusted him didn’t mean he was comfortable sharing _everything_ with him. Maybe he could talk to Sora… now there was an idea...

“Speaking of - Cloud’s been coming around for lunch the last few days.” Zack continued. He enjoyed filling Roxas in on the strange behaviors he observed of his brother. He felt like he sometimes needed Roxas’ expertise to be able to decipher what Cloud's actions all meant.

“Oh really?” Roxas was surprised considering how excessively aloof and distant Cloud had been towards his boss.

“Yeah. He comes in. We eat lunch together. I try to have a conversation with him. He actually asked me a question today. One that wasn’t related to work!” Zack reflected on it pleasantly and with a triumphant smile. He felt like it was some sort of an achievement to have Cloud make an effort for you.

“He’s probably just trying to get comfortable with the idea of spending 48 hours in a small space with you.” Roxas said matter-of-factly.

“Yeah… it’s what I’m suspecting. Is there anything I can do to make it easier on him?”

Roxas shrugged. “Don’t ask too many questions, I guess?”

Zack certainly thought that was a given.

“Let me know if you think of anything else, ok?” Zack ruffled Roxas’ hair again for good measure before getting up and leaving for the front of the shop.

Zack eased into his chair. Well it seemed like Roxas was alright. He was going through that awkward stage of liking girls. Zack reflected on his own time in school to see if he had any gold nuggets he could share with Roxas. … … … ... He had nothing. He left school at fourteen, to live with his uncle and then just single mindedly trained. He always enjoyed flirting with the girls he met, and he enjoyed sleeping around a bit too. But that probably wasn’t something Cloud would want him sharing with Roxas.

It all had changed for him after he met Aerith and the children. Zack reflected on how he became more serious, and even more focused. He had found the things he could build his dreams around - he had found his purpose in life. That had been a pretty powerful revelation to him.

Zack smiled, and picked up the itinerary sheets. Tomorrow was the big day. Zack had everything ready. The clothes, the toys, the long-life and canned stuff. All was ready to be packed in the van tomorrow afternoon. They’d pick up the fresher stuff before they left and then it would be just Zack and Cloud and a very long and boring road ahead of them. Zack looked forward to having some company though. He also really looked forward to having Cloud meet Aerith. He really wanted them to hit it off and get along.

* * *

 

Roxas, unbeknownst to Cloud, had risen extra early that Friday morning and busied himself cooking an egg breakfast for the both of them. Cloud had risen after a restless night to find Roxas missing from his sleeping bag. Panic griped him. He rushed out to find Roxas putting the finishing garnishes on two omelettes. He had looked so proud of himself and after Cloud's mini heart palpitations had ceased he was able to settle himself and enjoy the breakfast.

“Did Zack teach you this?” Cloud wondered. “It’s really good.”

Roxas was positively beaming. “Nope. I took the initiative and changed one of my electives at school. So now I can totally cook us things without burning down the house.”

Roxas’ generosity and thoughtfulness just made Cloud hate today's situation even more. Not long after breakfast he was a nervous wreck again. Zack had given Cloud the morning off so he could rest, but had insisted that Cloud take the van so he was able to do a few deliveries in the early afternoon; something Cloud appreciated as it would take his mind off his worries a little.

* * *

 

“You got your charger? You got Zack’s number both for his cell and the van? You got enough clothes? You got all your stuff? What are you going to do if something goes wrong? You know what you need to do?”

“Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, I’ll call you, and I _need_ to call you every two hours, and not leave the house, and go to bed at 9pm and behave myself, and cause no fuss or trouble.. I know, _I know_!!” Roxas had been over this all of yesterday evening, and again this morning over breakfast, and again just now as Cloud dropped him off at school. “I’ll be fine, Cloud. Really. This will be good for us. You’ll see.” Roxas smiled at his brother, who just looked at him with worry etched into his brow.

“We’ve never done this before. It doesn’t feel right.”

“This is what normal people do. This is that normal life we both want.” Roxas tried to say it with more conviction than he felt right now. He definitely was also feeling quite nervous about the whole thing. He’d never been away from Cloud for so long, nor had they ever in recent years been a day's ride apart from each other.

Roxas was thankful that Cloud had sent him to school. He felt like he had more confidence of late and that he was able to cope with situations a lot better; situations like being on his own in a sea of other people with no one to rely upon but himself. It allowed him to be the stronger of the two right now.

“Be brave, Cloud. Everything will be all right, you’ll see.”

Cloud breathed deeply. Of course Roxas was right. He just had to be.

“Send Zack a text with Sora’s number so we have a backup to contact if you happen to forget to call us.”

Roxas smiled. There was his brother again. Thinking of options and last minute orders.

Cloud leaned over the center console and gave his brother a long hug and kissed him on the forehead.

“Shit - we’re actually doing this, huh?” Cloud said as he pulled away.

“Yup.”

They both sat in pensive silence, waiting for the school bell to ring, not truly wanting to be apart for longer than they needed to be.

“We’re good, aren’t we Cloud?” They still hadn’t spoken properly since last week’s argument and Roxas’ very unfortunate outburst. It wasn’t truly anything unusual. They never spoke much about their situation and feelings, but it seemed more pressing than ever to clear the air between them.

“If you can forgive me, then I can forgive you. But - I don’t think we will get to that point for a while yet.”

It hurt for Roxas to hear that, but he knew it was the truth. He could say he forgave Cloud but he wouldn’t truly mean it with all his heart… not yet anyway.

“I still love you though.” Cloud gave his brother a weak smile.

“I love you too.” Roxas said quietly as the bell began to ring.

“See you in two days, Cloud.” Roxas slipped out of the van with his backpack laden full of extra stuff.

This was either going to be an adventure… or a complete nightmare. Cloud started up the engine and went on his way.


	13. Weekend Anticipation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas spends a weekend away from Cloud, for the first time in many years.

Sora was full of energy and excitement that day and gave Roxas a powerfully rib crushing hug when they met each other on the way to their class. They spent the morning trying and failing miserably to avoid getting into trouble as they were too busy chatting about all the fun they would be having together today, instead of paying attention in class. One of their teachers even removed Sora from the seat next to Roxas but then the conversation just continued more quietly in passed note form. They ended up trying harder to behave as the prospect of detention really didn’t fit with their weekend plans.

“Riku will bring over all the equipment Saturday morning and then we’ll start you on the basics.” Sora said excitedly while discussing the finer details of their fencing endeavors over lunch.

“I’m not gonna get hurt am I? My brother will flip his lid and I’ll never see the light of day again if that happens.”

“I’ll make sure to drill you in all the safety protocols before I let Sora anywhere near you.” Riku said while contemplating the contents of his lunch tray.

Roxas really liked Sora, but he felt a lot safer knowing that someone with a level head would be present and in charge.

Kairi came over with a loud thud of her tray and bags.

“Hey Kairi! Welcome back. That was a long phone call.” Riku greeted.

“Mom rang. She wanted to know if anything happened at school yesterday. My idiot brother has been acting all stupid since he got back home after his cooking class.” Kairi stated with irritation.

Roxas became nervous all of a sudden. “Stupid? In what way?” He carefully inquired.

Kairi gave a massive sigh. “He’s been hanging around the house more than usual. He’s been slamming doors, being all moody and shouting at our staff. Worst though is that he’s been stacking piles of wood out in the field behind our house. He lit a huge bonfire last night and sat out there, watching it burn.”

“He’s been stacking more wood all day long, mom said. She’s telling him not to but he won’t listen. He knows he’s not supposed to do that. He’s been reprimanded by court. If his parole officer hears about this he’ll be sent back to corrections.”

“I told mom that I didn’t think anything happened yesterday. You would have told us about it, wouldn’t you Roxas?” Kairi looked at him.

“Can you think of anything unusual that happened yesterday? Anything that might have pissed him off?” she pressed as Roxas remained silent.

 _‘Well he locked himself in the pantry with me and wanted a kiss but I refused’_... He could never tell them.

”No - nothing comes to mind. It was just a normal day.” Roxas lied through his teeth.

“Although - he didn’t seem too happy with some of the girls in the class...” Was Roxas actually doing this? Throwing out a red herring to get himself out of trouble? What was happening to him?! Who was he becoming? He wanted to hide away and never be seen again by a single soul.

“Urgh. He’s probably been hitting on chicks and getting rejected. Serves him right then. Nineteen years old - he should find someone his own age.” Kairi dismissed her brothers angst.

“If it’s just that he’ll get over it fast.” She busied herself texting her mother the information she just found out.

“Does Axel have a history of - getting so upset and - “ Roxas needed to know what he had potentially gotten himself into.

“Blowing things waaaay out of proportion and context? Yup.” confirmed Kairi.

“He’s been a fire bug ever since I can remember. Our old maid, Anita, told me stories of how he burned down the romper room when his favorite toy broke. You wanna guess what that toy was?”

“A doll?!” yelled Sora, “A model train set?!” chimed in Riku, “A teddy bear!?” ventured Roxas, “A Lego set!” furthered Sora. “You _can’t break_ Lego, Sora. It’s already in pieces!” Riku rolled his eyes at his friend and Sora just grinned.

“It was a fire truck” stated Kairi. “He said to her that because the fire truck broke there was noone and nothing to stop the flames. My parents should have sent him to a shrink years ago. Then he might have avoided the whole thing with having to go to the courts.”

“Courts?” Roxas asked. This was just getting crazier by the minute.

“Yeah.” The bell rang. “I’ll tell you about that another time if you want. It’s not really that important or interesting though.” Kairi said as they packed their things and went their separate ways.

Roxas’ guilty mind remained on the subject of Axel all afternoon. What had he done? Or.. imagine if he _had_ done something with Axel and ended up in a relationship with someone so - unhinged. Roxas was torn between a sense of immense responsibility for having caused someone so much hurt, and immense relief that he hadn’t made a huge mistake. Or - maybe he had nothing to do with any of this and he should just relax. Roxas felt it better to just stick to option three.

* * *

 

The four of them had all piled into Riku’s car after school to go to Sora’s place. Roxas was really excited. He had never done something like this before. This was going to be a weekend of many, many firsts. Riku cranked his music up and they all sang along to whatever was playing on the radio. Roxas sang along to the few parts he did know, as he hadn’t had much chance to listen to music since recently. He felt like he had missed out on a whole world and was eager to plow through Sora's music library, which the brunette always bragged about.

When they arrived at Sora’s house they all piled back out of the car. Roxas noted that it was was a quaint double storey cottage. Flowerbeds on the windowsills and a picketed fence. It was really adorable.

“That’s my parents house. My little flat is at the back.” Sora led them all through a door in the fence on the left of the house which lead into their backyard. There was a large amount of lawn. Next to the cottage was a paved and undercover section with a Jacuzzi and a barbecue. But the main portion of the backyard was taken up with a one and a half story building. The roof was sloped and the left side was all glass with the shutters drawn to keep the sun out. It was far more modern looking than the cottage.

Sora lead the way, unlocking the front doors which were also glass. Inside was a matching modern interior with hardwood floors. To the left was just glass which formed the main exterior structure of the building. Roxas thought that this must give a pretty spectacular view of the surrounding garden when the shutters were up.

There was a pretty comfy looking lounge in a carpeted corner accompanied by a television and all purpose entertainment unit. Roxas spotted some gaming consoles on a cabinet as well as speakers for a surround sound system.

To the right was a small staircase which Sora explained lead up to his bedroom and spare room which was a study. Down the small hall was the bathroom, laundry and a small kitchen area. Sora was expected to do his own laundry and tidy up after himself as well as keep his dwelling clean and well looked after. Sora explained that despite having a kitchen his parents always preferred that they have dinner together in the main house, so that’s what they would be doing tonight.

The four of them crashed on the lounge and some beanbags which Sora also had lying around. They busied themselves with completing their homework as not to spoil the extreme fun weekend that was planned. Roxas enjoyed doing his homework like this. Having his friends around to groan aloud with, and bounce ideas off of. It made it easier and more fun than slogging through it in isolation.

When they started getting bored they entertained themselves with video games, which was something Roxas had never partaken in. Sora was distraught when he heard the news but later retracted his sympathy when Roxas ended up beating them all in their favourite car racing game. Roxas claimed beginners luck and his luck seemed to hold for the rest of their play session.

The alarm went off, startling everyone. Roxas had been super glad that Riku had suggested setting an alarm before they began the party, or he would definitely not have remembered to check in with Cloud and Zack.

Roxas excused himself and went up to Sora’s room, per the brunettes suggestion. Sora had a big queen bed decked out with his favourite superhero’s bed spread. It was neatly made. Sora certainly did keep his place as tidy as he could, even though he had implored Roxas to not look in the closets or underneath the bed.

Roxas saw a fold out bed prepared for, he assumed, himself, lining the wall opposite of the main bed. He sat down on it. The bed gave a slight squeak as the springs creaked under his weight. The bed still seemed pretty comfortable nonetheless. He dialed the van's number.

It was picked up on the first ring.

“You’re five minutes late” came his brothers voice. Roxas thought he could hear Zack’s laughter in the background.

“Hello to you too, beloved brother of mine” Roxas said sweetly. “I’ll do better next time” he added, aiming to appease Cloud as much as possible.

Roxas didn’t want to leave much room for Cloud to berate him any more so he launched into his story. “Sora’s place is super nice. I can’t wait to show you when you get back on Sunday! There’s a spa and loads of space. Sora has a queen bed, Cloud! Actual mattresses to sleep on. I’m gonna sleep like a king tonight! Might not even wake up until at least noon.”

“Well you better wake up. I expect a call at 7am sharp.”

Roxas groaned. “You sure you don’t want to sleep in? Sora might get upset with me waking him so early.”

“I expect that call, Roxas. I don’t care about Sora and his sleep needs.”

Man was his brother mean when he was grumpy.

“Where’re you guys at now?” Roxas inquired, wanting to shift the focus off himself.

He heard Zack say “On the freeway, heading south. We’re making good time. We got the fresh produce loaded much faster. See Cloud. You’re already a big help!” Roxas could hear the grin in Zack’s voice without needing to see his face.

“ROXAAAAASSSS!!!” Roxas heard his friends calling him. Apparently they were loud enough for Zack and Cloud to hear them too as Zack began laughing again.

“I don’t think we should keep our popular king away from his adoring public for any longer, Cloud.”

“Don’t be late next time. I want to hear your voice on the hour, every second hour.”

“Aye, aye, sir!” Roxas barked.

“Talk to ya later, kiddo!” Zack signed off and the line went dead.

Well that hadn’t been so bad Roxas thought as he went back down the stairs to be greeted with a controller shoved into his hands, and an eager Kairi waiting and ready to pulverize Roxas in a street fighting game.


	14. A Growing Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud opens up to Zack, and Roxas learns more about Sora and his friends.

Cloud had been incredibly tense up until the phone had rung. With every mile they drove further away from Roxas Cloud swore he began feeling sicker and sicker. Then added to that watching the minutes tick past. One minute past five - two minutes past five. “You sure the clock in the van is right?”

But Zack had been the voice of reason. “Just give him a couple more minutes. I’m sure he’ll call. He knows how important this is to you.”

Cloud had reached for the dial pad after two more minutes of waiting but Zack anticipating the move covered the pad with his own hand before Cloud could get to it. “Learn to trust in your younger brother, Cloud. If you can’t trust me, at least trust in your own flesh and blood. Kids can’t learn to be responsible if they are never given any.” Zack said as gently as he could.

And then the phone had rung, much to everyone's relief in the van.

* * *

 

“Talk to ya later, kiddo!”

Zack hit the disconnect button on the hands free set.

“See, you can relax now. He called, and is having a great time with his friends.”

Zack shot Cloud a glance before returning his attention to the road in front.

“Trust is something you earn.” Cloud said after a while of just the quiet hum of the vans A/C and the sound of the tires on the road.

“How’s he ever supposed to earn your trust if you don’t let him off the short leash you’ve got him on?”

Cloud didn’t want to hear how to take care of his own family from someone who had no idea. Sure, it increasingly looked like Roxas and Zack were bonding but that just meant that Zack got Roxas’ skewed sense of the world.

“I can hear the gears ticking over in your head, Cloud. Care to share?” Zack threw him a soft smile after another prolonged silence.

“Roxas only sees things from his perspective. He doesn’t know the full picture.”

“From what I’ve gathered, you make it kind of hard on him - on everyone - to actually get the full picture. And there’s nothing wrong with that Cloud. We are all the products of our upbringing. But I think we have to be more accommodating and understanding towards each other.”

“Like, I know I can be too overbearing, and pushy, and expect people to put up with all my talking. But, I’m coming to accept that you are different. And hey, I’m quite happy to sit in silence with you this entire trip if that’s what you want.” Zack flashed Cloud another smile before turning back to the road.

Was Zack really ok with that?

“Alright… I’ll test you on that then.” Cloud gave Zack a sidelong look.

“Can I just ask one question before we get into this?”

“Sure.” Cloud was somewhat amused.

“Can I turn on the radio? Or do you want complete silence?”

Cloud thought about it for a moment.

“As long as I get to choose the station, I’m fine with it.”

* * *

 

They drove on for many more quiet hours. Roxas had called two more times, right on the dot and at 9pm the two brothers said their goodnight's.

Cloud appeared increasingly pensive after that, leaning his head against the window and gazing out into the darkness. The occasional oncoming traffic would pass by but it had become very sparse the further they drove out into the rural country.

Cloud listened to Zack singing softly to himself when familiar songs came on the radio. He really did like Zack's voice. It held a soothing timbre that comforted Cloud for some reason.

“This will be the first night that Roxas and I haven’t slept together in the same place since -,” Cloud's voice drifted as he remembered the emptiness of their house when Roxas had landed in hospital. Cloud had berated himself and nothing his mother did or said made the guilt go away. It had been an excruciating three weeks.

Zack had quit his singing and was paying close attention.

“Did he ever tell you how he ended up in hospital?” Cloud glanced over at Zack who nodded.

“Of course he did. He’s an open book to the world,” Cloud said with a sigh.

“I never realized how much I loved him till he wasn’t there anymore. We’ve been living in each others pockets for so long… sometimes I forget what it’s like to miss him.”

Cloud lay his head back against the window and thought about the words he had just shared with Zack. It hadn’t been that hard… or that painful.

Cloud heard Zack start to rummage around the box in the center console and then felt something fall into his lap. He looked down and then over at Zack who had started singing again.

♪ _“Just blow, blow, blow it uuuup. And go, go, go, to sleeeeeep!_

♪ _I... Don’t know the words to this soooooong…. but it’s all riiiiiiight. Get some sleep, you silly sheep, get some sleeeeeep!”_

Cloud laughed quietly. Zack was kind of cute in a really dorky kind of a way. He blew up the travel pillow that Zack had given him and leaned his head against it and the window, while drifting off to the sound of Zack’s made up lyrics.

* * *

 

It was getting quite late. Dinner had been delicious, fun and also exhausting. Sora’s parents were really nice. They had all played a party game together in which Sora’s parents whooped their asses. After that they had all retired back to Sora’s flat. Kairi started yawning and Roxas was having trouble keeping his eyes open. Riku gave Sora a look and the brunette nodded.

“Time to call it a night” announced Sora.

“C’mon Kairi, I’ll take you home” Riku said as he gathered his car keys off the coffee table.

“I hope Axel’s quit his moping,” she said between yawns and quickly heading down the hall to relieve herself.

Roxas had been having such a fun time that he had completely forgotten about Axel's plight, and he wasn’t too thrilled about being reminded.

“I hope so too, Kairi,” Sora quietly shouted to her. ”We need you well rested for tomorrow. That goes for you too, Riku.”

Sora sprang up and began tidying things up while Kairi was occupied.

“Hey Sora… where’s all your toilet paper gone?” came her voice from down the hall.

“Ahhh! Thanks for reminding me, I’ll be right back with some,” he shouted back and dashed out his doors to head into his parents house.

Roxas had begun helping to tidy Sora's living room up when Riku sat back down next to him.

“Hey Roxas…”

“Yeah?” Roxas wasn’t paying much attention as he tried to match the game discs with their correct cases.

“Can I ask a favor of you?”

Roxas gave him his full attention and stopped what he was doing. Riku didn’t make a habit of asking Roxas for anything.

“I know this might sound weird… but… if Sora asks you whether you want to sleep on the fold out bed or in his bed… can you insist on the fold out bed?” Riku seemed a little uncomfortable, judging by the way his eyes kept flickering between the rubbish on the table and Roxas’ face.

“Uh… yeah.. That’s fine. I was going to sleep on the fold out anyway…”

“Thanks Rox.” He gave him a generous smile and gave him a pat on the shoulder as he got back up.

Sora ran back into the flat and headed down the hallway to rescue Kairi.

They all said goodnight and went their separate ways, leaving Roxas to his night time routine of showering and brushing his teeth.

He looked at himself in the mirror. He wore baggy pants and an old tired sleep shirt he owned for the last three years. Black hair all drooped from having washed it. He thought of what Axel had said about liking blondes, and wished he still had his natural hair color. He pulled gently at his hair again, like he had done so long ago in that grimy bathroom at that no name pit stop. The way he felt about himself hadn’t changed much, even though his circumstances had vastly improved. He still wished his past belonged to someone else but he was more optimistic about where his future might lead now.

Roxas walked into Sora's room to see his friend leaning back while atop his big bed, looking up at the ceiling as if in thought. When he heard Roxas approach he gave him his attention and smiled. “Hey Rox, you wanna sleep on my bed or the fold out?”

Riku had been right after all.

“The fold out is fine.”

“You sure? My bed’s big enough for the two of us to be quite comfortable on.” Sora bounced a bit to emphasize the springy-ness of the mattress.

Roxas laughed a little. How did Sora still have so much energy at this time of night? It was nearly midnight, and it did dawn on Roxas that when he made a phone call to his brother several hours ago he had promised him that he was all tucked up and ready for his sleep. He didn’t like all the dishonesty within himself that was flying around lately.

“The fold out is fine, really. I like to sleep on my own.” Oh look… another lie. Ugh.

“Suit yourself then. But if you change your mind in the middle of the night you are still more than welcome to hop in.”

Sora left Roxas to his thoughts while he went to shower and change. His mind puzzled over Riku’s request. Why would he not want them to share a bed together? Granted it was probably a bit weird for two boys in their mid teens to be sleeping together anyway but still. What should it really matter? Maybe Sora kicked or bit in his sleep and Riku was looking out for Roxas? It could be anything really.

Having made peace with himself on that debate his mind drifted back to the pantry and Axel. He felt like the revelation that Axel was a nut-job should have changed something but - It really hadn’t. If Axel was so upset because he couldn’t have a kiss - well it just endeared him more to Roxas. Roxas never thought he was important to anyone, but Cloud. The idea that he could be important to someone else made his heart flutter a little.

Sora returned in shorts and smelling like a sea breeze. He hopped into his bed and turned out the lights.

“Still got room for you,” Sora teased.

“I just got really comfy here.”

“That’s a shame,” came the hearty laugh.

They bantered a bit about their day, and Roxas gloated over his racing high score. But Sora reminded him of how he got his ass handed to him competing against Kairi.

“She is the street fighting master.”

“And I bow to her with all the respect she deserves.”

They both laughed and drifted off into silence.

“Sora…”

“Hmm?”

“Why do you keep asking me to hop into bed with you?”

“I don’t much like sleeping alone.” Sora stated.

Roxas could hear Sora shifting and saw his faint outline turn towards him.

“When we were younger Riku and I always shared a bed for sleepovers.”

“You two grew up together?”

“Yeah. We used to be neighbors until his folks moved away. We were always at each others houses before that, having sleepovers and adventures. We were the best of friends.”

“But you guys still seem like best friends to me.”

Roxas gave Sora space to think and tell his story.

“I was so angry at his parents for moving. They didn’t move very far but I was like eight, so everything was a big deal back then. We were still in the same school but because I was angry and too young I let it out on Riku. I’m not very proud of that.”

Roxas knew about misguided anger all too well, and he hated himself that it still took control of him sometimes.

“But you guys seem ok now.”

“It’s all water under the bridge now. But at the time it was a massive falling out. We didn’t speak to each other for the remainder of primary school. We only started talking again in high school… thanks to Kairi."

“How did you guys meet Kairi?”

“We met Kairi at our first year in high school. We both wanted to win her heart as soon as we saw her.” Sora laughed. “We made bets with each other around who would marry her first. We were really competitive but then that competition grew back into fun and we made up.”

“The three of us started hanging out together. Her parents are rich, so they would always take Kairi on amazing island holidays. Kairi would come back and show us photos and then we’d all pretend that we were on our own secret island, even though we were just playing down by the river near the Imperial Garden after school.”

“Her family is _really_ rich?”

“Yeah. They own like half of this city. Big business tycoon of a father. That’s why keeping her older brother under control is so important. Bad for publicity to have a pyromaniac in the family. Kairi told us that Axel got shipped off to the military for a while. She doesn’t think it did him much good though. He just came back setting more things on fire, or something like that.”

Roxas felt sorry for Axel.

“Anyway, Riku and I continued to have sleepovers for a really long time once we became friends again… but then we just sort of stopped a couple of years ago. He said we were getting too old for it and that I needed to also stop sleeping with a night light.”

“You had a night light too?”

“Yeah, until I was thirteen. Then Riku left - And ... well I guess I did grow out of it. Still don’t like sleeping alone though.”

“Cloud loves sleeping in complete darkness, so he banished my night light years ago.” Roxas lamented.

“It’s just not fair Roxas. Everyone else gets to control what we do and how we sleep,” Sora said with the same sentiment.

They grew quiet again.

“How did you know that you liked Kairi?” Roxas’ heart began beating a little faster as he was getting nervous.

“Uh, I... don’t really know? It’s… just a feeling you have?” Sora thought about it a little more.

“Maybe it’s like… you want to be around that person all the time. They make you happy, and you know that you make them happy - Oh... I did get butterflies in my tummy and things like that when we first started dating.”

“You guys dated?”

“Yeah.. for a really short time. But then we saw less and less of Riku and I decided if I couldn’t have them both in my life it wasn’t worth dating Kairi. Lucky for me she agreed with it,” he laughed with relief.

“And now we’re all the best of friends again.”

“Wow, Sora. You must really love Riku to give up dating someone for him.”

“My friends are the most important thing in the world to me.” Sora said solemnly.

“I like that about you, Sora. You are a really good friend.”

“Thanks, Roxas. The bed’s still free.”

Roxas just laughed and wished Sora a good night.


	15. The Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack arrive at their destination. Cloud learns more about Zack's past, from Aerith.

They had been driving all night. Around midnight Zack had pulled over at a truck stop feeling himself begin to wilt with exhaustion. Zack had tried to wake Cloud up as gently as possible, by calling his name and gently shaking his shoulder, but it hadn’t worked. He seized the opportunity of a deep asleep Cloud to run his fingers through the surprisingly soft blonde spikes, something he had wanted to do for a long time but never dared. Cloud began to stir and leaned into Zack’s touch, giving a sleepy sigh.

Zack called his name again, a bit louder this time and quickly removed his hand when Cloud was beginning to rouse.

“Can you take over for a bit?”

“Yeah, sure.”

They relieved and refreshed themselves and then were on their merry way, with Cloud driving and Zack nestling into the travel pillow.

“Just keep following the interstate. The route is programmed into the GPS. You shouldn’t get,” Zack let out a huge yawn, “lost. Wake me up when we get to the big canyon sign. You won’t be able to miss it. Driving through there’s a bit more tricky so I’ll take over from there.”

Zack was asleep in no time leaving Cloud to wonder if he had just dreamed that his head was being massaged. It had reminded him of his mother comforting him, but he pushed those feelings aside and chose to concentrate on the drive and the music playing on the radio instead.

After three hours, Cloud woke Zack and they swapped. Zack encouraged Cloud to get some more sleep and said they would be there in about two hours. Cloud did manage to doze in and out of sleep lightly but began to wake more fully once they had emerged out of the canyon and into a little valley which housed a little town. Zack had explained to Cloud that this place was pretty remote with only one way in and another way out. The way into the town was a lot longer, and the way out a lot shorter, so that they would be able to return to Radiant Gardens in 7 hours, instead of the 12 hours it took to get to the town.

Cloud could feel the humidity. They were deep down into the south of the region where there was a lot more rainforest and jungle vegetation.

“Mmm, smells like home” Zack cracked a window to get a whiff of the humidity.

“You like this kind of climate?”

“Bred and born in Gongaga - which is just a couple of hours from here.”

They drove through the narrow and silent streets of the town. There were houses built all along the steep canyon wall as well as some more spreading down the valley. Everything followed the low lying river that snaked its way through and had probably carved out this valley millions of years ago. The vegetation around them was thick, but where people lived it was far more tamed and shaped into hedges and gardens and just generally looking more civilized. Cloud had always heard that the people down south could be a bit barbaric and uncouth. There was a certain picture that came to mind but Zack didn’t fit it very well so Cloud decided to forget all the bad things he had heard about this region and to let it speak for itself.

Zack drove the van which was jolting like crazy on the unpaved roads a bit out of town and up a steep hill. Cloud recognized the church that came into view from the photo he had seen.

They had finally arrived.

The sun was just beginning to rise, throwing everything into blues and pinks. Zack reversed the van close to a run down looking outhouse and killed the engine. “Aaaaand, we’re here.” He said triumphantly but also a bit lack lustre. Zack had done the bulk of the driving and Cloud figured it had taken it’s toll on him.

They both hopped out. Cloud enjoyed being able to stretch his legs, arms and back. He walked around the back of the van to be greeted by the sight of whom he assumed to be Aerith getting lifted up by Zack and spun around once, before being deposited again to the ground. They embraced fondly.

Aerith was all smiles. She spotted Cloud once Zack detangled himself from her. Zack followed her gaze and waved him over when he saw Cloud looking at them with uncertainty.

“Aerith, this is Cloud. Cloud, this is Aerith,” he beamed with childlike excitement.

“Hello Cloud, it’s nice to finally meet you!” she said with a smile in her voice.

Cloud had extended his hand, but Aerith went right past it and gave him a hug instead. Cloud was a bit startled but then carefully gave her a squeeze to reciprocate the hug.

“Zack always talks about you,” she said as she pulled away.

“Ah, that’s - not true.” Zack laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head with his hand and bouncing away to open up the van.

“It is true,” she said quietly to Cloud and gave him another broad smile.

“Thank you for coming out all this way, Cloud. Zack thinks he can do everything by himself most of the time. I’m glad he’s finally acknowledged that he could use a little help with his business.”

“I needed the job more than he needed me,” dismissed Cloud.

“I wouldn’t be so sure of that.”

Her words surprised Cloud.

“Hey sweetheart, I’ve got something for you!” Zack called out to Aerith from the van. She walked over and Cloud followed. Zack knelt down and handed her a big box of the fresh produce that they had picked up yesterday.

“Pancakes?” Aerith inquired hopefully.

“Pancakes,” replied Zack happily.

“Yeay!” Aerith jumped a little while still holding the box. “The kids are getting so sick of porridge, you can’t even imagine.”

“Oh I think I can. Living with Angeal has taught me the mundanity of having a routine and sticking to it religiously.”

“I’ll go make some breakfast. The kids will be up soon.” Aerith began walking away but then quickly turned to face Cloud.

“Oh… Cloud, if you want anything for your hair, let me know. This humidity wreaks havoc with mine. Yours is looking to go the same way.”

Cloud was a bit mystified at that remark but a hearty laugh from Zack made him feel self conscious and he reached up to feel his head.

“It’s really getting very frizzy fast, isn’t it.” Zack laughed.

“We’re not all blessed with your genes, Zack.” Aerith lamented. “His hair just starts looking ten times better the longer he’s out here,” she said to Cloud.

“It’s my curse” Zack sighed, feigning woe.

“But if you want anything, just let me know.” Aerith turned and walked into the church with the box.

“Let's get this unpacked quickly. Once the kids wake up we won’t have a moment's peace.”

 

* * *

 

Zack had been absolutely right. They had managed to unpack everything and store it in the outhouse which had only a few boxes of food stuff left when they first started filling it again. Just as they were finishing three boys who looked to be around eleven or twelve came running out of the church straight towards Zack and proceeded to attack him with hugs. They began distracting Zack with telling him stories of their adventures, and hounding him to tell them what he had been up to.

Zack managed to convince them to follow him and talk about everything while he gave Cloud a tour around the place.

The main entrance lead into the church's main hall. There were rows of pews as you entered and towards the front of the building was an elevated stage. The roof had collapsed a long time ago, letting in sunlight and rain. There was a patch of grass and a field of golden flowers growing in front of the stage as the floorboards had all rotted away due to exposure to the elements.

In between the boys talking Zack let Cloud know that this hole in the roof wasn’t such a big issue as it never got cold enough down here for it to snow.

The church had an attached living area fanning out to the right. This section was sturdier, being made out of stone instead of wood like the main hall. There was a large kitchen and dining area where Cloud could see Aerith busying herself with preparing breakfast. They walked down a long hall, at the end of which there were stairs leading up to the second floor. Zack explained that this was where all the children slept in mostly separate rooms. Zack also showed Cloud a door on the half stair landing, explaining this is where Zack always slept when he was over and that they would be sharing this space for the weekend.

A large bell sounded, signifying meal time.

Breakfast had been a noisy affair with all the children screaming with excitement and having their turn greeting Zack and more politely saying ‘hello’ to Cloud. It had been so loud that Zack almost missed Roxas’ phone call but managed to catch it and hand the phone to Cloud who was sitting next to him.

“Hey Rox. Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, would have been better to sleep in though,” he heard Roxas yawn.

“Go to sleep earlier next time instead of staying up past your bedtime.”

Roxas, ignoring that suggestion could hear the rowdiness of Cloud's location. “You at the church now?”

“Yes. We’re all having breakfast.”

“Is Aerith there? Is she nice?” Roxas was really interested in her.

“She is... on both accounts.”

“C-can I speak to her?” Roxas inquired shyly.

“Uh…” This was abrupt. What would Roxas even say to her?

If it were anyone else but Aerith Cloud would have refused in a heartbeat.

“My little brother wants to talk to you.” Cloud handed the phone to Zack, who also looked a bit puzzled. Zack passed it across to Aerith saying “His name's Roxas.”

Aerith took the phone.

“Good morning Roxas. How are you?”

“Oh - hello Aerith. I’m fine, thanks. H-how about you?”

Aerith laughed a little “Really good actually. Thanks for sparing me your brother, this weekend. He’s already been so much help to all of us here.”

Cloud felt embarrassed and ashamed at being so - appreciated.

“Oh don’t worry about it. You’re doing me a favor by getting him out.” Roxas laughed good heartedly.

“Well then it’s mutual,” she smiled. “But what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I - I just wanted to say ‘thank you’ - For what you’re doing for all the kids you look after. I hope they appreciate it and that they don’t cause you too much trouble. I -. It’s really such a great thing for you to be doing. I hope that I’ll be able to do something to help others in the future too.”

“That’s really sweet of you to say, Roxas. If you set your mind to it you can do whatever you want. If you want to help people you will find a way. And if you need any help then I know Zack will be there for you, because he’s always been there for me when I needed him the most.” Aerith gave Zack a loving smile before turning her eyes on Cloud. “Plus you have an amazing brother who’ll support you too, I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks, Aerith” Roxas said quietly. “Have a nice day.”

“You too Roxas. It was lovely to hear from you.”

The phone went dead and Aerith handed it back to Zack.

“Your brother seems really sweet, Cloud.”

* * *

 

After breakfast the kids all quietened down somewhat and began doing their chores. Zack and Cloud busied themselves with repairing a hole in the roof above one of the bedrooms. Cloud had never done handy work like this before but found Zack to be a great guide and excellent teacher. He was able to explain concisely what they needed to do and talked Cloud through all the steps.

After the roof patch job they headed out to the back where Aerith kept a chicken coop. They spent a lot of time out there fixing the fencing and fox proofing it. As the day waned on, the heat and humidity increased. Zack opted to take his shirt off and suggested Cloud do the same. But Cloud kept his on, citing his fair skin and amazing skill at easily developing a sunburn as reasons why. As they worked under the hot sun Cloud noticed Zack’s back being covered in small white scars and some welts. He studied them carefully when Zack wasn’t paying attention to him. Cloud wondered how Zack had gotten them but didn’t want to ask. The scars did nothing to subtract from Zack’s good looking physique so Cloud didn’t want to make Zack self conscious by asking about it.

From time to time the children would come around and help out, or distract Zack with games of tag. Cloud was tagged in once, even though he hadn’t been aware that he was part of the game. He hadn’t wanted to play but after much cajoling he relented and went chasing after them.

Aerith brought them out food and drink from time to time, making sure they stayed well hydrated.

Cloud wiped the sweat from his brow with a towel that Aerith had brought out for him. “How can you stand this humidity?” He asked after taking a big gulp of water and settling in a shady spot to rest for a bit.

“I kind of got used to it. The key is to take it easy and stay indoors. Which… I know isn’t really something that you guys can do right now. There is always something to fix… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m glad to help.”

“Thanks Cloud.” She sat down next to him in the shade.

“It always amazes me how much energy Zack has for the kids. I know how tired he gets from the drive and all this work. But he just keeps pushing through.”

“I think it’s just a testament to how much he loves them. You can push through the fatigue for things that are important” said Cloud thoughtfully.

“Sounds like that comes from experience.”

Cloud just ignored her and took another big gulp of his drink.

“I worry about him sometimes. He doesn’t do well being on his own. I’m glad he’s got you in his life now,” she looked at Cloud and smiled.

“He’s definitely a people person.” Cloud agreed.

“He really likes you, you know?”

Cloud, not wanting to go down that path changed the subject.

“Why do you guys live out here? So far away from everyone and everything?”

“Did he tell you about how we met and how he got us out?”

“I heard a bit from my brother.”

Aerith sat quietly thinking about the past for a while.

“So you know about the war?”

“My father died in it.” Cloud said coldly.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Cloud. - All of us here have lost someone - or everyone, due to that war.”

She let that reality sink in for Cloud. They all had experienced the same thing. Every. Single. One. All of these kids. Cloud began to realize what Roxas was so passionate about.

“It’s actually quite funny,” Aerith started. “I was out trying to find some food for the kids when Zack literally fell out of the sky in front of me. He said he had been chasing someone who had gone and stolen from the baker two districts over. He was all gangly in his soldier's uniform but remarkably hadn’t hurt himself falling all that way from the rooftops.”

Cloud looked over to where Zack was wrestling with some of the bigger kids. He was all tanned and filled out with muscles. Cloud couldn’t imagine Zack as skinny and awkward looking. He continued to gaze at Zack as Aerith spoke.

“He had hurt himself so I helped him back to the bunker where I kept all the kids safe. I patched him up with some medical supplies I had scavenged. Zack felt guilty for making me waste the supplies on him and said he’d be back in a few days to return the favor. I didn’t really think much of it. Soldiers came and went but never really helped, and when they did it was a once off and they’d be gone again.”

Aerith had another smile spread across her face.

“But Zack - he came back every couple of days with more and more supplies. The kids really began adoring him. Zack even found some more orphans and brought them to me so we could help them together. He helped us move from place to place when the area became unsafe. There were still a lot of gangs looting and starting turf warfares with rivals. The Wutai insurgency was still pretty alive as well and they would bomb places from time to time.”

“Zack went missing for a bit. I was really worried about him. But then he showed up one day carrying this big sword around with him.”

“I’ve seen his buster sword. He’s hung it up in his living room.” Cloud told Aerith.

“It was his uncles. He had given it to him when he died. I never saw Zack cry until that day when he came back to us,” she said quietly. “He never really told me what happened but he changed after that. He became harder and more determined to get me and the kids out of there for good.”

“It was really hard for anyone who wasn’t with the military to get in or out of Wutai. They basically closed the borders, not wanting the refugees to mass exit and disturb the peace of the other regions. Plus people were so terrified of terrorist threats and bombings -. It was like mass hysteria. You told someone you were from Wutai and you would be reported to the authorities no matter how harmless you actually were.”

Cloud felt completely ignorant. He never heard about any of this. Yes, he had been young, and yes he had been caught up with - other things - but to be completely oblivious to the plight of so many people and on such a large magnitude? He wanted to be better than that.

“I’m sorry you had to live through that.”

Aerith smiled at him sadly. “Don’t be sorry Cloud. The main point is that we _lived_ through it. We survived. We can make things better for ourselves and others now. And that’s what we did.”

“Zack and I made plans on how to get us all out of Wutai. He somehow managed to change his job assignment to deliveries and smuggled us out after a year or so. After that he quit the military completely and continued on with making deliveries. Zack got some sort of a massive payout from some rich family and used that money to start his business and to provide for us. He figured no one would look for us in -. What did you call it?”

Cloud followed her gaze to see Zack all hot and sweaty walking up to them.

“A backwater hick country town.” Zack said cheerfully. He picked up the towel that Cloud had discarded and wiped himself down before laying down between Cloud and Aerith. She handed Zack a water bottle.

“You telling our origin story?”

“Cloud wanted to know why you had stranded us in such a _‘backwater hick country town’_ ” she laughed.

“And Zack was right. No one cared. No one questioned us. Everyone accepted us here. All the kids go to school down in the town and everyone is friendly enough. Though the aging population means that there aren’t too many strong men around to help me to fix things when they break.”

Aerith lay down beside Zack and looked at him with a smile.

“You know, Denzel, Colin and Rupert are getting pretty big and strong now. They’ll be able to help you soon enough. I’ll start taking them up on the roof and show them the basics in a couple more months I think," said Zack.

He casually sipped from the bottle while resting his head on his other arm, gazing up at the blue sky through the leaves of the tree.

The three of them stayed there in silence for a while, enjoying the chirping of the cicadas, the gentle but still stifling feel of the breeze and the sound of children around them laughing, playing or working.

Cloud lay down as well.

“It’s so peaceful,” he murmured.

“Yeah, it’s nice to get out of the city” Zack added, taking a deep breath.

The silence was finally broken by Zack’s phone ringing.

“Oh, that must mean it’s three o’clock” laughed Zack while fishing for the phone in his pocket.


	16. Hidden Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud's opinion of Zack keeps changing as he learns more about him. Zack sees something he really shouldn't have, and allows himself to open up more to Cloud.

The sun set fast down south, Cloud observed. They had all eaten and Cloud followed everyone out into the main church hall. He watched the kids settle themselves on the springy grass, being careful to avoid trampling any of the flowers.

“What's happening?” asked Cloud of Aerith when he saw her walking past holding a small girl's hand.

“Whenever Zack comes around we always hold a mini concert. It’s tradition. Come get a seat.”

She held out her free hand for Cloud to take.

He did, after some hesitation.

The evening had been quite beautiful. Aerith had gone around and lit candles. Some of the kids had jumped up on the stage and sung songs, or performed small skits which they had worked on at school or in their own time. Zack was up on stage the entire time helping everyone out with their props, costumes or providing accompanying music. Cloud hadn’t even realized until he saw him up on stage that Zack had brought along the guitar that Cloud had seen in Zack’s bedroom.

Zack played some of the children's favorite songs, as evidenced by their cheering and sing-along. The night wore on and eventually Aerith took the stage. This seemed to signal to the children that they were going to wrap up very shortly.

Zack started playing chords which seemed to be very familiar to all the children around Cloud. The girl who had clung onto Aerith before had clung onto Cloud once the older girl had left to get on stage.

She whispered to Cloud, “This is my faworite song. They always finish with it.”

They sang as a duet -

 

**♪** _Jumping up and down the floor, my head is an animal_  
**♪** _And once there was an animal, it had a son that mowed the lawn_  
**♪** _The son was an ok guy_  
**♪** _They had a pet dragonfly_  
**♪** _The dragonfly, it ran away_  
**♪** _But it came back with a story to say…_

The children started singing along...

 

 **♪** _Her dirty paws and furry coat, she ran down the forest slope_  
**♪** _The forest of talking trees, they used to sing about the birds and the bees_  
**♪ _The bees had declared a war - the sky wasn't big enough for them all!!_** \- All the kids shouted energetically.  
**♪** _The birds, they got help from below_  
**♪** _From dirty paws and the creatures of snow_

 

**♪** _And for a while things were cold, they were scared down in their holes_  
**♪** _The forest that once was green was colored black by those killing machines_  
**♪** _But she and her furry friends took down the queen bee and her men_  
**♪** _And that's how the story goes, the story of the beast with those four dirty paws_

**♪** _La la la! La la la laaa!_

**♪** _La la la! La la la laaaaaa!_ **(1)**

 

The night wrapped up and Zack boomed out, “Goodnight my dirty paws! I’ll see you all in the morning for breakfast!”

The children all made loud sounds of disappointment but got up and each in turn gave Zack a hug once he had come down from the stage, before heading off to shower and go to their rooms. This whole process seemed to take quite some time.

“Hey Cloud, catch!” yelled Zack softly while having one kid hugging his leg and the other trying to climb on his back. Cloud caught Zack’s ringing phone and smiled. Roxas was definitely more on point now.

“You’re early.”

“It’s to make up for the time I was late.”

“Thanks for your consideration,” Cloud laughed. “You had a good day?”

“The best. We spent the whole day mucking around in the backyard.”

“And?” It sounded to Cloud like Roxas had more to say but was hesitant to say it.

“Well... “ Cloud heard Roxas take a deep breath. “The guys… have been teaching me… how to fence.”

“Fence?”

“Yeah, with swords and all”

“It’s called a FOIL!” Cloud heard Sora yelling.

“Foil, sorry. … Riku taught me how to hold the foil and how to stand.”

“En garde!” came Riku’s voice.

“Yep, that. And all about advancing and retreating. So much to learn in just the footwork alone.”

“You didn’t get hurt, did you?”

“No. They have all the safety equipment. It was so much fun. - I hope you don’t mind.”

Cloud thought about it for a moment. “I assume you knew your friends were into fencing before you got there on Friday. So I do mind. But we’ll talk about it later.”

Roxas sounded audibly relieved on the other end. “Ok. But how was your day?”

“Exhausting. We mended the roof and chicken coop. It’s so hot down here. You can’t even imagine it, Roxas.”

“Hotter than that time we went on that beach vacation with mom and dad?”

“Much. There is no sea breeze.”

“Zack and the kids just finished performing plays and songs. I think you would have really enjoyed it had you been here.”

“Awww. Maybe you need to teach me how to drive so I can go along instead of you next time.”

They both laughed, knowing that the answer would be a ‘ _hell no_ ’.

“Is Zack any good?”

“Yeah. He plays beautifully.” Cloud reflected on how listening to Zack play had made him feel at ease.

When the last of the kids had exited the church hall Zack began walking over to Cloud.

“Hey Rox, I’ll see you tomorrow. We’re gonna go to bed now - as should you.” Cloud said pointedly. He could hear his brother yawning through the phone.

“Yeah, no problem. I’ll call again in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Rox.”

“Man, it’s been a long day.” Zack declared after a big yawn.

Cloud nodded in agreement, handing back the phone.

“Roxas had another good day?”

“ _The Best_ ,” Cloud said with the same energy that Roxas had used.

Zack laughed as he put out the remaining candles and began leaving the main hall.

“You mimic him really well.”

“That comes with a lifetime of knowing someone.”

“Do you feel better now? You were so worried before.”

“Being busy all day made it easier. But I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying about Roxas.”

“Haha! Join the club, Cloud. I never stop worrying about Aerith and the kids here either.”

They definitely were similar in that regard, Cloud conceded.

“Do you host a concert every time you come down?”

“Yep. The kids love it. It helps them… ‘ _process and cope with the trauma_ ’ that they’ve experienced.”

“That sounds very smart… where did you read that?”

Zack stopped, and Cloud turned around to look at him.

“Cloud, did you just - sass me?”

Cloud began feeling a grin spread across his face and quickly turned away and continued walking.

“Oh you so totally just did, didn’t you!” Zack started running after the Cloud.

“You have no faith in me being clever and smart and knowing stuff, huh?”

Zack pounced on Cloud and ruffled his hair like he always did with Roxas.

Cloud felt inexplicably happy at the gesture but made a half hearted attempt at getting Zack off him.

Smiling he said, “It’s not that I have no faith - it’s just you haven't shown any evidence that you are those things.”

“Oh the cheek!” Zack laughed. “I believe it now.”

“Believe what?”

“That you and Roxas are brothers.”

They headed for their sleeping quarters.

* * *

 

Zack let Cloud have first dibs on using the on suite bathroom. Electricity was sparse throughout the old church but luckily all the bathrooms had little electric lights, while their sleeping quarters had an old oil lamp to illuminate things.

Cloud had found his bag of things on his bed. Aerith must have brought it in from the van earlier in the day. When he went to get his sleeping clothes a little bottle of oil rolled out from under his bag. He had picked it up and smiled lovingly at Aerith’s care and concern for his hair predicament. Cloud had found and worn a hat for most of the day but it made the sorry mess he saw now in front of the bathroom mirror look even more tragic, despite the thorough shower and hair washing he had enjoyed. Cloud sparingly applied the oil to his hair before vacating the room for Zack.

Cloud found Zack sprawled on his bed plucking away at his guitar absentmindedly. The lock snapping shut brought Zack back into their little room and he looked up at Cloud with a smile. “Cute hair.”

Cloud quickly shuffled past and flopped down on his own bed which was parallel to Zack’s but along the other wall. The room was so small that there was only a narrow space separating them.

Avoiding Zack’s gaze he changed the subject.

“That’s a pretty tune,” he said referring to the melody that Zack was still plucking away at.

“You think so?”

“Yeah. It sounds - dreamy and - wistful.”

“A longing…?” Zack glanced over at Cloud.

“Hmm?”

“Nothing. It’s been stuck in my head for a few weeks. It’s developing into something -. I think I’ll figure it out soon though.”

Cloud found that very cryptic but Zack added no further comment and headed into the shower.

Cloud hadn’t thought that Zack could be so soulful really. He always appeared so upbeat like nothing ever got him down. But if listening to Aerith showed him anything today it was that Zack cared deeply for the people in his life, and that he would do anything to protect them. Cloud could relate and felt just a little bit more kinship with his boss.

Zack had stood under the hot spray of the shower for a long time. He absolutely loved the heat. Nothing felt better than a hot shower on a hot day. He could feel the onset of muscle soreness creeping into his shoulder blades and pecs though. Maybe he had overdone it today - or maybe all the admin was making him soft. Zack decided he should do way more squats, presses and pull ups when he got back home. He walked out of the bathroom after he had used up all the hot water. He was busy toweling off his hair in nothing but his boxers. He didn’t usually make a habit of walking around without a shirt on, or even sleeping in nothing but boxers, but lately - he just wanted to. “Hey Clou-,” but Cloud appeared fast asleep on his stomach with his light blanket thrown off to one side.

Zack smiled to himself, being reminded of the children and how he always had to tuck them in. Zack threw his towel on his bed and went to pick up Cloud's blanket. The air was still warm and humid but the nights did get quite chilly, especially just before sunrise. He didn’t want Cloud to wake up in the middle of the night because of the cold. As Zack gathered the blanket and went to pull it over Cloud, his sleeping form moved, stretching arms up and with it the shirt he was wearing, revealing some of his back. Zack stared a bit, not expecting to see red lesions criss-crossing his side and middle back. Zack, beyond curious and concerned lifted a bit more of Cloud's shirt to see that the damage extended further up and around his torso.

“Oh Cloud.” Zack’s heart went out to his companion. Clearly this was one of those things that Cloud would surely never want to disclose or talk about. Zack felt guilty for even having seen it. He didn’t want to spy on Cloud or infringe on his privacy. He pulled the blanket over the sleeping form of Cloud, making sure to tuck in the corners. He turned out the light and sunk into his own bed, still softly humming the tune that just would not leave his head.

* * *

 

They had risen early with the morning. Zack was definitely stiff and did some light stretches to ease his muscles while Cloud ducked into the bathroom to get changed. Zack could have sworn he had seen Cloud turn crimson before he rushed off to get changed. Zack felt very amused by that reaction and also somewhat self satisfied. There was a real joy in eliciting emotional responses from the otherwise aloof Cloud.

Breakfast that morning appeared a more sombre affair due to the children having to say goodbye to Zack in a few hours. It was still noisy and messy, but definitely a decibel or two quieter. Roxas also had called, sounding very sleepy for which Cloud had no sympathies. The last hour they spent at the church was filled up with doing any small last minute repairs and taking stock of any future items they might need to bring next time. Cloud had noticed that at some point Zack and Aerith had disappeared. The two didn’t seem to get much time alone together. It hadn’t occurred to Cloud until that very moment that they were probably a couple, and he really didn’t know how he felt about that.

Once they had reappeared Zack was all business. He checked the van and said goodbye to all the children who made loud sounds of disappointment and _‘don’t go’s_. “We’ll be back in a fortnight. Which is definitely better than only once a month. Isn’t that right, Cloud?” Zack looked over to his delivery partner to get some confirmation. They had agreed that Cloud would assess whether this was a viable operation for them to be engaged with. Cloud didn’t appreciate being put on the spot like this but he knew himself well enough to know that if he had any major reservations about the arrangement he wouldn’t be saying what he was about to say.

“Yes. We’ll see you all then.”

The kids cheered, and having gotten accustomed to Cloud in such a short time some of them gave him goodbye hugs as well.

Aerith gave Cloud another hug. “It was so good to finally meet you Cloud. Thanks for all the help. We’ll see you next time.” She kissed his cheek, which really startled Cloud and he blushed. She gave him a bag of sandwiches she had made, “For the road.”

“Thanks.” Cloud took the bag and headed to the van and got in at the driver's seat as the road out was much less complicated than coming in. Cloud looked at Zack and Aerith via the van’s side mirror. He saw them exchange a few words and hug fondly for a long time. Before they pulled away from each other Zack planted a quick kiss on Aerith's mouth which caused the watching kids to make loud sounds of disgust. Cloud felt a pang of something in his gut.

* * *

 

They had been driving for a while and Cloud had felt somewhat sulky. Zack picked up easily enough on it and kept his mouth shut.

Cloud was rehashing the last two days in his head. It had been really pleasant. Cloud had enjoyed himself, and that in itself had been such an alien experience to him. And now this was going to be a regular thing to boot? It was a frightening prospect. But as he had told Roxas - This was the thing they had been running for so long to attain; A normal life. A normal life with Roxas and Zack. It sounded really nice. Cloud's mind wandered to yesterday spent in the hot sun, and Zack shirtless. He glanced towards Zack who was looking out the side window in boredom. Cloud felt bad. He knew Zack had a motormouth. It wasn’t fair for Cloud to be the only one enjoying himself. So he decided to do the unthinkable and ask something about Zack’s life.

“Zack -.”

“Yeah?” Zack didn’t bother to move his head to look at Cloud.

“Yesterday - I noticed your back. H-how..."

“Oh that? You really want to hear about it?”

“Yeah,” Cloud said quietly.

“The long or the short version of it?”

“We have six hours left.”

“Long it is then,” Zack chuckled.

Zack was quiet for such a long while that Cloud was beginning to wonder if he had forgotten.

“I was in the military. You know that, right?”

Cloud nodded “Mm-hm.”

“Well,” Zack drew out the word. Was this actually difficult for him to talk about? Cloud wondered in amazement. ”After about two years I was charged with looking after a young kid. His parents sent him off to the military to learn some kind of a lesson in obedience and about being responsible. I wasn’t in any position to refuse so I took him on board. I was supposed to drill him, teach him and get him to stick to a routine.”

“It was a difficult time. I had only met Aerith a few months before but already my whole outlook on being involved with the military was changing. Can you imagine what it’s like to see kids as young as five living in total squalor? They cry out for their moms and dads who are all dead while the buildings are falling down all around them.” Zack shuddered.

“It broke my heart. Especially because the military wasn’t so much concerned with providing humanitarian aid as it was to flush out the insurgence and annex Wutai one region and one city at a time,” he said, anger still apparent in his voice.

“But I did my duty to the government while keeping an eye on Aerith and her little flock.”

Zack sighed and went silent again for a while.

“I started thinking more seriously about leaving. I wanted to help Aerith. I wanted to help the children. I was thinking about them more and more each day and it dawned on me that being there for them - and providing for them - is what I really wanted to do. I **_wanted_** to give these kids who had lost **_everything_ ** a place where they could grow up and feel safe. I wanted to give them the opportunity to grow into whoever they are destined to be. That night I spoke to my uncle, Angeal about it.”

“The thing about Angeal - He was always very staunch and had very firm principals and a strong moral code. Honor was everything to him…. I was terrified of telling him that I had every intention of deserting the cause in Wutai, but I told him anyway because he deserved to know.”

“I never knew how understanding and supportive he could be until that day. I think we talked all the way into the night and he helped me to think about how to go about leaving without dishonourable discharges.”

“That morning I told the kid I was looking after that I wasn’t going to stick around forever. Angeal had insisted. The twerp was quite attached to me so it was only fair. But he didn’t take it very well. That temper of his which he had worked so hard to get under check just blew up again. We never finished our conversation because sirens started up, which meant an attack was imminent.”

“The kid and I had stayed at Angeal's place. So we were all together when the explosions started. Angeal commanded us to get out and we followed him. There was so much confusion in the streets. We were in one of the suburbs that still housed a lot of civilians as well as military personnel.”

“Through all the chaos Angeal and I tried to help as many people as we could. I also had to keep an eye on my young charge. I lost sight of him though - and Angeal commanded me to go find him and make sure he was safe.”

“That was one of the hardest decisions I made in my life, and the one I regret the most.”

Zack fell silent again and Cloud glanced over. There was pain and sadness on Zack’s usually cheerful features. Cloud knew where this story was going. He had heard it vaguely from Aerith - but hearing it from Zack - seeing how it affected him? It moved Cloud.

Without even thinking about it Cloud reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder like he had done so many times when Roxas had been in one of his moods. Zack seemed to appreciate the gesture. He gave Cloud a weak smile and reached up to squeeze the hand that rested on his shoulder before being able to continue.

“I’ve replayed it so many times in my head over the years. I ran down the street looking for the kid. There were only a couple of hundred yards between me and Angeal when someone on a bike came hurtling towards us and threw a bag towards Angeal.”

Zack paused again.

“I knew what was about to happen. They had drilled us. I found the kid and threw myself on him to cover him. The explosion knocked us flat and knocked me out. The bomb was a shrapnel bomb, designed for maximum damage. It tore my back up really good. I woke up to see the kid hovering above me, trying to stop the bleeding where I had torn my leg open. My back was too messed up for him to do anything practical. I just pushed him aside and rushed over to where Angeal had been. He was - it was brutal.” Zack looked like he was going to be sick but pushed the details of those thoughts aside and continued.

“I -. If I had been there, I might have been able to do something more. I might have been able to shield him, or pull him out of the way. He was too busy helping someone to see the bike approaching.”

“You can’t blame yourself,” Cloud said softly. He felt like it was the right thing to say, even if it was the most hypocritical thing he had come up with as Cloud knew himself to be an Olympic champion at the self blame game.

“I know. Everyone has told me that. But it doesn’t make the hurt go away.” Zack rubbed at his face and breathed deeply.

“Somehow - despite all the blood loss - he was still alive, holding on to his sword.” Zack became teary and Cloud squeezed his shoulder again as their hands hadn’t moved from being atop one another.

“He was so happy to see that I was alright. He...” Zack, through his tears, laughed low in his throat. “ He of course asked if the kids was alright. Angeal always cared more about others than he ever did about himself.”

“He handed me his sword and told me I had done well. He said to keep holding on to my dreams and my pride. And that’s what I did - and continue to do.”

“And that’s why my back is all messed up. It happened in the line of duty. The medics got most of the shrapnel out but some of it stayed.”

“Your back looked really good to me…” Cloud said hastily, not wanting Zack to feel self conscious.

“Oh?”

The way Zack said that made Cloud's heart beat faster and he began to backpedal.

“That’s not - I mean it’s not- an eyesore. Your back still looks quite nice, despite…” No. This just wasn’t working. Cloud was digging himself deeper rather than out.

“What I meant to say was that it’s not as bad as it could have been,” he finally got out.

Zack’s tears had dried and he looked at Cloud with amusement and - that thing that made Cloud feel really uncomfortable as it made his heart race a little. So he turned his attention back to the road. Zack thankfully continued on talking. “The kids parents were so glad to have their son alive and well that they gave me a massive payout. I didn’t say no to it because it was my ticket to getting Aerith and the kids out of that hell hole.”

He turned his face back to look out the window and took his hand off Cloud's. Cloud all of a sudden felt extremely self conscious and also moved his hand off Zack's shoulder, returning it to the steering wheel.

“Some days I feel so torn. Did I do the right thing by taking that money? Sometimes I feel really dirty. If Angeal hadn’t ordered me to I would have stayed by his side. No - I could have stayed by his side. I didn’t _have_ to follow orders. I could have disobeyed him. I might have saved him. But then the kid might have died instead. But my uncle - I wish I had chosen him.” Zack said bitterly and quietly.

“You were faced with an impossible choice. Either way something bad would have happened. But, it sounds like the choice you did take was the one that saved the most lives. That kid - and all ten of the children at the church - and Aerith.”

Both fell silent, listening to the humming of the motor and the quiet music floating from the radio.

“And… you saved yourself, Zack. I think you being alive and well… that’s something special. You have done so much good for so many people. You're a real lifesaver to Roxas… and me. I - I don’t know where we would be without you.”

Cloud briefly took his eyes off the road to look sternly at Zack, who had focused his full attention back on Cloud.

“I mean that - with all my heart.”

And Zack believed him. He hadn’t noticed himself doing it but he had reached his hand out to touch Cloud's soft cheek and was stroking his face. He pulled his hand away when he realized what he had done. Cloud's face had turned hot and red and Zack was worried about making him feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you, Cloud. That -. That means a lot to me to hear you say that.”

Cloud tried to calm his breathing and his thumping heart. He had fought hard not to lean into Zack’s touch and had been relieved when he had removed his hand. Cloud couldn’t get his head around how much his perception of his boss had changed in just a few days. He had thought one thing; had wanted to be like Zack and emulate his cheery persona. But underneath that smile lived someone torn up inside about the choices they had made or not made in their past. They were far more alike than Cloud would have ever imagined. And that was scary because Cloud didn’t want to let someone else into his heart, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to hold Zack at bay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Are you still reading this fic? If you are then I am honored!
> 
> I apologize however because from here on in... it... get's a bit song-fic-y...
> 
> I hope you don't mind. It's kind of important to the story from time to time... so just indulge me, ok?
> 
>  **(1)** \- Song Credit - _Dirty Paws _\- by **Of Monsters and Men**__


	17. The Right Thing, For The Wrong Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A well meaning gesture gets blown out of proportion.

When they arrived at Sora’s place Roxas had been eagerly awaiting them. It had warmed Zack’s heart to see the two brothers re-united. He marveled at how much they seemed to have missed each other, despite all of the jabs they gave each other over the phone the last three days. He guessed that’s what siblings just did, and envied them a little.

Roxas and Sora had shown them around the place. Cloud had been polite to a point before starting to grill Sora about the whole ‘ _fencing_ ’ thing. Zack just stood back and watched the carnage with amusement. Cloud had looked really intimidating questioning and using stern language with Sora. Roxas had to step in to tell Cloud to lay off his friend.

“I just want you to understand that Roxas means the world to me, and I can’t stand the thought of something happening to him,” said Cloud at last as a way of apology.

Sora rubbed the back of his head like the rebuke had actually physically hurt.

“You’re preaching to the choir, you know. My friends are the most important thing in my life. I’d never let anything happen to Roxas. And if you think about it, this training totally has self defense applications - should you ever need it.” There he looked at Roxas and gave his friend a wink to say ‘ _I got your back_ ’.

Cloud and Sora shook hands and separated amicably enough.

“You know, Rox - I thought it would be really nice to have a brother - until I just saw how brutal Cloud can be.” Zack chuckled as they walked towards the van.

“You have no idea,” came Roxas’ exhausted reply.

“But you’re still lucky to have someone in your life who cares so much for you. Can’t take these things for granted,” Zack said somewhat more seriously.

The three of them piled into the van. Zack figured it would be alright for the short distance that it took them to get to the warehouse. Much better than being crammed in for 12 hours.

Roxas had interrogated Cloud about the trip, the church, the other children, and particularly Aerith. Sometimes Cloud would look to Zack for help and the other always obliged with a smile. Cloud seemed to be developing a habit of looking away almost shyly when Zack smiled at him. It made Zack want to do it even more. Cloud was just too cute for words sometimes.

They pulled into the warehouse and Zack felt his heart sink a little.

“And we’re back.”

The warehouse smelt musty due to not having had any fresh air circulate through it for the last three days. Cloud busied himself with getting the back of the van unloaded while Zack cleaned out the front. Roxas saw Zack take out his guitar and walked over to make a request. “Can you play me something sometime, Zack? Cloud said you play beautifully.”

“Did he?”

Roxas just nodded.

“Looks like I’ll have to share my gift with you then too,” smirked Zack and turned to walk inside laden with bags, rubbish and his guitar.

“Did Cloud tell you the good news?”

“No, what is it?”

“He’s decided to help me make the trip every fortnight.”

“No way! Awesome!” Roxas ran off to go talk to his brother.

Roxas, after much enthusiasm and praise for his brother in helping others out started helping Cloud as much as he could with unloading. Within half an hour they had unpacked. Cloud was ready to leave for their own home after a very long weekend. He wheeled out Fenrir and gave Zack a casual wave goodbye.

“See you tomorrow!” Cloud got no reply as Zack seemed to be completely absorbed in something at his workstation.

Cloud felt a bit hurt. He had hoped for Zack to maybe express that he’ll miss him? - or something like that. The idea of leaving Zack’s company after having spent so much time together left Cloud feeling a bit empty inside. He shrugged it off though and continued outside.

Cloud helped Roxas with his helmet and got him up on the bike.

“I think you should buy me a proper helmet that actually fits me, Cloud.”

“You’re probably right. I’ll get you one next time I -,” and then it dawned on Cloud.

“Shit! Nearly forgot - I’ve gotta go back in and get my pay from Zack. I’ll be right back.”

Cloud rushed back into the warehouse and headed towards Zack who was still at his desk shuffling his insane amount of papers around.

“You know the offer still stands to clean your desk.”

Zack glared at Cloud who only laughed.

“You do and you won’t get this money.” Zack finished stuffing a wad of cash into an envelope with Cloud's name on it and walked around the desk.

“I’m glad you didn’t run off. I was just busy getting this ready for you when you walked out.” He handed the envelope to Cloud.

“Feels heavy," he remarked as he slid the envelope into his back pocket.

“I put a bit extra in there for a job well done. It’s a lot of overtime that I asked you to do.”

“You really didn’t have to.”

“But I did. You’ve helped me and the kids out so much. I can’t thank you enough.” Zack smiled at Cloud but his face dropped when he saw the brooding expression growing on the others face. Zack had started thinking of himself as becoming an expert in reading Cloud’s facial expressions, especially the negative ones. Cloud was definitely thinking too much again.

“I wish you’d stop thanking me already.” It came out more bitter than Cloud had wanted.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“You really think I’m that dumb?” Zack didn’t mean it in a hurtful way but he was getting frustrated with Cloud's propensity of shutting him out.

Cloud sighed heavily. “No. I - It’s just -. All weekend everyone’s been thanking me. You most of all. I … I don’t deserve it. I didn’t do this out of the goodness of my heart. I- I didn’t want to help you, or Aerith- or the kids. I -,”

Zack was silent for a while, just looking at Cloud who had grown more tense after every sentence.

“You got angry at Roxas and feel bad because - because of your underlying intentions when you agreed to help me?”

Cloud nodded, keeping his eyes firmly fixed on Zack’s shoes. That about summed it up, thought Cloud. He shouldn’t have agreed to something so he could try to hurt and make Roxas feel like Cloud was abandoning him.

Zack closed the distance between them and put a hand on his shoulder, much like Cloud had done earlier that morning for him.

“Sometimes we do the right thing... for the wrong reasons. And sometimes we do the _wrong_ thing for the right reasons. As long as your heart is in the right place in the end it shouldn't matter.”

“But it wasn’t! I don’t -,” but Cloud was cut off from any more self deprecating remarks as Zack wrapped him up in a hug.

“Just stop. Stop doing this to yourself,” Zack whispered against Cloud's ear.

Cloud had been surprised at suddenly being drawn in but - Zack was so warm. It reminded him of being back at the church. He breathed in Zack’s scent deeply. It smelt like sweat and sunshine. Cloud reached up and gripped Zack’s shirt tightly in his hands, not wanting to lose the contact.

“You didn’t have to agree to come with me again in two weeks time. Did that come out of some deep and dark hole in your heart? Or did that come out of the part of you that’s compassionate and caring?”

Zack pulled back a bit to look into Cloud's eyes wondering what he was thinking about. Cloud’s face was all flushed and Zack felt like his heart skipped a beat. How did Cloud manage to always look so cute? He cupped Cloud’s face, feeling like he was completely on autopilot.

Cloud heard Zack’s words and felt his touch. It was all too much. Being compassionate and caring? It wasn’t something he could ever identify himself with. Zack’s intense blue eyes staring into his own - He closed his eyes and leaned into Zack’s touch. He didn’t want to see those lovely eyes, and that smile that made Cloud feel like Zack reserved it just for him. Cloud worried that if Zack looked too closely he would be able to see - to see... what? The part of himself that hated himself. There it was. The part of himself that was disgusting, awful, selfish and ugly.

“I’m not. I’m none of those things.”

“Clou…”

“No, it’s true.” Cloud pulled away from Zack, not wanting - not deserving to be in his presence. “Y-you don’t know. You have no idea what I’ve done. What troubles I’ve brought onto my little brother. I-I’m nowhere near as good as Roxas. He’s the kind and gentle soul in our family, not me. And he doesn't deserve half - no. He doesn’t deserve even one percent of the shit that I’ve put him through.” Cloud wiped the tears from his eyes that had materialized all of a sudden. He felt angry at himself, and angry at Zack for having managed to open him up like this.

Zack just felt completely stunned. How had it come to this?

“I-. I’m sorry. I should go. Roxas is waiting,” Cloud said quietly and turned away. He didn’t know how he was ever going to face Zack again. It would probably just be easier not to.

Cloud was almost to the door when he felt a hand grip his shoulder and spin him around.

“Cloud,” came the commanding voice, but all Cloud could do was look away.

“Promise me that I’ll see you here - bright and early tomorrow morning. Cloud. Please. Promise me.”

Zack’s plea made Cloud lift his head and drag his eyes up to meet Zack’s.

Cloud swallowed the little flutter of elation down hard. “I’ll be here. I promise.”

Zack let go of Cloud’s shoulder. “Until tomorrow then,” Zack said reluctantly.

Cloud turned and walked out, feeling relief over getting distance between himself and Zack. But he also felt glad that Zack had made him promise. The thought of not seeing Zack’s stupid smiles, his stupid hair or hearing his stupid voice left Cloud feeling cold and numb inside.

“Everything ok, Cloud?” Roxas could see that it wasn't, but thought it better to ask anyway.

“Yeah. Let's get us home,” came the predictable response.


	18. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas wants to make up with Axel. Cloud, Roxas and Zack celebrate one month of having the brothers stay put in one place.

It was Monday morning and Roxas was back at school. Cloud had kept insisting that nothing was wrong and Roxas stopped pushing the subject. He sometimes wondered how Cloud could be so moody. He was nineteen after all. It should be Roxas having wild mood swings, not his almost out of adolescence brother.

He had missed his brother but was also glad to be back at school with his friends. He hoped spending the day with Zack would help Cloud to mellow out. Roxas had noticed the change in their relationship when they had come to pick him up. Cloud was smiling and being way more friendly with his boss than at the start of that week which he took to be a very good sign. But then it had all changed again in a matter of ten minutes.

Roxas sighed in exasperation.

“Everything alright, Roxas?" Naminé asked.

They were sitting in their Monday morning art class. Roxas could have dropped this class instead of the Business Management one but the truth was he really liked hanging out with Naminé, and for some reason art class was the only time he could get near her.

She appeared to be a really popular girl, always busy with some sort of task and surrounded by a gaggle of friends during breaks. Roxas felt too awkward to approach her except for this class, where she always sat alone for some reason.

“Yeah. My brothers just been giving me headaches.”

“That’s family for you, I suppose. You’re very lucky though, Roxas. I wish I had siblings sometimes," Naminé said wistfully.

“You're not the first person to tell me that.”

“Must mean it’s true then,” she smiled.

Roxas just nodded. He always felt really agreeable towards anything Naminé said. If she told him that walking on your hands and wearing your pants inside out was what was normal he would be inclined to believe her. She seemed that sensible to him.

It was another beautiful day outside and Roxas lazed in the sunshine while working on his latest art project. He had been thinking of Axel all weekend whenever he had a quiet moment to himself. He had tried talking to Kairi but she hadn’t been very forthcoming with anything useful. She would mostly sigh and call her brother names. Roxas hoped to see Axel today during his cooking class though and felt embarrassed by how much he was looking forward to it. He wanted to apologize for making Axel feel - well he wasn’t sure what Axel was feeling but he wanted to find out so he could make amends.

“What you working on, Roxas? You look quite intense there.” Naminé knew better than to go peek at Roxas’ work without his permission.

“Just something for a friend. I’m hoping it will cheer him up.” Roxas spun his sketchpad around for Naminé to inspect and give her feedback.

“Oh that’s lovely! The colors are great. I hope he’ll like it.”

“Me too.”

When class ended he rolled up his drawing, being careful not to crush or smudge it. He wanted to get it to Axel in as good a condition as possible.

Roxas practically raced to his cooking class. He settled in a seat towards the front, but not the very front, since he received some jeers from a few of the girls who had already started gathering. And then Roxas waited. And waited. And waited.

Axel never showed up to teach the class. Roxas felt crushed when Mr. Drumbol came in to apologize for the delay in the class starting. He said he would take over until a suitable replacement could be found for future classes. At first Roxas had hoped that Axel had just been sick, but Mr. Drumbol’s announcement had a ring of finality to it. Axel wouldn’t be back again. Roxas carefully packed his drawing away with immense disappointment and didn’t care about the correct measurements for making a chocolate cake. He ended up walking out with a deflated, mealy and overfloured sad mess. He had laughed at it inwardly with bitterness. His cake was a sad reflection of how Roxas felt.

He had truly blown it, and there was now no way of redemption. Roxas thought for a brief moment to possibly give the drawing to Kairi to pass on to Axel but he felt embarrassed and didn’t wish to garner her questions and suspicions.

At lunch Kairi once again berated her brother in his absence as she had heard from her mom that he had skipped out on the class he was supposed to give without any notice.

“He just thinks the world revolves around him and like nothing he does has consequences. I don’t understand why my parents don’t just kick him out for good. I know he’s got his own place but he keeps hanging around our home, bringing everyone else down.”

Riku had tried to console her to no avail.

“I mean - look at Roxas’ sad cake. That could have been so much better. And now _we_ also suffer because we have nothing delicious to eat.”

Roxas had poked at the sad cake. He had presented it to them after they eagerly awaited him to save them from another bad lunch. It was promptly displayed in the middle of the table like a pathetic monument dedicated to Axel's failings as a ' _decent human being_ ', as Kairi had put it.

Sora patted Roxas lightly on the back to console him as they walked to their next class.

“It’s alright Roxas. Cakes are hard to make. Mom keeps trying to teach me but I always mess up.”

“I’m not upset about that, Sora. Why does Kairi have to constantly talk so badly about Axel? He’s her brother after all.” Roxas was getting a little sick of the way she spoke about her own flesh and blood.

“Exactly. _He’s her brother_. You have one. You should know how brothers can be upsetting.”

“I know Cloud can be overprotective and controlling. I know he shouldn’t have talked to you the way he did, and I’m mostly to blame for that. I should have told him earlier, not let _you_ handle the brunt of that.”

Sora waved Roxas’ concerns away. “Water under the bridge. We made up in the end and I don’t blame you for any of it.”

Roxas thought that Sora was a saint of a friend. Who was that forgiving? Seriously!

“I still don’t think the way Kairi talks about him is how anyone should talk about their family.”

“When you care for someone you tend to be harder on them than anyone else,” Sora said with a shrug and hooking both his arms behind his head, walking into their next class.

* * *

 

Cloud had worried all night, and all morning. He felt nauseated driving to work as he worried how Zack would behave this morning after Cloud's spectacular meltdown the day before. He pulled up to the warehouse and waited, heart racing. The door jolted upwards in the usual fashion. A few moments later Zack ducked out from under the door.

“Good morning, Sunshine!” Zack beamed like nothing ever happened.

Relief.

Cloud nodded at him and waited for the gap to widen enough for him to bring his bike in. They waited in silence and Cloud appreciated it. If Zack was anything he was certainly considerate of the fact that Cloud didn’t want to talk. Cloud decided then and there that the weekend trip had been worthwhile for this simple fact alone; Zack had learned when to keep his mouth shut.

Once the gap had widened enough Cloud started his usual motion of wheeling his bike forward. He stopped in front of Zack, having a flashback to Roxas once telling him that it was important to show your appreciation for other people when they do nice things for you. Cloud looked Zack squarely in the face and said, “Thank you” before moving on, hoping the other would understand.

The day passed slowly but in the normal and ordinary way. Cloud was parked under the shade of a tree contemplating what he should do for lunch. There were two options. Avoid Zack like he used to do just - a month ago? Had they truly stayed in one place for a whole month? It was probably over a month at this point, thought Cloud. When had he stopped feeling apprehensive and nervous about staying put in one place for too long? Cloud couldn’t pinpoint it.

They should probably celebrate. Roxas would certainly appreciate it.

Cloud's thoughts returned to Zack again. So he could either avoid or go have lunch with him. He didn’t want to avoid him anymore. Cloud regretted having expended so much energy in the first place keeping him at bay - because it truly had been exhausting. Which was weird because how tiring would it be to not talk to someone? Cloud had definitely found it easier to just co-inhabit the space with Zack instead of fencing him out. And so the decision was made to go and cultivate the habits he had started last week. 

Cloud came back for lunch and he thought Zack looked very surprised but happy to see him. He settled next to Zack on the small lounge and they ate leftovers in relative silence and peace - for a while.

“Cloud.”

“Yeah?” he said in between mouthfuls of Zack’s delicious curried chicken. Where was this going to go this time?

“I’m really sorry about yesterday.” Zack avoided looking at Cloud, not because he was feeling uncomfortable, but because he was trying to be immensely mindful of Cloud's comfort levels. “I feel like I pushed too far somehow. That wasn’t right of me. I’m sorry.”

Cloud gave no response.

Zack proceeded slowly and carefully in his wording.

“I don’t know you and what you’ve been through, and I’ll be honest with you - that hurts a little, you know? I really like you. But it doesn’t give me a right to force you or push you into compromising situations.”

“I’ll try and do better by you from now on.”

Zack ventured a glance in Cloud's direction and was pleasantly surprised to find that their eyes met. A smile spread across Zack’s face and was reciprocated.

They returned to their state of just quietly being in each others company and their work day continued.

* * *

 

Cloud returned in the evening to the warehouse.

“Welcome back, Cloud!,” came the familiar greeting. It had started warming his heart at some point. Like Zack was truly happy to have him back every time at the end of the day - and that was nice.

“I brought the cake.”

“Excellent. Roxas is upstairs. I’ll see you up there in a bit.”

Cloud made his way upstairs. The two had decided over lunch to celebrate Cloud’s one month employment with a dinner.

“Hey Roxas!” He found his brother busy in the kitchen adding the finishing touches to their meal.

“Cloud! I can’t believe it’s actually been a month.”

“Me neither.”

“You think - you think we might actually… “

“Shhh… don’t jinx us, Rox. Especially not now.”

* * *

 

Dinner had been a pleasant affair and Zack had promised he wouldn’t drop any surprises on either of them.

Once the cake came out Roxas started telling Zack about all the different places that they had visited and stayed at over the years. Cloud had gotten nervous that Roxas might be blabbing too much but his fears were allayed after a while when he noticed Zack only asking a few polite questions here and there but never anything pertinent or prying. Cloud sat in silence looking at Zack’s sword and reflected back on their car ride yesterday.

He knew it had been hard for Zack to tell him. He had seen it in the tears and heard it in his voice. Cloud had felt honored to be trusted, especially since Aerith had acknowledged that Zack had never told her the details of that day. It stirred something inside of Cloud and touched him deeply. Cloud's eyes drifted shut after a while listening to Roxas’ voice in the background. It had been a long day.

He woke to the sound of Zack playing his guitar. He figured Roxas had hounded him for a few songs. Shifting a little Cloud noticed a heavy weight in his lap. Looking down he found Roxas’ head resting there. His little brother had also evidently fallen fast asleep. But Zack continued to play.

Cloud let his eyes drift shut again, enjoying the comfort and stillness that engulfed them. The lights had been turned low at some point too, to allow them to rest easier.

Cloud listened to Zack singing quietly to himself.

…

**♪** We lost our way,  
**♪** about halfway home  
**♪** And we hurt the ones  
**♪** who get too close

**♪** Don't look back,  
**♪** you'll never find your way  
**♪** There's a million different people  
**♪** who break the same way  
**♪** When everything has come undone,  
**♪** we got to bring it back to one

**♪** We're all caught up  
**♪** in what used to be  
**♪** A grounded love,  
**♪** and some memories  
**♪** Why do I hurt the ones  
**♪** who get close to me?  
**♪** Darling, are you listening?

Cloud opened his eyes to look at Zack, wondering if he was talking to him. Zack was too caught up in his music and was not really looking at the two brothers at all. Cloud shut his eyes again.

**♪** Don't look back,  
**♪** you'll never find your way  
**♪** There's a million different people  
**♪** who break the same way  
**♪** Forget about the things we've done,  
**♪** and bring it back to one  
**♪** More night,  
**♪** another's on the way  
**♪** We're all a little different  
**♪** but break the same way  
**♪** When everything becomes undone,  
**♪** bring it back to one more night.

**♪** I know forever always asks so much,  
**♪** don't you let it scare you  
**♪** Don't you lose your touch  
**♪** And when your still waters start to run,  
**♪** bring it back to one... **(1)**

The song ended but Zack kept plucking away at his guitar for some time.

Cloud thought about those words. He thought about how he was broken… how Roxas was broken.. How Zack...

Zack slowed the melody to a far more mellow tune and started singing again.

**♪** Wherever you are  
**♪** Know that I adore you  
**♪** No matter how far  
**♪** Well, I can go before you  
**♪** If ever you need someone  
**♪** Well, not that you’d need helping  
**♪** But if ever you’d want someone  
**♪** I know that I am willing

**♪** Oh, and I don't want to change you  
**♪** I don't want to change you,  
**♪** I don't want to change your mind  
**♪** I just came across a manger  
**♪** Out among the danger  
**♪** Somewhere in a stranger's eye

Cloud got chills down his spine and his breath hitched in his throat. This all felt strangely intimate. Did Zack know that Cloud was awake? His heart was starting to pound faster in his chest and he was scared that somehow Zack would be able to hear it. Surely Zack was just singing any old song that came to his mind. He opened his eyes carefully to alleviate his worries... only to find Zack looking directly at him with an unreadable expression on his face. Zack never took his eyes off Cloud as he sung.

**♪** Wherever you go  
**♪** Well, I can always follow  
**♪** I can feed this real slow  
**♪** If it's a lot to swallow  
**♪** And if you just want to be alone  
**♪** Well, I can wait without waiting  
**♪** If you want me to let this go  
**♪** Well, I am more than willing

Their eyes were locked on each other. Cloud wanted to shut his eyes desperately but just couldn’t. This felt special. This felt like it was meant for Cloud to hear.

**♪** Oh, 'cause I don't want to change you  
**♪** I don't want to change you,  
**♪** I don't want to change your mind  
**♪** I just came across a manger  
**♪** Out among the danger  
**♪** Somewhere in a stranger's eye

Zack pulled his eyes off Cloud, to his immense relief. Zack lowered his head to focus his attention back on what he was playing.

**♪** I've never been with anyone  
**♪** In the way I've been with you  
**♪** But if love is not for fun,  
**♪** Then it's doomed, 'cause

**♪** Water races,  
**♪** Water races down the waterfall

Zack lifted his eyes to look at Cloud again and smiled when he saw Cloud still looking at him.

**♪** And I don't want to change you  
**♪** I don't want to change you,  
**♪** I don't want to change your mind  
**♪** I just came across a manger  
**♪** Where there is no danger  
**♪** Where love has eyes and is not blind **(2)**

Roxas stirred, stretching and gave a loud yawn as Zack wrapped up. Cloud’s heart was still pounding, and his face was burning. This had not just happened. When Roxas sat up rubbing the sleep from his eyes Cloud got up and headed straight for the bathroom, keeping his eyes trained on the destination rather than the man he had to walk past.

Cloud leaned heavily over the sink. He was blushing even more out of sheer embarrassment. He splashed his face trying to cool himself down. What had that just been out there? Had the song really been for Cloud? His stomach was in knots just thinking about it. And the more he thought the more heated he got. They had to leave.

He breathed deeply, fanned himself and with steely determination walked back out of the bathroom.

The lights had been turned on again and Roxas was busy putting his shoes on, while Zack was in the kitchen packing them the leftover cake.

“Time to go, Cloud. It’s super late and I have school in the morning. You’re so irresponsible,” Roxas joked. When he looked up to see Cloud's face however he asked “You ok, Cloud? You look a bit-”

“I’m fine. Just got a bit stuffy in here,” dodged Cloud, and slipped his shoes on.

Zack came over and brushed against Cloud as he handed Roxas the cake.

“Maybe bring that with you to school to make up for the ruined cake you made today.”

“Good idea! Thanks Zack!”

Zack ruffled Roxas’ hair playfully and turned his wide smile towards Cloud where it mellowed into something more gentle. Zack had a pretty tanned complexion but Cloud thought he could see a bit more color in Zack’s face than usual. It just caused his heart to start thumping again.

“Roxas is right though. It’s getting late. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

“Goodnight," Cloud breathed as they parted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Another chapter with gosh awful song lyrics. I'm sorry. It's a guilty pleasure, and I'm pretty sure there are some other really awful tropes further down the storyline. But it was just _so_ much fun to write .
> 
> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _Bring it Back to One _\- by **O.A.R**__
> 
> **(2)** \- Song Credit - _I Don't Want to Change You _\- by **Damien RIce**__


	19. The ‘Secret’ Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone visits Zack's warehouse whom Roxas is very interested in and tries to get their attention, to Cloud's detriment.

“Did they like the cake?" asked Zack as he followed Roxas into the spare storeroom.

“Yeah. You were right. It was a definite hit,” Roxas laughed.

Tuesday had passed somewhat fast despite nothing of interest having happened.

“Cloud still coming in for lunch?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Roxas was relieved. “I think you’re really good for Cloud. He needs some friends. I’ve got Sora, Kairi and Riku but Cloud? He’s never really had anyone. Never made friends easily,” Roxas lamented.

“Well I try my best.”

Not satisfied with Zack breaking off the conversation in such a way made Roxas ask him, “Is everything ok? You seem kind of distant. Kind of hard to keep a conversation going with you the last few days.”

“Oh… I made a promise to myself and your brother that I would stop being so nosy,” Zack laughed. “If we talk about anything other than your brother you won’t get me to shut up!” Zack insisted.

Roxas and Zack heard a car pull up.

“Cloud’s back early?”

Zack’s eyes narrowed. “No. Just sit back here and do your homework. It’s a customer. Well, either that or trouble," Zack winked and headed out.

Roxas unpacked his books, trying to decide what to start on first.

“I haven’t seen you in over a month! What are you doing here?” came Zack’s voice, sounding a bit suspicious.

“Heh! Is that any way to talk to your pupil?”

Roxas’ head suddenly snapped up. That voice…

“Don’t give me that. We haven’t been in those roles for years now. You here for pleasure or business?” Zack sounded really irritated.

Roxas had never heard Zack take a negative tone of voice with anyone before. Why was he like that towards… Axel? Roxas’ heart began beating faster. What was he doing here indeed! Roxas strained to hear the conversation.

“Can’t I be here for both?” came the other man's loud laugh. There was no mistaking that laugh. It was definitely Axel!

There was some silence and Roxas thought he heard some papers being shuffled around.

“Business I see. I heard you ditched your post. Is this the replacement?” 

“I didn’t ditch anything. Just felt like my skills were better utilized somewhere with less snot nosed brats.”

“So you decided to go work at _Brunos_?” Zack chuckled. “Not much of a trade, if you ask me.”

“Well no one's asked you,” came Axel’s snappy response. “They put me in charge of inventory during the day. I just need you to honor the slip and get the deliveries in on time. That's why I’m here.”

“You could just email this to me, you know.”

“What's wrong with a couple of friends seeing each other? I just missed seeing your dumb face.”

“It’s _never ‘just’_ anything with you. Why are you giving me the job? I thought I was just an inept and hopeless delivery driver,” Zack said dripping with sarcasm.

“What? I’d never say that about you Zack-baby.” Roxas heard Zack laugh dryly.

“The guy you sent my way would say differently.”

“What guy? Ooooohhh! What? The cute blonde? He actually came here?”

Was Axel talking about _Cloud_? Axel thought Cloud was cute? Roxas felt a pang of jealousy rising to the surface.

Roxas wasn’t able to catch Zack’s side of the conversation.

“I see - Well good for you Zack! - I’m glad I could help a brother out. I’m not such a bad guy now, am I?” Axel laughed again loudly.

Their voices faded away a bit and Roxas couldn’t hear anything more for a while. Roxas had fumbled with Axel’s drawing while he had been eavesdropping. How amazing would it be to give it to him right now? But Roxas felt way too nervous. He imagined all the explanations he would have to give to Axel and Zack. Zack would surely tell Cloud and Cloud would lose his cool no doubt. Roxas was supposed to be hiding here, not start a social club.

“See ya in a couple of days, Zack-baby!" came Axel’s loud voice followed shortly thereafter by the sound of a car door slamming.

Axel would be back? Fantastic! Roxas felt better with the knowledge that even if he couldn’t see Axel he would still be in the same vicinity as the fiery redhead. At least Axel seemed to sound like himself. Roxas hoped that he was feeling better.

Zack came to check on Roxas after an hour.

“How’s everything?”

“Fine.”

“Hmm?”

“That guy who came in earlier -.”

“Yeah?”

Roxas didn’t know what he wanted to say to Zack. He wanted to talk about Axel but didn’t want Zack to go blabbing to Cloud either.

As if reading his mind Zack said “I won’t tell Cloud, if that’s what’s worrying you.”

Roxas searched Zack’s face to gauge his sincerity.

“I… met Axel at school. He taught me for a bit. And then - I just want to know if he’s ok.” Roxas said quietly.

“Ahh… I knew he was teaching at your school. I had heard from Kairi. I didn’t know that he’d been assigned to your class though.” Zack sat at the edge of Roxas’ desk in thought.

“He seems to be as ok as he can be. I heard he left rather abruptly though. Caused his family a lot of trouble.” Zack looked at Roxas carefully.

“I… … I’m glad he’s doing ok.” Roxas wanted some comfort from Zack. Some reassurance that it hadn’t been all his fault, but he couldn’t bring himself to spill the beans.

Zack gave him a sidelong glance.

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” 

Roxas nodded and returned his attention back to his homework. Zack returned to his duties after a little while.

* * *

 

Zack left Cloud alone, which Cloud was happy with for the most part. It had been more than a week now since Zack’s musical performance. The thought of it and memory of the songs still made Cloud's head spin at times. Zack wasn’t being distant in an avoiding sort of a way. It seemed more like a respectful distance. Like he was waiting for Cloud to make the first move. Cloud hadn't the foggiest of what that move should be though and felt a bit stranded.

Each morning Zack would greet him the same way, and each afternoon welcome him back. They shared lunch together and were very amicable towards each other. Zack would crack jokes and tell Cloud stories of some of the stranger things Zack and had seen and done in his life, especially through the course of his work as a delivery driver. And sometimes Cloud would be able to share one of his own ‘ _horror stories_ ’.

Zack had welcomed him to the delivery driver club when Cloud had experienced his first ‘ _drunken guy wanting a lift from you_ ’ scenario last week. Zack gave him a gentle slap and rub on the back. How Cloud wished for that hand to linger and pull him close into another hug - like in the dreams he was starting to get. He regretted it every time he woken up when he did. Zack had definitely been more on Cloud's mind than he was comfortable to admit to himself.

Today when Cloud came in at the end of the day however he had a different story to tell Zack.

“I’m _not_ going back to _Brunos_. You can do that one yourself in the future.”

“What happened?” Zack took the invoices from a sullen Cloud and choked on the coffee he had been sipping. The invoice had little love notes scribbled all over it and in bold red ink ‘ _Call me, baby_ ’ and a phone number.

“Laugh it up all you want. I haven't been that embarrassed since…”

“Since?” asked a bemused Zack.

“Never mind. It was completely humiliating.”

Roxas came out of the spare room and said hello to Cloud who only acknowledged him with a slight nod, still being too upset about today's events.

“That freak tried to serenade me in the middle of the kitchen.”

“How romantic! Did he propose as well?” Zack wiped a tear from his eye.

“Don’t even joke about it. I wouldn’t put it past him!”

The freak of a redhead known as Axel had been pursuing Cloud since last week when Zack had added _Brunos_ to the regular delivery route.

Axel had tried hitting on Cloud as soon as he had pulled into the delivery dock. He profusely apologized for having gotten off on the wrong foot that time in the grocery store, but with each passing day became a bit lewder and cruder in his endeavors to woo Cloud.

Zack had explained to Cloud that whenever Axel came into the warehouse he had wanted to know who’s bike was parked in the corner, or why Axel’s favorite band was always playing on the stereo. Roxas had made a bad habit of leaving his magazines that he borrowed from Sora laying around the place and Axel always wanted to know who was interested in _Weapons Monthly_. Zack had always told him the same thing; Cloud, because they couldn’t tell him about Roxas and Axel knew Zack too well to believe that any of those things were his.

Cloud had implored Roxas to start packing up after himself more but Roxas chose to ignore him. Axel had started bringing sea salt ice cream in with him as well, telling Zack to put it in the freezer for Cloud. Roxas had to explain to Zack that Cloud couldn’t stand the flavor. The two agreed to not tell Cloud about this one particular detail and Roxas happily devoured the evidence.

“I don’t know what to tell you Cloud. He’s got the hots for you.” Zack was still laughing, but in a more subdued fashion.

Cloud just glowered.

“But… I’ll have a proper talking to him when he comes in tomorrow. He needs to stop harassing my staff. I’ll make sure it happens this time.”

“Good! You better make it happen, or I quit!”

Cloud stomped off to the bathroom to try and scrub himself clean of the grimy feeling that being around Axel left on his skin.

Roxas snickered. He had watched all of this unfold with great amusement over the last week.

“And you, Roxas… I know what you’re doing.” Zack rounded on the boy.

“What?!”

“You’re either leading Axel on for some unknown reason, or - you are trying to make Cloud's life hard, which is just a really slack thing to do to your brother. I always pack your things away, but they still manage to find their way out here somehow. So don’t try to deny that you are actively sabotaging this.” Zack didn’t sound angry - just really surprised and confused.

“What are you playing at, kiddo?”

What _was_ Roxas playing at? He wanted Axel’s attention, he supposed. The thought of Axel liking Cloud annoyed him though.

“I-I just -. It was only a bit of fun.”

“Strange way to have fun, if you ask me. Cloud seems really upset. And this,” there Zack waved the scribbled on invoice in the air, “isn’t good for business either.”

Roxas decided to behave after that.

* * *

 

The next day rolled along and Roxas was absent mindedly scribbling in his notebook. He started doodling the way he remembered Axel to look in the margins of his history book.

Axel had arrived in the usual loud and boisterous fashion, announcing his presence to the world. Zack had the stern talking to with Axel which he had promised Cloud he would do. Axel had sounded hot headed and irritated.

“I need you to respect the wishes of my staff, Axel. Or I will get the police involved,” Zack said ruefully.

“Fine, whatever. It was just a bit of fun. Sorry to hear Spiky can’t take a joke.”

“You and I both know this has gone beyond a joke,” Zack said loudly, probably making sure Roxas heard it too.

“Alright, alright! I’ll apologize to Spiky next time I see him," was the sullen response.

“Make sure you do. I think we’d all appreciate that.”

Roxas heard Axel walk away and felt disappointed. He had really enjoyed making Axel run around like crazy. A part of Roxas hoped that it had also been fun for Axel while it had lasted.

Roxas sighed and scribbled over his little doodles of Axel to make sure no one would ever know what he had drawn there.

“You forget something?" came Zack’s voice again. 

“No. My car won’t start. Would you mind taking a look at it?”

Zack sighed.

“You might need to get your toolbox. I’ve got some exposed wires. Think that might be the reason. Could need some soldering.”

Roxas heard Zack sigh again and make his way upstairs.

When Roxas heard the upstairs door shut he heard Axel begin to talk - and it seemed to be rather close. Was he at the door-frame to the storeroom?

“I left something for you in Zack’s outbox tray. You better grab it before he finds it.”

Roxas heard footsteps move away and could also hear Zack opening the door and coming back downstairs.

“You better not be wasting my time with this.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The footsteps faded.

Roxas felt excited. Axel had gotten something for him? He _knew_ Roxas was here? Surely not. But he still left something for him to find. He felt thrilled.

Roxas peeked his head around the corner carefully. The coast was clear. He could hear muffled sounds of talking drifting through the air. Keeping low to the ground he darted over to Zack’s desk. Looking at the trays he found one that was labeled ‘ _Outbox_ ’. Atop the dozen stacks of papers was an envelope which had something scrawled on it in neatly written red ink. Roxas grabbed it and snuck back to his hiding hole.

Roxas’ heart was racing from the exhilaration. He studied the envelope carefully. It was addressed to ‘ _Troublemaker_ ’ and caused Roxas to grin foolishly. He opened it carefully, turned it upside down and shook out its contents. Two pieces of card fell out. Roxas turned them over in his hand to inspect them. One was - a concert ticket! To see … “THE ELECTRIC KEYBLADES!!!!” Roxas clapped his hand over his mouth. Oh no… he hoped no one heard that. His hands began to shake. He looked at the ticket in disbelief. It was the band he always had Zack playing in the background. Axel was a fan of them too? Cool!

He quickly looked at the smaller piece of card. All it read was _‘Call me_ ’ and a number. Roxas’ heart was threatening to leave him and take a vacation where it could actually take a rest. This was completely unreal!

Roxas heard Zack come back in noisily.

“You did waste my time after all. A child could have fixed that ‘ _exposed wire_ ’.”

“Haha! Sorry Zack-baby.” 

“And get one of your service staff to clean your car out some time. It’s a sticky mess in there.”

“I swear I’ll put my drinks into cup holders next time.”

“Stop rifling through my things, Axel.”

“Just checking to make sure you still got the _Brunos_ order.”

“I do, you’re looking in the wrong place for it though. It definitely wouldn’t be in the outbox. Just go home already, Axel.”

“Ok, ok. I can see when I’m not welcome, geez! See ya later.” 

“I highly doubt that somehow.”

Axel just laughed.

Roxas heard Zack walk back upstairs to put his things away, and a car start up and drive off. Roxas was elated. He looked again at the ticket he was holding in disbelief, and Axel’s number. He burned to call him up right now, this very second and thank him. But he managed to refrain.

Roxas checked the date of the concert. Was this for real? Roxas looked at the date again. It was. And that was in... two weeks. At 8pm. How would he manage to pull this off without Cloud finding out?

 


	20. A Cunning Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas hatches a cunning plan with the help of Sora.

Roxas had craftily argued his case as Cloud dropped him off at school that Friday morning about why they should move from every second hour to every fourth hour. They had both agreed that calling so often to check in had been exhausting and both felt a bit more confident and calmer about being separated over this coming weekend. They said their goodbyes and both were left looking forward to their respective weekends. Roxas was eager to hatch a plan with hopefully the help of Sora. And Cloud? Well he just had butterflies in his stomach knowing he would be spending another two nights close to Zack.

Roxas was sitting on Sora’s bed. It had been an exciting afternoon. Roxas had managed to beat Kairi. It had been one round out of ten but he still considered that a success and showed that he was improving at Kairi’s favorite fighting game. Kairi and Riku had left an hour ago and he and Sora were getting ready for bed.

Sora walked in after his shower.

“What’s up, Roxas. You gonna sleep with me tonight?” he asked hopefully.

“No, sorry. I do want to talk to you though.”

“Sure, what’s up?” Sora threw himself on his bed, causing Roxas to bounce lightly.

“I want to show you something, but - it’s a secret.”

Sora’s interest was instantly piqued, and he sat up to face Roxas.

“Go on.”

“I mean it, Sora. You _cannot. Tell. ANYONE!_ Not Riku and especially not Kairi.”

Sora mulled this over in his head. His features turned very serious all of a sudden.

“I reserve the right to tell them if I deem that it would cause them more harm than good if they don’t know. Those are my terms.”

Now it was Roxas’ turn to think about the ultimatum.

“Alright. I accept.”

“Awesome, now tell me already!” Sora laughed.

Roxas produced a small piece of paper and showed it to Sora.

Sora looked at it. It was almost comical how his eyes and mouth became wider in slow motion as realization dawned on him.

“Holy shit!! THE ELECTRIC KEYBLADES?!?!?!?! WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?!?!?!”

“Shhhh!!!” Roxas jumped on Sora, who had toppled over backwards. Roxas covered his friends mouth and took his ticket back.

“Geez, remind me to never tell you anything exciting in public!”

Sora brushed the remark off.

“But, what the hell! Where did you get that from? That concert’s been booked out for six months. I should know. Riku, Kairi and I stayed up all night waiting for the tickets to come on sale, but then they were sold out before we got to the checkout procedure,” he said bitterly.

“Well... ah -," Roxas scratched at his face nervously. “A-Axel gave it to me.”

“What? Kairi’s brother?”

Roxas nodded, feeling a blush creeping across his face.

“The thing is… I-I don’t know what to do. I think the last time I saw Axel I - might have upset him. And I’m pretty sure he doesn’t know that he gave the ticket to me.”

“You lost me. How’d you upset him? And - you have the ticket - how can he not know who he gave it to?”

Roxas took a deep breath. He felt like he needed to tell someone. The whole story. Might as well be Sora.

So he clumsily told Sora - everything. The flirting, the pantry. Roxas felt like he could just die of embarrassment when he told Sora how Axel had pinned him against the wall and asked for a kiss. But it also reminded him of how heated that moment had been, and how much he wanted to repeat it, but to do it right this time. Sora just let Roxas talk, though his eyes widened as the story continued to unfold bit by bit.

Roxas eventually got to telling Sora about Axel coming to visit Zack’s work and how he got in possession of the envelope and the prized ticket.

“That’s some story, Roxas.”

“Yeah, but - you see right? I think I really made him angry. If he had known it was me he probably wouldn’t have given this to me. He probably won’t want to take me.” Roxas felt sad.

“Well he has a really hot temper. You’re probably right. I once heard he torched some guys bike because he got turned down. I think that’s why he had to go to court. Malicious property damage and arson - or something.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” muttered Roxas.

“Just telling you what you’re possibly getting yourself into.”

“You probably should talk to Kairi. She knows him better. She might know what he’s thinking or how he’d react.”

“No, I can’t. We both know how she feels about her ‘ _idiot brother_ ’. I want to keep this just between us two.”

Roxas continued, “I don’t want to call him. If he recognizes my voice I have no chance. But I need to ... to organize getting there and back.”

“You could just ask Riku. He might be annoyed but I’m sure he’d take you.”

“I can’t do that to him. It’s two hours away, and then he’d just hang around and pick me up? No way!”

“Well that is your only other viable option. Unless...” Sora narrowed his eyes as if he had just thought of something.

Roxas looked at him quizzically, especially when Sora's face broadened with an evil smirk.

“You _like_ him don’t you. Even if it made Riku happy to take you, you’d still choose Axel,” Sora laughed as Roxas blushed a deeper shade of red than before.

“Oh Roxas... That is so cute! Can’t stand in the way of _LOVE_!”

“Shaddap!” Roxas pushed Sora who fell backwards but took Roxas with him. They tussled a little and ended up in a tickling match.

After the giggles died down and they both caught their breath they just lay side by side looking up at Sora’s ceiling for a while.

“You could text him, you know. Sort everything out that way, and then when you go to meet… turn on the charm. Profess your undying love for him and see if that wins him over.”

Roxas hadn’t thought of that. Probably because he had never sent a text message in his life.

“Thanks, Sora. That’s actually a really good idea.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” he laughed.

“That’s one problem down, but that still leaves my brother. He would _never_ let me go. Especially if he knew it was with Axel. What if he calls? I can’t pick up while I’m at a concert.”

“Well you convinced him to change it to every four hours. Maybe next time you can convince him to only once a day?”

“I don’t know…”

“If he’s distracted enough maybe he’ll forget? Or maybe he’ll agree to receiving just a text from you?”

Roxas sighed.

“Or just don’t call him, wait for him to call you and when he calls don’t pick up.”

“That’s a _terrible_ idea.”

“Nah. He’ll call me instead and then I’ll tell him you were super tired and went to bed. I’ll tell him about all the made up fun we had together that day and that you’ll call him in the morning.”

Roxas perked up at that suggestion. “That... might actually work.”

“Wow Sora! You’re a GENIUS!” Roxas threw himself on the brunette and gave him a big hug.

“Ahahah! You better remember that and tell the others next time they shut down one of my plans!”

“Deal!” Roxas couldn’t stop grinning.


	21. The Scars That Shape Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aerith and Cloud have a heart to heart. Cloud's affections for Zack continue to grow and he wants to share himself more with Zack. ... But it's very difficult.

They had been driving in silence for a while and getting closer to the city limits before Zack decided to break the quiet.

“How was Axel today? Did he behave?”

“He completely ignored me. It was heaven!”

They both laughed.

“You know, I’m curious- but you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. You never have to answer if you don’t want to, ok?”

...

Zack waited for a reply.

“Cloud?” He glanced over to see a wicked grin on the others face.

“You are so cheeky!” Zack reached over to ruffle Cloud's hair.

Cloud laughed at having being able to mess with Zack.

“So ... what do you want to ask me?" Cloud said still chuckling.

“Were you so upset because Axel - well he’s just Axel and his personality can be grating? Or - was it because he’s a guy?” The last part of the question came out so softly but Cloud felt the weight behind Zack’s voice. The butterflies in his stomach began fluttering again.

“Axel is pushy, arrogant, self-centered and too assuming. Just thinking about him makes me mad," Cloud huffed, hoping that answered the question without him having to get into his sexual preferences.

“He certainly is all of those things. But he’s also a product of his past, like all of us are. He’s not had an easy life and he tries to hide it behind cockiness and self-assuredness.”

Cloud was surprised to hear Zack speak so level headed about Axel.

“How do you even know him?”

Zack was silent for a while, weighing things up in his mind that Cloud couldn’t even guess at.

“You know that kid I had to look after in the military?”

“No - really?” Cloud said with disbelief.

“Yeah. - That was Axel. He was a really good kid. His parents just put too many expectations on him and wanted him to be someone that didn’t fit with his personality.”

“It’s really sad how parents can mess their kids up sometimes. I think Axel has just always been looking for someone or something to fill him up. Make that emptiness go away and quell the flames inside of him.”

“I’m definitely not the person who’s able to do that for him,” said Cloud with more compassion than he had felt before towards the redhead.

“I couldn’t either. There was just too much history. And a resentment that I’m not proud of. And I think that broke him even more.” Zack sighed and they fell into a prolonged, albeit comfortable silence.

* * *

 

They arrived with the sunrise. Zack greeted Aerith in much the same way as he had the last time they were here and they busied themselves with unpacking and stocking the outhouse.

The day flew past. Colin, Rupert and Denzel hung out with them all day and Zack let them help with sawing planks, or nailing things together, even though Aerith voiced her displeasure and urged them to be careful.

During the hottest part of the day everyone sought shade. Cloud rested against a tree and Zack purposefully left him to enjoy his solitude.

“You look really peaceful there.”

Cloud opened his eyes to see Aerith with a cool drink held out to him.

“Thank you, Aerith.”

She sat down beside him.

“Denzel is really excited about you helping him build his robot," she said with a smile.

“The kids really clever. He showed me how far he’s gotten. I just helped him tweak a few things and now it’s moving really well. I’ll bring him some more gears, chips and wiring next time we come up.”

“That’s really generous of you, thank you!”

Aerith saw Clouds discomfort and laughed gently.

“Oh I’m sorry Cloud. Zack told me I needed to stop thanking you so much.”

She put her hand over her heart and raised the other, “I promise I’ll only thank you once a day.”

“Now you’re just teasing me,” said Cloud, feeling a bit hurt.

“Only a little.” Aerith nudged him playfully and Cloud just couldn’t help but smile back at her.

“Compliments can be hard to take. But you know how you become better at taking them?”

“How?”

“You just _accept_ them when they come your way. Just for a brief moment allow yourself to take it, and hold it, like you actually deserve it. Then you can throw it away. But over time you become able to hold them for longer. And one day you’ll actually believe the nice things that people say about you.”

“Will you give it a try for me?”

Cloud thought about it for a while.

“Sure.” He didn’t know how anyone could refuse her. Maybe that's why the children were always so well behaved when she gave out orders.

“Can I get a little more conviction from you, please?”

“I’ll try my best," tried Cloud again.

“Much better.”

“You have a gift for being convincing, you know that?”

“Thank you, Cloud! Zack always says the same thing, so I accept that compliment!” she smiled at him. “See how easy it is?” Aerith giggled and Cloud let out a quiet chuckle.

__

“How long have you and Zack been together for?” Cloud didn’t want to hear the answer but he just had to know.

“We’ve known each other for four years now. Or has it been five…?”

“That’s not…”

“Hmm? Oh?… OH!... You mean _together_ together?!” a faint blush spread across her delicate face.

“Well -,” she put her hands in her lap and interlaced her fingers “We’re… not _really_ together.”

Now Cloud was thoroughly confused and Aerith could see it in his face.

“It’s… a bit complicated for others to understand, I think. We’re invested in making this orphanage work and getting the best outcome for all our children. How we feel about each other is secondary. We love each other but we aren’t in a romantic relationship, if that makes any sense.”

“But - I’ve seen you two…” Cloud blushed, not wanting to come across as a perverted voyeur.

“Well… I don’t know about you, but… Zack has _needs_ … and so do I. And there’s no shame in that.”

They both looked at each other, and both were blushing. It started off gently but turned into a raucous flood of laughs, each feeding the others belly laugh. It was good to relieve the tension and embarrassment they both were feeling.

Aerith got back up after a while, still feeling the aftershocks of the laughter lingering in her body. She wiped at her joyous tears. “It was a good chat, Cloud.”

Cloud agreed.

“I hope that cleared the air a bit. Zack is all there for your taking, if you want him.” She winked at him and walked back down the hill, glasses in hand, leaving a still blushing Cloud to deal with his butterflies and racing heart.

* * *

 

Zack groaned as he stretched out in his small bed. It had been a tough day. So much awkward and heavy lifting, so much digging and pounding the ground flat, to prepare the fields for another season of sowing. And to top it all off the older boys had still insisted on getting piggy-back rides. Zack would have to put a stop to that very shortly. His body had absolutely had it for today.

“Those kids really don’t let up on you,” he heard Cloud say with amusement in his voice.

“You’re more than welcome to take them off my hands next time.”

“Are you really sore?”

“Yeah. My backs done for. I think I’ll just die here.”

Zack rolled over on his stomach with one arm curled under his pillow and the other draping over the edge of his bed and hitting the floor. He let his eyes drift shut.

“Every which way I move it hurts,” he bemoaned.

“You’re such a baby,” came Cloud’s voice from right above him. Zack felt his mattress dip and a heavy weight descend on his thighs. Zack’s eyes fluttered open and he lifted his head, looking back to see Cloud straddling his lower half. Zack’s heart all of a sudden came to life at the sight.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Helping.”

Cloud leaned forward and lay his ice cold hands on Zack’s shoulders.

“AaaahhhhH!! COOOOLD!!!” he yelped.

“Baby!” came the uncharitable response and Cloud’s hands moved into action massaging and kneading the developing knots out of his muscles. Zack moaned loudly in sheer bliss.

“You’re really - ahh - good at this. Why are you so good at this?” he muffled into his pillow.

There was no response for a while, but the heavenly massage continued.

“My mom always did this for my dad when he came home from a campaign. He never stayed around for long, and when he was home he wanted to do nothing but rest. Mom pampered him. I wanted to spend more time with dad so she taught me and then I was able to take over. I’d do this for him for hours. And we’d talk about everything and nothing.” Zack could hear the smile in Cloud’s voice, and wished he could see it.

“Thank you, Cloud’s mom, for teaching Cloud something really awesome,” Zack said with a lot of sincerity.

“I think my mom would have liked you.”

“That’s nice of you to say," Zack just smiled into his pillow and enjoyed Cloud's hands running all over him.

Zack could feel his arms begin to goose flesh with the sheer pleasure of having Cloud’s hands run all over his back. He especially loved it when Cloud started on his lower back, massaging his waist and dipping beneath the waistband of his boxers.

“It’s not really my butt that’s sore, Cloud,” Zack joked.

“Laugh all you want but you’d be surprised to know how many back muscles actually run all the way down to _here._ ” Cloud gave a firm push against Zack's buttock and Zack moaned in pleasure.

“Alright. I won’t question your wisdom.”

Cloud ran one hand down the back of Zack’s arm, for the first time noticing the prickly flesh.

“Are you cold? Do you need a blanket?”

“No, I’m fine. You just make me feel so good.” Zack felt Cloud’s hands stop for the briefest of moments. He probably shouldn’t have said that but his body was starting to run the show and Zack’s mind was about to take a vacation.

Zack could feel the tension tightening, and the blood pooling in his groin. Cloud had that effect on him, but this time it felt ten times more powerful. He had wanted to strip Cloud down and kiss him gently all over for weeks now. Had wanted to run his hands down that slender frame and between his legs. Stroke, lick and swallow - and have the same be done to himself. Zack moaned softly as those thoughts pushed into his mind once again. He was utterly glad that he was laying on his stomach. Cloud would probably run for the hills if he knew what reaction his hands were eliciting from Zack’s body.

Zack had been extra careful with how much physical contact he made since that day when he went to hug Cloud. He hadn’t been sure how comfortable Cloud was with physical contact but he had thought ‘ _to hell with it_ ’. Zack had always felt better after he received a hug and had hoped Cloud would appreciate it too. But it all deteriorated from that point forward.

Zack had been terrified of losing Cloud. The way he had said ‘ _I should go_ ’ - it had a ring of finality to it and Zack realized how much he did not want there to be a day when this cute, gorgeous and brave but damaged soul wasn’t around him. The way that Cloud could not look at him - the way he blushed or looked flustered - the way he had looked at Zack that night when Zack decided to wear his heart on his sleeve and sing for Cloud - He had realized that he loved Cloud so much that it hurt.

And so Zack had decided to keep his distance, to wait and see, fearing that any strong professions of his feelings might scare Cloud right away.

The massage he was getting right now was beyond anything Zack would have ever imagined to be possible. It made him think that ‘ _wait and see_ ’ might be the right approach to gain Cloud's affections. And he wanted those affections so badly.

He moaned again for good measure, showing his appreciation to Cloud.

Eventually Cloud stopped massaging him but began tracing his fingers along the scars on Zack’s back.

“Did it hurt?”

Zack’s head felt fuzzy with pleasure but he tried to bring his mind back into his body, so he could give an appropriate answer.

“It was like thousands of burning needles going into me all at once,” said Zack slowly. “But that was nothing compared to having the medics dig out all the pieces. I lay there for hours, with no pain meds available to take the edge off - just thinking of my uncle, and why it was that I was spared but he had to die.”

“Now that hurt.”

Cloud had found a nodule and gently rubbed it, not having any words to comfort Zack.

“It doesn't disgust you?”

“No,” Cloud said quietly, beginning to touch the scars he hadn’t yet gotten to.

“Well it horrified me at first. To be fair, it looked a lot worse for the first two years though. It felt like I was branded. Every time I caught sight of myself it was a mocking reminder of all my past failures to save Angeal.”

Zack felt Clouds hands broadly sweep his back. He felt a subtle shift of weight and then - Was that - Had Cloud... just kissed his back?

“How do you feel about it now?” came the quiet voice above him.

“Now -,” his mind had fogged up again. That had felt like the gentlest of kisses. Zack shook his head lightly to help focus himself. "Now it’s just another part of my history. It’s part of the story that shaped me.” Zack pulled his arms under himself and propped himself up. He wanted to look at Cloud, not just have him touch him all over, no matter how amazing it had been. Cloud shifted off Zack so he could roll over and sit up properly. In the process of doing so Zack grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around himself mainly to hide his still prominent erection.

“I can’t change the past, but I can learn from it.” Zack noted that Clouds eyes looked glassy. He automatically reached out and stroked his cheek. It was damp.

“Cloud… why…”

Cloud gently reached up to Zack’s hand and pulled it off his face.

“I-...I want to show you something…” Cloud said hoarsely.

Zack took his hand back as he watched Cloud stand up with his back towards him. Cloud stood there for a long while. Zack could tell that his internal critic was working overtime as he debated something big. Eventually Clouds arms crossed his body and he reluctantly and hesitantly pulled his shirt up and over his head, dropping it to the floor.

As soon as Zack saw the beginning of Cloud moving to remove his shirt he knew what was coming. Cloud was trusting him with something so amazingly personal. Zack had no words for how honored he felt. He looked at Clouds back. Just as he had seen it all those weeks ago now. There were red marks all over his back from the middle up, wrapping more around the left than right side.

Now that he could see it better they looked like hundreds of cuts. Some long, some short, but all very deep judging by the fact that they were still so visible.

“Cloud... W-what happened to you?”

Zack saw Cloud lift his face to the ceiling and his shoulders began to shake. At first it was hardly noticeable, but soon Clouds whole body was shaking uncontrollably. An eerie wail escaped Clouds lips and he began to sob hysterically.

Zack felt his throat constrict and a sickening feeling bubbling in his gut. Cloud was in so much pain! Zack sprang up on his knees, discarding the blanket and pulled Cloud down onto the bed gently but firmly. Zack shuffled back until he felt the wall against his back and pulled Cloud along with him. He pressed Cloud against his chest until he was securely sitting between Zack’s legs. He wrapped his arms firmly around Cloud’s waist from behind and rested his head on Clouds shoulder while the sobs and bitter tears continued.

They stayed like that for a long while. Zack wanted to protect Cloud. Wanted to make him feel safe, but he also felt completely helpless and useless. His forearms had gotten quite wet as Clouds tears continues to roll down and splash onto him, but the pained sobs eventually diminished. Clouds back was towards Zack so he couldn’t see his face. Zack reached up to where he assumed Cloud’s cheek to be and stroked him with the back of his hand. He placed gentle kisses along Cloud's shoulder and up his neck well into the hairline, breathing in his scent. Zack hoped it would comfort Cloud. He wanted Cloud to know how much he was cared for and loved, without saying anything. Without scaring him away.

Cloud seemed to calm down considerably after that. The night wore on and they just stayed, sitting there. Zack started humming the melody that had been stuck in his head for many weeks.

“D-did y-you ever… fig-gure ou-out the words… for t-that so-ong?” came Cloud's voice through the sobs that were still working their way out of his body.

“Yeah. I figured out what the song was two weeks ago. You want to hear it?”

Cloud’s head bobbed up and down in a nod.

Zack moved his hand that was stroking Cloud’s cheek to run through the soft locks on his head and he began humming with more strength to get a feel for how the melody would go without the use of his guitar.

 

**♪** _I think of you_  
**♪** _I haven't slept_  
**♪** _I think I do_  
**♪** _But, I don't forget_  
**♪** _My body moves_  
**♪** _Goes where I will_  
**♪** _But though I try my heart stays still_  
**♪** _It never moves_  
**♪** _Just won't be led_

**♪** _And so my mouth waters, to be fed_  
**♪** _And you're always in my head_

**♪** _You're always in my head_  
**♪** _You're always in my head_  
**♪** _You're always in my head_

**♪** _You're always in my head_  
**♪** _Always in my..._  
**♪** _Always in my..._

 

 **♪** _This, I guess, is to tell you you're chosen out from the rest_ … **(1)**

 

Zack started kissing the nape of Cloud’s neck again, while softly humming the tune before fading it out to match the silence of the room.

“Do you like it? … It’s for you.”

“Thank you, Zack,” was all that came out of Cloud’s mouth.

Zack didn’t know what to make of that so he just gave him a gentle squeeze around his waist.

“Let’s go to sleep, Cloud. We’ve got a long drive ahead of us tomorrow.”

Despite having told Cloud that they should go to sleep Zack still felt disappointed when Cloud detangled himself from Zack’s legs and moved off the bed without another word. Zack hadn’t realized how stiff his back had gotten from being pressed against the cool wall for so long. He stifled a groan and straightened out his blanket. He looked up to see Cloud standing next to his bed, with his shirt firmly in place again around his body.

“Zack… can I sleep with you tonight?”

It had been said so quietly that Zack nearly missed it. He stared at Cloud for a moment while the request registered. Cloud started looking anxious and began fidgeting. He looked so young with his too-big-for-him shirt on, and eyes all red and puffy from crying. Zack lifted up the corner of his blanket, being reminded of some of the children who had wanted to sleep and snuggle with Zack when they got night terrors.

Cloud hopped in with his back towards Zack. Zack wrapped the blanket around the both of them, reached up to turn the oil lamp all the way down and slung his arm around Cloud’s body.

“Goodnight, Cloud.”

“Night, Zack.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The angst is real, people!
> 
>  **(1)** \- Song Credit - _Always In My Head _\- by **Coldplay**__
> 
> \-- Secluded_delusion was a champ and drew an illustration of this chapter. [Check it out](http://secluded-delusions.deviantart.com/art/The-Scars-That-Shape-Us-615847705) and show her some love ♥


	22. The Deepest Shame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud finally bring himself to share the shame and pain he's been carrying all alone for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter comes with a child abuse warning. But I think it's still worthwhile reading through it.

Cloud awoke as light filtered through the one high set window that was in the tiny room. His head was thumping and his eyes were caked with sleep and salt. He could hear Zack’s heartbeat steady and strong underneath him, as his head had someone ended up on Zack’s chest during the night.

The memory of last night hit him like a tonne of bricks. What had he done!? Cloud felt his stomach knot and twist. He had just wanted to be close to Zack. He had just wanted to make the older man feel better. Cloud felt stupid for having gotten so caught up in Zack’s words. They had made him weak and vulnerable, getting him to think of his own scars. Why had he wanted to share that with Zack? Not even Roxas knew…

Cloud got up quietly and locked himself in the bathroom to wash the shame off and drink lots of water as he felt extremely dehydrated. He closed the toilet lid and sat down to think. If anyone would understand it would have been Zack. That’s why Cloud had shown him. He had been so certain in his resolve last night. It had seemed right. He had wanted to tell Zack - but then the tears came and they wouldn’t shut of. He felt so stupid. Like such a little idiotic child. ‘ _You can’t even be man enough to get words out. Now Zack will think you’re a baby. A stupid, **ugly** baby that no one will ever want to touch again_ ’ he berated himself. He felt hideous. And that had been the point after all. That’s why his back looked like it did, because only one person would ever be able to - _love_ him - like he was now.

Cloud felt sick, and so _angry_. He gripped his knees and dug his nails in until it hurt.

So. Damn. Stupid. He was such an idiot!

A soft knock came at the door and Cloud startled out of his misery. Fresh tears had begun welling up again.

“Just a minute!” Cloud called out firmly and washed his face again, taking deep breaths so he would appear as _normal_ as possible. But what was the point? Zack now knew he was damaged goods. All the nice things Zack had said - all the kisses - the song he had sung for him -. Surely that was all just to make him stop crying. Stupid baby.

Cloud’s hand hovered over the door knob, his anxiety flaring. What would he find on the other side? How could he face Zack after last night? But he couldn’t stay in here forever. He wanted to go home to Roxas. Roxas... Roxas needed him - Roxas needed his protection. He had to leave this closet of a bathroom. With renewed resolve Cloud took a deep breath, pushed down his nerves and stepped out.

“Good morning, Sunshine!” came Zack’s radiant greeting.

* * *

 

Zack had acted like nothing out of the usual had happened last night to Cloud’s immense relief. The only comment Zack had said was that his back felt a million times better. He had thanked Cloud for that, ruffled his hair and went into the bathroom. That had been it.

The morning slipped away without Zack or Cloud spending much time together. Cloud had received a brief phone call from Roxas which had lifted his spirits somewhat and then they were off again to go home. Cloud took the first driving shift and was grateful for the silence. Zack had fallen asleep, apparently not having gotten much the night before. Cloud felt responsible and guilty for that, which just got his head cranking again.

Occasionally Cloud glanced over at Zack's sleeping form. He wanted to sleep with him again, he thought, blushing. It had been so nice to have Zack’s arms around him. To feel his warm body pressed against his back. To know he wasn’t all alone. He wanted to be near him and be kissed. As much as it disgusted him he missed feeling someone touching, kissing, and stroking him. He wanted comfort… and he wanted it from Zack. But Zack - he wouldn’t want him if - no, _when_ he found out. That was the moment that Cloud decided that he cared enough about Zack to tell him the truth. It would be better to be shunned and rejected on his own terms. Then Cloud wouldn’t have to hang on to a fantasy and he could move on with his life as a hermit, forever unwanted and alone.

When Zack roused from his sleep they changed seats. This was it for Cloud. This was the time to strike and let it all air out. Zack wouldn’t be able to look at him much and Cloud could just look out the window and pretend he was talking aloud to noone but himself.

He wanted to throw up.

“Zack...” Cloud started but was instantly interrupted.

“Cloud… I don’t ever want you to feel obliged to tell me things just because _I’m_ comfortable and open to disclosing my past to you.” Zack flashed him a concerned look. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I’ll always understand.”

Cloud thought about that for a while. The fact that he was so considerate just made Cloud’s heart swell however. He took a deep breath.

“It was nearly ten years ago to the day that dad died” Cloud started slowly. “It was Roxas’ birthday and we were waiting for dad to come home because he promised he would. But the only one at the door was dad’s best friend. He and my mom talked for a long time behind closed doors and when he left she had cried for the rest of the day. And the day after that - She cried a lot. Dad’s friend came by as much as possible to look after mom and us. When he wasn’t around it was all up to me to look after Roxas and mom though. She could still manage… she was a good woman… always caring, always willing to listen but- the light she used to give out had gone out a bit.”

Cloud sighed and felt himself stalling. Why was it so hard to say things? He kept his eyes focused out the window, trained on the scenery. Cloud forced himself to pretend that there was no one else here but him. It was alright. He could do this. He was just talking aloud...

“After the war ended dad’s friend came around a lot more, especially to look after me when mom had to take Roxas to specialists for his back. Roxas always pretended like he was fine… but I could see how much it hurt… and how hard it was for him to recover.”

“He doesn't blame you,” said Zack softly.

Cloud winced. Of course Roxas wouldn’t blame Cloud, but it was still his fault anyway, whether his brother thought it or not.

“I should have known better. I’m his _older_ brother. I should have been more responsible,” he berated himself.

Zack remained silent, keeping his eyes focused on the road.

“Somewhere along the lines dad’s friend and mom started dating. We were all happy. Mom was bubbly again, which made everything seem better. Her boyfriend would take me away for weekends to go fishing, camping - anything I wanted to do really. It was supposed to be a way to make up for all the attention Roxas received from mom. And it worked. I was really happy doing all those things with him. W-we grew really close...”

“And then… then mom died. We were all devastated. Rox and I had no other living family. Mom’s boyfriend fought really hard to get custody of us. He said he had promised mom and dad that he’d always be there for our family. He… he was a really good man. He took _such_ good care of us.”

“Roxas needed to see a lot of specialists so we moved to a different town. He said Roxas would get better help there. At first it was really lonely. I was never any good at making friends, so I started spending more time with _him_. Especially when Roxas was at his appointments. He … he became the world to me. H-he made me believe in myself. He made me think there was good in me.”

“I ...I would crawl into his bed at night… and we’d talk about everything and nothing. I missed my parents so, so much. Having him there for me… and knowing I could be there for him... I felt like I could bare my soul to him. I always fell asleep in his bed… but would always wake up in my own the next morning. It hurt. It felt like - he didn’t want me.”

Zack noted the disgust creeping into Cloud’s voice. He was getting an uneasy feeling growing in his gut with where this was heading and he hoped he was wrong.

Cloud fought back the tears and sickness that was welling up inside of himself. He had to be strong, but couldn’t keep his voice even enough to fool Zack, he was certain of it.

“He always talked about how much I reminded him of mom. That made me feel even closer to him… and like I was someone who was worthwhile to be around… because mom had been the best person I knew. Just to be even a little bit like her was something to be proud of.”

“He meant so much to me… and I saw how much he missed my mom… so on my fifteenth birthday...”

“I… he…”

Cloud couldn’t say it. He felt so ashamed of himself, so appalled and he was terrified of what Zack must think of him.

Zack… the guy who had fought so hard to win him over - who put up with so much of Cloud’s coldness and the mood swings. Zack, who sang songs for Cloud and held him all night. Who kissed, and saw the most awful parts of him - yet still gave Cloud smiles that said ‘ _I see you for who you are, and I accept you_ ’. It was always those smiles that hurt the most, that felt the most uncomfortable for Cloud. But it was also those smiles that made him want Zack to look at him more.

Cloud’s heart swelled with longing. He glanced at Zack. He wanted to know what Zack was thinking. He was terrified, but he also wanted to see Zack’s smile; to know that he wasn’t all alone. Zack had glanced at Cloud when he felt eyes on him. Cloud’s heart had been ready to see pure and unadulterated disgust on his face but instead he was met with a furrowed brow and a look of incredible sadness.

Cloud turned back to the window, tears starting to tricking down his face again. Zack already knew. He could see it in his face. Cloud thought he might as well continue. He was tired of having to hold this all by himself.

Taking a deep breath he turned steely and a hardness came into his voice.

“It was _all my fault_.”

“I told him how I felt about him. I told him… I-I said I loved him… and that I wanted him - even though I didn’t really know what that even meant. But I felt it in my body.” Cloud shuddered slightly. ”I - I wore him down, and from that point onward when I fell asleep in his bed I woke up there the next morning.”

“I felt whole… complete. I thought what he had to give was what I wanted. But as I started feeling better about myself - as I started making friends, and being more outgoing,” Cloud took a deep breath before continuing. “As I stopped needing him so much in my life he became harder - abusive - envious.”

“I didn’t see it at the time. I didn’t _want_ to see it. He started tearing me down after he had helped to build me up. He started saying I wasn’t grateful enough. He - he made me do things I didn’t want to. But I felt obligated.”

“He started becoming violent and told me that he was the only one who would ever care about me. It... it started becoming weird… uncomfortable. The guy that he once was just wasn’t there anymore. I… I think I broke him…” Cloud said seemingly searching for an answer that would never come.

Cloud paused for a long while.

“I had enough… I was scared. I had decided to run away. I was stupid and told him I’d leave. I… I threatened him with it… hoping he would change. Hoping he would turn back into the man I... “ Cloud shook his head to rid himself of the thoughts. “He mocked me. He said he didn’t care. Told me I would never leave, and if I did he would hurt Roxas. Roxas couldn’t leave… he still had treatments to complete. I… I’m such a goddamn idiot. I didn’t even _think_ of Roxas when I made the threat.”

Cloud’s voice started shaking and he buried his head in his hands. He cursed himself for not being able to talk or think about this without getting so emotional. He was just so disgusted with himself, and bitter.

“He… he cut me… with his sword. He said it was a lesson. Telling me that every day I stayed with him Roxas wouldn’t be punished… but every day I stayed… he added another cut.”

Zack was horrified at what Cloud was telling him. His mind flashed back to the hundreds of cuts he had seen on Cloud’s back. How long did Cloud have to endure this for?

“I was too weak to leave _him_. And I couldn’t leave Roxas either - I had to stay for my little brother. But some days… I was _so close_. So close to getting out of there. I-I thought about how Roxas wasn’t worth all this … pain… all that… humiliation. I’m _such_ a terrible person for almost abandoning my little brother to that… that… beast.”

Cloud squeezed his eyes shut to keep the tears inside.

“He said I didn’t matter because he still had Roxas. I could see how he was starting to treat Roxas. He… he was starting to do the things to my little brother that he had done to me. Pay attention to him… make him feel extra special. He… he said I was getting too old and ugly. That I was growing to look more like my father each day… when … when all he wanted was my mom!”

An involuntary sob escaped Cloud’s throat.

“But every night… every night he would still take me to bed… and then put another cut on me.”

Cloud broke down into hysterical and uncontrollable sobbing. He couldn’t hold it back anymore.

Cloud felt the van pull to the side and stop. He heard the driver's door open and shut. That would be right. Zack was probably too disgusted with him to be in the same vicinity as Cloud. If he could, Cloud would abandon himself too. Be rid of his awfulness.

Cloud saw his door open and Zack’s face appeared in front of him all blurry through Cloud's teary vision. Strong arms went around him, undid his belt buckle and pulled him out of the van.

That’s it. Zack was gonna leave him stranded out in the middle of nowhere because he was sick of Cloud's shit. Cloud sobbed even louder. If Zack didn’t want him either… it just hurt to damn much to think about.

Cloud having no choice but to follow Zack was lead around the back of the van and boosted up into the mostly empty loading space. Zack produced a pillow and blanket that had been stored somewhere in the back and created a little nest on the floor. He sat down resting against the wall, and pulled Cloud down between his legs. They sat there, much like they had done the night before on Zack’s bed. Zack rested his head on Cloud's shoulder again, and wrapped his arms firmly around this damaged souls chest. Zack began humming and ever so gently rocking with Cloud.

 

**♪** _Be still_  
**♪** _And go on to bed_  
**♪** _Nobody knows what lies ahead_  
**♪** _And life is short_  
**♪** _To say the least_  
**♪** _We're in the belly of the beast_

**♪** _Be still_  
**♪** _Wild and young_  
**♪** _Long may your innocence reign_  
**♪** _Like shells on the shore_  
**♪** _And may your limits be unknown_  
**♪** _And may your efforts be your own_  
**♪** _If you ever feel you can't take it anymore_

**♪** _Don't break character_  
**♪** _You've got a lot of heart_  
**♪** _Is this real or just a dream?_  
**♪** _Rise up like the sun_  
**♪** _Labor till the work is done_

**♪** _Be still_  
**♪** _One day you'll leave_  
**♪** _Fearlessness on your sleeve_  
**♪** _When you've come back, tell me what did you see_  
**♪** _Was there something out there for me?_

**♪** _Be still_  
**♪** _Close your eyes_  
**♪** _Soon enough you'll be on your own_  
**♪** _Steady and straight_  
**♪** _And if they drag you through the mud_  
**♪** _It doesn't change what's in your blood_  
**♪** _When they knock you down_

**♪** _Don't break character_  
**♪** _You've got a lot of heart_  
**♪** _Is this real or just a dream?_  
**♪** _Be still_

**♪** _Over rock and chain_  
**♪** _Over sunset plain_  
**♪** _Over trap and snare_  
**♪** _When you're in too deep_  
**♪** _In your wildest dream_  
**♪** _In your made up scheme_  
**♪** _When they knock you down_  
**♪** _When they knock you down_

**♪** _Don't break character_  
**♪** _You've got sooooo much heart_  
**♪** _Is this real or just a dream?_  
**♪** _Oh Rise up like the sun_  
**♪** _And labor till the work is done_ **(01)**

 

Zack’s singing had soothed Cloud and Zack only stopped once the sobbing had ceased.

“Whenever I was upset my grandmother sang me that song.” Zack handed Cloud a bottle of water that was sitting next to them and Cloud finished the whole thing in one sitting.

Cloud felt his hair get ruffled and he leaned into Zack’s touch.

“You feel better now?” came the voice next to his ear.

“Yeah,” said Cloud weakly.

“No kid should ever have endured what you went through, Cloud. It makes me so mad.”

Cloud turned his head slowly, breathing heavily. He looked into Zack’s eyes.

“Nothing you ever tell me will make me think less of you, Cloud. I want you to know that. The more I get to see who you are… the more I adore you.” Zack stroked Cloud’s weepy face with his thumb, and still held him firmly against his body with his other arm.

There was no disgust there. No hate. No accusations. Only… _love…_ and sadness. Cloud felt himself actually believing Zack’s words. When had he started _trusting_ him? When had he fallen so deeply? Cloud’s breath hitched in his throat. Zack’s hand moved back to Cloud’s hair, gently scratching his scalp. They were so close together - but it wasn’t enough. Cloud wanted to be closer. He wanted to become lost and enveloped - he wanted to drown in Zack’s touch.

Cloud pushed his face forward until he connected with Zack’s lips. Cloud felt the arm around his chest pull him tighter towards Zack’s warm body. Cloud sucked on Zack’s upper lip, enjoying that the older man didn’t seem apprehensive to be so close to someone as disgusting as Cloud. Zack parted his lips, inviting Cloud to deepen the kiss if he wished. He definitely wanted to. Cloud felt amazed that Zack even allowed Cloud to kiss him in the first place.

Cloud’s lips parted and he slid his tongue into Zack’s mouth. Cloud shivered with pleasure as they tasted each other, slowly and gently. He rolled his tongue around Zack’s mouth, wanting to explore every crevice. Slowly the kissing grew more intense as they became lost in the feel of each other. Zack started taking the lead, leaning into Cloud. His tongue pushed more and more into Cloud’s mouth and he began nipping at Cloud’s bottom lip. Cloud could feel Zack’s heart thumping in his chest, and felt his own rhythm synchronise with Zack’s from time to time.

There came a buzzing from somewhere below Zack’s waist. Cloud abruptly disengaged the kiss, still breathing heavily but for a different reason now. They both looked at each other. Zack gave Cloud one of those smiles that had previously made him feel so uncomfortable, but now it just electrified him and caused his pulse to race and his heart to flutter.

Zack pushed his forehead against Cloud’s, trying to get his composure back. “I want to continue this… when we get home… if that’s what you want too.”

Cloud felt somewhat overwhelmed as a shiver of pleasure ran down his spine in response to Zack’s words. He wasn’t able to get any words out. He just nodded his head and forced a small sound out of the back of his throat, netting him another smile from Zack and a kiss on his forehead before Zack pulled away. Zack released Cloud reluctantly and reached for his back pocket. They both got up as Zack answered the call, sounding a little out of breath.

“Hey Roxas, is it that time already?”

* * *

 

The ride home had been very quiet as Zack had told Cloud to get some shut eye while he continued to drive. Cloud fell asleep in a matter of minutes; exhaustion finally caught up with him as the adrenaline and nervousness he had experienced from baring his soul left him.

Zack had spent the better part of the drive thinking about the revelation which Cloud had shared with him. Slowly, over the weeks, Zack had gotten a much better picture of what Cloud and Roxas had gone through. It finally made sense why Cloud had been so closed off; why keeping Roxas a secret was Cloud’s imperative; why they had moved around so much over the years. Zack actually started getting concerned for their safety too, now that he knew some of what they had fled from. The way that Cloud was… it seemed completely justified in his eyes. He finally understood.

He had listened as quietly as he could. He had desperately wished it wasn’t true; wished that Cloud was a liar; wished that Cloud had never been exposed to such cruelty and manipulation. He couldn’t accept the blame that Cloud seemed so ready to put on himself, but he had stayed quiet. Whoever this guy was should have known better. It was always the adults responsibility to do the right thing and Cloud had been used and abused. He couldn’t shake the image of Cloud’s back. Every time he thought about it he felt burning rage and would grip the steering wheel tightly, digging his fingernails into it. How long had Cloud suffered through this? One year? _Two_? It brought tears to his eyes to think about it. Zack hoped he would never meet Cloud’s tormentor, because he truly had no idea what he would do to the guy if they met.

Zack’s mind was also tormented about the emotional scars Cloud had been left with. What he had told Cloud about not thinking any less of him, no matter what he had done in the past or been exposed to, was true. It didn’t matter to him. It only made Zack want to care for him more. What he _did_ worry about though was getting physically closer to Cloud. He really wanted Cloud. The kiss they had shared had only confirmed that for Zack. His body had started to react to Cloud by just being close to him over the last few weeks; he had resorted to wearing his baggier pants so as not to draw attention to his predicament. Zack’s only consolation had been that Cloud had initiated the kiss. It had meant that Cloud had wanted it as much as Zack had. Maybe that would be the way to play it. Let Cloud take the lead. But Zack knew himself well enough to know that he always enjoyed being the more dominant in a pair. He didn’t want to hurt Cloud, didn’t want to re-traumatize him. Now Zack was worried about what intimacy with Cloud would look like. The knowledge of Cloud’s abuse made Zack feel like Cloud was fragile, and he couldn’t shake that thought.

Cloud was still asleep when they pulled up in front of Sora’s place and Zack had thought himself into a rather depressed mood. Zack gently shook Cloud awake and felt himself cheer up when Cloud smiled at him.

“We already home?”

“Yup.”

There came a knock on the window and they both turned to see Roxas beaming at them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was _really_ difficult and uncomfortable to write. It took me quite some time. I feel so bad for putting Cloud through it all, but it's all in the interest of getting him to start his new and better life with Zack.
> 
> But lucky thing is... this is the last song fic. *throws confetti*
> 
>  **(1)** \- Song Credit - _Be Still _\- by **The Killers**__


	23. The Wrong Thing, For The Right Reason

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zack struggles with conflicting feelings towards Cloud, leading to disaster. Roxas and Cloud have an argument.

The week had almost passed since Cloud had told Zack about his past and yet Zack was still no closer to resolving his feelings towards Cloud. Zack hated to admit it but he had kept his distance. Cloud had come in to have lunch on Monday and sat really close to Zack, which wasn’t that difficult given the small size of the lounge. Zack had panicked and said he needed to make some phone calls. This had continued for several days with excuses around being busy or making sure to give Cloud a full workload to keep him out of the office.

Zack however was just making himself lonely. He missed spending time with Cloud but he also worried too much about making things worse. He had thought that maybe Cloud’s boundaries were all askew from what sounded to be years of sexual abuse. Maybe Cloud _thought_ he wanted Zack only because he didn’t know any better. Zack then spent hours going over his own actions, trying to identify whether or not he had ever pushed or unknowingly manipulated Cloud. Or whether he did things that might have steered Cloud into developing feelings for him that wouldn’t have been there normally. Those kinds of thoughts usually ended with Zack having a headache.

Zack did his usual round of checking on Roxas, with the addition of delivering a sea salt ice cream that Axel had dropped off.

“Oh thanks, Zack!” came Roxas’ gleeful appreciation as he accepted the popsicle.

“Why do you think Axel keeps bringing these over? He’s not pursuing Cloud anymore, but he still keeps doing this,” Zack asked him pointedly, taking a seat on the edge of the desk.

Roxas shrugged as he unwrapped the frozen parcel of deliciousness, and ignored Zack’s pointed stare.

“Dunno. Maybe he just thinks it’s a funny thing to keep doing - on account of you having told him that Cloud hates this flavor.”

Zack just continued to look at him, but this time he cocked one of his eyebrows.

Roxas was becoming uncomfortable with the scrutiny and hoped to change the subject. “Hey Zack… is everything ok between you and Cloud? He seems extra mopey this week.”

That gave Zack an uneasy feeling. He didn’t want to make matters worse for Cloud after all, which was precisely why he was keeping his distance.

“What do you mean by ‘ _mopey_ ’?”

“Well… he’s never been much of a talker, but he’s gone more quiet. Usually I only see that if I’ve upset him, but I’m pretty sure I’ve done nothing but been an exemplary little brother to Cloud this week. So…”

“...so it _has_ to be my fault, right?”

Roxas nodded while taking small bites from his ice cream, which he was making rather short work of.

“I’m not playing this game, Roxas. Tell me what’s going on between you and Axel.” Zack was hoping to dodge the bullet.

Roxas choked on his mouthful of salty yet sweet goodness.

“Wh-what d-do you _mean_?”

“Don’t play innocent with me, mister.”

Zack snatched Roxas’ workbook from under him and flicked through a few pages before throwing it back down and pointing at a drawing of Axel in the margins.

Roxas felt his face go red. He had completely forgotten to scribble over that one.

“I… it’s nothing - really.”

“C’mon, Roxas. Lying doesn’t suit you. I’ve seen how Axel hangs around here. Subtle and Axel don’t go hand in hand.” Zack crossed his arms and had his business face on. Roxas knew he wouldn’t be able to weasel his way out of this one.

“All right… I’ll tell you, if you tell me what’s going on with you and Cloud,” Roxas said with defiance.

Zack considered this ultimatum for a moment before extending his hand. They shook on it.

Roxas didn’t know how to best talk about this so he tried to brush very broadly over all the fine and significant details. “Well - he taught me at school… and we got on really well - and he invited me out to a concert next weekend.”

“Like on a date?”

Roxas was beyond embarrassed. He imagined this is what it would be like to talk to his parents about _boys_ if they were still alive to have this conversation with him.

“N-not like a _date_.”

* * *

 

Roxas had taken the plunge a few days ago to message Axel, like Sora had suggested. Sora had been there to coach and guide Roxas through the messaging process - plus he had just been really nosy.

T: Hey Axel! Thanks for the concert ticket. Really appreciate it.

A: Who’s this?

T: It’s the troublemaker in your life.

A: Hey troublemaker! You got a name?

T: Of course. But you can keep calling me Troublemaker.

A: Looks like that name suits you, huh.

T: You told me to call you, so here I am.

A: You’re not very bright, are ya? This ain’t a phone call.

T: I’m shy. Text will have to do.

A: You too shy to tell me your name or call me. You gonna be too shy to show up next week?

T: As long as you give me a lift there and back I’ll show.

A: What’s gonna be in it for me?

T: You’ll get to meet me in person.

A: Anything else?

T: I’m a natural blonde ;)

Roxas’ heart had been well and truly pounding by the end of that conversation. He sort of had regretted Sora having been present as he had wanted to flirt more with Axel. Yet he had also been grateful for the support.

Axel had texted Roxas a couple of times a day since that conversation, trying to fish more information out of Roxas, or just telling him of what funny things had happened to him that day. Roxas had absolutely loved it. He felt close and connected and like he was getting to know Axel a little bit better.

* * *

 

“Like what then?” came Zack's demanding question.

“We’re just going to a concert because we both really like the band.”

“Cloud doesn't know about this, does he?”

Roxas just looked at Zack with terror in his eyes.

“Zack - please! Please don’t tell him! I - I need _this_. I need to go out and experience life, just - _once_. _PLEASE!_ A-Axel will look after me. He promised. I made sure of it.”

“How are you guys even…”

And just then a phone buzzed and Roxas’ heart sank through the floor.

Zack snatched up the phone before Roxas could grab it.

A: How’d you like the ice cream?

“Zack!” Roxas was beyond embarrassed. He felt completely ashamed and sick to his stomach as Zack flicked through the message history.

Zack returned the phone to Roxas and just frowned at the boy.

He thought about what Roxas had gone through and his heart wavered. Zack had said it to Cloud - Axel was generally a good kid. Maybe it was alright for them to go out together.

“I can’t make this decision for you - or Cloud. It’s your life. You deserve to live it how you want.”

“Thank you, Zack!” Roxas was immensely relieved and got up to throw his arms around Zack.

Zack patted Roxas on the head. “Just make sure - promise me - that you won’t do anything reckless. Don’t let Axel talk you into doing things you don’t want or are comfortable doing. Promise me you’ll look after yourself and stay close to Axel.”

Roxas nodded like crazy. “I promise, I _promise!!”_

“I’ll also tell Axel to not let anything happen to you.”

“NO!!”

Zack looked at him, startled.

“I mean… no… please don’t, Zack. He might take that the wrong way and get offended if it comes from you," Roxas said more gently.

Zack agreed after a moment's pause.

“You’re probably right.”

Roxas silently reveled in his triumph.

“If you could distract Cloud next weekend, I’d greatly appreciate it.”

“How am I supposed to do that?” asked Zack somewhat uncomfortably, knowing that this would probably lead to his turn on the grill.

Roxas tried to mimic the way that Zack had looked at him when this inquisition had all started.

Zack understood and laughed.

“Shoes on the other foot now, huh?”

Roxas nodded.

“So... Tell me what’s going on between you and Cloud?… and don’t play innocent with me, mister.” The irony wasn't lost on Zack, especially not as Roxas was smirking mockingly at him.

“Alright, alright, alright! Get off your high horse, Roxas.” Zack ruffled Roxas’ hair, trying to buy himself some time to think about his response.

“Cloud told me about what happened… back when your mom died. How you guys were looked after by your mom’s boyfriend.” Zack had a hard time keeping the contempt out of his voice. ‘Looked after’ - what a ridiculous notion. “He told me about the abuse. He told me why you guys had to run.”

Roxas sat in silence, eyes downcast. “H-he… he really told you? All of it?”

“All of it,” said Zack quietly.

“So you know about… Sephiroth.” Roxas said it so quietly that Zack almost didn’t catch it.

“Seph-iroth?” Zack felt like his heart stopped. The Great... General… Sephiroth?! Zack’s mind began to race through everything he knew about the man. He had been an early achiever, and attained many medals and commendations. He had been instrumental in turning the tide of the Wutai Wars and in stopping a global catastrophe… the catastrophe… it had happened around this time of year, ten years ago. Zack’s mind flicked to Cloud talking about their father having died ten years ago, around …

“Roxas… when is your birthday?” Zack asked, somewhat stunned.

Roxas looked at him quizzically.

“Don’t change the sub-...”

“Just tell me,” Zack pressed.

“N-next weekend. But… we never celebrate it. We always celebrate the week after…”

Zack felt floored. He would never have imagined… Sephiroth had been - he had been his idol. Zack felt ill. He had heard that Sephiroth had retired after the war. There was talk around ‘ _family business_ ’. The general consensus had been however that Sephiroth had kept more and more to himself due to personal tragedy and grief. Zack wanted to throw his arms around Cloud so badly.

“So…”

Zack was brought back to the room by Roxas’ voice.

“H-he told me everything. And… we kissed.” Zack’s mind was still reeling from the revelation.

Roxas remained attentive but silent.

“I told him how much I cared for him. I - I _love_ Cloud.”

Zack looked at Roxas. Having said it out loud to someone else made it feel more real.

“But… the more I’ve been thinking about everything you two have been through… the more I think about Cloud… the more I’m scared that - that I’ll break him, irrevocably. I don’t - I don’t want to be _another_ S-Sephiroth in his life.” Zack felt dirty just saying that name.

“That is the stupidest thing I have heard you say for as long as I’ve known you, Zack. You and Cloud really are the same. Always thinking too much!” Roxas wore his defiant face again as he chided Zack.

“There is no way that you could make things worse. Even if you were to date Cloud and cheat on him, or dump him... it would still _never_ be as bad as what Seph… as what that _jerk_ did to Cloud. The fact that you are even thinking about this stuff - thinking about what is best for Cloud shows how completely different you are from him.” Roxas had become angry that Zack could be so stupid.

“Your stupidity is what is hurting my brother. I’ve never heard or seen him open up so much to anyone in his life. Not to mom, not to… that _dick_. Not to _anyone_. You are special to him, and he loves you back. Even if he’ll never say it I _know_ that he does. He _trusts_ you.”

Zack leaned over and wrapped his arms around Roxas. His heart felt lighter than it had done in days. It was reassurance that he had needed. Reassurance from a ‘ _Cloud expert_ ’ as it were. Zack felt stupid indeed for having fed into so much self doubt. He kissed Roxas firmly on his forehead in relief.

A loud clatter snapped Zack and Roxas’ attention sharply back into the room. Cloud was standing only a few feet away, having dropped a platter of cookies he had picked up on his way back to the warehouse. He just stared, in shock.

“Oh hey Cloud! Welc-...”

Cloud turned and was off like a shot.

“Shit!”

“You better go after him,” said Roxas urgently.

Zack ran out the door to follow Cloud who was already halfway to his bike, fiddling with the ignition key in his hand.

“Cloud, wait!”

“No, I think I’ll leave you and Roxas alone. You always seem to enjoy his company more than mine anyway.” Cloud was hurt.

“It’s not what you think!” Zack had reached Cloud who was busy moving his bike out of the shop. Zack snatched the keys away from Cloud resulting in him getting a venomous glare.

“I tr- … I _trusted_ you!” The pain was evident in Cloud's voice and expression, and it felt like a slap in Zack’s face. “I’m not your plaything!” Cloud started getting angry as he kept trying to get his keys back from Zack. “I opened myself up to you, and what do I get? A cold shoulder. All week you’ve been… avoiding me. What was that shit about ‘continuing _this_ when we get home?’. Was I that disgusting to you that you had to _lie_ to my face? And then to get with my _little brother_? You make me SICK!” Cloud's face became flushed with anger.

“You go… you go running off to Roxas, because his life has never been as complicated. Because everyone just fucking _loves_ Roxas.”

Zack noticed that Cloud was no longer talking to him, but had trained his eyes on his little brother who had walked out to see if he could help in any way. Roxas looked hurt and shocked… but in a matter of moments his expression changed, almost mirroring Cloud's.

“Of course no one likes you, Cloud! Look at you! You whine, you get nothing right. Everyone hates you! I _hate_ you! You couldn’t keep mom safe, you couldn’t even keep _me_ safe! Sephiroth was right about you!” Roxas spat out.

Zack’s eyes widened and he was floored by what he was hearing. “ROXAS!” he yelled. He felt rage welling inside himself. They both seemed to have completely snapped.

Cloud abandoned his bike and crossed the floor space in a matter of seconds, punching Roxas straight in the shoulder. Roxas went flying backwards towards the stairs leading up to Zack’s apartment and collapsed on the floor clutching his shoulder.

Cloud stood over him, fists clenched, breathing heavily and grinding his jaw.

“How _DARE_ you! After all I’ve ever done for you!” Cloud shouted.

“Y-you couldn’t even… protect yourself! You’re useless. You’re the worst of the worst! You are _worthless_!” Roxas kept baiting Cloud.

Cloud screamed in rage and punched the wall right next to Roxas’ head.

Zack’s adrenaline was pumping. He had to restrain Cloud before he did something he would regret. He rushed over, grabbing Cloud from behind and pinned his arms to his side. “Cloud! What’re you doing?! Both of you CUT IT OUT!”

Cloud struggled against Zack.

Terror was painted all over Roxas’ face. He scrambled to his feet and bolted up the stairs taking two at a time to lock himself up behind Zack’s door. Cloud seeing what Roxas was aiming for struggled harder. He managed to free one arm and elbowed Zack squarely in the solar plexus winding him and causing Zack to loosen his grip on Cloud. An enraged Cloud dashed up the stairs three at a time but got there a fraction too late. Roxas had locked himself in.

Cloud started banging against the door.

“Let! _ME_! _IN_! **_ROXAS!!!_** ”

“NO! Not until you calm down and stop jumping to conclusions!”

Cloud kept thumping, and started trying to ram the door open with his shoulder.

“I fucking _hate_ you! You hear me?! I _hate_ having to look after you! I _hate_ that mom always cared for you more. Why was it _always you_ who had everything? Why were _you_ the most important thing in everyone's life?! Why did _you_ get the life that I should have had!?” screamed Cloud at the door. “How _dare_ you tell me I am worthless and not good enough! I stayed for you! I took all his … _bullshit_! I did _everything_ for you!”

“I _never_ asked you to stay! You’re so damn stupid, Cloud! You should have saved yourself. You should have gone and left me years ago! Should have gone and lived your dreams.” Roxas’ voice was becoming more high pitched and sounded distressed.

“I COULDN’T!”

“Why?!”

“Because…” the anger faded out of Cloud's voice. “... Because… I promised. Because you’re my brother. You… you’re my _heart_.” Cloud melted to the floor and pained sobs escaped his throat. Zack’s heart clenched as he saw the scene. He hated seeing Cloud like this, and he had seen him like this way too much for one lifetime already.

“You didn’t leave... because you are a good person. I … I could see what he was doing to you. I don’t know all the details… and I never want to know… but I could see how he was destroying you… and how you were destroying yourself. You need to stop listening to him, Cloud! All that crap I said before… you know those are _his_ words _._ Not mine. You need to stop believing all the crap that he fed you… all the stuff about not being good enough, about it being your fault.”

Both had settled down to Zack’s immense relief. Cloud was cradling his head in his hands and whimpered quietly.

The door opened and Roxas came out slowly, wincing as he moved his sore shoulder. He knelt down next to Cloud and began wrapping his arms around his older brother.

“You… the only reason I ever had everything was because of _you_ , you dumbo. You took _everything_ on board. All the bad stuff… so I didn’t have to feel it. You - you were my shield, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. I always worried that I could never be as good as you - never be as strong as you. I felt like I just constantly let you down.”

“I was being a stupid child, for so many years; holding on to how I thought you had wronged me. Hating how … how _you_ had gotten us into this situation. But in the end, I think we both had a part to play and we both got ourselves out. We were both used. We both share the same amount of responsibility. I should have fought harder to finish the appointments with the specialists. I could have finished my appointments a whole year earlier but he had insisted. I could have spared you so much pain… and we could have left earlier - if I had been stronger. And I have to live with that. So Cloud - I forgive you, if you forgive me. I don’t want to hold these bad feelings anymore.”

Cloud nodded. “I forgive you.”

Roxas gave Cloud a big hug forcing another loud sob out of the older brother. 

“I guess we held onto a lot of resentment over the years.”

“Yeah… but we are our own worst enemy,” Roxas said ruefully.

Zack looked up at the brothers as they exchanged another tearful hug. He felt relieved and slowly walked up the stairs clutching his ribs. That was going to leave a nasty bruise, he was certain. When he got to the top of the landing he sat on the last stair. Cloud took notice, untangling himself from Roxas and scooched over to sit next to Zack.

“You guys are so messed up. What the hell was that?” Zack laughed and their strange sibling issues but the laughing only caused him to wince in pain.

“Shit… I’m so sorry, Zack.”

“You pack a mean punch, Cloud. I’d never have guessed.”

Cloud turned around to face Roxas with wide eyes, suddenly realizing what he had done to his brother as well.

“You ok?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.” Roxas moved his shoulder to illustrate the point but gritted his teeth at the pain. “Nothing ice and time won’t fix, I think.”

Cloud returned his head to his hands and groaned a, “I’m so sorry, guys!”

“I’m gonna pack up. You two make up and then I want to order some take-out as compensation.” Roxas bounded down the stairs like nothing had happened.

“I’m so sorry, Zack,” Cloud repeated and looked at him with watery eyes. Zack wrapped an arm carefully around Cloud, making sure to not further aggravate his own ribs, and planted a kiss on wet cheeks. It had been an intense and chaotic couple of minutes, and Zack still wasn’t sure what had happened, but the brothers seemed to have patched something up which they hadn’t even realized was broken.

“I’m the one who should be sorry. Roxas and I were talking about how stupid I had been when you walked in and saw us.”

“I was scared, Cloud. Scared to hurt you more. I started thinking of you like a fragile flower, and that if I was going to be intimate with you that it would somehow break you. I started thinking that I knew better than you about what’s in your own heart.”

Cloud reached for Zack and interlaced their fingers. Zack looked down at their hands and smiled, giving Cloud a squeeze.

“I’ve been so busy wanting _you_ to trust me, that I completely forgot to trust _you_ , and trust that you know your own self and your experiences better than what I could ever hope to understand.” Zack let out a short and bitter laugh. “See, complete idiot.”

“Maybe a case of doing the wrong thing for the right reasons?”

Zack smiled at Cloud. “I love you, you know that?”

Cloud blushed which was Zack’s queue to plant a kiss on his lips. 


	24. The Chains That Bind Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas desperately tries to patch things up with Axel.

Life had become better, for everyone involved. Roxas could see the happiness and contentment in Cloud’s eyes. Their relationship seemed to be lighter and friendlier. Cloud seemed like he was able to talk more openly with Roxas about his thoughts. They had both agreed that their individual resentments had worn them down and that it had been good to air it out. Cloud still fussed over Roxas’ shoulder because he felt guilty and responsible for it. And so he should, Roxas thought. But Roxas wasn’t holding the grudge, so they could both move on with their lives. Roxas just had to accept that Cloud would always worry about him - and that was nice in a way.

Zack had come around on the weekend as Cloud had finally told him where they lived. He had brought over two mattresses in his van and Roxas had been overjoyed about it. He wasn’t too happy though when they both disappeared into the bedroom for an hour. Zack however had brought Roxas some headphones and had helped him to load all his favorite music onto his phone before he vanished again. Roxas was really happy for them, albeit disgusted at the same time.

Yes, life was pretty good, Roxas mused.

* * *

 

Saturday seemed to drag its heels. Roxas was looking forward to it so much that everything paled in comparison. He couldn’t wait for it to arrive, but at the same time he also began feeling more nervous the closer it got. The messages from Axel continued to come thick and fast the closer Saturday drew near. They had entire conversations around The Electric Keyblades discography and musical influences. They spoke about what music they hoped would be played and also trying to figure out what their playlist would most probably be. They messaged like crazy about weapons, how to get licenses to own them and what their preferred weapon would be in case of a Zombie Apocalypse. And from time to time Axel would ask Roxas what his favorite things in the world were. Food, color, animal, songs, time of day, person. Roxas knew what answer Axel fished for with that last one, and he wanted to give it to him - but in person - when the time was right. Roxas didn’t exactly know how it happened, but he had fallen for Axel big time.

The last time Roxas saw Zack on the Thursday he had again pleaded with him to keep Cloud as busy as possible, to which Zack happily agreed with a wink, causing Roxas to shudder. Zack had also once again warned the boy to be careful and not do anything reckless. He wasn’t going to take responsibility for Roxas’ actions.

And then it was Friday night. Roxas, Sora and Riku were lounging on the sofa, watching one of Sora’s favorite movies. Kairi wasn’t able to make it because of a family dinner she had to attend, but she had begged them to keep texting her through the night so she wouldn’t be bored out of her mind.

Incidentally Axel had much the same idea as he kept messaging Roxas, causing the boy to smile every time his phone vibrated.

“Someone's popular tonight,” commented Riku, and Sora just smirked.

“He’s got a hot date tomorrow.”

“SORA!” shouted Roxas.

“Hot date? With who?”

“It’s a secret.”

Roxas just sat between Sora and Riku, huffing and turning his head like he was at a tennis match as Sora and Riku exchanged banter about Roxas’ personal life like he wasn’t even there.

Riku had been upset on behalf of Roxas that he would miss the live broadcast of The Electric Keyblades concert, but then Sora insinuated - no, he basically _told_ Riku that Roxas’ hot date _was_ at the concert.

Roxas just groaned. So much for keeping secrets.

“Hey Roxas, I was thinking…”

Roxas was scared where this would possibly go.

“If _you-know-who_ likes blondes so much… we should dye your hair.”

“What?”

“You know, to maximize your chance of not getting rejected.”

“But where are we -.”

“All taken care of! I bought some the other day!”

Roxas wasn’t so sure about this idea. Was this deemed as ‘reckless’ behavior? There had always been a reason why Roxas’ hair was black. Roxas bore a striking resemblance to his mother, and the hair made it about ten times worse.

He really, truly wanted to go back to blonde. He hated having dark hair. He never felt like himself anymore. Sora’s offer was really tempting but -. Roxas breathed out heavily, not liking what he was about to do.

“No.”

“But -.”

“No!”

Roxas had won out and felt somewhat proud that he managed to make the rational choice, despite Sora’s moping. He was certain that Cloud and Zack would praise him for being so sensible. Not that they would ever find out - But if they did, they would surely be pleased.

When they went to bed Sora attempted to convince Roxas once more.

“We still have time tomorrow morning. You’re meeting with Axel at twelve, right? Doesn’t take more than two hours.”

“No.”

Roxas could hear Sora’s huff of disappointment.

“You nervous about tomorrow?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll have Riku on stand-by if he has to go and take you, on accounts of you having failed to woo Axel because your hair's not blonde.”

“You really are the bestest friend that anyone could ask for,” said Roxas sarcastically, even though he really did appreciate all the effort and thought Sora was putting into this.

Roxas slept badly that night.

* * *

 

The morning passed slowly. Roxas’ stomach was in knots due to his nerves as he stood at Sora’s front door making sure he had everything. Phone, check. Drawing, check. Money, check. Sora had given him some ‘just in case of an emergency’ and Roxas had been infinitely grateful for it.

“Now just remember, DO.NOT.ANSWER.YOUR.PHONE! If Cloud rings I’ll handle it from my end. I hope you have an amazing time, and I’m super jealous! I’ll leave the door open so you can sneak in at whatever time you get back.” Sora gave him an encouraging hug and waved him off as Roxas walked down the road a few blocks from the brunettes house.

Roxas knew he would be early to the meeting point but he couldn’t wait idly around the house anymore. It had been driving him mad. He rounded the corner and his heart went into overdrive as he saw a red sports car parked under the shade of a tree. There were no other cars around… it had to be Axel. Roxas wanted to run away, but his feet kept moving towards the car.

‘Play it cool, just play it cool’, he told himself over and over again. As he approached he heard the car door open. Red hair… as red as the car appeared. Green eyes focused on him and narrowed as Axel leaned against the roof of his car, watching Roxas come closer.

Roxas was now at the passenger side of the car. They still hadn’t said a word to each other. Axel was so mad, Roxas just knew it.

“H-hey… Axel.” He gave a weak smile which faded out as Axel's demeanor and expression refused to change.

“It’s still black.” Axel sounded disappointed. Roxas mentally kicked himself. He should have listened to Sora.

Axel began to move around his car. Roxas was struck by how sexy he looked. He wore a dark red button-up satin shirt, and those delicious tight black leather jeans he had worn the first day Roxas had laid eyes on him. Axel had also painted one inverted tear drop under each eye. Roxas was shocked by how much it added to Axel’s look.

Sora had made sure to dress Roxas as nicely as he could from his own wardrobe. Sora had lent him a pretty loose fitting blue shirt to ‘ _bring out your eyes_ ’ as he had said, and to show some skin. Sora had also squeezed Roxas into the most fitted jeans he had available to him and slung a fair few belts around his waist to make him look more ‘ _badass_ ’. Roxas had felt blessed that they were more or less the same build and height.

“What are you doing here. Roxas?”

Despite Axel having no affection in his voice Roxas still derived pleasure from hearing his name leave Axel’s lips.

“I’m here for my lift. I’m your troublemaker,” Roxas got out with a lot more confidence than he felt.

Once he had drawn close and stood right in front of Roxas, Axel studied him. Roxas felt the eyes drifting up and down his body, much like they had done the first day they met. Axel put both his hands on either side of Roxas’ body, leaving the boy no escape. Axel leaning forward and looked down at him. Axel had looked much like he had that day in the pantry, eyes filled with lust and a wanting. But like a light switch turning off coldness filled Axel’s eyes.

“Get outta here, kid.”

“Axel, _no, I want t-_ ” Roxas began fumbling with his pockets, trying to get the drawing out that he had shoved into his back pocket.

“I said get outta here! NOW!” Axel’s eyes were ablaze with rage and he partly pushed, partly dragged Roxas away from his car, flinging the boy aside.

Roxas finally managed to free the paper from his pocket and ran back towards Axel who had already rounded his car and was getting into the driver's seat to leave.

“If you don’t want me around that’s fine. But I want you to have _this_!” huffed Roxas as he pressed the folded paper into Axel's shirt pocket. This had been a complete disaster, but Roxas still squeezed out a painful smile and ran off, to go back to Sora’s house, and possibly cry his eyes out there.

Axel didn’t even have the chance to throw the paper back at the kid’s face, which he felt very annoyed over. He didn’t much enjoy letting others have the last word. He watched Roxas jog away in his rear view mirror before diving into his pocket to fish out the contents. Thoughts went whirling around his head. When Axel saw Roxas round the corner he felt angry, used, made fun of. Why was this kid showing up now? Maybe it had just been a co-incidence… but then he had walked right towards his car... What was he even playing at?

The concert ticket fell into Axel’s lap as he unfolded the larger piece of paper. Axel had been surprised to see that Roxas had given it back. He just assumed the kid was there to rub something in his face. Like ‘ _Ha! Gotcha good! Now this ticket is **mine!**_ ’ And that he would make his own way there somehow. But that didn’t seem to be the case.

When Axel had finally unfolded the bigger paper he sat there for a moment looking at it. It looked so worn and torn that Axel wondered if Roxas had been carrying this around with him for a long time. He estimated that he hadn’t seen the kid in probably a month now. Had Roxas really cared that much? The drawing was of a really neat and red … fire engine. Roxas had also drawn himself (with blonde hair though) and Axel into the picture, putting out a fire - together - looking happy.

He folded it up again, but carefully, and stored it in his glove compartment. Sitting there for a while he thought about what he wanted to do. He apparently had been talking to Roxas all this time. It really had been him. Axel grumbled at how seeing Roxas again made his heart thump. He started his engines and drove off with a roar.

Roxas had run an entire block before slowing down to a walk. He breathed heavily trying not to think about how massively he had messed up again. Why couldn’t he do anything right by Axel? It was frustrating. He slowed down to a crawl, not wanting to face Sora just yet. At least he felt happy in the knowledge that he had delivered his drawing. It could be his way out of the guilt he felt for having caused such trouble for Axel, he mused.

Roxas turned as he heard a car racing down the road. He saw a streak of red hurtling towards him. He continued walking, figuring that Axel was just going to do a drive by and holler something vulgar at him as he flew past. Yet to Roxas’ surprise the car screeched to a halt a little in front of where Roxas was and as he approached the passenger side door was opened.

“Get your perfect little arse in here, before I change my mind!”

Roxas’ heart began to beat faster with excitement. Sora eat your heart out! He didn’t need to dye his hair after all!

He jumped into the car, pulled the door shut and grinned at Axel as he revved the engine and pulled away at full speed.

“Thanks!” Roxas breathed.

Axel still wore an angry face and didn’t say anything for a few miles, so Roxas also sat quietly, wondering what was going through Axel’s head.

“Why did you give me that drawing?” Axel asked eventually.

“Oh… I made it for you. I thought it might cheer you up.” Roxas smiled at Axel gently yet his brow just furrowed more deeply.

“Y-you don’t like it?”

“Why’d you think I need cheering up?” Axel asked pointedly but also with caution in his voice.

“Because I hurt you, and I’m really sorry,” came the quiet response. “I’ve been feeling miserable about it ever since you didn’t come back that Monday.”

Axel seemed to consider Roxas’ words for a time, before asking, “Did you miss me?” He glanced over at Roxas, wanting to the response on his features.

Roxas felt the butterflies in his stomach returning as he glanced at Axel looking at him. “Yep,” he said ever so quietly and nodding his head slightly.

More silence filled the car for a while. Roxas kept looking at Axel, studying his face. Roxas wanted to learn all of Axel's expressions. He could read Cloud like a book, and he wanted to be able to do the same with Axel.

“It’s pretty ratty looking,” came Axel’s voice, breaking the silence after a while. “The drawing I mean. What did you do? Keep it on you at all times? Did you sleep with it? Put it through the wash?”

It sounded to Roxas like Axel’s fire and spark was slowly returning and the heavy feeling in his chest began to lift a little.

“I’ve wanted to give it to you for a long time. … So _yes_. I did carry it around with me everywhere I went. But _no_ , I did _not_ sleep with it **or** wash it.” Roxas felt like he had just stepped into a trap as the words left his mouth.

“What about me? Would you sleep with me, or wash me? Axel asked cheekily.

And there it was. Roxas should have seen that coming a mile away. He groaned, but was unable to hide the smile.

Axel watched as Roxas’ face lit up and began to bloom a glorious red. He laughed wholeheartedly.

“It’s a bit too early to ask me about stuff like that, don’t you think? I mean, we’ve never even been on a date.” Roxas’ body was buzzing with excitement and he hoped that Axel would take the very obvious bait. Whatever fog had been hanging over them seemed to be lifting, and he was glad for it. He wanted to play and have fun with Axel, and just enjoy himself without being so serious.

“If there’s one thing you should know about me it’s that I like to move fast. I see something I like and I take it. Not much for the slow burn, personally. So consider this our first date, Roxy!” Axel gave him a wink and laughed more to himself than anything else.

Roxas shivered all over as Axel finally reinstated the pet name he had for him.

“A date it is then.” He couldn’t stop the smile from spreading right across his face. He was overjoyed.

“So since this is a date this gives me the right to ask you whatever personal question I deem fit. After all I don’t want to be dating some weirdo, now do i?”

Roxas just laughed. “I think _I’m_ the one who should be more concerned about dating a weirdo. You have a reputation.”

Axel feigned offense and shock at his words, and Roxas found it adorable.

True to Axel’s word he delved straight into his questions and didn’t hold back.

“Why were you hiding in Zack’s shop like a caged princess?”

Subtle and Axel certainly didn’t go together, Roxas reflected on Zack’s words with a smile. He felt like that suited him just fine. He had become sick of all the tip-toeing and guess work that was involved in communicating with his brother.

“Cloud’s my brother. He’s overprotective, and since we are new to this city he wanted to keep me close by.”

“So you really _are_ a princess," gasped Axel. "Trapped and guarded by two awful goblins. It’s alright now, your highness. Your Prince Charming is here to save you.” Axel reached for Roxas’ hand and kissed it suddenly. Axel was all toothy grins and smiles as he released Roxas’ hand again. Roxas couldn’t be happier if he tried.

“If you are going to be my prince you have to promise to protect me and let nothing happen to me. I have to return to the castle before the sun rises on the morrow or the kingdom will fall apart and seek vengeance on your head. And the goblins will drink your blood.” Roxas said, playing along.

“You have my word, your grace.”

“Then I accept, my prince.”

They both laughed and after a while began talking about all the things they discussed in their phone messages. Roxas was over the moon with happiness and contentment to be able to speak with Axel so casually but still feel the fire that burned underneath everything that Axel said or did. Roxas felt like the heat and passion he experienced in the pantry so long ago was still there, roiling just beneath the surface. And that excited him, beyond belief.

The time had flown past and before Roxas even realized it they had arrived at their destination. He looked out the window at the tall buildings; Zanarkand was a bustling hive of activity. The city was well known as the party and culture capitol of the entire region, as well as a hub for technology. It was set underground so it was always dark, giving the city its biggest draw card as a 24/7 ‘nightlife’ city. Concerts and performances could be held on any day at any time and weather was never an issue. High above the skyscrapers was a canopy of stars, which in actuality was a sea of glow worms that lived in this massive cave system. Roxas knew that this was a nice city, as long as you didn’t wish to live in it. He had been here with Cloud once, but their stay had been very short lived. Yet he still marveled at the spectacles that were on offer.

Axel drove his car into a very expensive looking hotel and let a valet look after things from there on out. He slung an arm around Roxas’ shoulder and looked down at him.

“So where to from here, Roxy? We have about six hours to kill. We can do whatever you like. We could catch a movie, go for a walk… get a hotel room,” he winked suggestively, sending the butterflies in Roxas’ stomach fluttering up into his chest.

Roxas’ stomach growled causing Axel to laugh.

“Alright then. We have our answer!”

Axel moved his arm off Roxas’ shoulder choosing instead to lead him by the hand. Axel’s hand was warm and strong and Roxas loved holding it. They wove their way through the crowded city streets towards the cafe district. As they entered a large domed structure the darkness changed to bright daylight. Axel explained that this part of the city simulated what was going on outside in the world above for those who didn’t like the perpetual darkness.

“This is my favorite cafe to come to when I’m here,” Axel said as he pulled out a chair for Roxas to sit on.

“Looks expensive.” Roxas was worried. He definitely didn’t have enough money for food.

“It is. But don’t worry about that. I said I would take care of you, and I meant it.” Axel sat down across from Roxas and busied himself with getting the waiter's attention and ordering all kinds of delicious things which he thought Roxas might enjoy.

“You really don’t have to do this. I don’t want you to spend so much money on me.” Roxas felt bad and embarrassed that he couldn’t pay for himself. If only Cloud would let him -. Roxas couldn’t finish that thought. He had to stop blaming his brother for everything.

Axel waved that comment away. “Of course I don’t have to, but I want to.”

They spent an hour there and Roxas was stuffed to the brim by the end of it, but also very satiated. Axel had been a shameless flirt; feeding Roxas cream cakes and purposefully smearing the creamiest of the cakes across his face so he could wipe it off with his fingers and then lick his digits clean. It made Roxas blush, which he knew was the primary reason why Axel was doing it. Roxas didn’t mind however. He even went as far as stopping Axel’s hand at one point and licking his fingers clean himself. He could have sworn he heard Axel moan.

Eventually they left the cafe to walk to a park that was close by and sat on a bench in the shade. Axel slung his arm around Roxas’ shoulder casually and they both watched the world go past.

“What happened here?” Axel asked as he dipped his index finger under Roxas’ loose shirt and began tracing the dark purple bruise that had developed there and was still refusing to fade away.

It still hurt to the touch and Roxas winced a little when Axel pressed a bit hard at one point. “Just some friendly sibling disagreement.”

“Doesn't look all that friendly to me. If I were to strip you down would I find more?” Axel’s voice was a mixture of lewd innuendo and caring concern. Roxas couldn’t quite get his head around how Axel could convey those two things simultaneously and yet he managed to pull it off somehow.

“It’s really nothing. Cloud takes good care of me. I just pushed all his wrong buttons - on purpose, to prove a point. I probably deserved a good punch for it.” Roxas shrugged, remembering that afternoon all too well. He hadn’t wanted Cloud to get angry at Zack, so he stopped him the one sure fire way he knew how; take the brunt of the assault upon himself. Probably not the best idea he ever had but it had still worked.

Axel didn't seem very convinced of Roxas’ reasoning. “I’ve got siblings too, but we’ve never left bruises on each other.”

“Really? I’m surprised... by the way Kairi seems to talk about you… I don’t know how you wouldn’t get into fights,” Roxas said more to himself than Axel.

“So you _are_ friends with Kairi.” Axel chuckled in the back of his throat. “I guess she would have told you only the _best_ things about me, huh?” Axel moved his hand away from the bruise and instead started playing with Roxas’ hair and stroked his cheek from time to time.

“The way she talks about you isn’t fair. I’m sick of how she devalues you!” Roxas said impassionately.

“Roxy,” Axel looked down at Roxas with a gentle smile in his eyes, “I don’t need you to fight my battles for me. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will _never_ please my family with my lifestyle choices. I will never be the CEO that my dad wants me to be. I just don’t let them bother me anymore.”

“How?” Roxas desperately wanted to know what the trick was to not caring.

“This is my _own_ life. Why should I have to live it like others want me to live it? Especially if their way doesn’t make me happy. Eventually all the people who have been telling me ‘no’ all my life won’t be around anymore. I can choose to listen to them and be left with a miserable life, only being who I wanted to be at the end, once everyone whose opinion ever mattered to me is dead... **OR** I can do my own thing right _now_ and be happy for my **whole** life. The choice is pretty clear to me.”

Roxas thought long and hard about what Axel had just told him. He thought about his short life and how much time and energy he had exuded to please others. To be a ‘good boy’, and do ‘the right thing’. But had it ever been the right thing for him? Had living up to others expectations ever made him truly happy?

“Everyone always said to me ‘ _oh you should be more like Cloud._ ’ ‘ _Why can’t you be as mature and as sensible as Cloud._ ’ Or if I wasn’t compared to my brother it would be my dad or mom. ‘ _Why can’t you be more like them?_ ’. Makes me feel like there must be something wrong with just being me. But then… sometimes I woke up and I wasn’t even sure who I was.”

“H-has that ever happened to you? That you wake up and feel like… like.. a nobody? Like nothing you do is important, or matters… like you don’t matter? Like no one even cares whether you exist or not?” Roxas could feel himself getting upset.

“I know I’m important to Cloud… but sometimes… I feel like the idea of me is more important to him than who I really actually am. If you replaced me with a puppet he probably wouldn’t even notice.”

Roxas bowed his head and looked at his hands resting in his lap. He never really talked about this stuff to anyone. He never really had anyone in his life… until now. At least … he hoped Axel would be in his life.

“Sorry… I’m rambling.”

Axel had stopped playing with Roxas’ hair and had just been resting his arm on the back of the bench while listening to Roxas’ turmoil. His heart went out to this poor boy. He hated how much he could actually relate to Roxas. He hated that anyone else out there had been feeling the same things as he had been.

“I have an older brother. An older brother who _will_ be taking up the family business. So I know… and I get those comments every day of my life” said Axel bitterly.

Roxas looked up and thought he could see a glimpse of pain reflected in Axel’s features. But it passed. Axel’s green met with Roxas’ blue and the redhead's gaze hardened with resolve.

“Screw other people, Roxas. Don’t let anyone ever make you feel like you are nothing. Live your _own_ life, follow your _own_ dreams. Do what makes _you_ happy! That’s the only way to know who you truly are. We don’t have to live in other people's shadows and fear other people's scorn. Because in the end we all go up in smoke and turn to ash, so we have to make the most of today.”

Roxas’ heart swelled at hearing Axel’s speech. Of course Axel was right. Roxas had been under Cloud’s thumb for such a long time, having to acquiesce to his brothers every decision and whim. Even before that - Having to be carted to hospitals and specialists all over the country. Always having had to rely on other people, and having no say in what Roxas actually wanted. Living in fear because of others imposing their will on him. It had robbed Roxas of any sense of agency - of any feeling that he was in charge of his own destiny. Ultimately, he reflected, that is what had gotten him so down the last few years. Roxas was responsible for making himself feel like a nobody, and like he was nothing, because he never stood up for himself.

Roxas felt better. He felt… _free_. He never knew he felt so shackled down until he could see the chains that had bound him. A smile spread across his face. He… relaxed. He relaxed the parts of himself he never knew were so tense and as a result was able to breathed easier than he could remember doing in a long time.

“Thank you, Axel!” Roxas looked up at that fiery hair and those gorgeous green eyes smiling back at him. He jumped up and faced his prince who truly _had_ saved him from something Roxas never even knew he had been trapped inside of. He pulled at Axel’s arm, urging him to come along.

“Where’re we going?” asked Axel with a laugh in his voice.

“To get my hair fixed!” declared Roxas triumphantly.

* * *

 

Axel had taken Roxas to what he called ‘the best Hair Salon in the entire city’. The hairdressers got to work in restoring Roxas to his original self. He picked the closest color that he thought he remembered his hair to be, and let himself get pampered for the next two hours. Axel had hung around and entertained Roxas with tales of what kind of mischief he had gotten up to when he was younger. He had set a lot of things on fire and once even ended up in hospital for a short while though he glossed over that part spectacularly.

Roxas had asked why he liked to burn things so much. Axel had just smiled at him as his mind seemed to wander back in time to something half remembered. He never gave a satisfactory answer to Roxas, instead changing the subject to how he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off him once the dyeing was completed. Roxas was actually looking forward to it.

The hours passed by quickly and the closer it got to Roxas being done the more excited he became. Axel had to excuse himself as his phone began to ring, but told Roxas to not disappear on him, because he was ‘dyeing’ to see how it had turned out. He left with a chuckle as Roxas groaned in pain.

“And you’re done. It came out beautifully, if I do say so myself.”

“Thank you so, so much Irene!” Roxas beamed at his hairdresser and then beamed at his reflection.

“This really does suit you a lot better.” She smiled at him and left to attend to her other duties.

Roxas gently touched his hair. He felt like he could just explode with joy right about now. It hadn’t occurred to him how much the dye job had affected his mental well-being. Now that he could see the difference Roxas felt like the black had been a funeral; A funeral for his life, for his very being. It symbolized everything that was dead in his life and felt like a barrier to ever being _normal_ again. He laughed inwardly. There was that word again.

This was him. This was the Roxas he remembered. Before everything went to shit. Sure, things hadn’t been too ideal leading up to when everything fell apart, but this was still more connected to who he knew he was than having that awful dark hair. Roxas squeezed his eyes shut and tears of joy ran down his cheeks. He just felt so darn happy, it was all too much.

Roxas took a deep breath and opened his eyes again. It wasn’t all a dream. He was still there.

“We all done now, Rox...as -.” Axel had come back in, shoving the phone deep in his pockets. He always hating it when his father called, because he always got stuck with a feeling that his old man was hugely disappointed in him. That thought however left his body as his eyes trained on his date.

Roxas didn’t think his smile could have gotten bigger, but it did as he bounced over to Axel. He _actually_ bounced. He always saw Sora bouncing everywhere, but never thought he himself could be so happy to actually do that ridiculous motion himself. Turned out he was wrong.

“We’re all done," he beamed, laughing at Axel’s stunned face.

“I’d think you’d never seen someone with blonde hair before, by the way you’re staring,” teased Roxas gently.

Axel blinked and shook his head. “You… wow...” Axel ran his hand through the mop of golden strands. “That’s _much_ better.” He took in Roxas’ smiling face - the way his cheeks were slightly flushed - he looked so delicate. Axel scooped Roxas up into a hug, lifting the born again blonde off his feet. Roxas hung onto Axel’s neck and wrapped his legs around his thin waist for support. Green eyes shone at him. “Oh Roxy," he breathed huskily, "I just want to take you to a hotel room and -.”

Someone cleared their throat loudly, causing blonde and red heads to turn.

“You guys are making our customers uncomfortable. I think it’s best you leave now,” came the managers stern voice.

Roxas blushed redder than he already was from Axel’s close contact, but Axel just laughed it off. He lowered Roxas back to the floor, paid for the service and lead Roxas back out onto the streets, holding his hand tightly.

The late afternoon passed in a blur for Roxas. Axel had taken him out to yet another expensive looking eatery and had spent the entire time gazing at Roxas. It reminded him of their first meeting, but he was nowhere near as put off by Axel this time. He even relished it a little... ok, a lot actually. Axel paid close attention to all of Roxas’ needs and comforts. Roxas felt beyond spoilt and cared for.

Axel’s attentiveness lasted well into the night. When they arrived at the concert and entered the mosh-pit Axel noticed that Roxas seemed to lose his confidence and became nervous. Roxas had never been amongst such a huge crowd before in his life. Axel put a hand around the blondes shoulder, drawing him close to his side. It had comforted Roxas greatly. After that Axel made sure to always keep contact with Roxas via a hand on his shoulder, in his hair, around his waist, and as the night wore on and the dancing heated up Axel began running his hands down Roxas’ backside.

At first Roxas had been somewhat shocked, even though he knew he should have come to expect it. He turned around to face Axel eventually and began dancing with the tall redhead, running his hands along Axel’s chest. He enjoyed the feel of the cool silk covering Axel’s heated body. They moved as one and Axel pulled Roxas as close as possible to himself, exploring Roxas’ body with his hands, and feeling the blonde doing much the same. Roxas felt like he could be himself with Axel. He wasn’t at all concerned what those dancing around them would think. All that mattered was Axel swaying with him and rubbing against Roxas’ growing erection. They were in a sea of people but all Roxas could see was Axel and that quiet smile on his face and the shining green eyes.

The only thing that brought Roxas out of the almost trance like state he was in was when the band began playing one of Roxas’ favorite songs. Axel lifted the much shorter Roxas on his shoulders so he could see a lot better. The vantage point Roxas had was spectacular, and even though he couldn’t dance as much as he would have liked to he still managed to sway as much as he could without throwing Axel off balance. Roxas stayed on Axel’s shoulders for the remainder of the concert, singing, screaming, and whooping.

* * *

 

 

Roxas woke up to the sound of Axel gently calling his name and rubbing a finger across Roxas’ cheek. He had apparently fallen asleep on the drive back home.

“Guess the excitement really tuckered you out, huh?” Axel smiled at him, his face incredibly close.

Roxas yawned loudly. “Yeah. I’m not a party animal like you.”

“If I had you in my bed I’d never leave home,” breathed Axel in that low tone that knotted Roxas’ stomach and tightened his abdomen.

“But… we’re here, and not my bed. I figured you were staying at Sora’s place.”

Roxas looked past Axel’s hair, out the window, to see the familiar cottage.

“Thanks for everything, Axel. That was the best birthday I’ve ever had,” smiled Roxas sleepily.

Axel’s smile faltered. “It was your birthday?” Axel drew back and sounded quite shocked. “And you only tell me this NOW?”

Roxas just laughed at the seriousness of Axel’s indignation.

“It’s no big deal. I don’t think you could have made it any more special even if you knew.”

“My dear Roxy, clearly you don’t know me well enough.”

Roxas thought that was true enough, they only really had been talking for a week, maybe two at most.

“But really… thanks for _everything_ today… or yesterday, Axel. It was the best time of my life.”

Axel drew closer once more to Roxas, cupping his face with one hand and smiling gently, before an evil smirk replaced the saintly one.

“I think you owe me… for not telling me it was your birthday.”

Roxas’ heart started pumping harder and the now familiar shivers ran up and down his spine again.

“What do you want?” asked Roxas breathlessly, as Axel’s face drew even closer.

“You know,” came that sexy low rumble.

Axel’s lips were only an inch at most away from Roxas’. Roxas wasn’t going to mess it up this time. The self doubt and uncertainty had disappeared from his mind. Axel was a good guy. He might not be one to everyone, but he was to Roxas at least. Roxas could feel Axel’s breath on his lips. He leaned closer to Axel, wanting to desperately close the distance.

And then a terrifying thought popped into his head. Roxas pulled back and Axel looked at Roxas in confusion, half lidded eyes springing open all of a sudden.

“If … if I kiss you you’ll still be here for me, won’t you?”

Axel’s relief was palpable. He ran his hand through Roxas’ hair for the hundredth time since they had been together and pulled their foreheads together.

“Don’t scare me like that, Roxy,” he breathed out and laughed gently. “Now that I’ve finally found you, I’m never letting go.”

Roxas felt the butterflies kicking up a storm inside of himself. “I-I want you in my life, Axel.”

Roxas pushed his lips onto Axel’s and was instantly engulfed in his scent and taste. Axel’s hand never left Roxas’ hair, instead his hand gently but firmly pushed Roxas closer and they deepened their kiss. Axel’s tongue was needy and incredibly hot, massaging Roxas’ tongue. Roxas felt the tightness in his groin growing, wishing for Axel to rub himself against Roxas like on the dance floor. Roxas grabbed a fistful of Axel’s shirt and pulled him closer. Axel’s other hand was on the blonde’s hip in an instance, dipping his fingers below the waistband of the jeans. Roxas moaned into Axel’s mouth causing Axel to pull away slowly, sucking on Roxas’ bottom lip for good measure before completely disconnecting.

Roxas’ cheeks were flushed and he was left breathing heavily. He reached for Axel, causing a lustful smile to appear on the other and a tongue to flicker over lips hungrily.

“I’ll be back for more, Roxy, don’t you worry. Now run off to bed and get some sleep.” Axel stroked Roxas’ hot cheeks again and leaned in to give the blonde a more chaste goodnight kiss.

Roxas really didn’t want to leave but the mention of bed caused exhaustion to engulf him. He got out of the car and watched Axel drive off. As the tail lights faded from view Roxas began feeling cold and empty inside. He already really missed Axel.

Roxas had snuck into Sora’s house at 2:30 in the morning as quietly as he could manage. Roxas didn’t bother to change, especially not as he enjoyed the lingering smell of Axel that was on him. As he eased himself into his creaky bed he heard Sora stir. “That you Rox?” came Sora’s sleepy voice.

“Yeah.” Roxas lay himself down with exhaustion. He could hear Sora begin to stir some more but then another low voice piped up, “Leave Rox alone and go back to sleep. We can grill him in the morning.”

Roxas stared in shock… was that… Riku?


	25. Growing Intimacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Zack finally get to be with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual acts lie beyond this point.

Cloud hadn’t expected Zack to go along with his joke of giving the mattress a try when he brought them over, but apparently he had been far more prepared for this scenario than Cloud had anticipated; Zack pulled out a pair of headphones he had bought for Roxas and went to busy himself with helping Roxas get as much music onto his phone as it could hold.

When he returned he shut the door firmly behind him and laid himself next to Cloud.

“I’m still up for it, if you are,” said Zack rolling onto his side so he could look at Cloud.

“All the magic is gone now,” came Cloud’s rueful response.

“Let’s see if we can’t get it back then.”

Zack leaned over and gently kissed Cloud. As he pulled away to gage Cloud’s response Zack felt an arm wrap around him and pull him back down. Cloud hungrily kissed Zack, and Zack eagerly reciprocated. Cloud worked on untucking Zack’s shirt, eventually managing to pull it off over his head. The brief loss of contact between their lips quickly ended with an even intenser kiss. Cloud rolled Zack over, so that he could be on top. He started trailing kisses down Zack’s neck, working down to the shoulder and bicep. Cloud took Zack’s nipple between his lips and sucked, while rubbing his thumb over the other to see what response he would get. Zack moaned softly and ran his hands up and down Cloud’s torso, working his fingers beneath the fabric eventually, to feel the smooth skin of Cloud’s stomach, and the rough skin of his cut up back.

Cloud froze as he felt Zack’s finger brush his back.

Zack stopped immediately as he felt Cloud stop playing with his nipples. He removed his hand from Cloud’s back and propped himself up on his elbow.

“Cloud, is everything ok?”

Cloud sat up, straddling Zack’s waist. He could feel Zack’s erection underneath him, but he also felt his own waning somewhat.

“I’m just… you know…” ‘ _ashamed, disgusted… an aberration_ ’ Cloud berated himself. He sighed.

Zack sat up, wrapped his arms around Cloud and pulled them both back down towards the mattress.

“I can wait without waiting. There’s no rush. I’m just happy to be like this with you, Cloud,” Zack brushed the hair out of Cloud’s face, cupped his cheek and began tenderly kissing the man he cherished. It wasn’t very long before Cloud managed to dispel his demons and join in wholeheartedly with the kissing, deepening it and reveling in the closeness and care he felt from Zack.

* * *

 

Both men had to adjust to their new found relationship and how it worked with them running a business together.

Cloud felt himself looking forward to the early mornings even more so as he was greeted with the same old familiar ‘ _Good morning, Sunshine!_ ’ but with the added bonus of being followed up by a long kiss. The first day they had both laughed and smiled at each other shyly, but over the days the kissing grew more lustful and needy.

During the workday Cloud stayed focused but also felt himself eager to get back to Zack as quick as possible so they could have lunch together and resume the kissing.

On Wednesday they had made it up to Zack’s bedroom. Zack lost his shirt halfway up the stairs, his belt buckle had been discarded on the sofa and Cloud’s shirt had finally come off and had been left at the foot of the bedroom door. Zack made sure to not touch Cloud’s back, instead roaming his hands around the front of Cloud’s chest where he had found yet another cut. They had stopped as Zack caressed the scar which ran the full width of Cloud’s chest.

“This was the last cut he ever got on me," Cloud said defiantly. “I see it every day, and I know I made the right choice.”

Zack had nothing to say to that but he felt his heart swell with pride at the confidence that Cloud exuded.

“I love you, Cloud.” It might be stupid, and cliched, but Zack felt it with every fibre of his body. Cloud leaned down and kissed Zack passionately and deeply. Zack wrapped his arms around Cloud’s neck and head, massaging his skull. After a while Zack’s hand started to drift down over Cloud’s back subconsciously. He just wanted to touch Cloud all over, and explore. He wanted to find out what made Cloud moan and squirm with pleasure. But clearly having his back touched wasn’t going to net him anything positive.

Cloud tensed up again and pulled away.

“Sorry,” let Zack out apologetically, figuring that Cloud would call it a day. He propped himself up on his elbows, ready for them both to get up and leave. Cloud scooched further down, getting off Zack’s crotch but then instead of getting up he unzipped Zack’s pants deftly, pulled the flaps aside and Zack’s boxers carefully up and over to reveal his erection.

“Cloud, you don’t have to do thaaaa….t!” Zack fell back onto his bed as Cloud took Zack’s erection into his mouth and began sucking and swirling his tongue around the rock hard penis. Zack breathed out heavily and it turned into a moan as Cloud rubbed his tongue over the slit. Zack lost himself in the sensation of Cloud around his cock. How often had he imagined Cloud doing this to him? And now it was an actuality.

Cloud’s sucking increased. Soft lips went all the way down his shaft, and Zack reveled in the warmth of Cloud’s mouth and throat. Cloud wouldn’t stop until Zack came. He just knew it, so he let himself go. Zack focused on the insane pleasure; on the tingling and the increasing tightness in his abdomen. He focused on Cloud’s breathing, on the content murmurings, and on the flicking of his tongue. He focused on how much he loved his stupid spiky hair and his endearing quality of worrying too much about things. Cloud gave an extra hard suck and it brought Zack over the edge. His body shivered and tingled with pleasure all over. His toes curled and a warmth spread through his entirety as he came and released into Cloud’s mouth. Zack gave a muffled moan and sigh and then he was spent.

Cloud swallowed every last drop with satisfaction. He felt butterflies in his stomach as a wave of pleasure flooded him at knowing he had done this for Zack. Knowing he had made Zack come and release himself. That was enough for him. It wouldn’t be enough forever, but right now it was all he had wanted. He lay down next to Zack, who looked at him with glazed eyes and breathing deeply. Zack lifted his hand, cupped Cloud’s cheek and kissed him deeply, tasting himself on Cloud’s tongue.

Pleasant shivers ran down Cloud’s spine. Sephiroth had never wanted to kiss him after Cloud had given him a blowjob. He had always considered him dirty after the fact. But Zack… Zack just wanted everything that Cloud was. Zack’s hand drifted over Cloud’s back again, but this time Cloud didn’t even flinch. He merely rolled on top of Zack and enjoyed the heat underneath him.

* * *

 

“Are you really ok with Roxas not calling you every couple of hours?” inquired Zack as they drove down the interstate. He remembered the promise he had made to Roxas about keeping Cloud busy but he still felt mystified how Roxas had managed to weasel his way into this favorable situation.

“Yeah. As long as I hear from him once a day… it should be alright. He’s had some pretty bad timing in the past,” chuckled Cloud, remembering the first kiss he shared with Zack in the back of this very van.

“It’s good to see you relaxing more, you know? You deserve to enjoy life, and not feel like it’s always a do or die situation.”

“Being vigilant has paid off in the past,” said Cloud knowingly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Roxas doesn't even know how close _he_ came to finding us and getting us back… on multiple occasions.” Cloud shuddered at the memory. “I have no regrets about having kept us moving.”

“Do you ever think he’ll stop chasing you?”

Cloud pondered this for a while before his hesitant response, “I hope he will stop. He lost interest in me fairly quickly after I turned sixteen. That’s probably why he started cutting deeper. Get more pleasure out of it that way.”

Hearing Cloud talk so matter-of-factly about it made Zack’s skin crawl. Zack thought about how far Cloud had come in just a week. The shame he felt over his back definitely seemed to lessen considerably after that Wednesday lunch break _encounter_. Zack's toes still curled in pleasure at that memory.

“Once Roxas is eighteen _he_ will have no power of custody over him anymore. Then he’ll be able to get the law on his side if _he_ still pursues him at that stage.”

“I can relax and have a _happy_ life after that.” Cloud looked at Zack and they both smiled at each other.

“What do you imagine you’ll do with yourself when that time comes?” Zack was genuinely curious. Cloud had never been so relaxed for them to be able to have conversations like this before. Zack was downright enjoying himself.

“I… maybe it’s stupid but… I want to run my own mechanic shop. I like building things, fixing things. I loved working on Fenrir when I was at school… going through… all that shit. It was good to be able to focus on something other than my worries at home.”

“Mechanic? That’s an awesome dream to have, Cloud! You can rent out the warehouse next to mine. We could live together. If Roxas is still planning to stay with you I can just build another room in my apartment. Sound proof it.” Zack laughed as Cloud’s face turned slightly pink. Zack adored how shy Cloud still was sometimes, despite how intimate they had been the last few days.

“We’ll cross that bridge if we ever get to it.”

“What’s that thing that Aerith always says? … ‘ _I want to hear more conviction in your voice_ ’.” They both laughed.

* * *

 

Saturday had come and gone. Aerith had instantly noticed that there was something different between Zack and Cloud. After some prodding she had gotten it out of them and gushed over their changed relationship status. Yet she also pouted about the fact that this meant she could no longer get a piece of Zack when she needed it. Zack had just laughed and talked about a threesome, while Cloud had been mortified at the thought of sharing himself with two people at once. Cloud had overheard Zack tell Aerith that he’d ‘ _work on it_ ’, followed by one of his trademark mischievous winks.

Cloud lay in bed reflecting on his day. He felt exhausted from all the manual labor that Aerith had insisted that he and Zack do. His only respite had been when Denzel had requested Cloud’s time to help him construct a new robot with all the bits and pieces that Cloud had brought with him. Cloud thought a bit more about Denzel and marveled at how clever that boy was. His mind ticked over, only to be pulled back to reality when he heard the bathroom door open.

“You know, it’s kind of a waste for Denzel to stay in this small town. Maybe when he’s a bit older he can come and work for me at my mechanic shop.” Cloud thought out loud.

He felt his mattress dip and looked up at a half naked Zack who smiled down at him. “ _Your_ mechanic shop? Feeling a bit more optimistic about your future already?” 

“The idea’s growing on me.” Cloud pulled Zack down into an embrace and they started kissing again. Zack ran his hand down Cloud’s bare chest and hooked his fingers around his waistband. They still hadn’t seen each other completely naked, though Cloud had seen most of Zack by now.

Feeling the tug on his bottoms Cloud disengaged the kiss.

“H-hey Zack, where’s your phone? I want to call Roxas.” Cloud began crawling out from under Zack’s weight but was pulled closer again.

“Stop changing the subject. It’s happening tonight.” Zack started kissing the nape of Clouds neck causing a ripple of pleasure to cascade down Cloud’s body.

“You… keep… pleasuring … me… but… I never… get to… do… the… same… to … you,” Zack said between kisses as he trailed down Cloud’s body, stopping at Cloud’s pants. He looked up to see Cloud hiding his face behind an arm. Zack laughed softly at the sight. “You look so tragic. Anyone would think I was about to murder you horribly."

They had spoken about this before. Zack wanted to help Cloud to climax but Cloud always refused, without being able to give a reason. Cloud didn’t know why he didn’t want Zack to pleasure him… because he definitely wanted Zack. No doubt about it. But maybe… maybe he felt like… Cloud felt his pants get pulled off. He lifted his hips to make it easier. Zack pulled the pants all the way off and planted an appreciative kiss on his hip bone before pulling back to gaze upon Cloud affectionately. Zack found him undeniably gorgeous. Creamy white skin and downy soft blonde hair. Zack ran his hands along Cloud’s stomach and to his groin.

“Is this ok?” asked Zack as Cloud squirmed.

Cloud nodded, feeling his heart racing. He had never been on the receiving end. He had only ever be asked… _told_ … to give.

Zack lifted Cloud’s leg and kissed the inside of his thigh gently, working his way up towards Cloud’s growing erection.

Cloud loved the care that Zack took with him. He loved the slow and gentle pace; the sense that they had all the time in the world to be together. He sighed in pleasure and gasped a little when Zack cupped his ball sack with the other hand, and ever so gently massaged him.

Cloud’s thigh was released and he saw Zack come back up to kiss him some more while he wrapped his hand around Cloud’s shaft and started pumping steadily. Cloud nipped and sucked on Zack’s lips as the tightness and pleasure in his abdomen increased. Zack ran his thumb over Cloud’s slit, spreading the pre-come to help his hand glide over more easily.

Cloud felt Zack pull away. The tongue left his mouth and kisses trailed down his body again, making a purposeful stop over the cut on his chest with more affectionate kisses, before continuing to head towards his groin. This was it, thought Cloud. This was what he had been waiting for without realizing how much he had actually wanted it until it happened.

Zack had finally arrived at his destination. He looked up at Cloud only to see him lost in a wave of pleasure. Zack smiled to himself, feeling thrilled and excited by what he was about to do for Cloud.

He licked the length of Cloud’s erection, starting from the very bottom of his sack and stopping at the very top of the tip. Zack licked Cloud’s slit, tasting the salty liquid. Cloud gasped and moaned. The moaning only grew louder when Zack took Cloud into his mouth. He went deep, using just his lips at first, bobbing his head up and down Cloud’s shaft slowly. When he got to the top he would swirl his tongue around Cloud’s head and give him a suck, increasing the pressure every time he repeated the process. Zack reveled in the sounds escaping Cloud’s throat. He felt his own erection throbbing in time with his heart beat, but today wasn’t for him. It was all for Cloud.

Zack began scraping his teeth along Cloud’s shaft as he pulled up, netting a deep moan and a hand tangling into his hair. He wasn’t sure how close Cloud was but he thought he must be getting there very soon.

Zack focused on Cloud’s head, increasing the pressure he used to suck on the throbbing flesh and running his tongue along the delicate grooves. He cupped Cloud’s sack again and massaged it like he did before. Cloud moaned deeply but his breath hitched mid way to a higher pitch and he came. Zack sucked the liquid down hard and fast, trying to keep up with Cloud. Cloud shivered when he was done and Zack slowly released the wilting erection from his mouth, giving Cloud one final suck and lick before coming back up to join Cloud on the pillow.

Cloud breathed heavily, feeling the aftershocks ripple through his body. His body felt like putty. He had masturbated in the past but it had never left him feeling this good. He smiled at Zack weakly through teary eyes.

“I hope those are tears of joy.” Zack smiled at Cloud and wiped his cheeks dry.

Cloud felt overwhelmed. It had been amazing. “I don’t deserve you, Zack,” rasped Cloud.

Zack looked at him for a second, brow furrowed slightly. “You’re right. You deserve _so_ much better.” Zack brushed blonde strands aside and chastely kissed Cloud’s lips only to be pulled into a much deeper kiss by Cloud.


	26. The Morning After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is a bit harsher in the bright light of the day. Roxas has to come to terms with the choices he made last night, whilst he was out with Axel.

Roxas woke up way too early for his liking. He got up, feeling like a zombie, and headed off to shower and brush his teeth. The shower did wonders in waking him up and after spending some time looking at himself in the mirror, grinning like a fool, he managed to leave and head to the main house for breakfast by about 9:30.

The smell of bacon and pancakes drifted to his nose, and he inhaled deeply as he passed into the kitchen. “Good morning. Roxas!” came the chorus of his three friends, who all grinned at him like lunatics. Roxas also couldn’t stop grinning when he saw them all around the kitchen bench.

“You’re here early, Kairi.” Roxas remarked.

“Well bird brain over there wouldn't stop hounding me.”

Roxas followed the direction Kairi was pointing at, thoroughly confused. His eyes opened wide in shock when red caught his attention sitting on the window bench. Axel was dressed far more casually today, and the inverted teardrops had been cleaned from his face, but he still looked as sexy to Roxas as he had done the night before.

“A-Axel!” Roxas felt his heart rate increase tenfold. What was he doing here? Why was Kairi acting so neutral about the whole thing? Shouldn’t they all, bar Sora, be shocked and weirded out?

Axel just grinned back at Roxas between sips of his coffee.

“Sleep well, kiddo?”

Roxas just nodded, dumbfounded and turned back to the others looking for an answer.

“Eat your breakfast before it gets cold, Roxas,” urged Sora while he was digging into his own.

Roxas didn’t feel like he _could_ eat with the knots in his stomach building up.

“W-what’s going on here?” Roxas was really confused and glanced back at Axel.

“We saw you guys on the live broadcast,” said Riku, coolly, and sitting extra close to Sora.

“At first we couldn’t believe our eyes. You look so different with blonde hair. But Sora totally said it was you, because you were with Axel, and anyone could recognize Axel even if they were half blind and in a dark room” stated Kairi, who reached over to brush at Roxas’ blonde mop.

“I take offense to that!,” complained Axel, but Kairi just ignored his protest.

“We… were on the broadcast?” Roxas swallowed nervously.

“Yeah! They kept zooming to you on Axel’s shoulders!” Sora said with a lot of excitement before enthusiastically talking about how exciting the whole concert had been.

Roxas stopped listening to Sora. He felt sick inside and panic started to rise in him. What if… “Shit!” The worried expression on his face became deeper and his friends were starting to shift uncomfortably, asking what the matter was. Roxas wanted Cloud so badly. He didn’t know what to do.

Axel got up and walked over, wrapping his arms around Roxas firmly from behind.

Roxas was brought out of his flaring anxiety and looked up into Axel’s calm features. He let out a breath which he hadn’t realised he was holding.

Axel let go of Roxas, picked up his plate and grabbed Roxas’ hand, leading him out to the backyard. Axel led Roxas to a bench drenched in sunlight and made him sit, placing the plate next to him. Axel sat on the other side of Roxas and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“What’s the matter?”

“We… we were _broadcast_!”

“So? You that ashamed of being seen with me?” Axel was actually terrified of hearing the answer to that question but it was the only thing that made sense to him.

“N-no! No! Never!” Roxas looked up at Axel, horrified at the idea. He thought back on the incredible night they had together and shook his head for more emphasis.

“But… we were _broadcast!_ ”

Axel shrugged his shoulders, not understanding what Roxas was so worried about.

Roxas got up and his heart started pounding harder. He faced Axel to explain. “Cloud and I… we’ve been trying to keep a low profile for the last two years. We’ve been moving from place to place… trying to … escape… trying to not be found. And then I go and fucking blow it! It was a _broadcast!_ God knows who _saw_ it! What if… what if…” Roxas was starting to hyperventilate and tears had begun trickling down his face. “FUCK!” He yelled and sunk to the ground in a crouch, pulling at his hair in frustration. “Why did I dye my hair! FUCK! I’M SO FUCKING STUPID!!!”

Roxas felt Axel’s arms snake around him and lift him up. Sobbing Roxas wrapped his legs around Axel’s waist for support and clung to him as Axel made his way back to the bench to sit them both down.

Axel made soothing noises, rocking and patting Roxas as the tears came forcefully and the sobbing turned into awful crying.

Sora had come outside to check on Roxas when he heard the yelling but Riku pulled him back inside telling Sora to give Roxas some privacy.

Eventually the panic left Roxas’ body. Axel fed Roxas the now mostly cold bacon and pancakes and massaged the back of the boy’s head and neck until he had calmed down again.

“There’s nothing you can do about it, Roxy. We can’t go back in time and change anything, even if you wanted to.” 

There was something in Axel’s voice that made Roxas look up. His eyes stung and his cheeks felt caked with salt. Roxas rubbed at his face, sniffling. “I wouldn’t change last night for the world.”

Their eyes met and Roxas felt Axel breath in deeply before a smile spread across his tense face. Axel leaned closer and kissed the corner of Roxas’ mouth. It was gentle and sweet. Roxas turned towards Axel’s mouth and recaptured it before Axel had a chance to move too far away. Roxas tasted the coffee on Axel’s lips and was beginning to deepen their kiss when a sob, making its way out of Roxas’ chest, caused them to separate.

“Is who you’re running from _dangerous_?” asked Axel after some thought.

“I… he hurt Cloud… a lot. And… Cloud worries that he’ll be after me now.”

“You sure he’s out there, still looking for you guys?”

Roxas shrugged. “Cloud seems to think so. I haven’t seen him since we ran away though,” Roxas said with uncertainty.

“Maybe it’ll be alright. Maybe you’re worried about nothing?”

“Maybe…”

Axel leaned back against the bench and surveyed Roxas as he sat facing him on his lap. Roxas was so incredibly cute. Axel had thought that even before the change of colour. For a brief moment Axel’s mind wandered to thoughts of sitting like this with Roxas… but naked. He shook his head, reminding himself that he needed to be there for Roxas right now, and not entertain his fantasies.

“Zanarkand is far away from here. There’s no way that guy would know where you’re from. Plus if he’s older than twenty-five he probably wouldn’t have any interest in watching an Electric Keyblades concert.”

Axel speaking such causal logic made Roxas feel a lot better. He nodded. “You’re probably right.”

Axel leaned in close to Roxas again, ruffled his hair before brushing it away from Roxas’ brow. He cupped Roxas’ face and planted another kiss on him, with just a little bit of tongue to satisfy himself.

“Mmm, I like you tasting of bacon,” Axel snickered.

* * *

 

Over the course of the day Roxas’ anxiety and worry drifted in and out of his consciousness. Axel had convinced them all to come out for a swim down by the river that ran through the Imperial Garden. Sora had provided Roxas with one of his old swimming shorts as well as a shirt to cover up the bruise and they had spend most of the late morning and early afternoon playing in the river.

Roxas reveled in Axel’s touch every time he appeared next to him. Axel would embrace him low in the water and run his hands over the thin fabric of Roxas’ swimmers. Roxas was pretty sure the others knew what was going on, but he had taken Axel’s philosophy of not letting other people's opinions bother him, to heart. In the back of his mind he knew Cloud would have a freak out when he saw Roxas’ hair. He didn’t know what would happen after that, but if the worst were to happen… he wanted to spend as much time with Axel as he could.

Once they got too pruney they got out of the water to dry off in the sunshine on the grass. Axel had pulled Roxas close to him and Roxas napped for a time, resting his head on Axel’s chest. When he awoke Axel gave him a gentle kiss before excusing himself, saying he needed to go find a restroom and that he would be back with ice cream. Roxas stretched out and looked around himself. He spied Riku and Sora curled up together not that far from where Roxas was. He saw Kairi approach him out of the corner of his eye. She seated herself next to him.

“When did that happen?” Roxas asked, nodding his head over to the two still sleeping friends. Kairi followed his gaze.

“Last night some time. We were watching the concert, and saw you with Axel. Sora told us about how you liked my brother, and how happy he was to see you two like that. … I had to leave the room because it was just too weird. When I came back Riku and Sora were… well more or less like they are right now.”

“Does it bother you? I know you dated Sora for a while.”

“Hmm? No. I think I always knew Sora liked Riku before he even realized it himself. Riku was always too respectful of Sora to do anything about pursuing him. For a while there we thought Sora actually liked _you_.”

“ _Me_? Really?!” Roxas was quite stunned. He knew Sora was affectionate, but he had figured he was like that with everybody.

“Yeah. But then you had a thing for my brother… so I guess Riku felt like nothing was standing in his way anymore.”

Kairi laughed a little. “It’s really creepy, you know that, right? Axel… how could anyone _like_ Axel?” She shrugged her shoulders. “But I’m glad, Roxas. He… actually seems really happy with you,” she smiled at him warmly.

“I know I bitch about him a lot… but I still want the best for him. … And you might just be able to help him to be the best he can be.”

“Help him?”

“Did he ever tell you about the time he landed in hospital because he burned half his hair off by accident?”

“He did what?”

“Yeah, he was trying to set fire to something, but it backfired. He had to be sent away to a special unit that looked after younger patients. He landed in hospital for a week. When he came back he seemed different. Calmer… and happier somehow.”

“I was only like five, but even I could see the difference in him. Axel went back to the hospital a couple of times for follow-ups but then he started being his old self again. Angry at the world, and not caring about anything or anyone. We were still close back then, so I asked him what the matter was. He wouldn’t tell me though. The only thing he said was that he had lost something.”

“Whatever Axel felt he lost... I think that burned him up inside, more than he was burned on the outside. But when I see you two together… he just seems better, you know?”

Something about that story niggled at Roxas’ mind, like a forgotten dream. Axel had briefly mentioned a hospital visit but… it was something else. Images of bandages flashed before his eyes… and something green. He shook his head to clear his mind.

Roxas was going to stammer out some sort of a response to Kairi but just then Axel came back with hands full of ice cream. He handed Roxas and Kairi a cone each before marching over to the others. “Wake up you two love birds! Or you’ll be wearing these!”

Roxas gazed after Axel, smiling to himself and licking his salty yet sweet treat.

Once Roxas realized what the time was they all hurriedly piled back into Axel’s car, today it being a red SUV instead of the sports car, and drove back to Sora’s place in Axel’s crazy high speed style.

Roxas reluctantly said goodbye to Axel and watched him and Kairi pull away. Just as Axel's car rounded the corner Roxas turned to face the other side of the road to see Zack’s van pull into the street. Roxas’ heart sank. This was not going to be pleasant, he just knew it.


	27. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud sees Roxas' hair and loses his shit. There are difficult decisions to make.

Cloud gazed out of the window in silent rapture, as Zack drove them back into the familiar neighborhood of Sora’s lodgings. Cloud had to admit to himself that he enjoyed living in this city. He enjoyed the peace and respite from his worries, especially when he was with Zack. This had been such a brilliant week. Probably the best week Cloud had experienced in the last 12 years if he really thought about it.

The van rounded the corner and as they drew closer to Sora’s house Zack remarked “Looks like they're all waiting for us.”

Cloud tore his eyes away from the suburban sprawl and the content smile playing on his face melted away at the sight of his little brother. Zack saw it almost at the same time as Cloud and his heart sank. He had _told_ Roxas not to do anything reckless! Why did teenagers never listen? Zack glanced at Cloud and he could see the rage on his face.

Zack was close to Sora’s house and had slowed the van down. Cloud jumped out of the passenger side before Zack had even stopped the vehicle fully, and ran over to his brother, being careful not to get run over by Zack.

The anger was apparent on Cloud’s face. Roxas’ heart was pounding, threatening to go on another vacation so it didn’t have to deal with Cloud. 

“Sora, get my bag and take my phone. Please hurry,” squeaked Roxas as he pressed his phone into Sora’s hand. He felt frozen in place and squeezed his eyes shut as Cloud approached in a whirlwind of rage.

“What the _hell is_ _this_?!” Cloud roughly yanked at his brother's hair, forcing a silent scream from Roxas’ mouth. “Are you _insane_? Are you _CRAZY_? Do you _**WANT TO BE FOUND**?_ ”

“Hey, back off from Roxas,” intervened Riku who was still standing beside his friend while Sora had run off to do what he was told.

Cloud’s death stare only hardened Riku’s resolve to stick up for Roxas. He stepped in between the two and placed the palm of his hand in the middle of Cloud’s chest, pushing him away.

“I’ve seen that bruise _you_ left on Roxas’ shoulder. You’re not gonna do it again,” Riku said, challenging and even daring Cloud to try it to see what would happen if he did.

Zack came running over from across the road and brushed his hand down the length of Cloud’s arm. The contact distracted Cloud from his rage from a moment and allowed Zack to step in.

“C’mon Cloud. Not here in public. Let’s go inside and let Roxas explain himself.”

Sora came running out from the backyard carrying Roxas’ things, but was slightly taken aback when he saw the scene of Riku and Zack standing between Roxas and Cloud. He trotted over and stood next to Roxas, who gratefully took his backpack from Sora and slung it over his shoulder.

Cloud looked at Riku and Sora’s hardened faces. He looked at Zack’s filled with concern and love. He looked at Roxas. Fear and sadness were etched into his soft face. It was like Cloud got punched in the stomach. He didn’t want to make Roxas feel scared of him.

“Roxas… why did you do this?” he said with the anger replaced by hurt and disappointment.

Roxas had no words. It all had seemed like such a good idea yesterday. Axel’s voice in his ear, making him feel stronger and more confident. Making him feel like he was someone who had the right to make his own choices in life. Then there was Cloud; the polar opposite. Making Roxas feel like there was order, duty, and responsibilities. The bigger picture stuff.

“We’re leaving.” The finality in those words didn’t escape anyone. Cloud reached through the small crowd who were all standing between himself and Roxas and gently grabbed his little brother's arm, pulling him back to the van. Roxas looked back at Sora and Riku, tears beginning to well in his eyes.

The ride back to Zack’s warehouse had been silent and uncomfortable. All three occupants were lost in their own thoughts but that situation change when they arrived and piled out.

“What were you _thinking_? Were you _even thinking_ at all?!”

“Look, I’ll just dye it back if it’s such a big deal.”

They had walked back into the confines and privacy of the warehouse.

“Roxas, what happened to you? Are you _listening_ to yourself? Of course it’s a big deal! Have you _forgotten_?!” Cloud had placed his hands on Roxas’ shoulders, wanting to shake some sense into him but refrained, keeping in mind the pain he had already inflicted on his little brother previously.

“We’re leaving. We _have_ to leave. I’m not taking the chance that someone saw you and reports it back to _him_.”

“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” said Roxas meekly. “You will never let us forget. You never let us move on with our lives.”

Roxas was beginning to find his voice from somewhere deep within. “It’s like… it’s like you’re _sick_! Some part of you wants to keep running. Sabotage the good things we have so we are forced to go again, because the thought of us - of you - being _happy_ somewhere scares you!”

“You’re talking to _me_ about _sabotage_?!” Cloud felt the outrage welling up inside of himself as he grabbed at Roxas’ hair once more, but gentler than before. Cloud caught Zack moving towards them out of the corner of his eye when he went to reach for Roxas. Cloud felt hurt by that gesture. Who had he become that people were afraid that _he_ would hurt someone, let alone hurt Roxas? But he _had_ hurt Roxas. He still had a hard time believing that he had resorted to such measures. He never wanted it to happen again.

Roxas saw the sadness in Cloud’s eyes. He opened his mouth to say something but Cloud turned away and walked outside, apparently needing some air and time to think.

Roxas crumpled to the floor grabbing fistfuls of his hair. He heard footsteps approaching and a warm hand on his back. He missed Axel so much.

“Did you have a good time, Rox?” asked Zack gently.

Roxas untangled his hands and looked at the floor, saying “The absolute best time of my life,” with a lot of sadness in his voice.

Zack sat down on the cold floor next to Roxas.

“Did Axel convince you to dye your hair?” Zack asked so gently that Roxas couldn’t get offended even if he wanted to.

“No. This was my choice. I’m tired of hiding, and running. I just want to be _me_. Axel makes me feel like it’s important to put myself first.”

“It’s nice that he does that for you. But don’t throw away the values that make you, _you_. Axel will put himself before others, and only really care about others when it’s of some benefit to himself. He can build you up, and tear you down just as easily. I want you to be careful around him. Don’t let him morph you into someone you aren’t.”

“Axel isn’t like that… not with me anyway. He didn’t do anything to me.” Roxas wasn’t completely sure of that statement right now however. Would Axel have manipulated Roxas into dyeing his hair? Was Axel really just there to get what he wanted out of Roxas? Roxas _had_ kissed him after all - and he wanted to take it further too… because Axel gave him every indication that he also wanted more. Roxas groaned. He didn’t know what Axel’s agenda was.

“You’re such a good kid, Rox. You care… you have a big heart. You bring people together... “ Zack smiled at the thought of himself and Cloud being where they were at now all thanks to Roxas, “and you see the good in everyone, as well as make others see the good in themselves. And that makes you special. That’s what makes you so important to Cloud. I don’t want you to lose sight of that. But I also want you to be extra careful - because people will abuse kind hearts if they can use it to their advantage.”

“So… you’re saying that Axel manipulated me into doing what he wanted me to do?” Roxas was hurt by that thought.

“I just want you to think about it and come to your own conclusion. I want you to do things because you are absolutely sure that it’s what _you_ want to do.”

Roxas felt renewed pangs of unease broiling in his stomach about his choice to change his hair. Maybe if he put it all on Axel he could rid himself of all blame and guilt. He would be able to sleep easy knowing it wasn’t all his fault that they were on the road again, sleeping in abandoned and run down houses, or under bridges. But it didn’t sit right with him.

“I don’t want to leave.” Roxas’ voice came out more high pitched than he wanted. He felt the onset of tears and sobs just waiting to bubble forth.

“I also don’t want either of you to leave,” echoed Zack.

All of a sudden it occurred to Roxas that his selfishness hadn’t just hurt himself and Cloud. It also directly impacted Zack… and Axel… if he even cared.

“I don’t know what to do, Zack. The concert… it was televised. Sora told me I was all over the broadcast. If… if Seph…. If he saw it… he would know what region to find us in…” The tears started spilling out now. “I shouldn’t have gone. I was so stupid! So selfish!”

Zack rubbed Roxas’ back again. This situation seemed to get worse the more he found out about it.

“If I tell Cloud... about the concert… it’s all over. He will pack me up and we will run,” continued Roxas

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to hide it. Cloud can’t make a decision if he only knows half of the situation.” Zack felt bitter saying it, but he knew how much keeping Roxas safe meant to Cloud, even if it meant sacrificing their current relationship. “I’ve been trying to respect your wishes, Rox, but this is heading into dangerous territory now. If you don't tell Cloud I will have to.”

Roxas wiped the tears from his eyes and got up as he saw Cloud come back inside. Zack rose beside him, still softly stroking his back for comfort and support.

“Cloud… I am _so sick_ of running.” Roxas began, voice quavering. “I am _so sick_ of other people ruining our lives. We can’t… we shouldn’t be scared anymore. We should stand up for ourselves. This is my _home_. We’ve looked so long for a place… for people who will accept us and love us. We’ve found it, Cloud. Zack is _crazy_ about you… and my friends...” and Axel, added Roxas in his mind, “are important to me.”

There was desperation in his voice as he continued to plead.

“I can’t let this guy bully me and threaten me anymore. I can’t leave, Cloud. I can’t give him the satisfaction of letting him think he owns us and has any power over us any longer. I want to stand… and fight. We aren’t little kids anymore. We aren’t alone anymore! We have people that care for us, and love us… people who have our backs and wouldn’t let anything bad happen to us. I’m **_not_** giving that up!” Roxas finished staunchly and defiantly, eyes shining with unshed tears.

Cloud stood in front of Roxas and Zack for a while, weighing up Roxas’ words. His chest rose, and mouth opened to say something but then Cloud quickly turned on his heels as the sound of a car pulling up, car door slamming and running footsteps echoed towards them.

The shutters were down but the side door swung open with force. Roxas watched the figure enter with apprehension until he saw familiar red spikes. “Axel!” he yelled in relief. Cloud had been alarmed at the irritating bean-poles appearance and then just shocked when Roxas pushed past Cloud and ran towards him.

The two embraced and the panic which had been etched into Axel’s face subsided.

“I’m so glad you’re still here! Sora rang me on your phone to let me know what happened. I came as fast as I could.” Axel’s words soothed the doubt that had been sown in Roxas’ mind no thanks to Zack.

Axel pulled Roxas defensively behind himself as he caught sight of Cloud purposefully striding towards them.

“It was _my_ fault, Cloud. Don’t punish Roxas for my mistakes. I shouldn’t have taken him out,” Cloud stopped abruptly at those words. ‘ _Taken out?_ ’ Axel and Roxas had been ‘ _out_ ’? “I shouldn’t have encouraged him to dye his hair. I should have known better, especially after he told me you guys are trying to keep a low profile.” Roxas was desperately trying to get Axel to shut up, but Axel kept talking louder over his little princess. “I’m sorry about the concert. I didn’t know they were filming and broadcasting. But no one will ever be able to find you guys. It doesn't matter if millions of people saw us, they don’t know where you guys live.”

“SHUT. _ **UP!**_ AXEL!!” Screamed Roxas at the top of his lungs.

Axel was startled out of his apology and turned around to look at Roxas, whose face had turned bright red.

“Cloud, _no!_ ,” came Zack’s shout. Axel turned around and got a fist to the face, blacking out.

* * *

 

“You _knew_?! You **knew** that this was going on and you didn’t **_tell me_**!?”

“You can’t be there and protect him from life forever, Cloud. Roxas has his own mind, his own wishes and dreams. It’s not right for you to impose yourself onto his life and dictate everything he can and can’t do.”

“Don’t your _dare_ tell me how to look after my brother! You have no right to give him your blessing to go out with complete delinquents to different cities without my approval! You weren’t there when… You weren’t there to see all the things I went through, all the sacrifices I made. You don’t know how dangerous _he_ can be!”

Zack felt offended at that remark. "After all we’ve shared you _really_ think that of me? That there’s _no way_ I’d ever understand? Do you think I’ve been faking it all this time?”

Cloud felt scared all of a sudden. His intention wasn't to upset Zack. “N-no.. th-thats not it.”

“Then stop making everything about you and how you have been hurt in the past. Stop using your past as a justification.”

“You kept Roxas safe, and I’m sure Roxas appreciates that but that doesn’t mean you own him. He doesn’t owe you anything. You did what you had to do because you care for him, just like I… and Axel... did what we did because we care for him too.”

Cloud deflated a little. He had gotten the whole story out of Roxas as Cloud and Zack carried Axel over to the storeroom and draped him over the small sofa. Cloud had been hit really hard by everyone’s scheming and treachery.

“We have to let kids grow up, Cloud.” Zack slowly walked over to where Cloud stood, facing away from him. Zack knew that all this news had greatly upset Cloud and his trust in Zack was probably shaken. But he wasn’t going to turn away now. He wasn’t willing to lose all that they had gained. “We have to let them choose their own path in life. You grew up - under _terrible_ circumstances. But it helped you to grow into the guy you are today. And I _love_ who you are.” Zack wrapped an arm around Cloud’s waist from behind and pressed his cheek against Cloud’s.

“And now you’re left with a choice to make; you can either take a stand… or run. If you run Roxas probably won’t go willingly, and I definitely won’t want to see you go. If you stay you have a lot of allies in your corner, should something actually happen. Riku looked pretty fierce today,” recollected Zack.

“And even Axel… I’ve never seen him take a stand like that before. I’ve never seen him take responsibility for something he was at fault for… and much less seen him take responsibility for something he had no control over. I think I’ve been reading Axel wrong. It looks like Roxas made his own choice. He did what he wanted to do, and maybe you can just be a little bit proud of him for becoming his own person.”

The two of them were standing in the back of the warehouse, and Cloud had a clear view of his little brother tending to the bean-pole in the storeroom. It hurt Cloud to see Roxas care so deeply for someone whom Cloud could not approve of. It also hurt Cloud that he had lost it, yet again, punching Axel.

“I don’t want to be the bad guy, Zack. I just want to keep him safe.”

“Keeping him safe from Se… from _him_ is one thing… but keeping him safe from _life_ is another, and something you can in no way do. Why is it so important for you to take his safety into your own two hands all the time? Why can’t you trust him? Why won’t you let others help?”

Cloud thought those were valid questions.“I-I want to protect him because… I couldn’t protect myself. I … I couldn’t make the right choices when I was his age. I need to save him from turning into me. And only _I_ can do that,” Cloud said bitterly.

Zack shifted around to Cloud’s front and turned the half hug into a full one.

“Oh Cloud,” Zack kissed his cheek, netting him a tight squeeze from Cloud.

“You’re ego is too big. You think you can control everything, but truth is that you don’t, and can’t. Roxas is his own person. I don’t believe for a second that he could ever turn out like you, even if all the worst things in life happened to him. You’re both unique and deal with things differently.”

“You think I’m that messed up?”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

Cloud let those words sink in. He wanted to balk at them, but it was also a refreshing thought that there were just some things that no matter how hard he tried he could have no influence or control over.

“Every fiber of my being is telling me to run. But what Roxas said - You’re right. He’s always been more positive than me. He could always see the brighter side in any situation. We aren’t alone anymore. I’ve been so tired of being alone.” He squeezed Zack a little tighter, letting the thought of not having _this_ \- of not having Zack in his life anymore, wash over him. “I don’t want to go, I don’t want to be scared or worry anymore either.” Cloud sighed into Zack’s shoulder in exasperation.

“So stay. We’ll make alternative arrangements to keep Roxas extra close, if you want. That’s two of us. Axel makes three, and Roxas’ friends is six. That’s an extra five pairs of eyes on him than you ever could spare.”

Cloud pulled away from Zack a little to look him in the eyes in disbelief.

“What?”

“Why do you have this ability to make me feel like things might actually be ok?”

Zack grinned a little, “It’s my superpower,” and kissed Cloud on the lips.

* * *

 

Roxas had bandaged Axel’s head to stop the bleeding that came from a gash on his temple. Axel had fallen pretty hard on the concrete floor. Roxas had tried to catch him, but hadn’t been strong enough to bare the full weight of Axel so they had both had gone crashing down. For being so lithe looking Axel sure weighed a lot. Roxas attempted to lighten his own mood by trying to remember to tease Axel about it later when he would wake up. Roxas hoped it would be soon. He was worried sick for Axel.

Roxas had also put a cold compress on Axel’s cheek to help reduce the swelling and stayed at his side while Cloud and Zack stepped out of the room. He had been so incredibly mad at Cloud for lashing out like that. But then he realized that he was far more angry at himself for having put everyone into this situation. Axel had lied to try and protect Roxas. It caused the sleeping butterflies in his stomach to briefly flutter. Roxas had decided to dismiss Zack’s words and concerns. Axel was there for him. He cared about him. He didn’t have to do what he did but he had anyway. Roxas… _loved_ him. Thinking about it made him certain. He loved Axel.

Leaning over the armrest Roxas gently kissed Axel on the lips. Roxas knew that Cloud was outside, keeping a close eye on them but he didn’t care. To Roxas’ surprise he felt Axel’s lips react, puckering and pushing against his own. Roxas pulled away.

“How are you feeling?" he asked, concerned.

“My face hurts … and I have a headache.”

Axel groaned as he shifted to seat himself upright but Roxas laid a hand on the older man's sternum and pushed him back down.

“Just stay down for a bit longer, and take this.” Roxas handed Axel a glass of water and some pain killers.

Axel took it graciously and after a few moments explored his face with his hands.

“Ouch! Your brother sure can hit.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” chuckled Roxas bitterly, laying a hand on his own bruise.

“At least we can be beat up ‘ _twins_ ’. We’ll be able to share our war stories and have a good yarn. And one day we’ll laugh about it all.” Axel began to laugh but then had to stop because of his swollen cheek.

“Why did you say all those things to Cloud? None of it was true. You didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to do,” Roxas said firmly, wanting to reaffirm aloud that it had all been his choice and that he hadn’t been tricked or manipulated.

“You’re my princess. I have to protect you.”

Axel was slim enough for there to be ample space for Roxas to sit on the lip of the sofa, so he moved around and did just that. He leaned over Axel and just looked at him, bandaged head and wild hair sticking out all over the place. Roxas smiled softly at Axel.

“You ‘ _protect_ ’ me and then I get to tend to you, huh? You look so helpless right now.”

A wicked grin appeared, followed by a wince and Axel suddenly pulled Roxas down and rolled over so he was on top of Roxas. Roxas’ field of vision was filled up with the sight of bandages and Axel’s burning green eyes smiling at him. Roxas’ heart started beating faster and excitement flooded his groin.

“Thank goodness I have someone like you to look after me.”

Something about this situation gave Roxas déjà vu.

“Get off my brother, or I’ll sock ya again!” barked Cloud.

“I think you’ve done enough damage for one day, Spiky,” retorted Axel, moving off Roxas and placing the discarded cold compress back on his cheek. Roxas got up as well, helping Axel ease into a comfortable position before turning a steely eye onto his brother.

“I won’t go, Cloud. I meant what I said. And,” Roxas glanced at Axel briefly, “I’m also not changing my hair back.”

Cloud sighed. “Alright. We’ll stay… for now.”


	28. Fighting For Freedom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cloud and Axel have a serious conversation. Roxas comes face to face with his demons.

Cloud had ventured back to their house to pick up their sparse possessions. He had taken the van to take the mattresses with them as Roxas would need somewhere to sleep at Zack’s place. Axel had tagged along to help Cloud, much to Cloud’s distaste, but he wasn’t going to leave Roxas alone with him.

“Why don’t you like me?” came the innocent enough question.

“You’re a creep, Axel. I don’t think you’re any good for my little brother.”

“That hurts, you know.”

“It’s gonna hurt even more if you harm Roxas in any way. What do you want from him anyway?” Cloud couldn’t help being hostile towards Axel. The fact that the bean-pole had gotten so close to Roxas really bothered him. He felt like he had let Roxas down somehow. He should have been more vigilant. He shouldn’t have been so oblivious to what was going on for his brother.

“If you’re implying that I only want to _use_ him like a sex toy then you’re only half right.” Axel dodged the fist that flew at his face.

“Geez Cloud, you’ve got a real temper on you,” he laughed.

“Don’t ever joke about using someone for sex,” Cloud spat with venom.

“Sorry,” muttered Axel. He definitely could see that he crossed a line, and thought back on what Roxas had told him about Cloud having been hurt by someone in the past, and - how Cloud was worried -.

“Do you really think Roxas is in danger?”

“I know he is.”

“You really think it’s my fault?”

Cloud was silent for a while.

“I don’t know.”

“That little fella’s important to me too, ya know?”

“You barely even _know_ him,” spat Cloud.

Axel thought about that for a moment. “I know that his favorite ice cream flavor is sea salt. He loves his friends, has a very soft spot for cats, because they remind him of his stupid older brother.” Axel stole a glance at Cloud to see if he could bait any amusing reaction out of him. He was rewarded with a glare.

“I know that he loved his mom very much, but seems blasé about his father. I know that he looks up to you and Zack, and I also know that he’s been really struggling to find his own voice in his life. He wants to follow his heart but lets others expectations of him drown out his own wishes and desires.”

“I know that Roxas can make you feel like you are worth something. That you aren’t a complete failure like everyone around you would have you believe. When Roxas believes and cares about you, it’s the best feeling in the world.” Axel chose to look out the window. “I know that Roxas doesn’t have a mean bone in his body and does foolish and reckless things to make you feel better. I know how special he is.”

Cloud was silent. Had he misjudged Axel? Did Axel really actually care about his brother?

“How far would you go to protect him?” Cloud asked. The anger and all emotion seemed to have left his voice.

Axel’s head snapped back around towards the interior of the van, and his eyes narrowed with a ferocity, which Cloud hadn’t seen before. “I would kill for him," Axel said with no hesitation. 

“Would you let him go, if it meant it would protect him?”

That question took Axel by surprise. His gaze wavered as he felt like Cloud had stabbed him in the heart.

“I…” His response fell flat. He couldn’t imagine losing Roxas yet again.

“No,” he said quietly.

“Then you’re no good for him, Axel. He needs someone who isn’t selfish. Someone who can see the bigger picture, and be a responsible adult. If he stays here with you… because of _you_ … we will all regret it, Roxas most of all.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to break his heart. I want you out of his life. And the sooner you can do that the safer Roxas will be.”

“I can protect him.”

“No, you can’t. No one can. Not even me,” admitted Cloud with a heavy heart. “We ran because that was always the only choice we had.”

Axel felt like the fire in him had been smothered.

“Who the heck are you guys even running from?”

* * *

 

It had been two days since Roxas’ blissful existence had blown up in his face. He was sitting in his history class, completely zoned out of what was going on around him. He had found it extremely difficult to focus these last few days. Axel and Cloud had come back on Sunday from picking up their belongings and when Roxas ran to greet Axel he hadn’t seemed right. Axel had still teased him, touched him, and ruffled his hair but somehow the energy and spark wasn’t the same.

He had asked Axel if everything was alright. Asked whether Cloud had been mean to him, but Axel had just laughed it all off, ruffled his hair again and had said he needed to go. Roxas had walked him out to his car where Axel had given him an incredibly dispassionate kiss and drove off.

Roxas had been angry at Cloud, demanding an explanation but his brother denied anything unusual having happened. He just blamed it on the facial injury, saying that ‘ _Maybe today just wore him out. A lot has happened after all._ ’ Roxas still grumbled over that reply.

Sora had given Roxas’ phone back on Monday, being super glad to see him attend school. School had nearly not happened, but at least it appeared like Zack still had Roxas’ back as he pushed for Cloud to relent and let Roxas go.

The first thing Roxas did when he received his phone was message Axel. And then he waited… and waited. It was now Tuesday and he was still waiting. Something had happened. Somehow Cloud had gotten to Axel. Roxas was furious.

“Roxas!”

Roxas startled out of his thoughts to see Mrs. Kirton standing in front of him with a slip of paper in her hand. The other kids around him laughed. Apparently the teacher had been calling him for the last two minutes.

“You’ve been requested to go to the office.” She handed the slip to him and Roxas gave a bewildered look to Sora who was next to him. He quickly packed up his things, as class was going to finish shortly anyway, and headed down to the office.

His mind was still on Axel and his brother when he entered the office.

“Ah Roxas. Good of you to come. You’re being expected in office number two. It’s down the hall to your right. Door’s unlocked, just head on in,” said Mr Harris, who had always been really lovely to Roxas in the past.

“Mr. Harris, who’s looking for me?”

“He didn’t give a name, but he said he was family.”

“F-family? What did he look like?”

“Couldn’t see his face. He wore a cloak. But he had really striking green eyes.”

Roxas’ mood lifted. ‘ _Green!_ ’ Roxas hurried down the hall and found the door without a problem.

“Axel!” He said eagerly as he opened the door and walked through. The room was dark. There was an empty desk in the middle and behind it a window looking out over the back of the school where there was nothing but trees and fields. The door shut behind him. Roxas whirled around in excitement. “Ax…” His voice faltered as he heard the click of the lock and saw a tall figure all robed stand between him and his freedom.

“Hello Roxas.” There was amusement behind that voice. Roxas hadn’t heard it for years but he still remembered that timbre and tone with a chill. He felt nauseous. Blue-green eyes shone out from under that hood. Roxas cursed Mr. Harris in his mind for not knowing the difference between turquoise and green. The figure who was much too tall to be Axel stepped towards Roxas, and removed his hood. Roxas took giant steps back until he had hit the desk.

“W-what are you doing here?”

“Is that any way to greet someone who took you in and took care of you when your whole world crumbled in front of your eyes?” Sephiroth sounded genuinely hurt by Roxas’ lack of affection.

“We used to be so close. There were days when you couldn’t wait to run and jump at me when I picked you up from school.”

“Things change. I’ve grown up… a-and I don’t _need_ you anymore.” Roxas felt cold sweat running down his back.

“That really hurts, Roxas.” Sephiroth had continued advancing, stopping a short distance from him. “How is Cloud? Is he doing well?”

“Like you even care!”

“I don’t know what Cloud did to poison you so against me, Roxas. This wasn’t the welcome I ever expected from you.” Again… that hurt crept into his voice.

Roxas’ heart was racing frantically. This was one of his worst nightmares. Being stuck - all alone with Sephiroth. How did he even find him?

“I know w-what you d-did to Cloud. How can you expect me to… to just welcome you back with open arms?” Maybe Roxas had gotten what he wanted. He had said he wanted to stay and fight. Well now was his chance to fight for his freedom. He breathed deeply, trying to muster up courage “We … we left b-because we had enough of you! We don’t _need_ you anymore. Neither of us!”

“Think what you will, Roxas. Think that Cloud can protect you and keep you safe from all the bad in this world. But he can’t. I’ve been keeping an eye on the two of you these past two years. You might not have known it but I was always making sure you two weren’t getting into any trouble. Cloud is a fool if he thinks he can take better care of you than I can.”

Sephiroth chuckled, “Cloud is still such a child. Fighting for his independence. Playing pretend at being able to look after the two of you. I’ve been pulling strings to get him jobs, to make him _feel_ like he could be useful and do something right. Because we both know how fragile his ego is.” Sephiroth looked at Roxas pointedly.

Roxas frowned at Sephiroth who had begun leaning closer.

“That’s a complete lie!” spat Roxas.

“Cloud will never take care of you as well as I can. No one will ever care for you the way _I care_ for you.” Sephiroth reached out and touched Roxas’ hair gently and went to cup his cheek. Roxas felt disgusted and pulled his head away, but he was wedged between the desk and Sephiroth’s tall frame so he couldn’t move very far.

“You look just like your mother.” Sephiroth ran a slender finger over Roxas’ brow.

“What do you want from me?!” yelled Roxas. He couldn’t stand being this close to the man.

“ _Want_? I want you to come home with me. Stop this running. I’ve grown tired of this game you two are playing.”

Roxas felt rage boiling inside him.

“This _ISN’T_ a game! This is _OUR_ lives you’re screwing with! I will _never_ go _home_ with you! I _**AM HOME**_!! I have _friends_ here, and people _I_ care about. You have no role left in my life, Sephiroth! It’s time for you to _MOVE ON!_ ” Roxas breathed heavily with the effort.

Sephiroth’s eyes turned dark and his face narrowed.

Roxas felt a sharp pain across his cheek as Sephiroth slapped him. Roxas clutched at his face in shock. He had never been hit before by Sephiroth. Clearly what Roxas was saying to him was definitely not what he wanted to hear.

“You used to be such a good boy, Roxas. You used to do anything to make others happy. Cloud and your so called ‘ _friends_ ’ have been a bad influence on you over the last few years.”

“I think they’ve been the _best_ thing that’s happened to me since we decided to _leave you_!” Roxas felt fired up. He was at a point where he genuinely didn’t care what Sephiroth might do to him. He wanted to hurt the bastard. He knew he wasn’t physically strong enough, so his words would need to cut, and cut deep.

“Mom would be _disgusted_ at you. Disgusted at what you’ve _done_ to her children! I doubt you ever truly loved her! You were just too caught up in your own self righteous bullshit and guilt over letting our father die!”

Sephiroth grabbed Roxas by the throat and pushed him backwards flat onto the desk.

“Say one more word, Roxas, and you will get what your brother got when he started being insolent!” hissed Sephiroth through clenched teeth. Roxas froze with terror, eyes wide as saucers. Roxas struggled to breathe and was gasping, trying to remain calm as to not exacerbate the strangle hold.

“You listen to me, and listen carefully, Roxas. I will give you a month from today to think about what you’ve done. To think about the _choice_ you have to make. And then I will be back for you, and you _better_ ,” Sephiroth pushed and squeezed Roxas’ throat harder “come along peacefully. Or those _friends_ of yours you _love so much_ will feel the hurt you've caused me.”

Roxas went white as a sheet, which seemed to be the reaction Sephiroth was fishing for. Sephiroth eased up on his hold, grabbed Roxas by the front of his shirt and pulled him back to a standing position. Roxas breathed heavily, gasping and still catching his breath, all the while feeling Sephiroth uncomfortably close to himself.

“You have a month. That is all you get to sort out your affairs. Don’t tell Cloud, and don’t think of running away, because I will _always_ find you.”

With that Sephiroth re-hooded, unlocked the door and left a still gasping Roxas alone in the dark.

Roxas managed to hold it together until he found an unoccupied bathroom, after which he slid down the wall and cried and cried until the terror left him. He had no clue what to do. How had Sephiroth found him? And found him so quickly? He had threatened him and his friends. Roxas didn’t see a way out of this. He felt cornered. He berated himself for having given him that ammunition. ‘ _I should have kept my stupid mouth shut. Pretended like I don’t have any friends, or like there is anyone important in my life_.’ He banged his head against the tiled wall in agony.

Roxas felt his phone vibrate in his pocket and fished it out. Two missed calls from Sora. What could Sora do? Sora was now in danger thanks to him. A high pitched noise worked its way out of Roxas’ throat and he sobbed in pain. Roxas dialed Axel’s number, desperate to reach him. The phone rang, and rang, and rang. The call was always rejected before it went to the voice mail. It tore Roxas up inside. He dialed again… and again… and again, the sobbing getting more fierce with every rejection. And then…

“Hey! You’ve reached Axel! If you’re cute leave a message, and if you ain’t then how the hell did you get my number?!”

Roxas let out another involuntary wail, despite being glad that he got through, finally. He tried to get his sobbing under control so he could get a few words out.

“A-Axel… I-I-I… he… was h-h-here. The gu-u-u-y who is a-after me. I’m s-s-so scared. I… I don’t kno-o-w w-what to do. Axel… ple-e-ease c-call me ba-ack.”

He hung up, and slowly got up to look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He was a mess. His had expected to see bruising all along his neck but couldn’t find any. Only a small red line which was beginning to fade. Roxas thought about how Cloud never looked beaten up, so he supposed that Sephiroth was a real pro at hurting people without leaving any physical evidence. His cheek however was slightly swollen and his eyes a red mess. He couldn’t go out looking like this just yet. Roxas decided to stay in and lock himself into the bathroom, just letting the cold water run over his head on and off for an hour.

Axel never called back which caused a fresh bout of tears for Roxas just as he was beginning to look normal again. Sora on the other hand kept dialing and messaging him. It brought a smile to Roxas’ face despite everything that had happened. Roxas gritted his teeth, and stepped back outside into the real world after he had composed himself. He couldn’t tell anyone about this. He would just have to soldier on and see if any bright ideas emerged over the next four weeks.

 


	29. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas continues to butt heads with people, no longer caring about consequences. Cloud and Zack make a decision around their fortnightly supply run to the Church.

The days passed by in agony for Roxas. Axel didn’t come by Zack’s warehouse anymore. Roxas felt annoyed that Axel had apparently only now decided that Zack’s suggestion of e-mailing had actually been good. He felt annoyed that Zack had suggested it at all so long ago now. Roxas felt miserable, and paranoid. He kept getting spooked when he was out at school, and he felt like people were staring at him or following him. He had noticed a black van parked at school whenever he arrived and was picked up, which caused him great unease. Roxas’ friends noticed the change in him but Roxas remained tight lipped, citing stress and missing Axel as the reason for his low mood; which to be fair wasn’t actually a lie.

Zack was doing an exceptional job at arriving on time for the pickups to take Roxas back to the warehouse at the end of each day but on Friday Zack couldn’t have anticipated that Roxas’ art class would be let out early. Roxas felt apprehension as he walked out the doors, saying goodbye to Naminé for the weekend. His eyes fell across the black van again and he felt inexplicable rage well up inside himself. He definitely felt like that van was there for him. He gathered up his reckless rage which was turning into misguided courage and stomped down the stairs and across the road. He didn’t have much to lose. Axel didn’t want to speak with him, and he had no choice anyway when it came to either defying or going along with Sephiroth when the time came.

Roxas banged on the driver's side window for a minute, starting to shout for whoever was inside to open up. Eventually the tinted window did slide down and Roxas was met with someone he had never seen before in his life. He was dressed in a black suit, wore sunglasses and had no hair except for a neat goatee. Roxas stared at the man, losing his voice all of a sudden.

The man just looked at him through dark tinted glasses, not saying a word.

“W-why are you stalking me?” Roxas got out but received no response, nor any recognition of even having been heard. The window was beginning to be wound up again in silence.

“I’ll call the police on you! A guy in a black van - camping out in front of a school for days? That’s definitely going to get someone to come out and take a look,” barked Roxas. The window stopped moving and loud laughter emanated from inside the van.

“Kid’s got us there, Rude!”

The window wound down again and a different shape began to appear beside the bald guy. Roxas’ heart quickened at the sight of that hair. Roxas opened his mouth to say his name, but shut it as quickly when he saw blue eyes and a face that wasn’t who he had expected.

“Who are you guys?”

“Name's Reno, and this is Rude.”

The guy calling himself Reno was mesmerizing for Roxas to look at. The way he had laughed, the way he smiled - it made Roxas miss Axel all the more. Maybe this was…

“What are you doing here?,” he asked cautiously, seeing how much information he could eek out of Reno.

“We’re here to keep an eye on ya, Roxas.”

Roxas felt the panic rising in his chest.

“How do you know my name?” Roxas felt completely stupid asking such questions, but his mind felt numb.

Reno leaned his body over Rude’s until he was comfortably propped against the open window with his elbows. He reached out to tousle Roxas’ hair but Roxas pulled back at the touch. He couldn’t handle someone who wasn’t Axel, but looked so much like him, doing that to him.

Reno just laughed. “How can I not know the name of the kid by brother's obsessed with, yo?”

“Br-other?...”

“Yeah... you know. Hair like mine, less good looking, awful green eyes. The brat who likes to set things on fire, yo.” Reno just grinned at Roxas as it finally sunk in, and pulled back to retreat into his seat. Rude gave an unimpressed grunt as Reno used him as leverage.

“Did Axel send you to look out for me?” Roxas’ heart was pounding. He felt relieved that this _was_ Axel’s older brother. Roxas recollected hearing something about Reno working in security. Axel _did_ still care after all! He had listened to his voicemail and sent Reno! It all made perfect sense now!

Reno exchanged a look with Rude before resuming his smile.

“Sure. He’s been worried about ya.”

“Can you tell him I miss him and to call me?” asked Roxas hopefully.

“We’re not a message delivery service, so scram, kid,” came Rude’s first and final words as he wound the window back up.

The van drove off leaving Roxas feeling less abandoned than he had felt all week. He got out his phone and typed a hasty message to Axel.

It read :

R: _Axel, I just met your brother, Reno. Thank you for sending him to keep an eye on me. I feel a lot better. I miss you. Please call me :(_

Having someone looking out for him wasn’t going to change anything for Roxas; he knew that he still only had one clear choice. But knowing that Axel was still thinking of him, in some small way, made all the difference.

* * *

 

The weekend and following week passed by quietly and much the same as the week before. Roxas still heard nothing from Axel and confided in Zack how upsetting that was for him. Zack couldn’t give Roxas any consolation other than ’ _Maybe he feels bad because he thinks he’s gotten you into all this trouble?’_. Axel was only communicating with Zack when it was business related, and he also wouldn’t take his phone calls either. Zack was at a loss in regards to what Axel was thinking and playing at.

The nights were lonely and long for everyone. Despite all the bad things that had happened Zack had been looking forward to having Cloud share a bed with him every night. After the first night however Zack always woke up alone, and always found Cloud curled up next to his brother on the mattress in the main living space. He found it endearing how much the brothers cared for each other but he also wanted to stop having to compete with Roxas for Cloud’s affections. Cloud had become increasingly distant once again. That hard and aloof shell which had slowly broken away through Zack’s care and affections was now strapped firmly back in place. Zack often times found Cloud brooding and any lightness that was directed at him would fall flat.

Overall there was a lot less cheer. Meal times offered up mostly polite conversations as Roxas seemed to be slumping into the same depressive brooding that his brother seemed so good at. It seemed to Zack like Roxas tried to be like his old self but something was just off about him. Any attempt to speak with Roxas about it resulted in the same answer of ‘ _I just miss Axel_ ’. 

A tension and unease hung over them like a cloud. It felt like a storm was coming from which there was no shelter.

* * *

 

The fortnightly trip to the church came around again, causing a lot of stress and tension between Zack and Cloud. Cloud was up and down about it, one day agreeing and then the next changing his mind. Roxas encouraged them to go, trying to reason with Cloud that the orphans still needed support.

It had been very quiet, and there had been no suspicious activity going on that Cloud could see, other than Roxas’ very depressed mood. Cloud had never truly seen Roxas like this before. The moodiness he had to put up with in the past from his brother was nothing compared to this… defeat. Roxas felt and looked defeated… and it broke Cloud’s heart. Cloud desperately hoped that spending a weekend away from himself and with his more upbeat friends might help to restore Roxas or reinvigorate him at least.

So with the heaviest of hearts Cloud had agreed to go on their scheduled delivery run to see Aerith and the kids, but the unease grew with every yard that Zack drove in the opposite direction of where Roxas was. It reminded Cloud of the first time he had agreed to go with Zack, leaving Roxas behind, but it felt so much worse. Cloud couldn’t sit still, he was antsy, nervous and felt irritated by every single bump on the road.

“You’re gonna drive me crazy if you keep fidgeting like this the whole way, Cloud.” It was meant to lighten the mood more than be a direct criticism.

“Zack, I can’t do this,” came his strained voice as they were nearing the outskirts of the city. “I can’t be this far away from Roxas. I have the _worst_ feeling.”

Zack was inclined to agree with Cloud. He also wasn’t feeling 100% about this situation and turned the van around at the next available opportunity.

They pulled back into the warehouse, unloaded all the perishables and stored them appropriately.

“I still need to get these things to Aerith, though. What do you want to do, Cloud?”

After some brooding Cloud mapped out a plan and Zack agreed that they would pick up Roxas in the morning and head out to the church together. Cloud would ride his bike and Roxas could be in the cabin with Zack. Once that decision had been made Cloud seemed to relax a little.

“Should we go pick up Roxas right now?”

Cloud had thought about it. “... No… I think he’ll be happier spending the night with his friends.”

The afternoon waned into evening. Cloud spent the majority of his time making sure everything was ready to go in the morning, double and triple checking everything. He put all his and Roxas’ meager belongings into a pile and made sure his bike was in good working order, as well as giving the sidecar a once over before rolling it into the van. Zack just looked on with mild interest, building a picture of what Cloud was thinking about through his actions.

* * *

 

Zack and Cloud were laying in bed together. The last two weeks had put such a strain on them that all intimacy had evaporated. Cloud never seemed to be in the mood, not even to kiss anymore. The most Zack could do was touch Cloud on the arm or run his fingers through his hair and even that seemed to become less and less welcoming to Cloud.

“You’re planning to leave tomorrow… for good.” It wasn’t even a question. Zack just knew that this was what Cloud was going to do.

Cloud was silent.

“Cloud, please talk to me,” pleaded Zack, rolling over to his side so he could look at Cloud. “I won’t stop you, but whatever _this_ is… between us… I want it to stop. I want us to be together how we were before.” Zack reached out and cupped Cloud’s face.

Cloud just sighed and after some deliberating rolled over to face Zack.

“It hurts too much to be close to you… when I know I need to leave,” he murmured.

“So you’ve been trying to push me away and close this part off? Have a nice clean break?”

Cloud just closed his eyes and concentrated on Zack’s thumb stroking over his cheek.

“You know this doesn’t have to be forever. You said to me that in a few more years Roxas would be out of the woods. That you could start living your life again.”

Cloud thought about how optimistic he had been when he had that conversation with Zack. It seemed like a lifetime ago now. Yet that optimism still lingered in Zack’s voice. But then again it always seemed to be there, no matter what dire things they discussed. It’s partly what drew Cloud to Zack… that energy, and sense that there was joy in all of life… even the bad bits. Cloud knew that he needed that in his life, and it had been nice to get it from someone other than just Roxas.

“I don’t want you to hang out waiting for me to come back. It’s not fair on you. I’m sure you’ll have other things going on in your life and I just want you to move on and be happy.”

“Forget about me for a second and tell me what you want. When all this is over, what would make _you_ happy?”

Cloud opened his eyes again to look at Zack’s earnest expression. His breath hitched in his throat. At this moment he couldn’t imagine his life without Zack. “All I want is to run my mechanics shop, and wake up with you, like this.” That was the first thing that came to Cloud’s mind, and he blushed from embarrassment.

“Then that is what I want too, Cloud. I’ll still be here, waiting for you. That’s a promise.” Zack shifted closer to Cloud and pressed his lips against the other mans. Cloud responded warmly at last, inviting Zack to take it further. The worry Cloud had been holding melted away for a few moments as Zack explored Cloud’s mouth. Cloud felt Zack’s hand run from his cheek down the length of his torso causing shivers to spread in that soft touch’s wake.

Zack disengaged the kiss but pulled Cloud close to himself, spooning Cloud the way he had wanted to do for the last two weeks. Zack breathed in Cloud’s warm scent and trailed light kisses along his neck.

“I never really wanted to give you the cold shoulder. But I thought it would make it easier on both of us.”

“Did it work for you? Because it definitely didn’t for me.”

“No,” breathed out Cloud. “I guess it was a failed experiment.”

“Did you have the same intentions for Roxas and Axel?”

Cloud nodded. “Roxas is still too young. He’s never loved someone, let alone liked. I thought being attached to Axel too much would cloud his judgement. If I could get Axel to back off then maybe Roxas would be more willing to see the sense in leaving.”

“What did you tell Axel to get him to back off from Roxas like that? I’ve never seen him turn so cold on someone he was interested in so quickly.”

“I told him the truth. I made him see the horror that would befall Roxas if Axel didn’t let him go,” Cloud said plainly.

Zack ran his hand tenderly over Cloud’s back in realization. Roxas really did mean the world to Cloud.


	30. A Haunted Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is running out. Roxas makes a last ditch effort to get in touch with Axel to say his good-byes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual acts lie beyond this point.

Roxas had spent an enjoyable evening with his friends. He thought he was probably more relaxed about being separated from his brother than Cloud would be right now. Roxas was sorry about that but he wasn’t going to do anything to change the situation either. The more he thought about it the more he felt like Sephiroth was his responsibility. He would make that bastard's life a living hell, and that thought gave him some satisfaction. It would be payback for what that man had done to his brother.

Axel was still ignoring him, and Roxas had stopped trying to reach him after a weekend of disappointment. But he still missed Axel. The thought that Axel might be blaming himself for this situation made Roxas itch to make up with him before his chance was gone. He had coaxed Kairi into giving him her brothers address. She had told Roxas that Axel had made her swear to not tell Roxas anything about him, but she had cracked after pleas and reasoning with her.

Tonight was Roxas’ chance. Axel lived really far away but Roxas figured he had all night to make his way across the city. Knowing that Sephiroth was out there and very close actually made Roxas feel better. He didn’t have to guess anymore about what might possibly happen. He felt at peace knowing that the inevitable resolution to this two year chase was finally drawing to a conclusion.

Roxas had fun with his friends, even though he had stayed demure for most of the evening. Riku had eventually left to take Kairi home but then returned later to stay the night with Sora. Roxas felt so happy for the both of them and had told Sora as much when they had some quiet time alone. Sora just gushed with joy and thanked Roxas for making him realize in a roundabout way that the feelings he had for Riku were more than just platonic. It had warmed Roxas’ heart to hear Sora say that, especially as it reminded him of Zack’s words around Roxas’ ability to bring people together. If Roxas’ remaining life was relegated to being stuck with Sephiroth he could at least find solace in knowing he had made others happy while he could.

The evening passed and the three of them turned in for bed. At around midnight Roxas, as quietly as he could manage given the squeaky nature of his bed, got up and headed downstairs. He had packed everything up neatly and ready to go when he felt no one had been looking. He had a plan and this was his only window of opportunity to enact it. He slid his shoes on in the dark, slung his backpack over his shoulder and froze as his hand touched the door handle.

“Where are you heading, at this time of night?” Riku said quietly, so as not to wake Sora. He padded down the stairs quietly and placed a hand on Roxas’ shoulder.

“I’m going to see Axel,” whispered Roxas.

“I’ve heard of booty calls but this seems really strange coming from you, Roxas.”

Roxas unlatched the door and let himself out. Riku followed, grabbing his coat off the stand as he passed it.

“You going to walk there all by yourself, in the middle of the night?” came Riku's sceptical voice.

“Yes.”

Riku stopped Roxas earnestly this time.

“What are you doing, Roxas? You’ve been acting strange ever since you had that visitor at school. Was it that guy? The one you and Cloud are so afraid of?”

Roxas didn’t appreciate Riku’s perceptiveness. He just kept his eyes to the ground and his lips sealed.

“There have been weird guys watching us too. They’re outside right now. I saw them when I took Kairi home.”

That news did worry Roxas. He hadn’t realized that Reno and Rude might be following him when he was out of school too.

“I just _really_ want to see Axel, Riku. You’re lucky. You get to be with Sora almost every day. But Axel’s been treating me differently ever since we came back from the concert and - and all that _stuff_ happened. I just miss him,” he said dejectedly.

Riku considered Roxas’ words for a moment.

“Alright. I’ll take you, if you know where he lives. I parked a few blocks away and snuck through the gardens to avoid the stalkers.”

“Really? You’ll drive me there?”

Riku just nodded and motioned for Roxas to follow him to the hedges that served as a barrier between Sora’s parents land and the surrounding neighbors. They squeezed through the thicket and made their way through neighboring gardens until they came out at a road to find Riku’s car parked further up the street. This was turning out to be quite an adventure and Roxas was actually enjoying himself.

They drove for twenty minutes towards the heart of the city with Riku’s only words having been, "Imagine if you had to _walk_ this, geez.” 

They eventually reached a high density apartment complex. At this time of night it wasn’t difficult to find somewhere to park and soon they were staring at the apartments telecom system.

“Which apartment’s Axel’s?”

“Number eight. But how we going to get in? He doesn’t want to see me,” said Roxas with disappointment. He couldn't see a way in other than the front door.

“Like this.” Riku cleared his throat to command attention and then ran his finger down the entire row of buttons, buzzing every apartment bar Axel’s.

“What’re you doing?!” Roxas gaped in shock.

After a few moments the door buzzed and Riku pushed it open and went inside.

“In this city there’s always someone awake, expecting a pizza delivery,” he laughed. Roxas looked at Riku in admiration as they headed for the elevator and went up to the 13th floor.

“What are you going to say to him when he opens that door?”

“Uh… I -,” Roxas went red in the face. He hadn’t actually thought it through very far. “I… was just going to barge in and … hope for the best?” He squeezed out a cheesy smile feeling far lighter than he had in days.

Riku laughed again as the elevator door slid open and they stepped out. “That’s such a Sora thing to do. I kind of expected something more thorough and thoughtful from you,” he teased. “But… it might just work on Axel. So you go for it Roxas!”

They found number 8 at the end of the hall and around the corner. Riku hung back to watch from afar. He had told Roxas that he would hang around for five or ten minutes after, just in case Roxas got kicked out and needed a lift back to Sora’s.

“Good luck, Roxas! I’m rooting for you!” Riku gave him a pat on the shoulder and pushed him towards Axel’s door.

Roxas approached feeling nervous and unsure of himself. He rang the doorbell and then hid to the side of the door, like Riku had suggested, so Axel would be forced to open the door. His heart was pounding. He feared what Axel’s reaction would be. Roxas buzzed the doorbell a few more times and eventually he heard the door open and a very moody “This better be good or you’ll be sorry,” threat being thrown out into the corridor. Roxas stepped in front of the door to reveal himself to a shirtless and grumpy looking Axel. The grumpiness however was quickly replaced by surprise and confusion.

“Rox-as….?”

Roxas’ heart was still racing as he pushed past Axel and into the spacious apartment beyond. Roxas thought he only managed to get this far because he had managed to catch Axel off guard, but nonetheless he still felt somewhat triumphant. He stood in the middle of Axel’s living room, dropping his bag and claiming the space as his own.

“Roxas?...” His name was called again, but with more belief and less stunned shock. “What are you doing here? How did you…?”

“I’m sorry to wake you, Axel,” interjected Roxas. “But I just had enough of you ignoring me. I know this is probably really selfish but... I just wanted to see you one more time before - well before I go.”

“Go? Where you going?” Axel still sounded vastly confused.

“Well Seph… the guy who’s after me… I have no choice. I have to go with him or he’s going to hurt my friends… and you," said Roxas softly. He swallowed the tears and dug up his brave face. He didn’t want Axel to feel sorry for him or to see him cry. He wanted Axel to remember him as strong and self assured. “So I’m going to go with him when he comes for me. I don’t want you to feel bad… if that’s why you’ve been ignoring me. It was never your fault, Axel. I just wanted to say I’m sorry if I caused you any hurt.”

Axel, who had still been holding open the door at this point, shut and locked it behind him. Axel looked at Roxas for a while with a furrowed brow and narrowed eyes as if sizing him up. Roxas began to feel uncomfortable as he was locked into that gaze. He had expected an angry Axel, and hoped for an open and loving Axel. But this calculating and cold Axel was unsettling.

“You remind me of this idiot kid I once met in hospital.” Axel said in a detached fashion while casually beginning to walk closer towards Roxas. “I had first and second degree burns all over my body and my hair was completely singed off. They had me bandaged up so much that I looked like a mummy.” Axel snickered at the memory.

“Despite my family’s status I still had to share my room with this kid who was a complete zombie on accounts of all the drugs they pumped into him. He had broken his back or something. Anyway, I didn’t really care because I was too busy feeling sorry for myself. I lay in bed for a week crying my eyes out because no one came to visit me.” Axel completely ignored Roxas as he walked over to the mantle piece atop a fake fireplace directly behind Roxas.

Roxas’ eyes and head followed him and he saw Axel open a small box and gingerly pull out a scrap piece of paper from it. Roxas’ eyes drifted up past Axel and halted on a neatly framed picture which hung from the wall. There, despite the darkness of the room, Roxas could make out the picture he had drawn for Axel. Roxas’ eyes had grown a little bit wider and fell back onto Axel with surprise. He hadn't expected Axel to treat his drawing with such care or preciousness as to bother framing it. Axel was looking at him with an expression that Roxas just couldn’t decipher. He closed the box again and headed to the red lounge which sat proudly in the middle of the room, facing the entertainment unit attached to the wall opposite of it. Axel sank into the middle of the lounge and continued his story without looking back at Roxas.

“He had visitors every single day. It burned me up inside that so many people seemed to care about him. I thought about going over to him and chopping off all his stupid blonde fluffy hair. The way it stuck up all over the place annoyed me. I would have done it too had I had access to some scissors.”

“One night I lay there feeling exceptionally sorry for myself when I heard a loud thud. This stupid kid had rolled out of his bed and was crawling along the floor towards me. It was like a scene from a bad horror movie. Me, a mummy, being attacked by a possessed cabbage patch kid. Could you imagine that?” Axel laughed again with amusement. “He couldn’t really move much so it took him a long while to cross the floor. I thought he was crazy and completely mental. Too high on drugs to know what he was doing. When he finally got to the foot of my bed he reached up and handed me this piece of paper.”

Axel held up the piece of paper between his two fingers so Roxas could see. Axel’s head tilted backwards and his eyes focused on Roxas, almost like a direct summons. Roxas slowly moved towards the lounge to sit next to Axel, taking the piece of paper as he passed by, which Axel was still holding up for him to inspect. Roxas tried to give Axel ample space on the lounge. He wasn’t sure where they stood with each other. After all Axel had made it clear that he didn’t want to be in contact with Roxas any longer. But Axel was spread out pretty luxuriously on the lounge, so not physically touching him proved difficult. Axel draped his now free hand across the back of the lounge and seemed to shift a little closer to Roxas, which caused the flutters in Roxas’ stomach to return.

Axel watched as Roxas gently and carefully unfold the paper. It had apparently been folded and refolded many times over. It looked tatty and ragged from all the creases. One of the edges had been burnt and some of the paper looked warped like when water falls on it. Roxas looked at the picture in silence.

“I … know this…” Roxas breathed to himself. Slowly his eyes drifted over the page, then towards Axel in disbelief before returning to the paper once more. A small smile was beginning to grow on Axel’s lips as the pieces finally fell together for Roxas. Roxas’ eyes scanned over the childish drawing of a little red fire engine, and over the two stick figures in the lower right hand corner, which was the corner that had been set on fire at some point during this drawings existence. One of the stick figures had blonde squiggles atop its circular head and blue smaller circles for eyes, while the other had lines across its head in a bad attempt to portray bandages, and fabulously green circles for eyes. Roxas turned his head slowly towards the mantle piece and his drawing which hung above it. They were the same...

“Can you even imagine how _stupid_ that is? This kid couldn’t walk, and was in pain the whole way… but he made the journey anyway. I asked him why he did that.” Axel fixed his eyes on Roxas. “He told me it was because he wanted to cheer me up. He wanted to make _me_ happy because I was always crying. He crossed the floor despite the pain he was in, just so he could make me feel a bit better about myself.”

Roxas’ head was reeling. His eyes had been darting from his hung up drawing to… _his_ paper drawing in his hands. He turned back to look at Axel.

“Your drawing skills have improved greatly… but other than that you haven’t changed at all, Roxas. You still do stupid things to make life easier on other people.” Axel’s voice had softened considerably and his hand brushed against Roxas’ shoulder. Roxas was frozen in place. He was shocked. He had no memory of ever having drawn this picture, and yet he knew it. Looking at the little stick figure Axel… all bandaged and green eyes… it brought back… something.

Axel took the paper out of Roxas’ hands and placed it on the coffee table in front of them, before running his hand through soft blonde tufts. “I might have come across like a crazed lover of all blondes to you, Roxas, but the truth is… I only ever wanted one blonde in my life.”

“I never got your name when I was there. Once I got discharged I went back for a few follow-up appointments but you were gone. Moved to other places. This drawing… it haunted me. I tried finding you for years. What did I do to deserve having met you way back then? I was an awful kid but you saw beyond that, and just saw me for who I was. It was special to feel like my well-being and happiness actually mattered to someone else.”

Roxas’ just felt himself melt into Axel’s touch. Axel had closed the distance between them and Roxas was practically sitting on Axel’s lap by this stage. Roxas rested his head against Axel's chest and listened to the quickening heartbeat thumping against his ear. Knowing that Axel had wanted him in his life for so long now was overwhelming for Roxas. Tears began running down his face.

“It’s pretty ratty looking,” murmured Roxas into Axel’s chest.

“Did you sleep with it?... Put it through the wash?” Despite the tears Roxas smiled as he goaded Axel.

Axel had been a bit worried when he felt the tears start to run down his skin but the laughter in Roxas’ voice and the feel of his soft lips turning up into a smile against Axel’s chest was enough reassurance for him that everything was alright.

“I carried it around with me a lot, for many years. I even slept with it under my pillow,” admitted Axel.

“What about me?” Roxas pulled back from Axel so he could look into those pools of green he liked so much. “Would you… sleep with me?”

The fire in Axel’s belly roared to life.

“Right now?” he asked with hope.

Roxas nodded shyly and a blush creeped across his face.

Axel leaned towards Roxas and nipped at his bottom lip, extending it into a slow suck as Roxas pushed his head towards Axel's. He loved the taste of Roxas. He loved the smell of his skin and the feeling of his hair gently rubbing against his skin. Axel wrapped his arm more firmly around Roxas’ small frame, and slid the other arm under the back of Roxas’ knees. Still kissing his long lost but finally returned treasure, Axel rose, carrying Roxas bridal style towards his bedroom. This action surprised Roxas and he quickly slid his arms around Axel’s neck for support, pulling himself up in the process and deepening their kiss.

Roxas had been incredibly deprived of Axel’s touch these last two weeks that he felt crazy with lust. He wanted all of Axel, right now. He reveled in the smell of warm spice which was so distinctly Axel. He buzzed with how Axel seemed to whole heartedly claim his mouth, filling him with his tongue, rolling it around and exploring every crevice.

Axel kicked open his bedroom door and Roxas broke free from the heat of their mouths needily swallowing each other down, to get a peek at the place where Axel slept. Roxas caught sight of a big desk covered in papers and massive volumes of books and documents. It was a mess, with papers overflowing to the floor. There was a laptop idling with a screensaver photo of Axel and Roxas together. Roxas looked at the image fondly. Axel had taken it when they went out for dinner after Roxas had gotten his hair fixed. Axel followed Roxas’ gaze and kissed him on the cheek lovingly as he dumped Roxas nonchalantly onto his bed, netting a small yelp from Roxas, and a chuckle from Axel.

Axel walked over to his desk, turned the desk lamp off and shut the lid of his laptop before returning to Roxas’ side. The curtains were wide open letting in the ambient city lights in an otherwise dark night.

“I like that photo of us,” mused Roxas as Axel crawled on top of him and worked his hands underneath Roxas’ shirt.

“I like the real thing much better,” responded Axel huskily. He pulled Roxas’ shirt off with ease and busied himself with nipping the soft skin around Roxas’ neck and collarbone. Roxas felt himself getting hot under Axel’s attention. Long fingers were running up and down Roxas’ chest and sides. Sometimes a hand would come up and cup his face just before Axel’s mouth rose from Roxas’ neck, or nipples or belly button, to engulf his mouth with hot needy sucks. Axel drove his tongue down deep into Roxas’ mouth with ferocity for a short while until Roxas would moan with delight before retreating back to some other part of his body.

Roxas was fully erect within seconds and could feel Axel’s own hard heat as he ground into Roxas’ thigh. Roxas started moving his hands down Axel’s body towards the light flannel waistband of Axel’s pajama bottoms. He dipped his fingers below it and at that moment Axel maneuvered his hips so Roxas’ hand brushed against the tip of his weeping head. Axel growled with pleasure and stopped his kissing to look at Roxas underneath him.

“Have you ever been with anyone before, Rrroxasss?”

His name being spoken like that sent shivers up and down his whole body. This was the Axel he remembered in the pantry. This was the Axel he had wanted to encounter again and with whom he wanted to make all their wildest fantasies come true.

“No,” breathed Roxas.

Axel got a much bigger shiver of pleasure from that response than he anticipated.

“Then let me be your first. I’ll take good care of you.”

Axel kissed Roxas’ collarbone and ran his tongue up to his mouth where he deposited a small kiss on the corner.

Roxas at this moment felt content to let Axel be his first and _only_ , but didn’t want to spoil the moment by telling him that.

Axel got off Roxas and fished around his bedside drawer for some lubricant. He found it pretty quickly, determined that it still had a few squirts left (what could he say? Not being able to fuck Roxas until this very moment had taken it’s toll on him), and placed it in easy reach. Axel returned his attention to his blonde prize and undid Roxas’ pants.

Roxas watched Axel pull his pants, as well as underwear, off in one fell swoop and then he was completely naked in front of lust filled eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to feel self conscious or not but Axel’s expression only seemed to become fueled with more desire, so Roxas figured he had nothing to be ashamed of.

Instantly Axel ducked his head between Roxas’ legs and began kissing and licking the inside of his thighs while gently exploring Roxas’ erection with his fingers.

Roxas felt like he was going to lose his mind at the feel of Axel’s long fingers running around the head of his penis and playing with his slit to catch the pre-come, using the lubrication to glide fingers smoothly around his head. Roxas eyes drifted shut as he moaned and sighed. Axel only encouraged him to be louder between kisses and licks.

The pre-come was accumulating into a pool on Roxas’ abdomen. Axel watched with glee as it dripped from Roxas’ slit onto his skin. He wanted to make Roxas feel so incredibly good, which was a new sensation for Axel as he only really cared about pleasing himself when it came to sex. But … everything was always different where Roxas was concerned.

Axel paused in his kissing and rubbing assault on Roxas and dipped his fingers into the pool that had accumulated on Roxas’ skin. Roxas opened his eyes to look at Axel.

“If you liked that then wait for what’s cuming up next.” Axel chuckled at his own pun and Roxas groaned in pain rather than pleasure.

Axel spread Roxas’ legs apart and rubbed his lubed up index finger on Roxas’ sphincter, slowly and gently pushing further in.

Roxas shifted uncomfortably. Roxas hadn’t really thought this ‘ _sleeping with Axel_ ’ thing through completely before having committed to it. He wondered if this is what it was like for Cloud, but then only became disturbed that he should be thinking of his brother at a time like this. But he still wished he had talked to someone about this before it was actually happening to him.

Axel’s face appeared in front of Roxas’ eyes, a broad smile still plastered on his face. Roxas felt another slippery digit push into himself and be moved in and out of his opening. The discomfort slowly left Roxas and instead he sought out Axel’s lips and kissed him deeply as his body relaxed against the intrusion. Roxas wrapped his fingers into Axel’s hair and enjoyed the rhythmic swirl of Axel’s tongue and fingers. Another digit slid into Roxas and began to stretch him out. Roxas, just as an experiment, pushed his hips down onto Axel’s fingers causing himself to moan loudly into Axel’s mouth.

“Shit that felt good,” breathed Roxas as Axel pulled his tongue and fingers out of Roxas.

Axel moved in such a way that indicated to Roxas that his bottoms were coming off. Roxas halted Axel by pushing him over onto his back. Axel looked up at Roxas quizzically.

“I want to do it,” asserted Roxas.

Axel lifted his hips up and Roxas pulled the bottoms off firmly and yet slowly. He lifted the waistband over Axel’s erection and reveled in the sight of it. Roxas didn’t think he could be any more aroused but seeing Axel’s own weeping and hard erection somehow upped the ante. He got the pajamas off all the way, which was a considerable length due to Axel’s height, and then placed himself on top of Axel’s hips.

“So what now?”

Axel just laughed wholeheartedly for a good moment, tears rolling out of his eyes.

“Oh Roxy. Now we can have the real fun. Just lube up and enjoy the ride.” Axel glanced at the bottle on the bedside stand before returning his bright eyes to Roxas. Axel was still drinking in the sight of Roxas’ naked body and that deliciously weeping erection. He couldn’t wait much longer. Axel wanted to hear screams of ecstasy, and wanted to empty himself inside of Roxas.

Roxas’ previously innocent features turned devilish in an instance. Axel couldn’t even register the change fast enough before Roxas’ mouth had enveloped Axel’s penis. He felt Roxas’ tongue run over his head and that kissable mouth begin to suck on his hard flesh. Axel felt himself turn weak. He threw his head back and moaned loudly from somewhere deep within his throat. That sound made Roxas’ penis twitch and he began to suck harder, making sure to get as much spit onto Axel’s shaft as he possibly could. He went deep, taking all of Axel in. The moans and heavy breathing out of Axel’s mouth just continued.

Roxas stopped abruptly. He felt immensely satisfied in having forced those sounds out of the guy who seemed to always be able to play Roxas so well. Roxas enjoyed having turned the tables on him in such a spectacular fashion and he reveled in that thought as he lifted himself up, grabbing Axel’s penis and positioned it at his opening. Roxas looked at Axel and saw the unbridled lust in those eyes. He thought they mirrored exactly what he was feeling himself.

Roxas firmly lowered himself onto Axel. It was bitterly uncomfortable, despite Axel having done a good job of stretching him out. Roxas was stretched far wider than Axel had managed to do with his fingers, and also had it go in much deeper. Roxas took him all the way in however until he sat on top of Axel’s hips, and feeling the skin on skin contact. Axel had softly moaned in pleasure during the whole process and was now clutching Roxas’ arse, softly kneading both cheeks.

“I always knew you had a perfect little arse," he chuckled, squeezing his muscles so that Roxas could feel Axel’s erection inside of him move. They stayed like that for a little while so Roxas could adjust and get used to the stretch.

Axel couldn’t stop smiling at the way Roxas blushed and had trouble holding Axel’s gaze.

“No use being shy now, Roxy.” Axel leaned up and kissed Roxas. When they detangled Roxas began tilting his hips slowly. They both hissed with pleasure. Roxas not being so afraid of hurting himself anymore started putting more energy into his thrusts, venturing to lift himself higher off Axel’s lap and slamming himself down harder over time. Roxas didn’t know where his moans began and Axel’s ended.

The feeling of Roxas’s warm body surrounding his flesh was sending Axel wild. He wanted to pump Roxas harder, and as he thought that Roxas started to slam himself down harder. Axel shivered all over with pleasure. He felt like he was in paradise and that Roxas was his fuckable match made in heaven.

Axel however decided that he wanted to be back in charge, so he grabbed at Roxas’ fine buttock, and wrapped another arm around the lithe shoulders and flipped both of them over without losing contact. Roxas looked up at him in surprise and Axel couldn’t stop the predatory smile that leaked out.

Axel wedged his legs in between Roxas’, spreading him open wider. He placed his elbow next to Roxas’ head for better leverage and resistance. Kissing Roxas again, hungrily, he began to thrust hard into his dream come true. Roxas whined and moaned in pleasure, wrapping his fingers firmly into Axel’s locks while Axel buried his head into the crook of Roxas’ neck as he felt himself getting incredibly close.

He ran his free hand up and down Roxas’ weeping erection in time with his trusts. Axel began to get worried that he might be going too hard and eased up a little, but in between the moans Axel caught Roxas’ voice calling… asking… begging... for it to be harder. The incredibly tight knot in Axel’s abdomen coiled even tighter as he slammed into Roxas, pitching his hips so he would repeatedly hit the spot for Roxas that would make him see stars. Roxas gave a guttural groan. His fingers curled and pulled Axel’s hair tightly and Axel could feel the come releasing from Roxas. With every pulse of Roxas’ climax Axel’s own erection, still buried deep within Roxas, was squeezed tightly. Axel felt himself surrender to the feeling. Sparks ran down his spine, arms and legs. That fire in his belly overcame him and swallowed him whole. He released himself and reveled in every pulse and aftershock as he came inside of Roxas; the only one to ever have truly completed Axel, and the one who could quench the fire burning inside of himself.

Axel slumped onto Roxas, who was still dealing with his own waves of pleasure. They stayed there for a while, trying to suck air into their lungs, and listened to the other breathing heavily. Axel after a while peeled himself off Roxas, kissed his forehead and just gazed lovingly at him.

Roxas couldn’t still his breathing, no matter how hard he tried. Axel just took his breath away. The wave of pleasure that had engulfed him had been better than any hand job he ever had been able to give himself, and the way that Axel looked at him now gave him all the right kind of chills. His field of vision was completely consumed by Axel’s gorgeous eyes and he couldn’t look away even if he had wanted to. Again that feeling of déjà vu crept up on Roxas.

“I think I remember… why green is my favorite color," breathed Roxas heavily, heart still recovering from the marathon it just undertook.

“Why’s that?” asked Axel, placing a soft kiss on Roxas’ nose this time, and smiling at him contently.

“Because I loved how you looked at me back then… and I still love it now.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know what... that whole Roxas/Axel backstory was never planned. It kind of grew out of writing this story. And I was like _shit, that's actually really beautiful_. I love Clack so much, but AkuRoku stole my heart in this story and became way more meaningful to me.


	31. Just The Beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel chooses the selfless road to keeping Roxas safe. Cloud has to say farewell to Zack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sexual acts lie beyond this point.

Axel awoke in the early hours of the morning, his left arm screaming in fiery pain as pins and needles shot up and down the entirety of his limb. He glanced over to see a naked Roxas curled up next to himself, using Axel’s arm as a pillow. Axel extracted his arm, causing Roxas to turn over onto his stomach. The light was dim but Axel could still make out the light scarring that ran along Roxas’ spine where he had gone in for multiple surgeries.

Axel traced his finger down Roxas’ spine, and smiled to himself. Sure it was terrible that Roxas had to go through that experience, but if he hadn’t they would have never met, and would most certainly not be sleeping naked together after some mind blowing sex. Axel thought about their romp in the sheets. He got butterflies in his stomach just thinking about it. It had been so much more than he had ever dreamed of. He had pictured Roxas as being completely submissive so he had enjoyed ‘ _taking charge and doing whatever the fuck I want_ ’ Roxas. Axel loved Roxas’ spunk, and found it a delightful combination and compliment to the deeply caring and kind nature that he possessed.

Which brought Axel back to why they were even here together, tonight. Axel had tried and succeeded in shutting Roxas out of his life. He had ignored every single phone call and text. Even that voicemail which had Axel out the door in moments after he listened to it. It had taken every ounce of willpower and trick of distraction he knew to not go out and collect Roxas and keep him forever locked up in Axel’s bedroom for safe keeping. He had however reasoned with himself that if Roxas was in any imminent danger someone like Sephiroth would not allow his prey to make any sort of contact with the outside world. But it had been really tough.

To distract himself Axel spent every waking moment thinking about the problem that his uncle presented. Sephiroth wasn't _really_ his uncle, but Axel’s father and Seph had been such close friends for such a long time that they were practically like brothers. Axel had grown up with Sephiroth coming around and playing with him and his siblings, and never had an issue with him. If truth be told he actually would have preferred to think that Cloud had just been crazy rather than consider that Sephiroth had finally snapped.

' _Sephiroth_ ' - Axel’s eyes darkened as he thought of the man. Cloud had told him… had shown him. Axel became enraged at the prospect of that happening to Roxas. That scar which ran along Cloud's chest made Axel finally concede and believe what he was hearing. Cloud promised that once Roxas turned 18 he would be safe, and would be able to return to be with Axel if he wished it. That knowledge only _just_ served to convince him to let Roxas go. He had to put his own selfishness aside, and for once think about what was best for someone else in their life. But it had left a bitter taste in Axel’s mouth.

But then Roxas had sent that text message, saying that Reno had been dispatched to keep an eye on Roxas. Axel had contacted his brother and gotten the information out of him. Sephiroth had placed a surveillance duty request on Roxas, and that made Axel’s blood boil. Now with the added information that Roxas had told him about Seph having threatened him with - what was it? He was going to _hurt_ those closest to Roxas if he didn’t comply? Axel just wanted to burn something so badly.

Axel glanced over at the piles and piles and _piles_ of documents he had dug out of the old family archives last weekend. He needed some ammunition on his father - or on Sephiroth; other than the latter being a child molester, of course. He needed more proof than Cloud’s word against a highly decorated war hero. And he had found it a couple of nights ago. It should be obvious to anyone really that his father didn’t get to owning most of the businesses and people in this city without some shady deals. Axel planned to bribe his father into making sure Sephiroth left Roxas and Cloud well and truly alone, for good. He had no qualms about demolishing everything his father had ever worked for, because his father had never been there for him; never cared; unlike Roxas. And if that didn’t fly Axel had access to guns easily enough. He had decided that he would take care of the Sephiroth problem one way or another.

After all - it _was_ Axel’s fault. Sephiroth only knew where to look because… what was it that Kairi had said? Even a blind person in the dark could recognize Axel. He laughed inward bitterly. Roxas had said it wasn’t his fault, but for once he was wrong. It was Axel’s selfish pursuits of what he wanted that lead to the two brothers being found, and Axel cared enough… loved?... Axel _loved_ Roxas enough to fix his mistake.

Somewhere Axel’s phone buzzed noisily. He got up quickly to find it so he could shut it off before it woke Roxas up. But when he saw who it was he picked up and went into the living room.

“Any news?"

“Of course. Why else would I be calling ya at four-thirty-two in the morning, yo!”

“So what is it, shit for brains?”

“Well… if you want to hear it ya best not be talking like that to ya respected elders.”

Axel groaned. He never enjoyed getting important or urgent news from his brother as it always took forever, and involved a lot of pandering.

“I apologise profusely, oh great and glorious Reno-sama!”

“At least you know who your god is,” laughed Reno.

“So?”

“Oh yeah. We’ve been ordered to collect Roxas. Sephiroth gave us the order about five minutes ago. But … wouldn’t ya know it… we seem to have lost him… very tragically. No clue where he went. Slippery kid just up and disappeared in the middle of the night… and Rude can’t see shit with his sunglasses on in the dark.” Axel heard Rude mutter ruefully about how tragic his eyesight was and that nothing could be done about it.

“It would be a very big shame for Roxas to just up and disappear and skip town, ya know? You haven’t seen him around at all, have ya?”

“Nope, haven’t seen nor talked to him in weeks,” said Axel with a lot of sadness in his voice but a very big grin on his face.

“Eh… I thought as much. Kid’s probably finally seen the light and realized what a drop kick you are. I’ll have to ring Seph in about ten minutes though to tell him about our horrible failings. He’ll insist we search around for the kid, and to check in with you, so just make sure that you are home when we come barging in within the next hour and a half, k? Rude and I are gonna stop over for some coffee at _Brunos_ , and you know how crap the service and chef’s are there. So we might be a while. Catch ya later, little brother.”

The line went dead and Axel sprang into action, waking up his sleeping princess. It was Axel’s turn for his final act of heroism and selflessness. Axel encouraged Roxas to go have a shower and to be quick about it.

“What’s going on, Axel?” Roxas asked as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He was such an adorable cabbage patch kid, even at sixteen years of age, thought Axel.

“I want to show you something special, Roxy. But we have to get there before the sun rises.”

* * *

 

Axel had taken Roxas up to the clock tower near the outskirts of Radiant Gardens. It was a direct replica of the old clock tower at Twilight Town, where Roxas and Cloud had hunkered down for a week a long time ago now. Axel had been fascinated when Roxas told him that, wanting to see it with his own eyes one day.

“This was my favorite spot in the whole world up until recently,” confided Axel to Roxas as they sat on the ledge, legs dangling down below.

“This is really nice. What other place could possibly beat this?” Roxas was genuinely baffled. The sun was just peaking over the far away ocean and everything began to glow. It was peaceful up here, so far removed from all the world's problems.

“Don’t laugh but - since I found you anywhere you are is my new favorite place.” Axel’s cheeks began to redden a little… or so Roxas thought. The sunrise made everything orange and pink so it was difficult to be certain. Roxas looked at Axel and his heart wanted to dance. Last night had been amazing and Roxas wanted to do it again, and again… and again. It had helped him to completely forget his worries… until this very moment.

Axel saw Roxas’ smile crack and fade from view. He scooched closer to Roxas and kissed him gently.

“Roxas, I’m going to take care of your problem. You don’t have to go with Sephiroth, and I wouldn’t let you even if you wanted to out of your own free will.”

Axel didn’t let him get another word in before he continued.

“For all that talk of you being my princess… you’re actually my prince, Roxy. You saved me so long ago, and now I’m going to return the favour. I’m going to make sure that Sephiroth never hurts Sora, Riku, or Kairi. I won’t let him hurt me either, so I don’t want you to worry about this anymore. I want you to go out there and live your life. And then… when the coast is clear, I want you to come and find me. And it won’t be hard for you, because I’ll be right here. Once you’re eighteen I’ll be waiting, every morning, just watching the sunrise.” Axel laced his fingers together with Roxas’ and turned to watch the display of colors.

Roxas squeezed his hand.

“You’re sending me away? You called Zack, didn’t you.”

“Yeah. Right now you need to get out of here. But I will make this city safe for you to come back to.”

Roxas sighed. To be honest he wasn’t surprised at all at this turn of events. Surprised that Axel thought he could handle the Sephiroth situation, yes, but not surprised at anything else.

“I want to stay with you like this, forever. This is perfect.”

“We’ll have perfect sunrises aplenty when you come back,” Axel threw his arm around Roxas, drawing him close, and ruffling his hair wildly until Roxas laughed.

Roxas began tickling Axel and found a sweet spot under his armpit, resulting in howling laughter to emanate from Axel. This caused Axel to lose his balance and topple over backwards, pulling Roxas down on top of himself. The tickling ended and the laughter slowly subsided, leaving them gazing at each other longingly.

“I love you, Roxy. I have loved you for such a long time.” Axel brushed the hair out of Roxas’ face so he could see those gorgeous blue eyes and that radiant smile clearly. They had mesmerized him so long ago and still continued to do so now.

Roxas blushed at Axel’s admission. “I love you too, Axel. … I will be back… before you even know it.”

Roxas leaned down and kissed Axel passionately. He felt Axel’s strong, warm hands wrap themselves around him into a tight hug. Roxas didn’t want this moment to ever end.

It however did when the sound of someone clearing their throat brought them back to reality. Roxas looked up startled to see his brother leaning against the side of the clock tower. Roxas got off Axel quickly, allowing both of them to get up.

“Cloud! I never thought you’d be such a voyeur!” Axel laughed as he dusted himself off and walked towards him. “You guys sure got here quick.”

“Some things are worth rushing for,” responded Cloud coolly.

“What? I thought you guys would be a day's travel away,” Roxas looked at Axel, eyes watering as the realization hit him that their time together was over too soon. “I thought we had at least another day left.”

“Zack and I turned back before we ever left the city. Lucky we did too.”

“Lucky?”

“He’s after you, Rox. Right _now_. We need to go.”

“Right now? No… he said I had a month….”

Cloud narrowed his eyes at Roxas’ words.

“Did he….” Cloud stopped. He couldn’t afford to get upset with Roxas right now for not telling him things.

“C’mon, Rox. We have a long way to go, and we need to hurry.”

Roxas glanced at Axel, and then rushed towards him for a final hug.

They held each other tightly. Roxas tilted his head up to receive the warm kisses Axel planted on his lips.

“Don’t cry Roxas. I’ll see you again. Up here, when the sun rises.”

“I’ll come and find you. You never have to look for me again, Axel,” came Roxas’ promise as tears rolled down his cheeks.

Axel kissed Roxas for the final time. They separated and Cloud gently pulled Roxas by his sleeve, nodding appreciatively and saying “Thanks for looking after him, Axel.” Roxas kept his eyes on Axel as he was being led towards the door, wiping the tears from his eyes.

“See ya, Axel!” Roxas put on his most cheerful smile, not wanting to leave Axel with a crybaby image of himself.

“See ya, Roxy,” said Axel quietly, no longer being able to hold the tears back that he had promised himself to never let show.

Axel sat back down on the lip of the clock tower ledge, looking down at the tiny van and the even smaller bike. Not too long after he saw the brothers exit the tower and drive off. Axel followed the dots for as long as he could before they disappeared into the vastness. The amorphous hole that he had held in his heart for so long finally had a shape… and a name. “Roxas….” They _would_ see each other again.

Axel breathed in deeply as the wind picked up, carrying with it the smell of the far away sea. He had a lot of work ahead of himself… but it would help to pass the time.

* * *

 

They arrived at the church late in the afternoon. Roxas had slept most of the way, and even when he was awake he hadn’t been very talkative, choosing instead to look out the window and casting his mind to some place far away. Yet Zack observed that Roxas’ mood did seem to lighten once they arrived at the canyon town and the church.

Aerith and the kids had all been waiting for them to arrive and there had been a big banquet. Zack had called ahead of time to let Aerith know that Cloud and Roxas would be leaving and she had busied herself with throwing a ‘ _thank you_ ’ celebration.

Roxas blended in and got on extremely well with all the children there instantly. It brought a smile to Cloud’s face who had been extremely worried about separating Roxas from Axel and how it would impact his little brother. Axel had called Zack early that morning telling them that Roxas was with him and that he had very reliable intel that Sephiroth was coming for the boy that day, so they had to get out. He had told them where and when to rendezvous and Cloud had been infinitely glad that he had packed everything the night before. They had been able to leave quickly with no dramas. Cloud however decided that telephones were the bane of his existence, as Axel had interrupted Zack and Cloud at a very… delicate moment in time.

Cloud looked around the festively decorated church hall, trying to find Zack. This was their last night together. That thought sent an ache through Cloud’s chest. He honestly never thought he would get close to anyone after what Sephiroth had done to him. Cloud was extremely happy however that he had been wrong on that front. He became lost in thought reflecting on the last three months and the emotional roller-coaster he had been on.

Aerith eventually came and sat down next to Cloud once she got most of the children settled down. Zack came out on stage to help Sharda and Wai set up their play, giving Cloud a smile and a wink before returning his attention to his duties. Cloud reveled in how small gestures like that still made his heart race.

“I’ll have Roxas sleep with me tonight, so you and Zack can spend some time together, alone.” Aerith smiled sadly at Cloud when she saw his expression droop.

“Why does it have to hurt so much?” Cloud asked, not really expecting an answer.

Aerith was quiet for a moment, thinking about it.

“If it didn’t hurt it would mean that it never mattered; that what you felt and experienced didn’t leave a mark on your heart. When things end and it hurts - it’s our heart's way of showing us what’s important in our lives. And I think that’s an encouraging thought.” Aerith nudged Cloud playfully with her shoulder.

“Zack will still be here when you get back. He’ll always have a place in his heart for you, because that’s the kind of guy he is.”

Cloud looked at Aerith’s kind face, and couldn’t help but smile gently. The smile turned broader when Roxas bounded over and squeezed himself in between the two of them.

“This place is great! And you make the best cobbler, Aerith!” beamed Roxas as he settled to watch the show, snuggling against his brother, and feeling at peace.

The show consisted of many various acts, songs, and skits. But most were around a central theme of the kids showing their appreciation for Cloud, and thanking him. Cloud found it difficult at times to watch and listen. When he began feeling too overwhelmed he would look at Aerith who always offered up a smile and a back rub, reminding Cloud to hold the words and sentiments just for a little while before letting them go. And when things got really uncomfortable Cloud focused his attention on Zack who was up on the stage, smiling, and enjoying himself. Zack would seek out Cloud with his eyes in the small and dimly lit crowd, especially at times when he knew Cloud would be struggling the most, and offer up a smile, just for him. It made Cloud feel like everything else around them melted away; that it was just the two of them, and it provided him with the respite he needed from all the gratitude that was being thrown at him.

The night waned on and it was almost bedtime for the children.

“Before all of you, my darling dirty paws, go to bed, I just want to sing one last song for Cloud and his little brother, Roxas. They will be leaving us tomorrow for a very long time. It’s always sad to say goodbye to those who are special to us, and those we love. But it’s also important to remember that as long as we are alive the ‘goodbyes’ can turn back into ‘hello’s.”

Zack got himself comfortable and began.

 

**♪** _Somewhere in the party lies_  
**♪** _We're hiding all our tears tonight_  
**♪** _It's more than us just hanging out_  
**♪** _We're making every second count_

**♪** _Nobody's good at letting go_  
**♪** _And I don't mean to let it show_  
**♪** _I was fine until I saw_  
**♪** _Your suitcase by the door_

**♪** _Hey, don't say goodbye, just say goodnight_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_  
**♪** _We'll say hello and welcome home_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_

**♪** _Light me up and fill my glass_  
**♪** _Dancing while the camera’s flash_  
**♪** _Like tomorrow's just another day_  
**♪** _And you never have to go away_

**♪** _In between those red balloons_  
**♪** _Broken stars and yellow moon_  
**♪** _Someone turned that music loud_  
**♪** _Sing along and let it out_

The children began singing along to the chorus, having picked it up pretty easily. Some even turned to face Cloud, smiling at him happily.

**♪** _Hey, don't say goodbye, just say goodnight_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_  
**♪** _We'll say hello and welcome home_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_

**♪** _Telling stories, making toasts_  
**♪** _You know I'm gonna miss you most_  
**♪** _Time will bring you back to me_  
**♪** _Like we never skipped, skipped a beat_

**♪** _Singing, hey, don't say goodbye, just say goodnight_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_  
**♪** _We'll say hello and welcome home_  
**♪** _And we'll pick up where we left off_ **(1)**

 

* * *

Cloud had somehow managed to hold it together until the door to their little sleeping quarters closed shut behind him. He slumped to the floor and his chest heaved in pain as sobs he had been holding all night freed themselves. Zack was right at Cloud’s side with a supportive arm and took him over to Cloud’s bed.

“It’s ok, Cloud,” soothed Zack. “We still have tonight… and then forever just beyond the door. Don’t cry.” Zack patted his hair, rocking him and making hushing noises.

Cloud didn’t want to waste his last night with Zack spent crying on his bed either, but he just had to let this out so he could move on.

Cloud managed to still his sobs and calm his breathing after a few minutes. He felt he was getting better at controlling this pathetic part of himself. After all practice made perfect, and he definitely had too much practice these last few months.

Zack went to fetch Cloud a class of water at his request and when he returned he found Cloud completely naked. Zack couldn’t help but laugh.

“Did you want this water at all, or was that just an excuse?”

“No, I actually wanted it,” Cloud took the class from Zack and downed it. “The naked part kind of just happened,” he shrugged and smiled at Zack, pulling him down into a kiss and busying himself with disrobing Zack.

“Your song inspired me, Zack. I need to make every second count.” Cloud pulled Zack’s pants off with a final tug and pressed his naked frame fully against Zack’s now also naked and delightfully warm body. They embraced and ran their hands and fingers over each other, trying to memorize every curve, dimple and scar. Cloud got lost in hot kisses and the feel of Zack’s body next to his own.

They never had penetrative sex, opting for masturbation and blow jobs. Cloud had always felt too nervous because his only experiences had been filled with pain and disgust. Zack never pushed the issue but Cloud knew that Zack wanted to be inside of Cloud… and Cloud actually wanted the same. Tonight was the night, for Cloud. He had decided.

Cloud reached for Zack's hand which was firmly caressing and stroking his erection. Zack looked up from teasing Cloud’s nipple with his mouth, worried about why Cloud would want him to stop. Cloud maneuvered Zack’s slickened with pre-come covered fingers into his mouth and began to suck and lick at them.

“Cloud!?” Zack looked at him with wide eyes, not being 100% sure of what he was up to but enjoying the feel of Cloud’s tongue against his fingers, imaging that Cloud was doing that to his cock instead. Zack just watched him with heavily lidded eyes until Cloud was done. He then moved Zack’s hand between his legs and pressed against his sphincter.

“You really want this?” Zack had taken back control of his hand and gingerly pushed inside of Cloud as he affirmed Zack’s question with a nod.

Zack felt the excitement and burning need inside of him growing as he slowly worked to loosen the tight ring of muscles. He had wanted this for so long now. He wanted to climax with Cloud, together. He wanted to feel Cloud clenching around him as Zack made him climax. Zack kissed Cloud, working his tongue into the others mouth and drinking in his taste and scent. Cloud ran his fingers down Zack’s back, cupping his buttock and pumping his erection with the other hand. Cloud felt trepidation but also a great thrill building inside of himself. This was going to be special. This wasn’t going to be anything like the past.

Once Zack thought he had prepared Cloud enough he pulled his fingers out and just gazed at Cloud’s flushed face and the way his pale chest rose and fell deeply. Cloud had done a good job of slicking Zack’s penis up with the pre-come from both of their discharges as Cloud’s hand seemed to glide over the length of Zack’s erection without much friction. Zack pulled himself away from Cloud’s hand, spread the others legs a bit further apart with his knees and pushed gently against Cloud’s opening.

“If you want me to stop, just say so. Any time, ok?

“I just want you inside of me, already,” said Cloud, heavy with lust. His abdomen was tight, his erection throbbing. He wanted to be fucked by Zack so badly. Cloud shivered as Zack pushed inside of him. The empty feeling left behind when Zack’s finger had been removed quickly filled up again. There was discomfort but it quickly passed. Cloud looked at Zack as he pushed himself in to the hilt. The delight Cloud saw on his face made his heart bubble with joy. Even if this was going to be the most miserable experience of Cloud’s life, it would still be made worthwhile to see Zack taking pleasure from being inside of him.

It wasn’t miserable however. After a few wild and self indulgent thrusts Zack calmed himself enough to be more methodical in his approach. He watched Cloud closely as he moved and tilted his hips until he found the angle that made Cloud’s breath hitch and moans of pleasure escape his throat. Zack continued to hit Cloud’s sweet spot, building up momentum. He kissed the nape of Cloud’s neck, tasting the salty sweat which was building up all over Cloud’s body. Zack felt himself getting close to his climax. The tight muscles around his cock were providing him with the sweetest friction, and the knowledge that Cloud was engulfed in waves of pleasure was almost too much for Zack to handle. Zack moved his hand over Cloud’s weeping erection and played with his slit for extra stimulation.

Cloud’s moaning increased as Zack increased his thrusts. Cloud couldn’t take the repeated assault to his prostrate anymore. The pleasure was too much and he gave into it, letting the tension he held explode. He could feel himself ejaculate all over himself, waves of pleasure continuing to wash over him, forcing more of his liquid to spill out onto his abdomen. Cloud heard Zack moaning and felt the thrusting become more shallow. Zack’s head slumped on his shoulder and Cloud felt fuller than before and the pulsing of Zack’s erection buried deep within himself becoming less pronounced and hard.

They lay collapsed and sweaty together for a considerable amount of time, feeling each other shudder as their orgasms still worked themselves out of their bodies. Their hearts hammered together, fiercely, like they wanted to escape the confines of their respective chests and just beat together as one, forever.

Zack pulled out of Cloud reluctantly and wrapped Cloud up in his arms, both still breathing heavily.

“I wish we hadn’t waited so long to do this,” muttered Cloud regretfully.

“We’ll do it again, soon enough. We’ll have so much lost time and lost sex to catch up on that we’ll be busy for a week,” laughed Zack.

“More like busy for a month. I won’t let you leave the bed. I’ll bring you food and water between sessions.”

“You sound like a slave driver, Cloud. But I’ll happily comply.” Zack smiled at Cloud and Cloud nuzzled his shoulder affectionately.

“I feel like something that broke inside of me is fixed when I’m with you,” said Cloud out of left field. “You make me whole… and you complete me.”

Zack squeezed Cloud tightly to his body, kissing the top of that blonde head and they drifted off to sleep without another word.

* * *

 

The sun rose on another day; Cloud’s last day with Zack. Everyone tried to make the morning as cheerful as possible, which wasn't too difficult as some of the children who had gotten up were providing plenty of goodwill and amusement. Zack had given Cloud and Roxas new phones which he had picked up at one of the pit stops. He had programmed his and Axel’s numbers into the phones so that Cloud and Roxas could contact them if ever they needed to. Zack had told them that he didn’t know what their new numbers were so that he and Axel would never be able to reach them unless the brothers decided to make first contact. They also agreed that it would be safer to never ask what their current whereabouts was, and that if they did it would be a signal to the brothers that someone was coercing either Zack or Axel into getting that information from them.

With a heavy heart Cloud attached the sidecar to Fenrir and Roxas busied himself with getting his and Cloud’s small bags together. Some of the older children had gotten up early to see them off and were hanging around the front of the church, still sleepily yawning. Roxas and Cloud were ready in no time at all. Cloud thought about the heaviness in his heart which he felt, and how much worse it must have been for Roxas when he had left Axel behind so abruptly yesterday.

Zack walked up to Cloud, and it seemed to him that Zack was really straining to keep a cheerful look on his face. Cloud embraced Zack tightly when the older man had drawn close.

“Why does it feel like we can never have a happy ending?" asked Cloud, genuinely perplexed.

Zack gave Cloud an endearing smile. “That’s because _this_ isn’t our ending, Cloud. This is the intermission before beginning of our new life together, because you will be back before you know it, and we’ll run our businesses side by side.”

Zack planted a kiss on Cloud’s lips. “You will always know where to find me. And when I see you again I’ll say _‘Welcome home, Cloud’_ , and we’ll pick up right where we left off.”

“This isn’t goodbye,” said Cloud quietly, remembering Zack’s song last night.

“Exactly.”

Zack cupped Cloud’s face with one hand and wiped a stray tear from his cheek.

“I… I love you, Zack,” Cloud said with wide eyes as he realized that he had never said it until now.

“I know. I’ve known it in my heart for a long time now. Like you know in yours that I love you.”

They embraced again and Cloud found letting go of Zack that time to be one of the hardest thing he ever had to do in his life.

Zack stepped back from the bike and the brothers, as Cloud slid on his helmet and straddled his bike, with Roxas at his side. This was so familiar to Cloud and a part of him hated it.

“Here we are again,” said Roxas with resignation in his voice.

Cloud sighed and looked at Roxas.

“But this time it’s different, Roxas. This time… we have a _home_ to come back to. This time we have a _family_ to look out for us. We have people who have our backs.” He looked over to where Zack and Aerith stood, arms around each other, surrounded by their sleepy brood. Zack and Aerith just smiled at them. Roxas followed Cloud’s gaze, managing to squeeze out a smile and wave at the farewell party.

“We will be back... won’t we, Cloud?”

Cloud nodded, starting up the engine.

“We had a small glimpse of what our _normal_ lives will be like one day. I definitely want more than just this sample.”

“Same,” concurred Roxas.

They gazed once more at the church and it’s occupants before pulling down their visors and riding off to await their new lives to finally begin.

_To be continued ..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This concludes Part One of - **_In Pursuit of a Normal Life_**
> 
> Part Two - [A Place To Belong](https://goo.gl/Mwfsz6) \- the journey continues here.  
> Part Three - [The Clock Tower](https://goo.gl/vfr5xa)  
> Part Four - [The Search For Absolution](https://goo.gl/Hf27MP)  
> Part Five - [Tales From A Normal Life](https://goo.gl/3OP1rg)
> 
> And I lied. There was one more song! Mwahahaha!
> 
>  **(1)** \- Song Credit - _We'll Pick Up Where We Left Off _\- by_ **O.A.R**_
> 
> You can find the playlist for this fanfic [ HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCHUw7ACS8o&list=PLGBPGoX1ZkwmRYhp5R0pC7ZbWMhe0h2rQ)
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! - If you did, please do leave me **kudos**. That shit makes me crazy happy XD I also love reading comments. What were your favourite bits? What did you hate? Any strong emotional responses? All of it is worthwhile reading about. I love hearing from you folks :)
> 
> I think my writing style changed a bit between this fic and the next one, but I think it's changed for the better. Any constructive criticism is loved and appreciated.
> 
> Have a lovely day!  
>  _**~cream pudding**_


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